What have I learned about the things I cannot change?

Here are some of the things....

To not talk about it incessantly.

Perhaps, as a guide, to talk about it only once to each new person (though this is easier said than done).

What’s on our mind plays on our tongue, again and again.

To think of it as a cross I have to bear.

We will get the same criticisms.

The same people will insult us in the same ways.

The same people will get angry with us in the same ways.

The same people will have disagreements with us in the same ways.

The same losses will replay in our minds, again and again.

We will respond to these situations in the same ways.

To think of it as a puzzle to be solved...

We can also think of our challenges as puzzles to be solved.

If it’s something mechanical, biological, or technical, we can keep searching for solutions.

We might be able to solve the puzzle - sooner or later.

Or the puzzle may be solved for us.

A solution may emerge.

But if it’s something persistent and pervasive, or something there’s no turning the clock back on, then we may have to turn to prayer, meditation and therapy..

If peace and serenity is a challenge, we can, for instance, say the Serenity Prayer, regularly.

The Serenity Prayer is prayed by recovering alcoholics all over the world.

If it works for recovering alcoholics, it may also work for us.

You probably know the Serenity Prayer.

It is as universal as the song Amazing Grace.

It is as powerful as the song Hallelujah.

If you do not know it, here’s how it goes…

God give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

It definitely helps to develop acceptance.

It definitely helps to develop courage.

It definitely helps to develop discernment.

The combination of the three is a triple power to deal with sufferings and challenges, to escape the prison of our behaviors and feelings, and move towards positive thought, behavior, and action.

We are not condemned to live a miserable life.

To stay hopeful, in circumstances, dire and tragic, is what each of us will, at one point or another, be called upon to do.

Minoo Jha

 · 4y

How do you cope with family members that make you feel awful?

