The Element of Understanding Opportunity is a Reward in Itself and Its Hope for Thriving, Not Just Surviving

Each one of us is capable of becoming a Master of Our Own Universe.

If we put our minds, hearts and souls into something, (anything), our hard work, our passion, our dedication will bear fruit.

It starts by recognizing that every opportunity is a reward in itself.

Every opportunity contains the promise of enriching our lives.

When we have an opportunity to try something new, we should think of the opportunity as a reward in itself.

When we have an opportunity to solve a problem, we should think of the opportunity as a reward in itself.

When we have an opportunity to use a talent in a new way, or for a new purpose, we should think of the opportunity as a reward in itself.

When we have an opportunity to put an idea to work, we should think of the opportunity as a reward in itself.

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We can fill our ordinary lives with extraordinary inspiration, by responding to new opportunities with enthusiasm, imagination and energy.

Every opportunity is a chance to be vital, to rediscover ourselves, and reinvigorate our lives.

It goes without saying that coming to America was one of the biggest opportunities in my life.

Yet it was also a tough call for me.

The opportunity disrupted my life, interrupted my career, challenged my confidence, and scattered my professional and social networks.

I had to give up my ideas of who I was, and what I could do, in order to respond to the opportunity of coming to America.

I had no idea how it would all go down.

But I went ahead and did it.

I closed my creative shop Purple Patch, I said goodbye to my copywriting career, I packed my bags, and with a 11 month old baby tucked under my arm, my amazing and precious daughter Tanita, I moved to America.

I soon learned what the Land of Opportunity meant.

It meant I had to learn to do a lot of new things.

The opportunities to learn these new things were all available to me.

It was up to me to use the opportunities.

I remember cracking open a Penny Saver magazine and being surprised to read these words:  Are you finding it difficult to get a job because you have not completed your GED, or you do not have Microsoft Office skills?  Goodwill Institute for Career Development will provide you with free training.

Free training – it was unheard of in India.

I caught 3 buses (I was not yet driving at the time) and after taking a Language and Math test, which was necessary for admission, I enrolled in their Microsoft Office training course and I soon learned Word, Excel, Access and Powerpoint.

That checked off my list, the next thing for me to learn was to drive.

I had got away with not learning to drive in India.  I used autorickshaws to get around, and as soon as Purple Patch was making enough money, I hired a driver to chauffeur me around.

But after my first few days in the San Francisco Bay Area, I understood it would be tough for me to get anything done, unless I learned to drive.

The public transport system, with its infrequent services and limited connections, would severely limit my life.

How would I take Tanita to her doctor’s appointments, how would I pick up diapers and wipes, how would I take her to parks, and most important of all, how would I be able to manage a job, if I didn’t learn to drive?  I would need to drop Tanita off at daycare before work, and pick her up after work.  How would I be able to do that without driving?

And so I enrolled in driving lessons.

Seems you no need this, the driving instructor screamed at me, jerking the rear view mirror away from me, so it didn’t face me.  This tirade was triggered, because I had crossed 4 lanes of the freeway into the carpool lane, without looking at the rear view mirror. There was more to come.

On another occasion, she screamed, I said tree point turn, not u turn. Why you no listen?

I would be trembling by the end of each lesson, but I felt I deserved it, it was all to my good, it would only make me a better driver - that is, until I discovered, unnerving me and making me feel bad about my driving, was part of a larger plan.

You no pass driving test. Better you pay me $500 and I get license for you.  Okay.  Okay? the driving instructor said to me, when we were alone on one of the lessons.

What little confidence I had in my driving vanished at that point.

But her offer did not appeal to me.  If I was already frightened of being on the road, I would be even more terrified with a falsely acquired license.

I am not one who can say no easily, or display outrage, even when it is called for, and I declined her offer in such a roundabout way, she did not get the message at all, and continued to repeat the offer during the next 2 lessons, even lowering her price, and offering me an installment plan. In hindsight, I should have said Me no want drivers license from you.  Okay. Okay?  

What I did was fail to show up for the remaining 2 lessons. What was the point, I thought. If she had the power to get me a license, surely she had the power to have me fail me on the driving test. 

So with help from my family, I started lessons with a new driving instructor.  When that didn’t work out either, my family jumped in and decided to teach me driving themselves. I had to catch two buses and the Bart to get to them, but it was worth it. My sister, my brother in law, my sister in law, all took turns teaching me. When everyone felt I was ready, I took my driving test, and I passed.

I soon found out there were other things to learn as a driver.

I parked outside the wrong office building one day, and my car was towed.  Another time, I parked in the handicapped parking spot outside my apartment for 15 minutes, and my car was towed again.  I paid $140 dollars to the first towing company to reclaim my car; I paid $280 to the second. Both times, I had to take multiple buses to get to the towing companies to retrieve my car.

