Is oversharing a negative trait? What's the correct way to share something about yourself?

Oversharing can be a sign of self-centeredness.

Self-centeredness is an unattractive quality.

People like to be around those who listen to them, not just treat them as a ear for all their thoughts, and feelings.

Minoo Jha

 · 2y

Why do people love to talk about themselves?

Hi, Why do people like talking about themselves so much? Because that’s what’s on their mind - what’s happening to them, what they are doing, how good or bad they are, what problems they have, what they did or did not do on a day. I answered a Quora question, “How do I find fascinating conversationalists?” I listed these suggestions. * The best conversationalists are storytellers. So I would say look for people who are storytellers. * I would also look for people who are interested in a lot of things, and read a lot. People who are interested in lots of things and read a lot will always have something new and interesting to share. * Finally, I would look for people who are great listeners. As I have said on my blog, interested people are interesting. * Until you find “your people”, I would tune into talks, podcasts and You Tube videos. I have discovered several riveting talks, podcasts and videos. Have you listened to Alan Watts, Sadhguru, or Jordan Peterson? Have you listened to This American Life? I am so excited to even list these options. I can’t wait to see what you think of them. I need to add one more bullet point, triggered by your question: * Find people who are other-centered, rather than self-centered

As you become less self-centered, you will become better at being “conversational company”.

“Conversational company” is different from being company to sing with, company to dance with, company to travel with, company to eat with, company to attend a business meeting with, or company to attend an event with.

Those who are skilled at “conversational company” do thoughtful sharing.

They know when to share, and how to share.

Those who have a natural or developed “conversational company” talent, do not avoid sharing, but share in a positive way.

And they share with humility.

I will leave you with one important thought on becoming better conversational company...

Interesting people are interested people.

What decisions in my life gave me the biggest growth?

Here are some of them:

Career:

The decision to start my own advertising hot-shop, Purple Patch in my first career. I learned to manage money, people, time, clients - in a way I would never have been able to, prior to that.

The decision to learn Xactly, and become a freelance Commissions Analyst in my second career.

I learned to be flexible.

I learned to adapt to different client’s needs, priorities, quirks, and limitations - over 17 clients in all.

I became the ideal temp in the process.

Hobbies:

The decision to start a blog.

I grew into a writer, who cared less about making an impression, and into a writer, who cared about sharing my thoughts, having an influence, leaving a legacy, and helping people avoid the mistakes I have made.

Over time, my writing has become simpler and simpler.

I aim to reach the maximum number of readers.

I do this with answering questions on Quora as well.

Quora has been a great lab.

If an answer of mine gets a lot of views on Quora, I understand the question must be important to a lot of people.

So I republish the Quora answer on my blog, so it can benefit the readers of my blog.

Author Joseph Sestito helped me to become less self-cherishing in my writing.

I have hit the publish button on blog posts and Quora answers, even when I am uncertain about their quality, thanks to reading his book, Write For Your Lives.

I have matured into a less self-cherishing person, overall, thanks to the wisdom that time, experience, reading, listening, conversing, meditating, and attending Sunday services, has brought me.

Finances:

The decision to become financially savvy.

Becoming a freelancer made me sharply aware of the need.

Freelancers cannot afford to take their eye off of their finances.

There will be gaps between assignments, when no money comes in.

I made the decision to become a freelancer, knowing this fully well.

I felt I was in a good position to become a freelancer.

I had low monthly bills to pay, being a minimalist.

I had absorbed the idea that minimalism is the shortest route to financial freedom, by reading online articles by Mr. Money Mustache and other FIRE advocates, for years before.

I doubled down on the idea, after becoming a freelancer, giving myself the goal to create FMG money.

FMG money is necessary for success if you are a freelancer, or any sort of self-employed person - whether hairdresser, or electrician, personal trainer, or consultant.

I was in great shape to create FMG money, for one thing, having done my taxes myself continuously since 2003, and two, having read a lot of finance books, including Robert Kiyosaki’s book Rich Dad Poor Dad, which was a wake-up book for me.

When it came to my stock investments, I ate humble pie and donuts early, and never looked back.

Life Choices

The decision to have a child.

It changed my habits, and changed my priorities.

Suddenly, there was this little thing that was completely dependent on me for everything.

I became more responsible.

I stopped drinking, not wanting to be in the position where I might need to take my daughter to a doctor, in an impaired state.

Instead of typical job benefits like more money and promotions, I asked for flexibility.

Different stages of my child's life called for different things.

So I became a different version of myself at every stage.

At this stage, Support Mom and Lighthouse Mom, are the most appropriate roles.

Relationships:

I have made my share of mistakes.

In some cases, the mistakes were because of a crisis.

What's important, is I am in a better place now, in each of my relationships - as a parent, as an ex, as a sibling, as an in-law, as a friend.

I learned to meditate in the fall of 2010, after reading the book How God Changes Your Brain.

Since then, I have worked on lots of my issues, including my volatile temper. 

I became more self-reflective.

Becoming more self-reflective opened my eyes to all the "irritable unspoken commentary" that ran in my head, in response to what people said, did, even posted.

Of course, I was always right, and the other person was always wrong.

To paraphrase Robert Heinlein, "We are not rational people; we are rationalizing people." 

After learning to meditate, I decided to improve myself inside and out.

Become  a low maintenance person.

I stopped many things - including being defensive of actions and ideas, that other people did not share, or subscribe to.

Since 2014, I also began attending church on Sundays.

Attending church has become a meaningful part of my week.

I have had many spiritual breakthroughs and creative breakthroughs, right there in church.

Speaking of creative breakthroughs, there is one from many years ago, in fact in my early years of meditation, which I never tire of sharing.

My 3 benches experience.

I find it hard to dismiss it as a pure coincidence.

Life brings us bouquets and blows.

Life brings us laughter and tears.

Life brings us things we are proud of, and things we regret.

Life brings us all that we see, hear, touch, taste, smell, read, experience, and think about.

Most of all, life brings us other lives.

All of them contribute to our growth.

After being defiantly individual, I learned to cooperate with all the other lives in my life.

After being defiantly self-centered, I became other-centered, welcoming the role of “the other artist” and of a higher, unseen wisdom.

In my quest for growth, I no longer walk alone.

There is wisdom all around me to help me grow.

I just have to be open to it, and not reject it, as it has been my habit to do.