How does a habit of blocking communication eventually change the way you view your partner?

When you try to communicate with your partner, depending on what you are trying to communicate, they might block the communication, by doing one of the following…

Not responding.

Saying, “I’m sorry, I am too tired for this. Can we talk about this later?”, only to never actually talk about it later.

Raising their hand to indicate, “Stop. I don’t want to hear any of that.”

Saying something snarky.

Making a firm declaration, such as “I’m not doing  that. Take it or leave it.”

Outright shouting, or screaming, at you.

Making threats.

Doing something angry, which scares you, such as smashing their fist into a wall, or throwing something.

Doing something which makes you feel bad about bringing up the subject, such as getting up from the table, and going to bed, without finishing their food.

Storming out of the room, or even storming out of the house, for several hours.

It is unfortunate, but you can conclude one of the following, from their reactions…

They don’t like conflict.

They don’t know how to deal with conflict.

They do not like engaging on some subjects.

They want to be left alone.

Sensitive subjects might include money, expenses, health, social events, chores.

Living with a partner, like this, makes everything tougher - maintaining a house, managing expenses, raising kids, socializing.

It is love, sacred vows, kids, social mores, and financial dependence, that makes us keep going, even though we may be dismayed, disappointed, and dissatisfied, with how things are.

Eventually, you may find peace apart.

Or your partner may mellow over the years, and through mellowing, and sometimes, through faith, wisdom, and self-reflection, improve on all fronts.

As they become more caring, and more considerate, you may experience a renewed closeness with them, or even a closeness, better than you ever had before, a closeness that’s precious, and you never thought possible.

I have observed this, having observed many couples, through decades of ups and downs.

You may discover, as those couples have, that you loved, and still love your partner, and your partner loved and still loves you, through all the ups and downs, through it all.

Which is precious.

Suggestions to make you achieve this precious closeness faster…

Minoo Jha

· 6y

Is it fair to judge someone's level of love if they don't show it the way we think they should?

Yes and no. Here’s a piece I wrote on the importance of tuning in to the other person in your life… The Secret to Good Relationships - Tuning In Let’s talk about radio stations. If you want to listen to the KFOG radio station, you have to tune in to the frequency of the KFOG radio station. 107.7. You can't tune in to the frequency of the KBAY radio station and expect to hear the KFOG radio station. KBAY music plays on the KBAY radio station. So if you tune in to the frequency of the KBAY radio station, you will hear the music played by KBAY. So now how is this related to dealing with the significant people in your life? You need to tune in to the station of anyone who is significant to you, so you can really hear them. But what happens if you don't like the music that's being played on their station? This is where the problem arises. You don't like the music that's playing on their station. What's more, you may not be able to escape it - living under the same roof, or having to deal with them day in and day out. So you decide the next best thing is to just tune it out. Block out whatever they say as best you can. Using tools like your imagination. While this is a coping tool, it's not a solving tool. It would be nice if you could say to the people in your life, ”Hey I don't like what you are playing on your radio station; can you play this instead?” But of course, that's wishful thinking. It's never going to be as simple as that. If you do that, it will only make things worse. So the same thing goes on and on. And maybe you continue to do what you have always done - try to tune things out. You can live a whole lifetime like this - with nothing changing. And with profound dissatisfaction on all sides. If you desire to have a meaningful, caring, and more easy-going relationship, no two questions about it... You have to tune in. If the dial is stuck, you may be tempted to use your developed reflex to tune out and block out whatever you do not like. But really, you should consider using your alone time as reflection time. And come up with a strategy to replace “blocking out” with “tuning in”. Tuning in might be to ask someone, "What are your thoughts right now?" Or, "What would you like to do right now?" Or, “What is bothering you the most right now?” Or, “How can I make things easier for you?" Or, "Why do you think that?" Life gets more challenging for everyone as we go along. Life gets more challenging physically, mentally, and emotionally. Tuning in may mean acknowledging the increased physical, mental, and emotional challenges the people in your life face. And doing what you can to alleviate them. Tuning in many also mean acknowledging the small things that bother other people. Sometimes what's small to you may be significant to someone else. We are all different. The most successful relationships are those where both people are tuned in. How can you craft and implement the right “tune in” strategy today?

What role does perseverance play in achieving long-term success?

Perseverance is a key, perhaps the key to long-term success.

Those who persevere will achieve more in any sphere (area) of life, than those who don’t.

Firstly, they are keen on using their talents, putting their abilities to work, or pursuing their interests.

So they are likely to start using their talents, abilities, and interests, early in life.

Initially, it may be in a non-professional, hobby setting.

At this stage, they do the activity, for the sheer joy of being able to do it.

Creation is involved.

And they enjoy seeing the results of their creations, as well as experimenting with new ideas.

This is a soft beginning.

A little later, their talents and creations will be discovered, or they will themselves spot an opportunity, to pursue their interests further, either through getting a job, or through a business idea.

This is when their plans and ideas solidify.

At this stage, many people’s ambitions come to rest.

But the persevering person never rests.

They could be happy with the fact, that they are earning money from something they like to do, and are good at doing, and they are gaining knowledge and experience, while practicing what they are good at.

But for the persevering person, that’s not enough.

Their goal is to become better at what they do, to create and do more, to establish a name for themselves, to use their talents, abilities, and experience, beyond what is required just to support themselves.

They are in it to find out how far they can take their talents and skills.

They are in it, not just for the immediate future, but for the future they cannot see.

The long haul.

Regardless of challenges, rejections, disappointments, slow times, and competitive blows, they plan to keep the momentum going.

Not resting in high moments, or grieving in low moments.

When thrown to the mat, instead of thinking, “it’s all over for me”, they pick themselves up, and keep going.

The persevering person may be a short-run pessimist, but they are always a long-term optimist.

They never fail to hope for better times.

It helps them persist.

It helps them expand the number of things they can do, as well as expand the variety of things, they can do.

They are also able to branch out, and extend.

While the non-persevering person, jumps from tree to different tree, allowing too little time to achieve significant success in any area, the persevering person hones and refines what they do, smartly extending what they do, when the opportunity arises.

They don’t make the deadly mistake of losing focus, losing interest, losing traction in the area which they have dedicated their lives to.

Over time, this makes the core of their knowledge, skills, and insights, strong.

It also makes them agile.

Quick thinkers and quick doers.

Persevering people are success attractors.

Over time, they achieve remarkable success.

Looking at their success, the non-persevering person may say, “how lucky they are - they got into the right field, everything clicked for them."

They assume the persevering person’s success was due to advantages, resources, support, and connections.

But it’s neither a true assumption, nor a fair assumption.

The persevering person’s success may have nothing to do with being handed a golden key at birth, or being lucky with resources, connections, and the support to succeed.

It may be entirely self-made.

In fact, the persevering person’s success is significantly due to their persistence and perseverance.

They never gave up.

They kept going.

They were willing to try, and try again.

They stretched themselves to meet new opportunities, not letting complacency make them become non-competitive.

Long after others stopped, or hopped onto a different tree, the persevering person kept at what they were doing, kept the momentum going.

It’s how they got to where they are today.

And it describes the long-term success of most of the successful people I know.

If you ask any of these successful people the question, “what role does perseverance have to play in the success you’ve achieved, and continue to achieve?”, this is the answer you can expect from them….

“EVERYTHING!”