What is your formula for life?

Here's what I can say about my formula for life...

I have become much clearer about some things.

One, I’ve learned I can admire something without desiring it.

For instance, I can admire a beautiful home, without desiring to own a beautiful home, myself.

I enjoy visiting other people’s homes, but I have no desire at all, to own such a home myself, because of all the things that come with owning a beautiful home: payments, utility bills, upkeep, maintenance, repairs, cleaning, safety, security.

So that’s something I’ve learned about myself.

Two, I’ve learned that some things are preferences to me, and some are deal-breakers.

For instance, I might prefer to rent a room with an attached bathroom, but having an attached bathroom is not a deal-breaker.

However, noise is a deal-breaker for me.

So is parking inconvenience.

I would not consider a rental situation, where safe, convenient parking is hard to find.

Nor will I rent a room, in a house which is on a slope, because that too, would be a parking nightmare for me.

In all areas of my life, including how I spend my leisure time, I have the same distinctions - preferences vs deal breakers.

They are a light on my path, and guide my decisions.

Three, I got this from Ron Baker (whom you may know from the Soul of Enterprise podcasts), and I thank him for that - value is subjective, and price is contextual.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

Value is subjective:

One person may value flexibility to come and go as they please in a job, or to work from home, another person may value money, more challenging job content, and a higher position.

In my American work life, which included raising a young child, and for a while, having to take my mother to her various appointments, I valued flexibility to work from home most.

What was valuable to me will not be valuable to a young single with no family responsibilities, or to an empty nester, whose children have grown up, and who has no caregiving responsibilities.

Price is contextual:

Let me explain this as well.

If it's a hot day, you are thirsty, and you are far from a regular store, maybe in an amusement park, or at a tourist spot,  or at a concert, how much would you be prepared to pay for a bottle of water?

Even a price-gouging price, right?

So I pay higher prices for goods and services, depending on the context.

Normally, one would book 2 months in advance for a trip by air.

I have bought air tickets without regard for price, because of an opportunity to go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip.

I will give you another example.

You may pay more to have a cup of coffee in an exclusive cafe with a wonderful ambiance, just because of the history of the cafe (it's in a palace), or the ambiance.

You can probably think of 'price is contextual' examples in your own life as well.

Four, I operate with a distinction between "my rules" and "the rules".

Let me explain.

For example, ‘the rules” say job security and job stability are more important than anything else.

‘My rules’ say something different.

‘My rules’ say job security and job stability are not worth sacrificing one's freedom for.

So because I value freedom over security, I am a freelancer in my field.

Let me give you a non career-related example.

This is from the movie Chariots of Fire, that you may have watched, and been inspired by.

In the movie, Eric Liddell refuses to participate in the 1924 Paris Olympic heats, because they are on the sabbath day.

He is not prepared to sacrifice his values, in spite of all the pressure put on him.

He has a personal definition of success, that will not allow him to sacrifice his values, whatever he stands to lose, however angry it makes people.

I have a personal definition of success too.

Which is why, I live the way I live.

People may look at me, and my lifestyle, and decide “Minoo, while I admire you, I have no desire to be in your shoes; to be a freelancer, and go from assignment to assignment, like you do. Or to live such a minimalistic lifestyle, as you do”.

That’s fine.

I came to where I am, some of it, due to accidents of circumstance, some of it, due to accidents of events.

They were happy accidents, as far as I am concerned.

Before you go running out to copy cat me, or to imitate anyone else's lifestyle and choices, it is important to note, there is an age and stage in life for everything.

It is for each one of us, to craft our own definition of success, at each age and stage of our life.

Minoo Jha

 · 3y

If you know several successful people, what is something that they all have in common?