There are going to be some relatives in everyone’s life who make them feel awful. In fact, being a hypersensitive person, anyone could make me feel awful very easily. Until I worked on myself and learned to “carry things lightly”. I wrote this piece about it. The Art of Carrying Things Lightly We have so much to worry about in life. Our possessions, our finances, our jobs, our health, our children, our parents, our spouses, our siblings, our investments, the economy– things big and small – keep us constantly worried. A mine can be waiting for us anywhere…in the next relationship, in the next spate of inclement weather, or on the next newscast. Our world can change in a moment. And sometimes it does. But when you think about it, our responses to events and triggers are just habits. We have not been pre-programmed from birth to respond the way we currently do. When we were babies, we yelled at the top of our lungs and till we were blue in the face, if we were in discomfort, or if we needed something. But we grew out of that pretty quickly, didn't we? If we could do it as a child, what is to stop us now, when we are grown people, and have the capacity to reason? If we respond in set ways to triggers and events, it’s because we have made it a habit to respond in set ways to triggers and events. We just have to make up our minds to quit responding in those set ways. We can re-program our responses at any age, and in any circumstances, and in any area. Once upon a time, I used to be a rageaholic, getting crazily angry when my buttons were pushed. But I successfully re-programmed myself. I discovered rage was a habit and I quit it. Once upon a time, I used to be hyper hyper-sensitive. But I successfully re-programmed myself. I discovered being hyper-sensitive was a habit. And I quit it. Once upon a time, I was a slave to some foods (such as rice) and I had to eat them every day. But I discovered specific foods were just a habit. And I quit them. I successfully reprogrammed myself. Once upon a time, I was unable to be anything but a helicopter mom or a tiger mom. But I discovered being a helicopter mom and a tiger mom were a habit. And I quit being either of them. I successfully re-programmed myself. Part of successfully re-programming ourselves is learning to carry things lightly. When you learn to carry things lightly, your responses automatically change. You stop freaking out. You stop having over-the-top responses to things. After all, few things call for a strong response. An emergency may require a strong response. An injustice may require a strong response. It's hard to think of anything else. Reprogram yourself to carry everything in your life lightly. Reprogram yourself to carry your success lightly. You should be able to fly coach, and to stand at a bus stop waiting for a bus. You should be able to wipe down your car, or even your child’s car. Reprogram yourself to carry your professional status lightly. You should be able to roll up your sleeves and do anything. Help your admin assistant clean up after an office lunch, for instance. Reprogram yourself to carry your job security and job satisfaction lightly. Conditions can change even in the most attractive of jobs or businesses. Your status and responsibilities can get reduced. A new manager might start cracking down. Because of the economy or competitive forces, a job or business, which once seemed secure, can become shaky; a layoff or unexpected circumstances can leave you adrift. Everyone should read the book, The Alliance, by Reid Hoffman to toughen up. It will help you carry your job security and job satisfaction lightly. The book was written to help you understand that even if your job came with an offer letter and benefits, it really is only a contract without an end-date. Anytime, this contract can end. Reprogram yourself to carry your relatively lower professional or economic status lightly. If you have not done as well as others and watched people go ahead of you, even though you started out with a clear advantage, be the big person. You should be able to support the success of those more successful than you. The true test of you being able to carry the situation lightly is doing so, without expecting anything in return. With luck, you could get to be the Roy Disney to Walt Disney, the Charlie Munger to Warren Buffett. It's possible. Reprogram yourself to carry your abilities lightly. An ability can lose its value. It can lose its relevance or charm. It can get upstaged. It can be lost as a result of a mishap, or as a result of getting older. If your carry your abilities lightly, you will be able to adapt to any new reality, even one that comes at the cost of your professional and financial status. Carrying your abilities lightly means you will be able to be productive, no matter what. Likewise, reprogram yourself to carry your disabilities lightly. Some of us are born with a disability; some of us will experience a disability as a result of a mishap, or a series of mishaps. For some of us, a habit can turn into a problem, eventually wreaking havoc with our ability. And growing older by itself, can strip us of the ability to do certain things. Whatever the case, we have to learn to carry our disabilities lightly. Which means we have to live life without becoming bitter, grumpy, irritable and cantankerous. Reprogram yourself to carry your knowledge and education lightly. Just because you are smart and capable doesn't mean you will be given the best opportunities. 'Taken opportunities' are sometimes "taken opportunities"; no point hankering for a seat at that table. You may be relegated to work that is below your knowledge and skill level. The only ‘sure’ way out of this is to keep changing jobs until you find your sweet spot. Or else, become an entrepreneur and call the shots. Otherwise, it’s best to carry your knowledge and skills lightly. As a consultant, I strive to be maximally useful to my managers, and sometimes it means doing what no one else on the team wants to do. If the greatest need on a particular day is for a gopher, I volunteer myself. But Minoo, how will I keep up with my skills and knowledge, if I get stuck doing the low-value stuff. Yes, if you are stuck doing low value stuff, and you feel you are ready for something more challenging, by all means look for a better opportunity and move on. In my case, all my assignments are temporary, so I have the confidence that if I don’t get to use my higher level skills at one assignment, I will definitely get to use them at another. So I never worry about what's happening in the present moment. It's one of the advantages of being a consultant. If a work situation has you frustrated, I recommend you take a step back and reflect. If you don't see any value, or future, in what you are doing, bow out and find something more suited to your knowledge and skill level. Reprogram yourself to carry your ideas and opinions lightly. Remember everyone has ideas and opinions, not just you. And their ideas and opinions are just as legitimate to them, as your opinions and ideas are to you. You shouldn't forever be trying to make a point, or to win converts to your way of thinking. You should try to see the other side. You should try to look at the big picture. For instance, I have observed we are unable to appreciate any social or political changes which benefit the marginalized; except of course, when we are the marginalized ones. To me the mark of civilization is how a country or society treats its most marginalized citizens. This is what I mean by seeing the bigger picture. Reprogram yourself to carry your crises lightly. You should not go “oh my god, oh my god, what am I going to do?” in response to every crisis. Crises have a way of sorting themselves out. A year or two later, the memory of the crisis might serve as a lesson, if that. Recently my car got towed, and I said to my daughter, "Oh my god, I made the worst mistake of my life. I parked in the visitor parking in front of the apartments and I got towed”. My daughter answered "Mom, don't be so dramatic. How could that be the worst mistake of your life?" It brought me down to earth. Reprogram yourself to carry your losses lightly. I know this is a tough one. You could lose everything because of an unfortunate event, or sequence of events. Still you can choose how to respond to that. You could either wallow in self-pity, inaction, or self-destruction. Or you could make a pact with yourself to put the past behind you, and build your life on what you have left. It comes down to a choice. Reprogram yourself to carry your possessions lightly, even if they are expensive possessions such as your house, your valuables, or your car, all of which can be lost, damaged, repossessed or claimed by someone else. When people get into accidents, they get into a rage. Don’t let this be you. Carry the fact of owning a car lightly. You should understand that being out on the road and driven, your car is ever at risk. If driving stresses you out, find solutions. Also even though you have a car, you should be able to walk, sometimes; you should be able to walk like a mother walks her baby. Just because you have a car, doesn't mean you have to drive everywhere, and all the time; you can walk, you can take public transport. A baby or child is going to enjoy a walk with their parents, much more than being strapped in a car seat, and they are also ill-equipped to deal with their parents' driving stress. When my daughter was a baby, and I was still a new driver in the US, I once drove from Oakland to San Jose in a car I was test-driving. During the 50 mile journey, my daughter’s blanky fell, and she started yelling for her blanky. My response was to yell back, because I was stressed. Several miles passed with both her and me yelling. Had we been walking and she been in her stroller, I would have just picked up her blanky and said "here you go". We should carry things lightly because we were meant to “thrive”, not just to survive. We eat to survive. We eat right to thrive. We wear clothes to survive. We look after our bodies and dress right to thrive. We go to bed at night to survive. We relax to thrive. It is important to recognize whether we are doing things just to survive, or doing things to thrive. Try to introduce more of the “thrive” activities in your life. It is a sure way to carry things lightly. Meditation, exercise, involving yourself in a worthwhile cause, and lightening up your schedule are all ways to reprogram yourself in the art of carrying things lightly. Get busy thriving, rather than just surviving. I sincerely hope you will take the message of this post - which is to carry things lightly -to heart. I believe if each of us does that, we can make life better, not just for ourselves, but for everyone around us.

