What does growing older teach us about the difference between being busy and being alive?

When we are young and busy making money on workdays, and relaxing on our days off, we may ignore many aspects of our physical, social, and emotional health.

We may be too busy to pay attention to anything outside of our work life.

Minoo Jha

· 3y

Do you agree with the idea of eliminating small decisions in order to focus on important ones?

Yes, it is easy to become buried in minutiae: Busy Busy Busy Busy, busy, busy Busy with work Busy with work that anyone can do __ Thinking it's all you can do All you can do. __ Busy, busy, busy Making money and paying bills In ways that may not be aligned with what's sacred or important to you What's sacred or important to you __ Thinking there's nothing you can do Nothing you can do. __ Busy, busy, busy Paying for and maintaining The big house, the relatively new car, the sparkling shiny things Ignoring the joy and meaning that simple (and in many cases free) things bring Simple and free things bring. __ Busy, busy, busy Keeping up with Facebook , Instagram, Twitter, the boasts, the whines, the shouts for hours and hours a day Looking for validation, fearing you might be left out, or no one may care what you have to say. __ Giving so much of your power, freedom, and well-being away Power, freedom, and well-being away. __ Busy, busy, busy Playing the game of life by other people's rules Using other people's yardsticks to decide what is cool. __ The perfect address, the perfect looks, the perfect rituals The perfect address, the perfect looks, the perfect rituals __ Wanting to give off the appearance of being well-heeled or cool Well-heeled or cool. __ Busy, busy, busy Letting the shows and ads on tv pull your strings Giving into ever new ways to throw money down the sink. __ Bigger, better, more convenient, more cool, so fetching, so yummy Newer and newer ways to be enticed, to throw money down the sink, to keep you ever on the financial brink. __ And this is how an unsatisfying life takes on a life of its own Holding us hostage in a joyless, hopeless, profitless zone Where we sing a false song with a jaded melody, beat, and tone And what’s worse, all it does is to make us feel all alone Feel all alone. Feel all alone. __ Until the day we decide to be brave, change direction, and say enough is enough I’ve had it. This is too much. Simple and real is better I’m done with all this pretense and all this stuff. __ That is our first day of freedom!

It sometimes takes a forced stop - a job shock, a health shock, or an emotional shock, for us to stop and take stock, and to take a good hard look at ourselves, and our lifestyle.

The health issues we’ve ignored.

The family concerns and important relationships we may have not been able to give attention to.

The other aspects of our life, on and off the job.

Life can force us to stop ignoring what we have been ignoring.

Minoo Jha

· 5y

What was your big life reality check?

