If Life is So Good, Why Do I Feel So Sad?

When Depression Hits!  

In my thirties, I suffered a depression.  Here's what I learned from going through the experience and coming out stronger and happier the other side...

Depression can strike even when times are good!

By good, I mean really, really good.

The year leading up to my depression was my best ever.

A seasoned Advertising Copywriter, my creative consultancy (appropriately called Purple Patch) was thriving.

Octopus-like, I had my tentacles in several different agencies and clients in Chennai.

From O&M to Sistas BSB and Everest to Goldwire on the agency side.

From Apollo Hospitals to Hill Country Resorts and Equifax to Strawberry Stripes on the client side.

There was so much work,  that in addition to the freelance copywriters and art directors I had on call, I was able to hire a bunch of my students from Loyola College where I was guest lecturing on Copywriting and put them on my payroll.

I was out and about a lot in those days. I remember speaking at events like the USIS Career Fair.

To make a long story short, there was no shortage of money, time, challenge or professional prestige.

Yet it was right in the middle of all this, that my depression took hold.

Depression can strike even when you are taking really good care of yourself!

At the time of my depression, you may think I was leading an unhealthy lifestyle. Eating too much.  Or too little.  Sleeping too much.  Or too little. Stressed out, perhaps?  And not getting enough exercise.

Perish the thought.

I had successfully turned vegetarian 2 years prior.

And I worked out for an hour every single day of the week

I did aerobics with Kamlesh 3 times a week.

And strength training at the Gym on Egmore High Road the other 4 days of the week.

Plus I was doing well enough to pay for a masseuse to come to my house and give me a one-hour massage every 2 weeks.

Unfortunately, this healthy lifestyle wasn't able to protect me. Depression is quite arbitrary in that sense. 

Depression can strike even with a supportive partner by your side!

I had married a man whom I had known for years and years.

He really appealed to my feminist side.

He cooked, he was self-sufficient.

He did not have any double standards.

And he was calm, good-natured and cheerful at all times.

It should have amounted to a kind of insurance against depression.

But it didn't.

Depression won't make you any less able to function!

This was both a boon and a curse.

I probably generated the most income I have ever generated in my life during my depression.

I was able to meet clients, make calls, attend meetings, supervise my team, get work done, pay my bills, deal with my bank and my tax consultant.

I was quite unimpaired in terms of being able to carry out the activities of life.

What no one knew was that there was no joy and I was dying inside.

No one ever guessed because...

Depression is easy to hide!

Like any socialized adult, I had successfully learned to mask my feelings long before the depression struck.

So when it did, I was able to keep it completely secret.

In fact, the only people who knew about it were the people I chose to tell.

Thank heavens I did decide to tell them.

Were it not for that, I wonder how much more protracted my suffering would have been.

Thanks to one of my confidants (and believe me, it was really hard to reveal to her that there was all this numbness and emptiness below the successful exterior), I was able to figure out I was going through a depression and then find a therapist.

Finally, depression can strike even if there's meaning in your life!

You might be tempted to think that it was all the focus on money-making that did me in.

But when you learn the facts, you'll see how that wasn't it either.

My needs being simple, I was a donor and participant in several different causes around the time of my depression.

I sponsored a lunch at an orphanage.

I sponsored the purchase of toiletries for the residents of an Old Age Home.

I sponsored 2 Blood Banks for Bank of Baroda, Alwarpet which was my bank at the time.

I was also on call to donate blood and still remember the hemophiliac mother-to-be who was about to deliver a baby that I was called upon to donate blood to.

I was a loving,dutiful daughter and also regularly visited my family in Bangalore.

And for one of my mum's birthdays, I flew down with a really special gift.

I had printed 200 copies of her book of poetry, "A Twig In a Torrent" in hardback.

But you can't buy immunity from a depression in any currency, including soul currency.

Is this tale depressing you?  Don't let it...

The good news is when a depression ends  - it really ends.

At the time I was depressed, I thought I may never smile again.

But I got myself into therapy.

And agreed to the treatment  prescribed.

In spite of not having much faith or respect for it.