In some circumstances, we may have to go beyond prayer, meditation, and therapy.

We may have to step out of our self-centeredness, and reach out to others.

We may have to use our time and resources, in the service of a greater cause.

For many of us, this is the point at which we renew ourselves.

This is the point our life truly takes a turn for the better.

As many know, from first hand experience, good things often follow some of the worst experiences in our lives.

The triumphant side of us emerges.

The persevering side of us emerges.

The resilient side of us emerges.

The solution-oriented side of us emerges.

Bad experiences can serve a purpose in our lives, greater than anything we expected.

Making heroes out of us.

Unlikely and surprising heroes.

One person's bad experiences can change the trajectory of history.

Think of Gandhi getting thrown out of that train compartment in South Africa.

And there are examples closer home.

As I said in my post, 10 Lessons You Can Learn From My Life..."how you react to the good things in your life, is not as important as how you react to the bad things in your life".

Imagination can also help us.

Imagination can help us escape torment.

Imagination can bring us hope.

Imagination can bring us healing insights.

Imagination can infuse us with transcendent thought and spirit.

If we give our imagination enough time to work, the solution that comes to us, is usually not a run of the mill imperfect solution, but a perfect solution.

Quiet time may be necessary for this.

Minoo Jha

 · 6y

How has thinking big improved your life?

Thinking creatively has improved my life more than thinking big. I have used creativity to solve problems, find the best use for things, and to reframe situations. Here’s one example where my imagination helped me, when my brain child was cast aside on an assignment. The entire post, if you want to read it, is called The Element of Imagination and Its Hope for Helping Us Develop Toughness With Compassion and Artful Flair, and is available on my Minoo Jha Life Strategies blog. Here is the excerpt regarding my brain child being cast aside, and how I used my imagination to shake myself out of my negative thoughts and feelings, and to be a bigger person. Using our imagination to reframe a situation… Any situation can be reframed with the help of our imagination. On one assignment, I pulled out all the stops to design new commission statements, and develop a new Excel model to do commissions. However, when I was passing control of my job to the commissions analyst who was to take my place, he and the new company controller decided to abandon my model and create their own model. It was a blow to my self-esteem, and hard to stomach. We want it to be hard for anyone to fill our shoes. We want our absence to cause pain. We want our brain children to be cherished. So my initial thoughts and feelings were all negative. But then, I started meditating, and it helped me transcend these negative thoughts. 3 Deer at a Stream I suddenly had this vision of self-esteem being a stream of water, and the new analyst, new controller, and myself all as deer drinking from the stream. I had had my turn at the stream. Now it was theirs. When I had to prove myself, the stream of self-esteem was there for me. Now it was someone else’s time to shine. Later on, it would be someone else’s time, still. From the moment this image entered my mind – my mindset was different. It was hard to say if I held this image - of the 3 deer drinking from a stream - or the image held me. But during my last weeks at the company, I cheerfully finished up my assignment, and continuously encouraged, praised and supported the new analyst and the Controller. Now years later, I feel a warm glow towards them. Tuli Kupferberg says: “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge. When I was able to escape the normal way of thinking it was almost that I saw all the characters in the scenario in a different alternate world” This is what happened to me. I entered an alternate world. And my imagination helped me get there. I now realize situations can exist in many different spheres, and our imagination can take us to a different sphere. So if you find yourself needing to be a bigger person, try to use your imagination to reframe the situation, and to elevate your thoughts and feelings to a different sphere. It worked for me. No reason why you shouldn’t give it a try. It could work for you.