Realizing I was successful outside, but miserable inside. In fact, as I was soon to discover, I was not just miserable, I was in the throes of a clinical depression. I survived and came out stronger. Here’s the story, as written about on my blog: If Life is So Good, Why Do I Feel So Sad? When Depression Hits! In my thirties, I suffered a depression. Here's what I learned from going through the experience and coming out stronger and happier the other side... Depression can strike even when times are good! By good, I mean really, really good. The year leading up to my depression was my best ever. A seasoned Advertising Copywriter, my creative consultancy (appropriately called Purple Patch) was thriving. Octopus-like, I had my tentacles in several different agencies and clients in Chennai. From O&M to Sistas BSB and Everest to Goldwire on the agency side. From Apollo Hospitals to Hill Country Resorts and Equifax to Strawberry Stripes on the client side. There was so much work, that in addition to the freelance copywriters and art directors I had on call, I was able to hire a bunch of my students from Loyola College where I was guest lecturing on Copywriting and put them on my payroll. I was out and about a lot in those days. I remember speaking at events like the USIS Career Fair. To make a long story short, there was no shortage of money, time, challenge or professional prestige. Yet it was right in the middle of all this, that my depression took hold. Depression can strike even when you are taking really good care of yourself! At the time of my depression, you may think I was leading an unhealthy lifestyle. Eating too much. Or too little. Sleeping too much. Or too little. Stressed out, perhaps? And not getting enough exercise. Perish the thought. I had successfully turned vegetarian 2 years prior. And I worked out for an hour every single day of the week I did aerobics with Kamlesh 3 times a week. And strength training at a gym the other 4 days of the week. Plus I was doing well enough to pay for a masseuse to come to my house and give me a one-hour massage every 2 weeks. Unfortunately, this healthy lifestyle wasn't able to protect me. Depression is quite arbitrary in that sense. Depression can strike even with a supportive partner by your side! I had married a man whom I had known for years and years. He really appealed to my feminist side. He cooked, he was self-sufficient. He did not have any double standards. And he was calm, good-natured and cheerful at all times. It should have amounted to a kind of insurance against depression. But it didn't. Depression won't make you any less able to function! This was both a boon and a curse. I probably generated the most income I have ever generated in my life during my depression. I was able to meet clients, make calls, attend meetings, supervise my team, get work done, pay my bills, deal with my bank and my tax consultant. I was quite unimpaired in terms of being able to carry out the activities of life. What no one knew was that there was no joy and I was dying inside. No one ever guessed because... Depression is easy to hide! Like any socialized adult, I had successfully learned to mask my feelings long before the depression struck. So when it did, I was able to keep it completely secret. In fact, the only people who knew about it were the people I chose to tell. Thank heavens I did decide to tell them. Were it not for that, I wonder how much more protracted my suffering would have been. Thanks to one of my confidants (and believe me, it was really hard to reveal to her that there was all this numbness and emptiness and crying below the successful exterior), I was able to figure out I was going through a depression and then find a therapist. Finally, depression can strike even if there's meaning in your life! You might be tempted to think that it was all the focus on money-making that did me in. But when you learn the facts, you'll see how that wasn't it either. My needs being simple, I was a donor and participant in several different causes around the time of my depression. I sponsored a lunch at an orphanage. I sponsored the purchase of toiletries for the residents of an old age home. I sponsored 2 Blood Banks for Bank of Baroda, Alwarpet which was my bank at the time. I was also on call to donate blood and still remember the hemophiliac mother-to-be who was about to deliver a baby that I was called upon to donate blood to. I was a loving, dutiful daughter and also regularly visited my family in Bangalore. And for one of my mom's birthdays, I flew down with a really special gift. I had printed 200 copies of her book of poetry, "A Twig In a Torrent" in hardback. But you can't buy immunity from a depression in any currency, including soul currency. Is this tale depressing you? Don't let it... The good news is when a depression ends - it really ends. At the time I was depressed, I thought I may never smile again. But I got myself into therapy. And agreed to the treatment prescribed. In spite of not having much faith or respect for it. It included Psychotherapy. An Anti-depressant. A pill to sleep. B-Complex injections. And instructions to revisit all the decisions I had made in my life. I still remember this oft-repeated sentence of the therapist: - "Believe me, in a few years, you are going to be grateful for this depression. It is going to make you make a happier, more fulfilled person." She was right. Though there were casualties - my marriage, my copywriting career, my business, my vegetarianism, and my life in India were all impacted, I have lived more meaningfully and consciously with every passing year since. And I have never looked back! It took me great courage to write this post. But I decided to do it anyway. Because I want people to know that there is a rainbow at the end of the depression cloud. A rainbow with beautiful colors. Which only a person who has had a depression and comes out of it is able to perceive. If you suspect you are suffering from a depression...the important thing is to talk about it to somebody. To seek help. And to put one foot in front of the other until you are over it. Don't over analyze the gene theory, the childhood trauma theory, or other causative factors - focus on getting well with medicine and psychotherapy. May you Live Well and Thrive!

The greater the shock, the greater the realization that things can’t go on as before.

We may look for news ways to balance work and home life.

Minoo Jha

· 7y

Do you believe you successfully balance work and home life?