I learned how to deal with car breakdowns.  I didn’t call the closest male relative I knew.  I called AAA. AAA towed me to the nearest mechanic, I rented a car and drove the rental car till my car was fixed.  Then I returned the rental and picked up my car.  This was what you were expected to do. And this is what I did.

America gave me the opportunity to become more autonomous and self-sufficient.

I had never cooked before coming to America.  I learned to cook. I had never done my own laundry before coming to America.  I learned to do my own laundry. 

I had to learn the geography and culture and business ways of a new city and a new country.  And, of course, I had to learn to make new friends.

I did all of this.

And then, of course, there was the business of getting a job and making a living.

After being an administrative assistant for a year at different companies, I was given an opportunity to become a Commissions Analyst.

At the time, I did not know what it meant, or what it involved.

All I knew was you needed to be good at Excel for it. I was not good at Excel.

But by being open to the idea of picking it up, and applying myself, I picked it up.

In hindsight, every one of these things was an opportunity in itself.

The driving… the cooking…making friends…learning a new culture and geography…training for a brand new career…

Everyone one of them was a challenge, but in each challenge, rested an opportunity to acquire new skills, and grow in confidence.

It is quite amazing to me when I think of it.

Here was this person who did not know her cumin from her coriander, who did not know how to make a pot of rice - without over-cooking it or under-cooking it -, who was suddenly hosting weekly dinners for friends from different countries, a year later.

I am glad I let go and trusted myself.

I am glad I stopped clinging to the raft of my ideas of what I could do, and what I couldn’t do.

I am glad I chose opportunity over security, even though I didn’t know how it would all go down.

Even while we value the past, we should not cling to it, denying ourselves the possibility of moving on.

There are all kinds of changes we will be called upon to make in our lives.

Changing countries is one kind of change.

There are other changes we will have the opportunity to make.

Some are physical, some are spiritual, some are intellectual, some emotional.

We have all these spheres in which to grow.

If there's one sphere in which we all need to grow, it is emotionally.

A few years ago, I sought the opportunity to grow emotionally.

I am so glad I did.

What was the point of me learning to drive and to cook and to do laundry and to make new friends and to start a new career, if I was stuck emotionally?

It started with my mother's death, after which I sought to become a gentler soul - as she was.

I then became a practitioner of meditation.

I have been meditating for 5 years now.

Meditation changed me from a high maintenance person to a low maintenance person.

I owe this to reading the book How God Changes the Brain, and then responding to the opportunity to change myself.

Opportunity is a reward in itself.

Find the right opportunity and respond to it, and it will ignite your spirit.

You will thrive, not just survive.

I have come to realize that nothing worthwhile is without risk.

If we try to minimize the risk in our lives - we will live lives as mere shadows of ourselves.

We will settle for being less human that we are.  

We will be thinking brains without beating hearts.

There will be no fire in our souls.

There is an Arabian Proverb which says: Four things come not back: The spoken word, The sped arrow, The past life, The neglected opportunity. 

When I decided to immigrate to America, I decided to look fear in the face.

Everyone needs to look fear in the face.

It’s only when we look fear in the face, we will not neglect our opportunities.

Security is an illusion.

As Brian Tracy said, “The more we seek security, the less of it we have. The more we seek opportunity, the more likely it is that we will achieve the security we desire.”

I feel more secure now than I ever did.

Perhaps, it’s because I now know how to do so many more things.

More importantly, I now know how to handle so many more things.

I am not afraid of newness, of uncertainty, of discomfort, of challenge, even of loss, I know I can handle it.

Let go and sail out I say to everyone – even if my words don’t say that, hopefully my actions do.

Don’t anchor yourself to the comfortable.

It’s okay to be a rookie again.

In fact, it’s perfect.

A rookie mindset will keep your tired ego, and fear of change out of the way.

A rookie mindset will make new things possible.

Oh, to be a rookie forever.

Yes, the beginning of a new opportunity is the beginning of a new lease in life.

Which is why I say, opportunity is a reward in itself.

In each opportunity - and in our response to it - we find our wisdom.

The kind of wisdom Jonas Salk, the inventor of the polio vaccine knew well.

On testing his vaccine against polio on himself, his wife, and his three sons, Salk said,

“It is courage based on confidence, not daring, and it is confidence based on experience.”

On receiving the Congressional Medal for Distinguished Civilian Achievement in 1956, he said,

“The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.”

On receiving the Nehru award in 1977, he said, “Our greatest responsibility is to be good ancestors.”

On being asked why he chose to do medical research, rather than be a practicing physician, he said, “Nothing happens quite by chance. It's a question of accretion of information and experience.”

