The Trapeze Artist and The Commissions Analyst

"I like it here," said the Trapeze Artist.

"You do know you're an uninvited guest," I reply.

"Uninvited guest, my foot.  Or should I say my leg - short of hanging out a "Space to Let" sign, your house was screaming 'WELCOME'.  At least, it was to me."

"Oh, Well!" I reply.

"Oh Well, what?" says the Trapeze Artist.

"Let me guess...as long as you stay out of my way?  I can't promise you that.  After all, I am a Trapeze Artist. An entertainer.  Let me show you some of my acrobatic feats.  

He continues...

"Now I glide.  Now I soar.  Now I climb.  Now I drop.

I am surprised you aren't applauding.  Let's see you do something like that. Acrobatics with Microsoft Excel, Centive and Xactly Incent do not count."

 He continues... 

Photo Courtesy: Tanita Jha

"I can totally tell your Disneyland type.  It's Fantasyland all the way. It's a Small World.  Mr Toad's Wild Ride.  Peter Pan's Flight.  Am I wrong?"

"That's amazing - how could you tell?", I stammer.

"It's my hobby, you know. I do personality assessments on the side.  I've developed a unique indicator called the Disneyland type indicator. It's much more helpful than Myers-Briggs or any other Jungian indicator.

It tells you where you are. And where you want to go.  What could be better?"

"I went on The Haunted Mansion ride  last summer," I say in an attempt to recover some self-respect.

"Good for you. Together, we'll make a FrontierLand person out of you. Can't say I can do that for your teenage daughter, though.  She shrieks every time she sees me.  What's with that?"

"My daughter's actually braver than me when it comes to rides," I reply. "But you are right, she's terrified of you.  So are most people.  In fact, I think the majority of  folks would be surprised that I am cohabiting with you."

"Oh, those Martha Stewart types," he says, "Witches with Brooms is what I call them. The reason I am so comfortable here is that you are not one of those types."

And I know that on the face of it, that appears to be an insult.  But you are great just the way you are." 

I try to get in a word edgeways, but he won't let me...

"Mind you, I say this not because I want to continue to live in your house.

But so you can set an example for others to realize we are all creatures of this beautiful planet called earth and are designed to share the same spaces.

Mercifully, he gets tired... 

"I probably need to rest a while.  I have restless leg syndrome.  And that's not an easy thing to have with my busy legs and all."

He has a few final words... 

"But before you go back to that Xactly Incent implementation or whatever else that was soooo important that you were doing, I want to leave you with this parting thought.  Do you know that the building you are living in will probably not be around 100 years from now?  There are very few buildings that will still be standing a century later - no matter how dear they are to anyone.

So if you want to leave a meaningful legacy, what is one of the best things you can do, tell me?"

"What?" I ask, expectantly.

"Plant a tree.  Any tree.  A shade tree. An oak tree. A walnut tree. A maple tree. A lemon tree. An olive tree. Any tree. Leave a legacy that will benefit future generations for years and years to come."

And with that, my conversation with the eight legged arachnid commonly known as the house spider whom I live with (shhh....don't tell him I called him that - he thinks he is a Trapeze Artist) ends.

P.S. This post was inspired by Raphael Cushnir's book "Setting Your Heart on Fire". In the chapter titled Reframe the Mundane,  Cushnir suggests what to do should one spy a stray spider web while housecleaning.  He says rather than regarding it as a nuisance, we might use the moment to think about what it's like to be a spider --"spending most of your time suspended in mid-air, gliding from place to place on a self-made trapeze."   Cushnir's charming trapeze analogy sparked this post.

Thank you Cushnir.  I hope others will read your book and get inspired.

After they plant a tree for posterity, that is!

How I Lost A Thousand Dollars On Donuts!

There comes a time in every novice investor's life when he or she thinks they've found the Holy Grail.

The Holy Grail is an investment theory or investment method that seems devilishly clever and original to the novice investor.

One which gets them as excited as an archaeologist unearthing the tomb of Tut-Ankh-Amen.

And which they just can't wait to hang their hat on.

This investment 'find' could be any of a number of ideas.

From the Dogs of the Dow Theory  authored by Michael O'Higgins.

To the Elliott Wave Theory popularized by Robert Prechter.

From Joel Blatt's Magic Formula.

To the Price to Sales Ratio  which made Ken Fisher's 1984 book Super Stocks a best-seller.