Hi Gina, You asked, Do you believe you successfully balance work and home life? Yes, more than most people. Read on… We are living in a time of great flexibility. Because we have cars, we can live in one place and work in another. Because of cheap fiber, we can live in one country and serve customers across the world. Because of all the developments in telecommunication, communication technologies and social media, we can do business with, and communicate instantly, with people anywhere in the world. How do we harness the power of flexibility to create more balance in our lives? First, we need to understand all the things that impact the amount of flexibility we have in our lives. We have to understand who has more flexibility, and who doesn’t, and why. And we have to understand how to close the gap between us and those who have more flexibility. This will help us introduce more balance in our lives. Here’s what I did… I became my own boss When you are your own boss, you get to call the shots. You get to decide when to work and when not to work, which customers to do business with, and which customers not to do business with. I became my own boss so I could get to call the shots on my time. I stayed small I long ago decided to work one client at a time and not to chase “too much income”. This has helped me maintain a healthy balance between my personal life and my work. I stayed niche My training and experience in cloud based commission software systems is niche, highly specialized, and in demand. This makes it easy for me to get many short term assignments. And I am able to take breaks between them. I work remotely Only certain fields lend themselves to remote working. Mine is one. Remote working helped me make some problems non-issues, such as dropping off my child to and from school, and to her activities, and being home after she got home from school. I deliver value I found if you deliver value to your clients, you get rewarded by trust. Trust enables you not to have to account for every hour of your time. So I always make it my number one priority to deliver value. Time flexibility flows from that. Having an emergency cushion helps me When I want to take a break between assignments, I am able to. The reason is I have an emergency cushion. In fact, it was this emergency cushion that enabled me to quit my job in 2010, even though the US economy was at a decades old low. If there’s one thing I want you to remember of what I’ve said here, it was the tremendous power of savings to help me quit the life I didn’t want to live, and start living the life I did want to live. I have no debt The other reason I was able to quit my job with so much confidence in 2010, was because I had no debt. I did not even have a car loan. When you have savings and no debt, you can leave any situation anytime you decide you have had enough. And that’s what I did. I have a low monthly overhead This is important to note too. I rent a very modest apartment, pay only for basic internet and Netflix, and in general keep my fixed expenses low. I wouldn’t have been able to strike out on my own in order to create a more fulfilling life, without the confidence of this low monthly overhead. I use unstructured time well I used to take the bus to go to my Varian Medical assignment in Palo Alto. The bus ride was one and a half hours. I always had a book to read, plus a note pad and a pen. I would come up with ideas for my blog, Minoo Jha Life Strategies on those bus rides, sometimes even writing complete posts. Writing a blog is one way for me to make my life have more meaning, and be more than just about work. The more non-work related things I introduce in my life, the more I have learned to use unstructured time well, and I do. Whether I am stuck in traffic, or cooling my heels in a waiting room, I try to use that time well. I combine tasks Using time well is a theme I return to again and again. One way of using time well is to combine tasks. One way I do that is to try to reduce my number of car trips. For instance, by doing my grocery shopping on the way back from a client assignment. Or reading a book while riding a stationary bike in the gym. I find every little bit of combining helps. Finally, I don’t have a full calendar I have a calendar with more white spaces than entries. This is deliberate. Because I want the flexibility to do interesting, relaxing and meaningful things that really matter. Like meditation for instance - which I always have enough time for. So these are some of my secrets. What are yours?

Sometimes this involves the choice to downsize our career.

Minoo Jha

· 7y

What are some one and done mistakes in your profession?

Hi Sean, You asked, What are some one and done mistakes in your profession? My one and done mistake was taking a manager level job which, though it came with more money and prestige, 1) did not offer me any flexibility in terms of working from home, and 2) had a terrible commute. It was 32 miles away from where I lived, and made it hard for me to cope with an ailing mother and a young child. I learned my lesson and left that job in a year, happily taking a step down to bring balance back into my life. Here’s the full story: Prior to applying and being accepted for this job, I had a conversation with my friend Julia about it. This is how the exchange of words went: We were sitting outside a karate school waiting for our daughters to get done with karate class. “Minoo, let’s get some tea, she said to me. I remember always being fascinated with Julia’s Goldilocks maneuver with tea. If it was too cold, she would add a few drops of warm water to it. If it was too hot, she would put an ice tube or two in it. Anyway, sipping from my Goldilocked tea, I said to her ‘Hey, Julia, I am thinking of leaving Palm. There’s an opening at a Johnson and Johnson company in Fremont for a Commissions Manager and I am tempted to apply, because it will mean a step up and more money.” I continued “But here’s the thing - I’ll have to drive 32 miles each way and I won’t be able to work from home anymore like I now do 3–4 times a week currently at Palm. If the new company compensates me for the loss of the telecommuting benefits, plus the extra long time it will take me to get to work, then it might be worth it. But what is that compensation amount? I am having a hard time figuring that out. What do you think? What dollar value should I put on not being able to work from home and be there for my child and my Mum?” I threw out a number at her. Julia’s reply was instant: “Minoo, you can’t put a dollar value on being at home for your mother and your child - it’s ‘priceless’.” I was to remember her words many times in the following year when I was at that higher paying job… so far away from home…so worried about my mother and my daughter… trapped and profoundly unhappy. I realized Julia had been right. Working from home and being able to be with my mother and daughter was indeed ‘priceless’. Neither the money nor the prestige of my Manager title was able to compensate for it.” It was a hollow victory to beat all hollow victories. Needless to say, I didn’t stay at that company for long. And pursuing money and status in jobs became a one and done thing for me.