And finally, we must continue to have faith, that a break in the clouds, is just around the corner…

Minoo Jha

 · 3y

What made you stronger at the lowest point of your life?

The lowest point in my life was when I suffered my depression. The thing that saved me is that I continued to work, exercise, and do all the things I did socially, with the hope that I would come out of it eventually. Here is a poem I recently wrote about how I felt then and what I wish to say to those going through the same thing: Just When The Sun Shone So Bright Just when the sun shone so bright It slipped behind a cloud I wondered where the light had gone And I began to cry soft, not loud Where are you light? Where are you light? Gloom enveloped me It seemed like I would never be myself again I was looking at a darkness as endless as the sea. __ The gloom persisted The clouds persisted In vain, I hoped the sun would shine again The gloom persisted The clouds persisted The beads of darkness were a never ending chain. __ I said my prayers and I worked, played, and ate I applied myself to the business of my days The gloom persisted The clouds persisted The darkness was a never-ending maze. __ And then one day the clouds parted Breaking the spell the darkness had cast on me And I hesitantly took a step forward into the light Into a new hope and a new destiny I was filled again with the inner uncorrupted child's sense of wonder Which the darkness had all but tried to take away from me Now the cloak of darkness was torn asunder And my spirit was once again light and free. __ The gloom had lifted The darkness had lifted The sun had again begun to shine I wrapped myself in my shawl of promise, hope, faith, and purpose And told myself, "Minoo, you will be fine". __ Yes, the gloom had lifted The darkness had lifted And I could say and believe the thought, "Minoo you will be fine" And it taught me that promise, hope, faith, and purpose awaits those who goes through a dark night of the soul When the journey is complete and the dark night of the soul has been left behind. __ Dear Reader - On the other side of an experience of the dark night of the soul is a light of a thousand lamps. Even though right now, you may not be able to see the flicker of even one of those thousand lamps, hold the image in your mind of the warmth and light of those thousand lamps - because it's what awaits you at the end of your journey through the dark night of the soul. Look after yourself, put one foot in front of the other, and believe with your heart, soul and mind that you will be completely restored once the journey of the dark night of the soul is complete.

In all these ways, I have learned to cope with the things I cannot change.

What’s my go-to source of strength when things get tough?

A few different things…

Thinking of others, who found a way to stay strong, in spite of life’s challenges.

The “Laura Hillenbrand” example:

Minoo Jha

 · 6y

What is your inspiration, that helps you "never give up"?

Hi, You asked, What is your inspiration, that helps you "never give up"? Surprisingly, a recurring inspiration is Laura Hillenbrand, and a few others who fought off debilitating illnesses, while they pursued their passion or purpose. The list started with 1) an advertising friend, 2) Dan Ariely 3) Laura Hillenbrand, and recently has grown to include St Julie of Billiart, and the Hole in the Donut, travel-blogging gal. However Laura Hillenbrand is the dominating figure, and the most recurring inspiration for me. Perhaps because of the extreme success she achieved, in spite of having a debilitating illness. She wrote the books Sea Biscuit and Unbroken. Both Sea Biscuit and Unbroken were NYT best-sellers which were made into movies. The movies were box-office successes. What people may not know was that Laura Hillenbrand wrote these books while being house-bound, and suffering from devastating Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. For over 20 years - from the age of 23 till when she was nearly 50 - Laura Hillenbrand never left the house, and spent most of her time in bed, because of a bad case of CFS and vertigo. Whenever she had energy, she would get up and read material for the book she was writing. She would also make telephone calls to the people whose story she was writing about, since both her books were based on real stories. In this way, she completed her first book, and then her second book. Talk about being successful, without ever leaving the house. Every time, I feel too sick to write a blog post, or pursue my passion or purpose, I remember Laura Hillenbrand’s example, and I am able to find the grit and resilience in myself, to plow on.