It included Psychotherapy. An Anti-depressant.  A pill to sleep.  B-Complex injections.

And instructions to revisit all the decisions I had made in my life

I still remember this oft-repeated sentence of the therapist: - "Believe me, in a few years,you are going to be grateful for this depression.  It is going to make you make a happier, more fulfilled person."

She was right.

Though there were casualties - my marriage, my copywriting career, my business, my vegetarianism and my life in India were all impacted, I have lived more meaningfully and consciously with every passing year since.

And I have never looked back!

It took me great courage to write this post.  But I decided to do it anyway. Because I want people to know that there is a rainbow at the end of the depression cloud.  A rainbow with beautiful colors. Which only a person who has had a depression  and come out of it is able to perceive. 

If you suspect you are suffering from a depression...the important thing is to talk about it to somebody. To seek help.  And to put one foot in front of the other until you are over it.

Don't over analyze the gene theory, the childhood trauma theory or other causative factors - focus on getting well with medicine and psychotherapy.

May you Live Well and Thrive!

Buying Stocks, Bonds Or Mutual Funds?

 Here are 4 Questions You Should Ask Upfront...

1) Can I see your Commission & Fee Schedule?
Bank.  Brokerage.  Or Financial Institution.  No matter how long you've dealt with them. Or how much you revere their name. You should ask to see their Commission & Fee Schedule. Before you venture out from checking,savings and CDs. Into the brave new world of stocks, bonds and mutual funds.

Let me repeat that.  Ask to see the Commission & Fee Schedule associated with their investment account. 

Here are all the gotchas that could be lurking there, if you don't.

• Commissions on Each Trade. Every time you buy or sell a stock, bond or other investment, you will pay a commission to make the trade. Since commissions vary - from $3 at Sogotrade to $7 at Scottrade to $9 at Etrade and TD Ameritrade, to upwards of that at Banks and other financial institutions, you want to know this in advance. So you can decide what you are comfortable with. Have a combined balance of $25,000 in all your accounts? Some banks like Wells Fargo and Bank of America will let you trade for free.  That's something you can look into as well. Either way, do your homework and find out about the commission structure ahead of time.

• Account Maintenance Fees.  Then there are Account Maintenance Fees.  Some institutions have this. Some don't. How to know?  The Fee Schedule should tell you.

• Inactivity Fees.  If your account is inactive - in other words, you do not buy or sell anything for a while, some will impose an inactivity fee. If you buy a few stocks and then sit on your hands, you can be slapped with this fee. You want to select a bank or brokerage that does not charge inactivity fees. Look at the Fee Schedule. See if it says that anywhere.

• Transfer Fees - If you want to close your account and move it to another bank or brokerage..., there's a charge for that as well.  Usually runs between $50 and $100.  Find out about it now.

2)  What are the expenses associated with this investment?
This refers to the investment itself.  Not the account.  For instance, mutual funds come in different flavors.  Managed mutual funds have higher expenses than indexed funds.  Load mutual funds will cost you more than no load mutual funds.  Ask about these costs and expenses.  You may decide you do not want to pay them.  Financial pundits like John Bogle & Warren Buffett recommend the average investor stick with indexed, no-load mutual funds for this reason.

3) What is the cost of getting out of this investment? 
I have already told you about the Transfer Fees you will incur if you want to move your account to another institution. In addition, depending on what kind of product you have bought into, you may have some hefty exit charges.  For instance, you should buy an annuity only after finding out what the surrender charges are in case you want to exit the annuity earlier than expected.  As a practice, you should ask about costs associated with getting out of every type of investment or account.  No matter what!

4) How do you get paid?
This is an uncomfortable question, but must be asked of the person you are dealing with at the bank, brokerage or financial institution.  Many financial advisers and sellers of insurance products such as annuities are paid entirely through commissions on sales.  So naturally they might be eager to sell you something that's not particularly in your interest.  This is why the the general recommendation is to deal with fee-only financial advisers. 

Asking these 4 questions before venturing into an investment account will save you money and heartache.  Write them down somewhere so you will have them when you need them.

Happy Investing in 2011.  May You Prosper & Thrive!