The plus of this is the freeing up of time and energy, to maybe tackle first and foremost, any health issues we may have neglected.

Once we get going, we may be amazed at what we are able to achieve.

Minoo Jha

· 7y

What was the most amazing physical feat you’ve managed to pull off?

Hi, You asked, What is the most physically impressive feat you have ever accomplished? I was able to go low carb and do it successfully. This was a very hard thing for me to do. I grew up eating rice and bread and potatoes. And my favorite foods are either rice based like biryanis, ghee rice, pilaf, dosas, idlis, or wheat based - nans, puris, bread. Going low carb, I gave up all of that. And I gave up more than that. I gave up lassi and milkshakes and ice-cream. The only dairy products I have are heavy whipping cream and butter. I gave up fruit, including some of my favorite tropical fruits like mango, sapota, jackfruit. I gave up anything which had high-fructose corn syrup on the label…and you will be surprised by the number of things that have high fructose corn syrup on the label, including ketchup. I did this to reverse my pre-diabetes and I succeeded. But make no mistake, going low carb is a very tough thing to do. In fact, it’s my most physically impressive feat. I succeeded only because I wanted to reverse my pre-diabetes so badly. As I said in my answer to the Quora question, What are some tips for becoming successful? …motivation is the key to succeeding at anything. If you want to succeed at anything, you have to be highly motivated. If you are, you will achieve things you never thought you were capable of. I am so very proud of myself for succeeding at going low carb.

Growing older and facing the ups and downs of growing older, is actually a plus.

It invites us to become more alive to life, and to participate more fully in all aspects of it.

Not the one dimensional professional side, which consumed our young adult years.

Life is a journey.

At every age and stage, we will have challenges and opportunities to face, and choices to make.

We can ignore those challenges, and go on as before.

Or we can respond to the challenges wholeheartedly, believing there is a lesson, and a gift in each of those challenges.

We may find it in our hearts to do things we have never done before.

Minoo Jha

· 1y

What makes you proud of your society or community? What are some ways to make it better?

The SFO Bay Area based NCMA (Northern California Mangalorean Association) has been in existence for 25 years. It has 4 events every year: * An Easter picnic * A summer camping trip * A Monthi Fest celebration * A Christmas party It had 4–6 rocky years. During this time, attendance at the 4 events dropped. Nobody wanted to be on the Board, and volunteers were hard to come by. Since I like inventing games, I volunteered to create games for some of the events, and donated the prizes. I created and conducted games 4 times, donating the prizes each time. In 2021 or 2022, when we could not meet in person, I conducted a Zoom Christmas game. The most recent event, at which I created and conducted a game, was the Monthi Fest celebrations held in 2022. I learned a lot about the history of my community (Mangalorean Catholics) in the process of creating the game. The Mangalorean Catholic community is a proud community, that has survived multiple forced migrations, during the Portugese Inquisition in Goa, as well as during Tipu Sultan’s reign in Karnataka. The Bay Area NCMA Association has become a thriving association with strong participation, lots of volunteers, and new, young families joining every month. I am confident it will go from strength to strength. I am glad to have pitched in when help was needed.

As we progress down the path to responding to challenges more positively, we drop some ideas and pick up new ones.

Minoo Jha

· 7y

How do you deal with information that goes against your beliefs?