They all understand that success is personal… All of us are unique. One size doesn't fit all. Not only do we have different geographical backgrounds, we come from different families and cultures. Our genetic and environmental make up is different. What each one of us was exposed to as children, was different. We have had different kinds of schooling. We've been raised in different kinds of families and homes. We've been part of different communities and cultures. Because we spent our childhoods doing different things, and facing different circumstances, we grew up learning different lessons. We grew up absorbing different values. Naturally, the options we think we have are different. The things we are willing to do are different. The things we are able to do are different. We have different fears and concerns. We have different interests and drives. We have different goals and priorities. Quite naturally, the challenges we feel we are up to taking on, will also be different. For all these reasons, it's important for each of us to develop a personal definition of success. This definition should be valid for you, and you alone. I had a rough childhood, where I rarely got a good night's sleep, because my dad had a drinking problem and would be up all night creating scenes. So part of my definition of success is a good night's sleep. Your unique background, your unique education, your unique experiences and experiments, your unique circumstances, and of course your unique dreams and talents, should all figure in crafting your definition of success. Is it that you were the only one to blaze a trail in your family? Is it that you got through your teenage and early adult years without messing up your life? Is it that you have been able to go with the flow, and make a living taking on different challenges? Is it that whatever you touch, you have always made your investment of time, money, and energy pay off? Is it that you have been able to achieve some things that are important to you, such as work flexibility, or work-life balance, or good health? Is it that you have been able to live simply? Is it that you have been able to go from strength to strength in your field? Is it that you have never let a disabling illness or condition stop you from doing the things you want to do? Is it that you have reinvented yourself through different jobs? Is it that, no matter the life blows, you have never lost your faith in God or humankind, or yourself? Is it that you have made some tough sacrifices you never thought you would make? It is that you are a good friend, a good parent, a good child, or a good brother or sister? Is it that you have never let failures and setbacks keep you down? Is it that you have been steadily able to command more and more respect as a person? Success to you may be succeeding in a field where you are a minority. Success to you may be knowing you have conquered some fears or weaknesses to become a better, or stronger person. Success to you may be dealing with a tough situation, without going to pieces, or losing your compassion. You don't have to let other people's definitions of success determine your life. You know who you are. You know what you have been able to do. Most important of all, you know what still remains to be done. Here’s someone who has his own unique definition of success:

And then to live it.

And to craft a new definition of success, when we are at a new age or stage of life.

A new idea may take hold of us, a new spirit may infuse us.

Or, an accident of circumstance, or an accident of event, may demand we choose a different course.

It then falls to us, to write a new formula for our life.

And then to live it.

I am glad, I revisited the formula for my life, and came around to where I am today.

Now, my goal is to stay committed, and to that end, I've made a promise to my future self…

Minoo Jha

 · 5y

How do you keep a promise you made to yourself?

