The Empty Seats At Our Table

The empty seats at our table

Are there to remind us all

That our days on earth are marked

And to another plane our souls will be called.

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The empty seats at our table

Are there to tell us life is too precious to make a fuss

So instead of making big things out of nothing

We should learn to treasure every minute that has been given to us.

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The empty seats at our table

Are there to tell us to choose our words and actions well

So that we leave our loved ones, and those who survive us

A lot of smiles and happy memories on which to dwell.

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The empty seats at our table

Are there to remind us that every life is a mixture of happy and sad

And in spite of our troubles, illnesses, and losses

The good will have outweighed the bad.

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The empty seats at our table

Are there to tell us that after we are gone, our ideas and thoughts may not survive

So we should express as many of our ideas and thoughts as we can to those who matter to us, and to those who will benefit from them

While we are still alive.

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The empty seats at our table

Are there to tell us to we should not leave anything undone

We should say the things we need to say, and do the things we have to do

To secure the peace, joy, and future of our loved ones.

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The empty seats at our table

Are there to tell us that every life leaves a mark

And that our lives are not for nothing

Even when the trajectory of our lives goes dark.

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The empty seats at our table

Are there to comfort us that once we are gone

People will remember the best of us

And make sure each one of us leaves with a swan song.

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Yes, the empty seats at our table

Are there not just to leave a pang and an ache, and nothing else

But rather, they are there to make us think and reflect

And to live out our days as wiser and happier selves.

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Mummy and Daddy, Angie and James, Arun and David, we miss you. The empty seats at our table are there to remind us of what we lost, when we lost each one of you. Remembering you today. And sending flying kisses up to you in heaven and the plane to which your souls have ascended.

Life Without Expectations

What does life feel like without expectations?

Life is more fun.

It you bet your happiness on your expectations, it's harder to enjoy life.

Life is unpredictable.

If you have too many expectations, you won't be able to handle life's unpredictability.

The larger the group of people you are amongst, the bigger or more complex the events or the circumstances, the more likely, unexpected things will happen.

You expect people to do this. But they do that.

If departures from your expectations typically lead to showdowns, you are not cut out to do things with other people.

Laura Ingalls Wilder said, "Persons appear to us according to the light we throw upon them from our own minds."

When you stop being full of expectations, you will begin to see everyone in a new light, or should I say in a true light. Your thinking will not be distorted by your opinions and your expectations.

It is no secret that perfectionists, because they have too many expectations, are harder to get along with, and are no fun.

Do you want to be that person who is no fun?

'No fun' people are typically avoided, and the sad part is they are not told why they are being avoided.

"But Minoo", you may say, "If I don’t have expectations, wouldn’t it mean I am cynical, or I am a doormat, or I don’t have any standards, or I am setting myself and my family and my child up to go astray, and have a sub-par life?"

Aha! I am getting to that.

What you need to do is to replace expectations with expectancy, especially in situations that involve you and one or more other people, including the people who are closest to you, and the people you are thrown together with in different social situations.

Expectancy is different from expectations.

Expectancy is approaching every situation with a positive attitude, having faith and a hopeful heart, coming at it with the right attitude, knowing that people will be who they are, giving it your best shot, and then letting go of the outcome.

When you do that, things may not go your way, but you very deliberately handle the things that don’t go your way with grace.

Think about the people you like the most.

It is likely they are people who are able to handle situations that don’t go their way with grace, and who are able to do so without lapses in character, standards, or ideals.

It is also likely that just as you like to spend time with them, everyone likes to spend time with them as well.

Doesn’t that tell you something?

What it tells you (and me) is that the world needs more people like them.

Life would be more fun with more people like them.

Life would be more relaxed.

Life would be more chill.

There would be fewer disagreements and less discord.

So may the tribe of “those who respond with grace” increase.

And after reading this, may both you and me become part of that tribe too.

I am rooting for us to be able to do that.

Because life is more fun when we ditch the expectations and go over to the expectancy side!

Life without expectations is more fun.

Meanwhile, for those who are causing grief by letting down those with expectations, the responsibility advice in my "Are You Responsible?" New Year's post (look out for that) suggests ways to cause less grief. Some great nuggets in there to put in your New Year resolutions for 2023.

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Additional suggested reading: Minoo Jha's answer to What qualities of a happy person do you think lead to better employment and financial outcomes? - Quora