Hi, You asked, How do you deal with information that goes against your beliefs? I have written about this before on my blog. Reprinting a short edited version here because it is relevant. The Element of Understanding How We Feel and Think is Not Going to Be How We Will Always Feel and Think We tend to stick to our guns. To believe we are Moses and have received our own personal version of the Ten Commandments on two tablets of stone. We think that our thoughts and feelings are correct, and those who do not think and feel like us are ignorant, misguided, immoral, or, maybe, even all 3. And then one day, we wake up to find our thoughts and feelings are no longer what they used to be. Our old feelings and thoughts are replaced by new feelings and thoughts. How could this happen? How could we become such different people? How could we become like the very people, whose thoughts and feelings revolted us, and who we did not approve of? It is human. A fish is a fish is a fish. It will behave the same way its whole life. A butterfly is a butterfly is a butterfly. It will behave the same way its whole life. Humans are different. We are designed to think, feel and behave differently at different stages in our lives. Once upon a time we wore bell bottoms, and elephant pants, and tie and dye tee-shirts, and we went to discos. We shed our bell bottoms and elephant pants and tie and dye tee-shirts and our disco-dancing. Didn't we? Why should change and growth be limited just to the physical and cosmetic aspects of our lives? Shouldn’t is be just as natural for us to grow in our thoughts, feelings and consciousness, as it is for our appearance to change? Our bodies will ultimately decay and pass on. But our thoughts, feelings, behavior, and consciousness have the potential to keep growing until we die, and even to outlast our lives. Our words and deeds will be the legacy we leave to the people who knew us, or have heard of us. Our legacy goes beyond the financial and material. There is the legacy of our personalities, and the way we lived our lives. Even for those of us who will get Alzheimer’s or dementia, our thoughts, feelings and consciousness could continue growing, despite neurological decay. How do you feel and think about things? Is it the same way you have always felt? Have you explored thinking and feeling differently? Are you stuck? Think about getting unstuck. You should do this especially, if you have problematic thoughts and feelings. Problematic thoughts and feelings are thoughts and feelings that get in the way of a happy, stable life, and satisfying relationships. We should bring meaning and mindfulness, to everything we think, say, feel, and do. We may have to backtrack on how we thought or felt before, in order to do that. Back-tracking does not mean we are indecisive. It means we have matured and grown. We should look forward to this milestone, and be thankful for the change. Here is one example from my life, in which my thoughts and feelings have changed, and I am thankful for the change. My Thoughts Regards the Spiritual Life I used to be completely dismissive of anything spiritual. I was an atheist with both my feet planted firmly on the ground. I did not believe in miracles, I did not find anything magical about coincidences. (My friend Anita may remember all the arguments I used to have with her over her Ouija board and her Tarot cards and her I-Ching.) Today I think, "What is life without magic and believing in magic?" I consider the fact I am able to meditate, and I am able to blog miraculous, I consider the fact I was inspired to become vegetarian (though it lasted only for 3 years) miraculous, and I am grateful for these and other miracles in my life. Do I believe we can predict the future? No! But I do believe that some coincidences are too strange to be just coincidences, and I do think we can be forgiven for thinking miracles have taken place. In fact, we should always hope and pray for miracles to take place. Optimism will get us further than pessimism. We should never think anything is hopeless. My former atheism has been replaced by a spiritualism. No one is more surprised than me about that. But I am also thankful for the change. My life has become so much richer for it. I feel so much more alive. So I will end this answer by leaving you with this thought… Ideas that conflict with your beliefs contain the seeds of change. From those seeds, could emerge a wonderful harvest for your life.

New ideas are usually outside our comfort zone.

Minoo Jha

· 7y

What's a comfort zone, and how do you get rid of it?