Hi, You asked, Do you have any tips on keeping the promises one makes to themselves? Write a letter to your future self on Future Me. By putting something in writing, you make your intention clear to yourself. I wrote a letter to my Future Self on my blog. Reprinting it in full below: Dear Future Self, I have tilled the soil. I have planted the seeds. I have watered the saplings. I have done all the things I need to do for you to have a good life. You now just have to keep it going. If you stick with the habits I have set, you will be in good shape. Sleep a minimum of 8 hours. Do cardio and strength training. Carve out time for healthy activities in your routine. Maintain the diet that is right for you. The one that was right for me was a low carb diet. I dodged the diabetes bullet by doing that. Keep stress at bay. Mental health is as important as physical health. Use tools to calm yourself down when you get anxious. Take a walk or have a shower or a massage, do some stretches, or play a game. Talk to someone on the phone. Remember, no matter what you do to prevent bad things from happening to you, you can't avoid bad things altogether. Our Younger Self didn't know how to deal with bad things. She fretted and fumed and over reacted to each crisis. She had to say or do something almost immediately. Whereas I have found that if you let hours (and sometimes days) go by without saying or doing anything, things that seem bad when they happen, become something you can move on from and forget. Meditation and having a spiritual life have helped me tremendously in this regard. I wish I had learned to meditate earlier. Our Younger Self didn't have the benefit of meditation, or a spiritual life, unfortunately for her. Regards work, including housework, try to approach everything you do with a service heart and a servant heart. I do that regularly in my Commissions Consulting work, and outside of my Commissions Consulting work. It has won the hearts of many people in my life, including my clients. Value is another mantra you should adopt. Look to deliver value in everything you do. Now by that, I don't mean show off how clever and smart you are. I mean look to being useful to other people and being concerned with their problems rather than yours. Value may be as simple as lending a ear when other people have something to say without stealing the conversation back to your concerns. Live simply and be prudent with money. I have been wise, careful, and frugal, to ensure you will be okay. Slow and steady and restrained is the way to go. Stick with my prescription for simplicity in investing - as in life - and you will be okay. As to your free time, spend it doing the things that mean the most to you. One of my favorite things to do costs no money at all. I like to write. I currently write a blog. I also write for my Commission Administration clients. Commission Process documents, User Guides, and FRDs may not sound creative and fun, but they are extremely useful and valuable to my clients. There is a chance it will be your hobby too. Who knows where that hobby will take you. Life is full of surprises. Thanks to an old advertising friend, I was able to dip my toe back into advertising copy recently after many years. I was able to write two brochures all in the span of a few weekends. One of the clients when he saw the brochure immediately said it was brilliant. It made my heart sing to know I still had it in me. Our Younger Self has to get some of the credit. Our Younger Self wrote a Money Workshop for 4th - 6th graders. Our Younger Self completed a Toastmasters CTM. Speeches and course content could lead to new avenues. I keep a ear out for new avenues. For example, on a recent Being Freelance podcast, a freelancer mentioned he uses his Virtual Assistant to help him with some of his communications. I said….aha now there's another avenue. You should do this too. Keep a ear out for new avenues - to contribute, to make life more interesting, to make a little money, to have fun. Finally, focus on being the best human being you can be. Not the best writer, or best dresser, or best cook, or best host, or best homemaker, or best church goer…but the best human being. I am talking about patience and honesty and kindness and humility and forgiveness and understanding and being a good listener, those kinds of things. You won't get it right immediately. If something as simple as cooking rice takes several tries to get right, imagine how many more tries might be involved in becoming a more patient or a more understanding human being. Maybe a lifetime. Don't be afraid of making mistakes, or messing up. I make mistakes and mess up all the time. When I make mistakes or mess up, I get back up on my feet and keep trying. You need to keep doing that too. I sincerely believe life gets better as we get older. Lovingly, Your Past Self

Crying and smiling go hand in hand

Joys and sorrows
Light and darkness

Learning and yearning
Playing and studying
Working and relaxing
Spending and saving

Caring for and being cared for
__

Soon after you are born
You understand
Crying and smiling go hand in hand
Crying and smiling
Hand in hand
You cry and you smile
Even though you barely understand.
__

Crying and smiling go hand in hand.
__

When you start growing,
In spite of your developing knowing
Crying and smiling still go hand in hand
Crying and smiling
Hand in hand
Crying and smiling
Hand in hand.
__

As you get older
Your accumulated experience, knowledge, and skills makes you more confident and bolder
But crying and smiling still go hand in hand
Crying and smiling
Hand in hand.
__

And then adulthood arrives
With the responsibilities of life
And you find that crying and smiling still go hand in hand
Crying and smiling.
Hand in hand.
Crying and smiling.
Hand in hand.
__

Job, marriage, family, happen in succession
Taking their place in early, normal, or fast progression
And crying and smiling still go hand in hand
Crying and smiling
Hand in hand
Crying and smiling
Hand in hand.
__

And it's only when wisdom
Takes you by the hand.
When wisdom walks with you
That you begin to understand
That for every one of your life's tribulations and cares
There are consolations at hand
Big and small,

There are consolations at hand.
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Tears will be followed by smiles.

Some smiles will come quickly.
Some will take awhile.
But tears will be followed by smiles.

There are consolations at hand.
__

And that is when you understand
What wisdom means
It means navigating the good times and the bad
It means navigating the happy and the sad
And this is when you understand
For every one of your cares, big and small, there are consolations at hand.
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And that's when you accept, that in life, smiling and crying go hand in hand.
Hand in hand.
And you are called upon to love life
Through its jubilations and tribulations.
Because they go hand in hand.
__

It is part and parcel of the plan.

__

Crying and smiling go hand in hand.

Stay Curious

When you fail to impress

Stay curious.

__

If someone doesn't like the way you talk, where you are from, or the way you dress

Stay curious.

