Here's what I can say about my formula for life...
I have become much clearer about some things.
One, I’ve learned I can admire something without desiring it.
For instance, I can admire a beautiful home, without desiring to own a beautiful home, myself.
I enjoy visiting other people’s homes, but I have no desire at all, to own such a home myself, because of all the things that come with owning a beautiful home: payments, utility bills, upkeep, maintenance, repairs, cleaning, safety, security.
So that’s something I’ve learned about myself.
Two, I’ve learned that some things are preferences to me, and some are deal-breakers.
For instance, I might prefer to rent a room with an attached bathroom, but having an attached bathroom is not a deal-breaker.
However, noise is a deal-breaker for me.
So is parking inconvenience.
I would not consider a rental situation, where safe, convenient parking is hard to find.
Nor will I rent a room, in a house which is on a slope, because that too, would be a parking nightmare for me.
In all areas of my life, including how I spend my leisure time, I have the same distinctions - preferences vs deal breakers.
They are a light on my path, and guide my decisions.
Three, I got this from Ron Baker (whom you may know from the Soul of Enterprise podcasts), and I thank him for that - value is subjective, and price is contextual.
Let me explain what I mean by that.
Value is subjective:
One person may value flexibility to come and go as they please in a job, or to work from home, another person may value money, more challenging job content, and a higher position.
In my American work life, which included raising a young child, and for a while, having to take my mother to her various appointments, I valued flexibility to work from home most.
What was valuable to me will not be valuable to a young single with no family responsibilities, or to an empty nester, whose children have grown up, and who has no caregiving responsibilities.
Price is contextual:
Let me explain this as well.
If it's a hot day, you are thirsty, and you are far from a regular store, maybe in an amusement park, or at a tourist spot, or at a concert, how much would you be prepared to pay for a bottle of water?
Even a price-gouging price, right?
So I pay higher prices for goods and services, depending on the context.
Normally, one would book 2 months in advance for a trip by air.
I have bought air tickets without regard for price, because of an opportunity to go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip.
I will give you another example.
You may pay more to have a cup of coffee in an exclusive cafe with a wonderful ambiance, just because of the history of the cafe (it's in a palace), or the ambiance.
You can probably think of 'price is contextual' examples in your own life as well.
Four, I operate with a distinction between "my rules" and "the rules".
Let me explain.
For example, ‘the rules” say job security and job stability are more important than anything else.
‘My rules’ say something different.
‘My rules’ say job security and job stability are not worth sacrificing one's freedom for.
So because I value freedom over security, I am a freelancer in my field.
Let me give you a non career-related example.
This is from the movie Chariots of Fire, that you may have watched, and been inspired by.
In the movie, Eric Liddell refuses to participate in the 1924 Paris Olympic heats, because they are on the sabbath day.
He is not prepared to sacrifice his values, in spite of all the pressure put on him.
He has a personal definition of success, that will not allow him to sacrifice his values, whatever he stands to lose, however angry it makes people.
I have a personal definition of success too.
Which is why, I live the way I live.
People may look at me, and my lifestyle, and decide “Minoo, while I admire you, I have no desire to be in your shoes; to be a freelancer, and go from assignment to assignment, like you do. Or to live such a minimalistic lifestyle, as you do”.
That’s fine.
I came to where I am, some of it, due to accidents of circumstance, some of it, due to accidents of events.
They were happy accidents, as far as I am concerned.
Before you go running out to copy cat me, or to imitate anyone else's lifestyle and choices, it is important to note, there is an age and stage in life for everything.
It is for each one of us, to craft our own definition of success, at each age and stage of our life.
If you know several successful people, what is something that they all have in common?
They all understand that success is personal… All of us are unique. One size doesn't fit all. Not only do we have different geographical backgrounds, we come from different families and cultures. Our genetic and environmental make up is different. What each one of us was exposed to as children, was different. We have had different kinds of schooling. We've been raised in different kinds of families and homes. We've been part of different communities and cultures. Because we spent our childhoods doing different things, and facing different circumstances, we grew up learning different lessons. We grew up absorbing different values. Naturally, the options we think we have are different. The things we are willing to do are different. The things we are able to do are different. We have different fears and concerns. We have different interests and drives. We have different goals and priorities. Quite naturally, the challenges we feel we are up to taking on, will also be different. For all these reasons, it's important for each of us to develop a personal definition of success. This definition should be valid for you, and you alone. I had a rough childhood, where I rarely got a good night's sleep, because my dad had a drinking problem and would be up all night creating scenes. So part of my definition of success is a good night's sleep. Your unique background, your unique education, your unique experiences and experiments, your unique circumstances, and of course your unique dreams and talents, should all figure in crafting your definition of success. Is it that you were the only one to blaze a trail in your family? Is it that you got through your teenage and early adult years without messing up your life? Is it that you have been able to go with the flow, and make a living taking on different challenges? Is it that whatever you touch, you have always made your investment of time, money, and energy pay off? Is it that you have been able to achieve some things that are important to you, such as work flexibility, or work-life balance, or good health? Is it that you have been able to live simply? Is it that you have been able to go from strength to strength in your field? Is it that you have never let a disabling illness or condition stop you from doing the things you want to do? Is it that you have reinvented yourself through different jobs? Is it that, no matter the life blows, you have never lost your faith in God or humankind, or yourself? Is it that you have made some tough sacrifices you never thought you would make? It is that you are a good friend, a good parent, a good child, or a good brother or sister? Is it that you have never let failures and setbacks keep you down? Is it that you have been steadily able to command more and more respect as a person? Success to you may be succeeding in a field where you are a minority. Success to you may be knowing you have conquered some fears or weaknesses to become a better, or stronger person. Success to you may be dealing with a tough situation, without going to pieces, or losing your compassion. You don't have to let other people's definitions of success determine your life. You know who you are. You know what you have been able to do. Most important of all, you know what still remains to be done. Here’s someone who has his own unique definition of success:
And then to live it.