Hi, You asked, What is a comfort zone, and how can I break free from it? A comfort zone is any situation you have become used to. Breaking free of it means giving it up. By your own choice. Or because of things that happen in your life. Here’s my story of breaking free from my comfort zone. Reprinting an adapted version from my blog. In 2010, I gave myself a gift. It was not a typical gift. I gave myself a gift of inconvenience, discomfort, insecurity, and uncertainty. I gave myself the gift of voluntary unemployment. Let me say that without using any big words. I quit my job. A job I had for 5 years. After quitting, I had to face 4 facts: * I had no income. * I had nothing to do. * I had no idea what to do next. * And I did not know what the future held. But this turned out to be exactly what I needed. Within months of quitting, I had contacted Xactly, a leading commission software company, to ask to be enrolled in their 3-day Commission Administrators Course. I called them, even though it said on their website, that Xactly training was only for their customers. I spoke with their manager of training. I told her I was unemployed. I told her Xactly training would improve my chances to get a job. The trainer felt sad for me. She got Xactly to bend the rules and allow me to do the training. Soon after, the very same trainer introduced me to an Xactly partner company. They specialized in implementing Xactly software at different companies. So I started doing implementations for exciting companies such as Splunk, Fusionio, Lynda. Hard to believe, isn’t it? This happened within 6 months of quitting my job (my comfort zone). Wait - the story gets better. Through someone I met on an assignment, I was introduced to another commissions implementations company. I did projects for this company at White Hat, Varian Medical and Paypal. I also went on a sponsored trip to Toronto, Canada. There I got certified in another commission software called Varicent. My life had taken a marvelous turn. And it was because I had dared to step out of my comfort zone. I had given up comfort, convenience, and the status quo. For the unknown. I still do that today. I am a freelance commissions consultant. My freelance status keeps the channel open on discomfort and inconvenience and breakthroughs. I never know which company I am going to work for next. I do not even know when one assignment will end, and a new one will begin. But this I do know… I know by being brave, I keep the channel open to what is possible. Instead of just what is probable. So much more can happen when you do that. Much of it marvelous and wonderful. Yes, a brave new world awaits those who are willing to get comfortable doing the uncomfortable. A brave new world awaits those who can give up convenience and security for inconvenience and insecurity. A brave new world awaits those who can give up the certainty of the familiar and the known, for the uncertainty and strangeness of the unknown. No matter how low the initial pay off, no matter the sacrifices and adjustments you might need to make, no matter the false starts, wrong turns, set-backs and missteps, taking the path of the possible vs the probable, will eventually lead to a breakthrough. Make that ‘breakthroughs’. You will learn things you did not think you could learn. You will achieve things you did not know you could achieve. You will take on things you did not know you could take on. You will enjoy things you did not know you could enjoy. You will cherish things you did not know you could cherish. Your world will expand. And then expand again. And then expand again. And never stop expanding. And when all is said and done, this is what you will discover: All it took was for these miracles to happen, was for you to be unsure of yourself, but be willing to put your trust in God (and the universe). So what will it be? Convenience. Comfort. Status Quo. Inconvenience. Discomfort. Breakthrough. The choice is yours.

New ideas not just for a career path that works better for us, but new ideas on how to respond to the small and big frustrations in life.

Such as learning how to react to frustrations in a compassionate, other-centered way.

Minoo Jha

· 2y

How can someone with a negative effect become more positive?

Hi, You asked, How can you turn a negative situation into a positive one? I went to see the movie Winchester with a friend. Seated next to us were 2 people, an older lady and a young man. After the movie started, the lady would turn to her companion every few minutes and speak in a foreign language. This was terribly distracting. My initial thought was to turn to her and say “Could you please stop talking”, or “Do you mind moving to some other seats where we won’t be disturbed by your talking”. But my better self prevailed. I turned to her and said in a soft and neutral voice, “I am not able to follow the movie.” She said, ‘Oh, I am so sorry. The person I am with doesn’t know English, so I was translating for him. I will stop.” This was when I turned the moment into a real growth opportunity. Moved by her predicament, I turned to her again, gave her a comforting pat on the arm, and said, “It’s okay, go ahead and translate, I think I can manage”. And I really meant it. She did not take me up on it. But by recognizing her need and giving her the go head, she knew I cared about her predicament and that’s all that mattered. Yes, this was one time when I definitely turned a negative situation into a positive situation, and I am proud of it, even writing about it now.

Meditation, spirituality, prayer and self-reflection are great in helping us do this.

Minoo Jha

· 3y

Why do some people have a hard time with self-reflection?

Because you will find out that you are not as smart as you think you are, as nice as you think you are, as ethical as you think you are, as honest as you think you are, I could go on and on…. In this piece I wrote, I share my own humbling discoveries about myself - I Thought I Was A Flower I thought I was a flower. Silly me. In so many respects, I am still a bud. And have growing to do. In spite of the sunlight. In spite of the soil. In spite of the water. In spite of the many years I have been on the stalk. I am still a bud. In this respect and that respect. In so many respects. I am still a bud. And I still have growing to do. __ That being the case… Be patient with me. Be patient with me. __ I thought I was a tree. Silly me. I now see. I am just a branch. Of a very big tree. Called humanity. It will take some time. To shake off the idea. That I am not the tree. I have to chip away at the bark. That kept me in the dark. That kept me from seeing all this time. That I am just a part. Of this very big tree. Called humanity. __ Which is why, I ask... Be patient with me. Be patient with me. __ I thought I was the ocean. Silly me. I found out I am just a drop. Among drops and drops and drops. In a vast expanse. That's as wide as it is deep. Beyond what my naked eye can see. When I think about that. I pause. And lift up my hands. And express awe. And then some more. At this amazing vastness I was not aware I was a part of. Isn't it amazing, to think. This little drop that's me. Is part of drops and drops and drops. So vast, it's more than my naked eye can see. And to think I have been living in a bubble that was so tiny. I am glad my eyes have opened. But I have to get used to this. __ So please… Be patient with me. Be patient with me.