__

When you struggle for words

Stay curious.

__

When you read about, hear about, or experience, things which are surprising, uncomfortable, or unheard 

Stay curious.

__

For everything that takes place at home, in your community, on the national or international stage, at work, or at school

Stay curious.

__

When things change, and go against the expected systems and rules

Stay curious.

__

When health issues persist, in spite of everything you do

Stay curious.

__

When people do something, you would never do

Stay curious.

__

When your efforts do not pay off, or bear sufficient fruit

Stay curious.

__

When you find that you are the odd one out, in an idea, argument, or dispute

Stay curious.

__

When everyone wants you to listen to them, but no one wants to hear what you have to say

Stay curious.

__

When people try to cajole you into thinking their way

Stay curious.

__

When insults and hurtful names are leveled at you

Stay curious.

__

When you are accused of hating family, community, faith, or country, because of thinking the way you do

Stay curious.

__

Because, it's true, my friend

It's true,

In many circumstances in life,

almost in any circumstance in life,

the smartest thing to do,

amidst all the confusion,

all the cynicism,

and all the conflicting thoughts, and ideas that are presented to you,

the smartest, (and the most gracious, I dare say) thing to do

is for you

...to stay curious.

__

Stay curious, my friend.

Stay curious.

Can you provide some examples of people who are passionate individuals, and explain why they are passionate about what they are involved in?

Elon Musk and Mark Cuban are tech entrepreneurs, who are passionate about whatever they are involved in.

As to why they are passionate, it is my belief they see the puzzles that still remain to be solved, and the possibility of solving those puzzles excites them, and engages them.

We are all puzzle solvers, in one way or another.

And if we look at problems as puzzles to be solved, rather than things that frustrate us, or devastate us, we will have a better way of dealing with those problems…

Minoo Jha

 · 5y

What should you expect from your life?

Hi, You asked, What are some things that are expected in life? Problems are to be expected in life. How you handle your problems is key to living a good life. Here’s my advice… See problems as puzzles to be solved. Don't see problems as something to ignore. Nor should you see problems as something to complain about, moan and groan about, or to throw money, emotional energy, angst and sleepless nights, fretting and fuming at. If you want to live a better life, start seeing all problems as puzzles to be solved, rather than monsters over which you have no control. Learn to ask questions. Learn to seek solutions. Learn to put on your thinking hat, and tackle the problem. Don't let it grow and become a bigger problem. You should do this, even if you find the problem embarrassing. Don't suffer in private, because you can't risk someone knowing you have a problem. Don't let the problem get worse and worse in secret. Don't let a small problem grow into a giant problem. Get help as soon as you can. Find out who can help you. Find out what steps you can take. Find out how others have overcome the problem. You can be too private for your own good. When I first got depressed, I decided to stay quiet about it. I didn't want to risk my image. Everyone thought I was a person who had it all. I didn't want to blow this image. I wanted keep my image intact. It was such that my image mattered more than the truth. My image mattered more than my suffering. My image mattered more than the reality of my life. The reality was I was not myself emotionally. I was waking up every morning and bursting into tears. But I didn't want anyone to know that. I couldn't bear the idea. All I cared about was “my image”. My image was that of a “successful advertising consultant who had it all - money, success, a happy marriage.” On the whisper circuit, I was rumored to be "the best paid advertising copywriter in the city". I desperately wanted to keep the image going. Even at the risk of becoming more and more of a basket case. I kept my depression secret for months. I hoped it would just vanish. It had mysteriously come on. I hoped it would just as mysteriously go away. Except…it didn't. I finally picked up the courage to speak up and tell someone. One that day, as usual I got up in the morning and burst into tears. But on this day, I called a friend and told her. I said, "……(her name), I don't know what is happening. Every morning I wake up and start crying." She said, "It's a clinical depression, Minoo. I had it some years ago". "I will give you the name and phone number of a psychiatrist," she added. I shuddered at the words "psychiatrist". There are some problems no one likes to admit to - a financial problem, an addiction problem, a hoarding problem, an embarrassing cosmetic problem, a weight problem, sexually related illnesses, a marital problem. A mental health problem is in that category. It is hard to admit to. But I was relieved after I spoke up. The very first person I talked to had been through what I was going through, and was able to point me in the direction of a solution. You know how my depression story turned out. I covered it in a post I wrote a few posts ago on my blog, and in my post If Life Is So Good, Why Do I Feel So Sad? I was successfully able to resolve it and get past it. How can anything be solved if you keep it under wraps? Whatever the problem, you have a better chance if you seek help and look for solutions. You should look at every problem in your life as a puzzle to be solved. By seeking answers and solutions, ideas will come to you, and you will discover things you can try. So here’s what you do when problems arise in your life… You would be wise not to ignore it. You would be wise not to minimize it. You would be wise not to let it whirl around and around in your head, without doing anything about it. Even if you are uncomfortable - you need to talk about it, and get some inputs and strategies. Find someone and share your problem with them. The worst that will happen is they will say they can't help – because they don't have any expertise or resources in that area. But they may point you to people and resources that can be of help to you. You may need professional help, like I did. So take out a piece of paper. First thing you should do is write down what your problem is. Then make a list of the things you can do about it. Make a list of people you can talk to, and other ways to get information. And after you have talked to people, and done your research, pick a solution and start putting it to work. If the first solution doesn't work, try another. If that doesn't work, try another. This is how, sooner or later, you will make strides towards resolving your problem. Even problems you have had for years and years. A friend of mine told me what inspired her to become so interested in, and inspired by, nutrition. She had eczema as a child. Her parents had taken her to doctor after doctor, and they had tried treatment after treatment. Nothing worked. When she was in her early twenties, she decided to radically change her diet. She started eating raw foods instead of processed foods. Her eczema went away. Her eczema had been a constant companion all of her childhood and teenage years, but she was able to find a solution in her 20s. So even if a problem has been a constant companion all your life - you know my advice… See it as a puzzle to be solved. So, in conclusion, problems are to be expected in life, but if you see them as puzzles to be solved, rather than something to moan and groan about, you will be a victor rather than a victim, a hero rather than a drama king or drama queen.