Thinking of other inspiring examples of people, who found a way to turn setbacks into comebacks, besides Laura Hillenbrand.

The “Steven Stosny” and “Grantland Rice” example:

Minoo Jha

 · 2y

I have a setback in life and I want to make a comeback. what should I do?

Story 1 - Setback into Comeback Once upon a time there was a little boy. When he was 3 years old, his dad was plastering a wall at his house. Innocently - and not knowing what he was doing, the boy poked a finger into the damp plaster. His dad saw him do it from across the room and got mad. In a rage, his dad threw a roof shingle across the room at him. The roof shingle pierced the boy’s head and lodged in his skull. He had to be rushed to the hospital for an emergency surgery. The boy grew up with the memory of this terrible incident, as well as other incidents caused by his father’s rages. Growing up, he was a constant witness to, and a victim of his father’s abuse of himself and his mother. He observed how his mother handled his father's rages with compassion. When he became an adult, the boy chose to pursue psychology. He has interested in anger, and the underlying causes for violent expressions of anger. His studies and research pointed to low self-esteem being the cause of anger. People who were angry harbored severe feelings of shame and guilt - coupled with a lack of empathy for other people’s feelings. He understood low self esteem was at the heart of many violent crimes. He decided to dedicate his life to helping people successfully deal with, and overcome their anger issues. His successes include some of the most hardened criminals in the justice system. His name is Steven Stosny, or more formally, Dr. Steven Stosny. He is a living example of how to turn a setback into a comeback. If someone does something to us, we should never think we have only 2 choices, one of which is to run away and seek refuge in something, the other to strike back. Fight or flight are not are only answers. What Dr. Stosny teaches us (and his clients) is that there is a third way, which is developing compassion for ourselves, and for all those who make us suffer, or have made us suffer. Story 2: Setback Into Comeback In 1918, when the US entered World War 1, a man enlisted in the US army as a private. He was 38 years old and had already amassed a fortune of $75,000. Concerned that he may not come back from the war, he gave his savings to his best friend for safe-keeping. The war took many lives, but mercifully, his life was spared, and when he was released from duty, which was 14 months later, he was ready to begin his old life again. One of the first things he did, on his release, was to visit his friend to get his money. Bad news was waiting for him at his friend’s house. His friend had committed suicide, and left his wife a widow. His friend's widow told him, his friend had put both his own money, and the money they had, in a worthless investment, and lost it all. The shame and grief over the loss had been too much for his friend, and he took his own life. What do you think the ex-Army Private did? He accepted the blame for putting “that much temptation” in his friend’s way, and made monthly contributions to the man’s widow, for the next 30 years. The man’s name was Grantland Rice. He was the most famous sportswriter of his time. Even if you don't know his name, you will definitely know these words which he penned – “For when the One Great Scorer comes To mark against your name, He writes - not that you won or lost - But HOW you played the Game.” There’s another way to turn a setback into a comeback. Story 3 - Setback into Comeback In 1990, a 22 year old student of Kenyon College, Ohio, was riding in a car - when she got an attack of nausea. The nausea continued over days and weeks and months, and was soon accompanied by severe aches and pains - from head to toe, incapacitating her. After months of going to doctors, they would eventually diagnose her condition as chronic fatigue syndrome. She dropped out of college, and from then on, her life became that of a house-bound invalid. In such a condition, many would throw up their hands, and say, “I am an invalid; that’s all my life is good for”. But the girl did not do that. She picked a subject that interested her - and started writing a book. Unable to leave the house, she did all her research at home – either by going online, or via the phone. She turned out a best-seller. Her book was on the New York Times Non-Fiction Best-Seller list for 30 weeks, and was made into a hit movie in 2003. Still home-bound, she started to work on a new book soon after. Her second book was also a hit, # 1 on the New York Times Non-Fiction Best-Seller List for 52 weeks. It was picked up by Angelina Jolie, and made into a film. The girl’s name is Laura Hillenbrand, and the books are Sea Biscuit and Unbroken, movies of which you may have seen. 3 inspiring examples of people who turned setbacks into comebacks. What’s yours?