Growing older usually teaches us that we are not the only artist in our lives.

Minoo Jha

· 7y

What “wow” moment did you just realize?

That there is another artist in my life. I wrote a post about this recently on my blog. I am pasting it here for you to read. The Other Artist I stood before the canvas, painting my life. I had risen the ranks from cub copywriter to Creative Grouphead. Now I painted myself as the owner of a successful creative shop, seated in a nice office with several employees, and the latest technology, handing out business cards which read Purple Patch to a string of high paying clients. Suddenly a paint brush carried by an unseen hand painted a cloud over this scene. Startled I said, "Who are you and what are you doing? This is the canvas on which I, and I alone, am painting my life. It is something I, and I alone, must do." "Put down your paintbrush and follow me" said a voice. "We need to talk" "How can I follow you when I can't see you," I said. "And who are you? Do you have a name?" "You can call me The Other Artist," said the voice. "Please follow the sound of the footsteps." I listened for the sound of the footsteps and followed them. One of the chairs in my living room rose through the air, and came down on the floor, opposite another chair, ever so lightly. "Sit down," said the voice I now knew as "The Other Artist". I sat down on one of the chairs. From the opposite chair, The Other Artist continued... "Now where were we - oh yes, you were saying you were painting your life, and it was something you and you alone must do." "Yes, that's right," I said. "This may seem dismaying to you," said The Other Artist, "but I am involved in everything you do." ..."The painting of your life was, is, and will always be, a joint venture between us." …"How do I put it? Oh, I know...if you think of your life as a start up, you and I are founder and cofounder." "That is a bad analogy," I said to The Other Artist. "You do not know my vision." "I do," said The Other Artist. "And what's more, my participation will make sense to you. If not now, later." "No," I said to The Other Artist, "You are just a figment of my imagination, you are just a creation of my fears." Saying that, I got up from the chair and stomped back to my painting. I hoped the cloud The Other Artist had painted on the canvas would no longer be there. But it was still there. I tried to paint over it. Every time, I did, it came back again. And It grew blacker and blacker. I broke into tears. I was in a depression. The meaning of the cloud became clear to me. "What good can come from a depression?" I said, wringing my hands. "You'll see," said The Other Artist. I don't know why, but I felt the urge to paint a child on the canvas. My vision for my life had not contained a child before. The child quickly captured my imagination, and I painted diapers and baby bottles and a stroller onto the canvas. The Other Artist then painted a letter from my sister Rosie on the canvas, saying "maybe, you should move to America." I looked at the letter and wondered if it was the right thing to do, because I was in an existential crisis. The Other Artist didn't say anything. America had been a dream of mine. Then I had forgotten about the dream. Now it was back again as an answer to the existential crisis I was facing. So I painted an American flag onto the canvas. I was excited and scared about my new life in America. I didn't know what it held in store for me. No sooner had I painted the American flag, when The Other Artist painted a dry well on the canvas. What's that for? I asked. "America is going to care a fig about your advertising copy experience," said The Other Artist, "so you will need to paint yourself some other way to earn a living in America." The only job I could think of was an Admin Assistant, so I painted myself answering a telephone. I was an Admin Assistant for a short while. Then The Other Artist painted a whole lot of numbers on the canvas. "What's that for?" I said. "It's your lucky break. A chance to become a Commissions Analyst. " I was terrified when I found out a Commissions Analyst had to do calculations on massive Excel spreadsheets. "I am a words person, not a numbers person" I said. I tried to paint over the numbers. The Other Artist painted the numbers back. I found myself in a new career as a Commissions Analyst. I learned Excel, I learned Xactly, I learned Varicent, I learned about Sales Comp. I learned about quotas and target incentives and commission rates and thresholds and caps. I became good at being a Commissions Analyst. The Other Artist also painted pots and pans and washers and dryers and cars onto the canvas. Things which had never been a part of my life in India. I learned to cook, I learned to do laundry, I learned to drive. "Enjoying much?" The Other Artist asked. I didn't want to give The Other Artist the satisfaction of knowing I enjoyed cooking and driving, so I just answered with an inscrutable "harumph". And so I kept putting things on the canvas of my