Another example are those who like to create, or those who want to achieve a higher level of a skill they enjoy.  

From crochet to cooking, from cricut to calligraphy, from craft beer to concerts, and a whole lot more, those who like to create are passionate about creating.

From bridge to piano, from gym activities to all kinds of sports, those who want to achieve a higher level of a skill they enjoy, are passionate in their pursuit of that.

They are passionate, because they have a vision of what they want to create, and are eager to see their creation take form. Or they are passionate, because a higher level of skill, involves applying more thinking, and more understanding, and more technique.

A third example of those who are passionate, are those involved in activism.

The reason they are passionate, is because the goal is too important, not to be passionate about.

The end of human or animal suffering, or injustice, is at stake.

A better world is at stake.

Example would be Abraham Lincoln, who was passionate about ending slavery.

Example would be Elizabeth Cady Stanton, who was passionate about US women being allowed to vote.

Example would be Mahatma Gandhi, who was passionate about India’s independence.

Example would be Martin Luther King, a leader in the American Civil Rights movement.

Example would be Nelson Mandela, a leader in South Africa’s civil and human rights movement.

An example from our times, would be Ralph Nader, passionate about reducing car accident injuries and fatalities.

Another example from our times, would be Pete Singer, a leader in both human and animal rights, and in the relief of human and animal suffering.

We need all 3 types of people.

The ones who want to make a better world through technology.

The ones who like to create, and delight and awe us with their creations, or with their performance.

And the ones who understand that human and animal suffering is often caused by oppression and neglect, and callousness, and injustice, and ignorance, and poor regulations, which are outside the realm of being solved by technology, and can only be addressed through education, and activism, and political and social change, and everyday people doing their bit to reduce that suffering.

Among them, are everyday people, I am proud to know.

Such as a friend in India, who is passionate about ensuring that fire safety is designed into as many structures in India, as possible, having suffered a family tragedy due to fire safety regulations being ignored.

And friends who are passionate about addressing the callousness and neglect of stray dogs in India, and who give of themselves passionately to this cause.

What are the things you care about, and how can you bring more passion to them?

I will leave you with that question today.