Thinking of the previous tough times I’ve been through, and what steps I took to cope.

The “depression I had in my 30’s” example:

Minoo Jha

 · 4y

What was your big life reality check?

Realizing I was successful outside, but miserable inside. In fact, as I was soon to discover, I was not just miserable, I was in the throes of a clinical depression. I survived and came out stronger. Here’s the story, as written about on my blog: If Life is So Good, Why Do I Feel So Sad? When Depression Hits! In my thirties, I suffered a depression. Here's what I learned from going through the experience and coming out stronger and happier the other side... Depression can strike even when times are good! By good, I mean really, really good. The year leading up to my depression was my best ever. A seasoned Advertising Copywriter, my creative consultancy (appropriately called Purple Patch) was thriving. Octopus-like, I had my tentacles in several different agencies and clients in Chennai. From O&M to Sistas BSB and Everest to Goldwire on the agency side. From Apollo Hospitals to Hill Country Resorts and Equifax to Strawberry Stripes on the client side. There was so much work, that in addition to the freelance copywriters and art directors I had on call, I was able to hire a bunch of my students from Loyola College where I was guest lecturing on Copywriting and put them on my payroll. I was out and about a lot in those days. I remember speaking at events like the USIS Career Fair. To make a long story short, there was no shortage of money, time, challenge or professional prestige. Yet it was right in the middle of all this, that my depression took hold. Depression can strike even when you are taking really good care of yourself! At the time of my depression, you may think I was leading an unhealthy lifestyle. Eating too much. Or too little. Sleeping too much. Or too little. Stressed out, perhaps? And not getting enough exercise. Perish the thought. I had successfully turned vegetarian 2 years prior. And I worked out for an hour every single day of the week I did aerobics with Kamlesh 3 times a week. And strength training at a gym the other 4 days of the week. Plus I was doing well enough to pay for a masseuse to come to my house and give me a one-hour massage every 2 weeks. Unfortunately, this healthy lifestyle wasn't able to protect me. Depression is quite arbitrary in that sense. Depression can strike even with a supportive partner by your side! I had married a man whom I had known for years and years. He really appealed to my feminist side. He cooked, he was self-sufficient. He did not have any double standards. And he was calm, good-natured and cheerful at all times. It should have amounted to a kind of insurance against depression. But it didn't. Depression won't make you any less able to function! This was both a boon and a curse. I probably generated the most income I have ever generated in my life during my depression. I was able to meet clients, make calls, attend meetings, supervise my team, get work done, pay my bills, deal with my bank and my tax consultant. I was quite unimpaired in terms of being able to carry out the activities of life. What no one knew was that there was no joy and I was dying inside. No one ever guessed because... Depression is easy to hide! Like any socialized adult, I had successfully learned to mask my feelings long before the depression struck. So when it did, I was able to keep it completely secret. In fact, the only people who knew about it were the people I chose to tell. Thank heavens I did decide to tell them. Were it not for that, I wonder how much more protracted my suffering would have been. Thanks to one of my confidants (and believe me, it was really hard to reveal to her that there was all this numbness and emptiness and crying below the successful exterior), I was able to figure out I was going through a depression and then find a therapist. Finally, depression can strike even if there's meaning in your life! You might be tempted to think that it was all the focus on money-making that did me in. But when you learn the facts, you'll see how that wasn't it either. My needs being simple, I was a donor and participant in several different causes around the time of my depression. I sponsored a lunch at an orphanage. I sponsored the purchase of toiletries for the residents of an old age home. I sponsored 2 Blood Banks for Bank of Baroda, Alwarpet which was my bank at the time. I was also on call to donate blood and still remember the hemophiliac mother-to-be who was about to deliver a baby that I was called upon to donate blood to. I was a loving, dutiful daughter and also regularly visited my family in Bangalore. And for one of my mom's birthdays, I flew down with a really special gift. I had printed 200 copies of her book of poetry, "A Twig In a Torrent" in hardback. But you can't buy immunity from a depression in any currency, including soul currency. Is this tale depressing you? Don't let it... The good news is when a depression ends - it really ends. At the time I was depressed, I thought I may never smile again. But I got myself into therapy. And agreed to the treatment prescribed. In spite of not having much faith or respect for it. It included Psychotherapy. An Anti-depressant. A pill to sleep. B-Complex injections. And instructions to revisit all the decisions I had made in my life. I still remember this oft-repeated sentence of the therapist: - "Believe me, in a few years, you are going to be grateful for this depression. It is going to make you make a happier, more fulfilled person." She was right. Though there were casualties - my marriage, my copywriting career, my business, my vegetarianism, and my life in India were all impacted, I have lived more meaningfully and consciously with every passing year since. And I have never looked back! It took me great courage to write this post. But I decided to do it anyway. Because I want people to know that there is a rainbow at the end of the depression cloud. A rainbow with beautiful colors. Which only a person who has had a depression and comes out of it is able to perceive. If you suspect you are suffering from a depression...the important thing is to talk about it to somebody. To seek help. And to put one foot in front of the other until you are over it. Don't over analyze the gene theory, the childhood trauma theory, or other causative factors - focus on getting well with medicine and psychotherapy. May you Live Well and Thrive!