life. And The Other Artist kept putting things on the canvas of my life. The Other Artist would paint a flower on the canvas every now and then. Each flower was a new friend. These friends would enrich my life. They would tell me wonderful tales. I would listen with rapture to stories like Crimson Sails and Baba Yaga, or thrill to the poem Love at First Sight by Wisława Szymborska. These friends would introduce me to exotic new foods like piroshki and pilmeni and faworki and adai dosa and nasi lemak and roti prata. I would have many wonderful experiences with these friends. I would write about these friends in my United States of Friendship series of posts. The Other Artist painted a rose with a thorn onto the canvas at one time. The rose represented the beauty of being able to telecommute, the thorn was that every time a boss left and a new boss took over, the new boss would give me grief over my telecommuting privileges and try to take them away. The Other Artist painted crossed swords. This was a boss who proved to be a challenge to me on a job. I disagreed with this boss. Our disagreements got worse and worse. Until I walked out of that job. I painted myself as a Commissions Consultant soon after. The Other Artist drew a smiley emoji on the canvas. And then I suddenly realized something. The Other Artist was indeed a cofounder of my life. And a good cofounder. All the things The Other Artist had painted on the canvas of my life had enriched my life in one way or another. The Other Artist had taken me in new directions and expanded my horizons. The Other Artist had strengthened my knowledge, experience, and skills. The Other Artist had filled my life with new possibilities and opportunities. This was true even when The Other Artist painted darker things on the canvas of my life - the cloud, the dry well, the thorns, the crossed swords. In the reflection and conquest of those challenges and problems, (even though some of them shook me to the core) I became a stronger, more confident, and more competent person. With every crisis, I gained increasing clarity, grit, and resilience. And this equipped me to deal with the gravest challenges of life - loss, illness, and death. I became less and less afraid of misfortunes, troubles, and trials. I became less and less afraid of the red pill - to use a symbol from the movie The Matrix. The red pill - which stands for truth - contained the seeds of a richer, more meaningful, and more fulfilling life. For me, this translated into increasing peace, contentment, and satisfaction. This is because, I learned to meditate, control my monkey mind, and get out of my own way, after concluding that the best way to deal with the truth of unavoidable suffering, was not to run away from it, but to change my attitude to it, and to take responsibility for it by finding appropriate tools to deal with it. I lost my former self-centeredness and preoccupation. I became more present to other people and their lives. I became a better listener. I aimed to understand first, and be understood second in my interactions with other people. All these were things I couldn't put a price on. And much of it was due to what The Other Artist had put on my canvas. The Other Artist had played a seminal role in my growth and maturity as a human being. And the day would come when The Other Artist would paint a pen on the canvas. I couldn't have been more excited. "Does this mean I am going to write again?" I said, my heart bursting with hope. "I have so much I want to share with other people." "What do you think?" The Other Artist asked. I didn't answer. I just began to paint a blog page on the canvas. And so here we are today. I am still painting the canvas of my life. And The Other Artist is still painting new things on my canvas. Some are good things. Some are bad things. I have learned not to think of the bad things as permanent bad things. They are temporary bad things, which lead to good things - new knowledge, new insights, a positive new direction, or a new way of being. So although I love the current canvas of my life, and I would be happy to stop the clock, there's a part of me that's excited about the new things The Other Artist will surely paint on the canvas of my life. I plan not to resist what The Other Artist paints on my canvas. In fact, I plan to fully cooperate with what The Other Artist paints on my canvas. That's because I now have a deep acceptance of The Other Artist as a co-creator of my life.

And when all is said and done, we are grateful for all of it.

All the changes our life has brought.

All the things we are alive to, that we weren’t alive to earlier.

Whether those changes were brought about through pain, or through pleasure, through joy or through sorrow, through victories or through defeats.

A fuller life is one of the gifts of growing older.

We replace busyness doing a whole lot of meaningless things, with doing a fewer more meaningful things.- the things that are the most meaningful to us, and that are valuable to persevere in.