And finally, when asked about taking risks, here’s what Dr.Salk said,

“Risks, I like to say, always pay off. You learn what to do, or what not to do.”

May you live long, respond to many opportunities, and thrive.

As always thanks for reading and have a great day and week….M…..a Pearl Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ajay and Moonshine 1970 for their comments on my last post, and thanks to the rest of you for your likes, pins and votes…much appreciated.

The Element of Not Wanting Contradictory Things and Its Hope for Getting Better Results

Every day I meet people who want everything.

They want to stay up all night and be fresh as a daisy the next morning.

They want to have Louis Vitton bags and Bruno Magli Maioco Cap Toe Oxfords and a fancy car and a fat bank balance.

They want to eat heartily and lose weight.

They want to dress inappropriately and be taken seriously.

They want to avoid risks and make money.

They want to spend time with their kids and advance on the job.

They want to be high maintenance and have good friends.

They want to be nags and be loved.

They want to avoid doing promotion-enhancing work and get a promotion.

They want contradictory things.

We have a better chance of losing what we currently have - than doing things which are contradictory to our goals, and expecting the results we desire.

No matter how much spade work we put in, no matter how much knowledge we acquire, no matter how capable we are, no matter how much we contribute, if we do things which contradict our intended goals, we will not produce the outcomes we want.

I first experienced this at a company called Vitacom, which was one of the first companies I worked for in America.

Vitacom hired me as an admin assistant in their marketing department.  It was a temporary assignment, very low paid (low end of the Admin Assistant pay scale), and I was there through a temp agency.

However, though I was hired as an admin assistant, because I had a background in advertising, Vitacom let me have a go at writing their newsletter, their product data sheets, and their exhibition booth materials.  I was very happy to be doing that, and I thought I did a great job.

Just before my six months were up, thinking my manager would not want to lose me, I went to him with a proposal  - which I thought would work great for both Vitacom and me.

I said to him, “Charles, I have a proposal. My six months is coming up soon.  When my six months is up, I would like to continue working at Vitacom, but directly - without the temp agency.  I propose that we cut out the temp agency and you pay me the agency mark-up. Since I don’t want you to pay more for my work than you are currently doing, l will work 5 half days, instead of 5 full days. Since I have learned the work, I can easily manage to complete the work in 5 half days.”

My manager said he would get back to me. Little did I know, he was shocked at my proposal, and thought I was too smart for my own good. At the end of the week, he got back to me alright. He informed me Vitacom was ending my contract by the end of the following week.  They did not want me back.

That’s when I realized I had blown it.  I had done something contradictory to my intended goals.  I had wanted so badly to get advertising and marketing experience in America, and the Vitacom assignment had made it possible. But I had blown a golden opportunity with my crass and greedy proposal.

We do self-serving things which are in complete contradiction to our goals - and then act like a rabbit in the headlights when our self-serving ideas and actions create havoc for us.

This was one such circumstance, where by doing things which were contradictory to my goals, I blew it.

I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.

I wanted to gain advertising experience, and cut out the temp agency, and work half days.

As a result, I lost the opportunity altogether.

I repeat - we have a better chance of losing what we currently have, than doing things which are contradictory to our goals.

We can’t have our cake and eat it too.

Every language has a version of “you can't have your cake and eat it too”.

In Afrikaans, it is “Jy kan nie jou brood aan albei kante botter nie”, the translation of which, is “you can’t butter your bread on both sides”.

In Chinese, 又要馬兒肥(跑)，又要馬兒不吃草 –  which means “you want a horse to be fat without feeding!”.

In German, “Man kann nicht auf zwei Hochzeiten tanzen” – which means “you can’t dance at 2 weddings at the same time”.

In Polish, Mieć ciastko i zjeść ciastko –which translates to “you can’t have the cookie and eat the cookie”.

In Turkish, Gülü seven dikenine katlanir  or “If you like roses, you have to put up with the thorns.”

And from India, which is the country of my birth……

மீசைக்கும் ஆசை கூழுக்கும் ஆசை – “desire to have both the moustache and to drink the porridge” (Tamil).

ಅಕ್ಕಿ ಮೇಲೆ ಆಸೆ, ನೆಂಟರ ಮೇಲೆ ಪ್ರೀತಿ – “Desire over rice, love over relatives.”( Kannada).

After my assignment at Vitacom ended, I got another admin assistant temp assignment at NEC, where for the same pay I had been getting at Vitacom, I now had to push trolleys of mail from one building to another, get documents signed, and be shouted at by the head admin, every time I made a mistake. Just desserts, you could say.

And then I joined Palm Inc, where my career in Commissions Administration was launched.