Finding ways to remind myself, like all other troubles, “this too shall pass”.

The “This too shall pass” example:

Vibify

 · 

2y

How can we force ourselves to think positive?

Should you keep yourself busy So there’s no room in your head Should you plug your ears, so you won’t hear Anything that brings you dread? __ Should you occupy yourself with toys Play games and have fun So though fires and floods might happen round you You find out only when they’ve ended, and not when they’ve begun? __ Should like the king, you get yourself a ring on which there are the words, “this too shall pass” So you can look at it when you are happy, or when you are sad And it helps you understand, that neither joy nor sorrow lasts? __ All these are ideas that you may consider And I also have some more Because the longer you live, the more you realize That life has both joys and sorrows in store.

Making sure that I do the right things, and not the wrong things.

The “taking some of my own medicine for job loss, relationship stress, and other life challenges” example:

Minoo Jha

 · 6y

What advice would you give an unemployed person?

Hi, You asked, What advice do you have for someone who's about to be jobless? This is to be read in in advance of and immediately after you become jobless. 1. Think of your blessings. Even a simple thing like the presence of loving pets, loving friends and family, or having a comfortable living situation, is a blessing. Improve your outlook by thinking of all your current blessings. 2. Express positive thoughts out aloud. Tell people what you have learned about your situation. Tell them what’s good about the fact this happened to you. The more positive things you think and say about what happened to you, the more positive will be your future thoughts, feelings, and communication. The more positive things you think and say about your situation, the more improved will be your outlook, and optimism about the future. 3. Take positive action. Instead of isolating, connect. Connect on the phone. Connect for coffee and conversation. Connect with individuals or groups who will revive your spirits. Connect for a cause you believe in. There are so many ways to connect. 4. Express gratitude. If your situation is a result of other people having done something to you, try to think of the good things they did, before the negative event happened. Maybe you can even write a thank you letter or note of appreciation to them, acknowledging those good things. You can write the letter and keep it, or write the letter and mail it. Either way, its impact will be immediate. You will feel better both about yourself, and about them. 5. Keep yourself fit. Get a gym membership and sign up for a pumped up gym class. Try a new style of haircut. Pay attention to your grooming. Keep your appearance smart and sharp. 6. Make ‘not working’ work for you. Turn it into an advantage. If you are not working, think about the fact most people become their healthiest and most resourceful when they are not working. This is because they have the time to work out, and eat right, and think of ideas. You can become part of this wonderful statistic. 7. Do something positive every day. Do something positive in at least one area in your life every day – something good for your career, or good for your health, or good for your relationships, or good for your personal development, or good for your emotional balance. It may be something as simple as taking your dog for a walk, working on a creative project, cooking something, reading an uplifting book, or working in your garden. 8. Talk to the right people. Talk to friends or family who believe in you. They will remind you of your strength and your abilities, and it will help you stay positive and keep negative thoughts at bay. 9. Pick up a pen and list all your achievements. Write down all the amazing things you have accomplished in your life. Write down the disadvantages you overcame to achieve each of those accomplishments. Put dates against each milestone, and record the wonderful results and events associated with each milestone. 10. Read and watch positive & inspiring material. Find material which encourages you and energizes you. Find material which teaches you to become smarter and wiser and less afraid. Listen to and watch this material again and again and again. Make the messages part of your DNA. 11. Bring back your sense of perspective. You may be able to say, “If this had not happened to me, I wouldn’t have learned to value the things that matter most.” 12. Do things which give you a sense of control. Do things which will give you an “I’ve got this” feeling. Clean up your house, clear your backyard, get up to date with your medical appointments and financial obligations. 13. Find the silver lining in your situation. Can your tough times made you simpler, freer, bolder, wiser, more creative, and more appreciative? What’s not to like about that? 14. Create joy for others. Cook a meal for someone, ask someone to join you for a walk, or for happy hour. Spreading joy is a great way to feel good when times are tough. 15. Grab a pen and think of some ideas. Put down some ideas of what you can do in your current situation. How can you use your time, your energy, your resources? Some really creative ideas and insights can come out of putting on your thinking cap. 16. Surrender your problem to a higher power. This sounds counter-intuitive, but it is proven. It has worked for many others. It could work for you. 17. Finally, be hopeful. Remind yourself of the wisdom of ‘This Too Shall Pass’. No matter, what you are going through, it will pass.