The novice investor will suddenly come upon one of these ideas and allow it to agitate the gray cells for a while.

Then there's Warren Buffett.

For the novice investor, discovering Warren Buffett is something else altogether.

After all, he is one of the richest men in America.

And he is also recognized as one of the greatest investors of all time.

So no surprise that investors, novice and professional alike, become instant Warren Buffett groupies - hanging on to his every word, worshiping at the Berkshire Hathaway Annual General Meeting in Omaha, and dreaming of being a future Buffett.

This is where my sorry tale begins.

The Buffett Make-over

I was just as susceptible to the Buffett investing charisma as anyone else.

And after finding Buffett, I set out to remake myself in his image.

This meant reading books such as The New Buffettology.  And The Warren Buffett Way.

And then getting down to business by applying essential Buffett principles.

Bottom-fishing was particularly appealing.

It allowed me to consider dog-house stocks such as Revlon, Rite Aid and Six Flags, which were all under $2 a share, maybe even under $1.

But not content with that, I searched for what I thought would be the quintessential Buffett pick -  an out-of-favor and under-valued stock, the one that Mr. Market was idiotically shunning.

Enter Krispy Kreme Donuts.

I have never been much of a donuts fan.

But at the time, I discovered Krispy Kreme, I had become a heat-seeking Buffett missile in search of a target.

And Krispy Kreme Donuts (Ticker KKD) appeared to be the answer to my prayers.

Firstly, their cream and jelly filled donuts had become the new "delish" in donuts.

People were shunning their corner donut stores and trekking to Krispy Kreme stores instead.

Just Like Starbucks

In fact, they were even willing to stand in long lines to get their Krispy Kreme donuts.

Much as they do for Starbucks Frappuchinos and Lattes today.

And just like Starbucks, Krispy Kreme donuts were pricey.

All this had a distinctly Buffetesque aroma to me.

Reading Motley Fool articles like this one sealed the deal for me.

So when Krispy Kreme stock, which had stratospherically climbed to $40 a share, dropped overnight by 50% to $20 a share on a car-wreck of a quarter, I decided to lock in.  And bought 100 shares.

There - I had bottom-fished.  Just like my hero Warren Buffett. I couldn't have been more pleased with myself.

Or so I thought.

Fasten Your Seat-Belts

I was to find out (the painful way) that Krispy Kreme's 50% decline was just the beginning of  its Drop-Zone like descent.

By the same time the next year, the stock had declined to $10 a share.

Giving my investment a 50% haircut.

$1,000 gone.  Just like that.

Chastened and humbled, I took the loss and got out.

The Flight of The Bumblebee

I read somewhere that according to the Laws of Aerodynamics, a bumblebee should not be able to fly.

The bumblebee of course does not know this, so it flies anyway.

In much the same way, novice stock-pickers do not know that they don't know how to pick stocks.

So they pick stocks anyway.

Sometimes the picks pan out, sometimes they fall with a thud.

When that happens, some investors will never be able to psychologically recover from their mistakes and losses.

Others, phoenix-like, will rise from the ashes.

I am of the second kind.  I was able to take my medicine and move on.

Are there rewards for naivety in investing?

Actually I was able to make lemonade out of this investing lemon.

I took my Krispy Kreme misadventure and turned it into a speech.

Photo Courtesy: Tanita Jha

Which I entered in a Toastmasters International Speech contest at Adlibmasters Club in San Jose.

I won first place.

And took home a trophy.

Yes the mysterious Oscar looking thing you see at right is my Toastmasters International Speech trophy.

Now if only there had been some bling to go with that thing.

You know - Like maybe a 1000 dollars?

Oh Well...

If You Are Ever Stuck With a Lemon, See If You Can Make Some Lemonade Out of It :)

May You Invest Well in 2011 and Thrive!

Postscript:  One of the best decisions I made in my life was to join Toastmasters and complete my CTM.  Toastmasters helped me overcome the near fainting spells I would have when I had to get up and speak in front of even the smallest group of people. It's because of my Toastmasters experience that I picked up the courage to design and deliver a 3-Unit Money Workshop for 5th and 6th graders at a nearby elementary school. If you have a fear of public speaking, I highly recommend Toastmasters.  Want to know more about Toastmasters? You can read about it here. Want to know more about Adlibmasters, which is the Toastmasters club that I joined? You can read about that here.