At Palm Inc, I would learn some new lessons in “you can’t have your cake and eat it too”.

After becoming the Palm Commissions Analyst, I talked my first boss into letting me work from home one day a week.

Then a new boss inherited me. In spite of knowing my schedule was already a sticking point between us, I decided to ask him to let me work from home three days a week. At first, he said no, but I persisted with tears (I used to be good at that) and moans of “I can’t afford to pay daycare”, and he capitulated and grudgingly agreed.

But I was penalized for working from home.

In spite of doing a great job, and handling the Commissions function all on my own - sometimes pulling out all the stops to meet a tight payroll deadline, or to implement the plans for each new year -  I did not advance.

Much as I wanted recognition, praise, raises and promotions for managing the commissions function, none of it came my way.

I didn’t understand I couldn’t work from home and expect all that.

The very reason I liked my job - for the flexibility it gave me to work from home - was the reason for my lack of recognition and advancement.

“Akki mele aase nenatara mele preeti” - “Desire for rice, love for relatives”.

Either - we love the rice so much, we don't want to share it, or - we love our relatives so much, we share the rice with them.

The end of expecting contradictory things is the beginning of getting results.

Either we want to work from home more, or we want to be recognized and advance more.

The minute we start taking steps away from “working from home” and in the direction of “recognition and advancement”, we are on our way to getting the results we want.

This goes for anything we desire.

We have to choose.

When we start taking steps away from being “workaholics” and steps towards “family time”, we are on our way to rebuilding our relationship with our family – if that’s what we want.

When we start taking steps away from a “consuming hobby or habit” and start taking steps towards “constructive activities” , we are on our way to a fresh start in life – if that’s what we want.

“Akki mele aase nenatara mele preeti” - “Desire for rice, love for relatives”.

Either our work, our hobby, or our addiction matters more to us - or our family and health matters more to us.

Either we want this or we want that.

The choice is ours.

It would be nice if we didn’t have to choose.

But we have to.

So let's make a choice.

Let's make a new pact with ourselves.

"I've had enough of working from home - it's time for me to become more visible."

"I've had enough of spending all my time in self-indulgence - it's time for me to do something constructive with my life."

"I've had enough of being my own worst enemy - it's time for me to be my own best friend."

"I've had enough of breaking bridges - it's time for me to make amends."

"I've had enough of making excuses, and blaming someone, or blaming the system - it's time for me to make progress."

Make a “visible” contribution, and sooner or later. you will get recognition. Even if you don't, you will be proud of yourself, and you will become more confident.

Give up habits which are costing you your money, your relationships, your health, and your peace of mind, and sooner or later, you will have money, and relationships, and health, and peace of mind.

Include regular exercise in your routine, and sooner or later, you will look, feel and be healthier.

Eat better and eat less, and sooner or later, you will have better health and looks.

Work two hours every day at something – anything - and sooner or later, you will have gotten quite far doing that.

We should develop our B.S. meter.

We should learn to spot the B.S., not other people's B.S., but our own.

-         The B.S. that lets us get away, with complaining about the system, or with blaming someone else.

-         The B.S. that lets us pretend things are not as bad as everyone makes them out to be.

-         The B.S. that says we are where we are, only because of hard luck, and not because of lack of self-management and discipline.

-         The B.S that our case is hopeless and there's nothing we can do.

Is there really nothing we can do?

We should spend one whole day just thinking about - and writing down - the things we can do to change our circumstances, for the better - and for good.

What are the changes we can make to improve how vulnerable or hopeless we feel?

The operative word is “we”.

Not changes someone else should make - but changes we should make.

The more time we spend thinking about what someone else is doing, or is not doing, the less time we spend thinking about how we can improve our own situation.

We should not live in the past.  The past may have been painful, the past may have been wonderful, but it is the past after all.

All we have is now.

I have been a Commissions Consultant since mid-2010. 

I exchanged the security of a regular paycheck - and benefits - for the freedom of being able to go from assignment and assignment.

Either I wanted a secure job, or I wanted freedom - I had to make a choice, and I made it.

We can't have our cake and eat it too.

So we have to be very clear about what we want.

Once we are clear about what we want, we can make our thoughts and actions align to what we want.

This is the secret of thriving and getting results.

Thriving is knowing exactly what we want - and being prepared to pay the price for it.

Results will follow.

What do you want - and what is the price you are prepared to pay for it?

This is the thought I would like to leave you with today.

As always, thanks for reading and have a great day and week….M…..a Pearl-Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ajay for his comments on my last post, and thanks to the rest of you for your likes, votes, pins and shares…..Much appreciated.

P.S.  Thanks also to Wikipedia – which was my source for all the versions of “Have your cake and eat it too” in different languages.