Finally, talking it over with trusted people, always makes me think of my situation less catastrophically, and makes me more hopeful - able to believe I have the inner strength to deal with the problem...it's just a question of time.

The “challenges of a new immigrant” and other examples:

Minoo Jha

 · 6y

Describe a situation when you received some useful advice?

Hi, You asked, Describe a situation when you received some useful advice? Here is some situation-specific advice I received from my own family members that I am very grateful for… Family Advice I Am Grateful For Wise words to one immigrant sister from another... When I first came to the US, it was tough going. I didn’t know how to cook. I didn’t know how to drive. I didn’t know how to do laundry. I didn’t have job-ready skills like Microsoft Word & Excel. I was overwhelmed. To calm me down, my sister Rosie said “think of yourself as a tourist in this country- you can go back at any time” It was sound advice because I was suffering from all the things that go with making a change. What Anatole France describes as follows: All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. When the best advice was to prioritize... When I was feeling low at one point of time and was distraught because I did not know what to focus on, my sister Chris said to me “Pay attention to the one thing that is bothering you the most and ignore everything else”. The prescription really helped. In telling me to do this, my sister was wisely echoing these words from Denis Waitley, who said: Don't be a time manager, be a priority manager. Cut your major goals into bite-sized pieces. Each small priority or requirement on the way to an ultimate goal become a mini goal in itself. Or these words from Russell M Nelson: Your life will be a blessed and balanced experience if you first honor your identity and priority. Reading: an asset you may not be aware of... There was a time I was between jobs. I was visiting with my sis Betty and told her about all the personal finance books I was reading. She said “you should put this on your resume”. Ever since that pronouncement, I came to see my reading not just as a hobby, but as a strength. If I am able to blog so frequently today, it’s because I am able to dip into the books I read for ideas and topics. Sometimes I attract new readers to my blog because of a book I’ve read and blogged about. Take the case of Wabi Sabi Simple. If not for this post, I would never have got to know reader Aarathi. She read it and commented on it because it struck a chord with her. Ever since, she has been a regular visitor to and lively commenter on my blog. So thanks to the one in our family we refer to as Mother Superior. As Russell Banks aptly said: But really, it was reading that led me to writing. And in particular, reading the American classics like Twain who taught me at an early age that ordinary lives of ordinary people can be made into high art. Stop trading, start investing... Once, I went to my B-I-L Pete for investing advice. My head was full of theories like the Dogs of the Dow theory. He said been there, done that, handed me the Morning Star Mutual Funds Binder and gently advised me that index funds were the way to go. Like all novice investors, I did not heed this advice initially, though I did eventually (after some trading flare-outs). Was it James M. Barrie who said - Life is a long lesson in humility? Analysis paralysis... The B-I-L Mohammed continuously spouts so much wisdom (and flatulence jokes in equal measure - which I've talked about in earlier posts), it’s kind of hard to settle on just one piece of advice from him to talk about, but I’ll pick one. At one time, when I was battling a depression, he suggested I get out of my head, stop reading so many books and stop over analyzing things so much. At the time he said this, it was excellent advice and this quote by Karen Horney is the same advice clothed in different words: Fortunately analysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself remains a very effective therapist.