And to craft a new definition of success, when we are at a new age or stage of life.
A new idea may take hold of us, a new spirit may infuse us.
Or, an accident of circumstance, or an accident of event, may demand we choose a different course.
It then falls to us, to write a new formula for our life.
And then to live it.
I am glad, I revisited the formula for my life, and came around to where I am today.
Now, my goal is to stay committed, and to that end, I've made a promise to my future self…
Hi, You asked, Do you have any tips on keeping the promises one makes to themselves? Write a letter to your future self on Future Me. By putting something in writing, you make your intention clear to yourself. I wrote a letter to my Future Self on my blog. Reprinting it in full below: Dear Future Self, I have tilled the soil. I have planted the seeds. I have watered the saplings. I have done all the things I need to do for you to have a good life. You now just have to keep it going. If you stick with the habits I have set, you will be in good shape. Sleep a minimum of 8 hours. Do cardio and strength training. Carve out time for healthy activities in your routine. Maintain the diet that is right for you. The one that was right for me was a low carb diet. I dodged the diabetes bullet by doing that. Keep stress at bay. Mental health is as important as physical health. Use tools to calm yourself down when you get anxious. Take a walk or have a shower or a massage, do some stretches, or play a game. Talk to someone on the phone. Remember, no matter what you do to prevent bad things from happening to you, you can't avoid bad things altogether. Our Younger Self didn't know how to deal with bad things. She fretted and fumed and over reacted to each crisis. She had to say or do something almost immediately. Whereas I have found that if you let hours (and sometimes days) go by without saying or doing anything, things that seem bad when they happen, become something you can move on from and forget. Meditation and having a spiritual life have helped me tremendously in this regard. I wish I had learned to meditate earlier. Our Younger Self didn't have the benefit of meditation, or a spiritual life, unfortunately for her. Regards work, including housework, try to approach everything you do with a service heart and a servant heart. I do that regularly in my Commissions Consulting work, and outside of my Commissions Consulting work. It has won the hearts of many people in my life, including my clients. Value is another mantra you should adopt. Look to deliver value in everything you do. Now by that, I don't mean show off how clever and smart you are. I mean look to being useful to other people and being concerned with their problems rather than yours. Value may be as simple as lending a ear when other people have something to say without stealing the conversation back to your concerns. Live simply and be prudent with money. I have been wise, careful, and frugal, to ensure you will be okay. Slow and steady and restrained is the way to go. Stick with my prescription for simplicity in investing - as in life - and you will be okay. As to your free time, spend it doing the things that mean the most to you. One of my favorite things to do costs no money at all. I like to write. I currently write a blog. I also write for my Commission Administration clients. Commission Process documents, User Guides, and FRDs may not sound creative and fun, but they are extremely useful and valuable to my clients. There is a chance it will be your hobby too. Who knows where that hobby will take you. Life is full of surprises. Thanks to an old advertising friend, I was able to dip my toe back into advertising copy recently after many years. I was able to write two brochures all in the span of a few weekends. One of the clients when he saw the brochure immediately said it was brilliant. It made my heart sing to know I still had it in me. Our Younger Self has to get some of the credit. Our Younger Self wrote a Money Workshop for 4th - 6th graders. Our Younger Self completed a Toastmasters CTM. Speeches and course content could lead to new avenues. I keep a ear out for new avenues. For example, on a recent Being Freelance podcast, a freelancer mentioned he uses his Virtual Assistant to help him with some of his communications. I said….aha now there's another avenue. You should do this too. Keep a ear out for new avenues - to contribute, to make life more interesting, to make a little money, to have fun. Finally, focus on being the best human being you can be. Not the best writer, or best dresser, or best cook, or best host, or best homemaker, or best church goer…but the best human being. I am talking about patience and honesty and kindness and humility and forgiveness and understanding and being a good listener, those kinds of things. You won't get it right immediately. If something as simple as cooking rice takes several tries to get right, imagine how many more tries might be involved in becoming a more patient or a more understanding human being. Maybe a lifetime. Don't be afraid of making mistakes, or messing up. I make mistakes and mess up all the time. When I make mistakes or mess up, I get back up on my feet and keep trying. You need to keep doing that too. I sincerely believe life gets better as we get older. Lovingly, Your Past Self
