I Wish You Could Have Woken Up

David's personal effects, photographed after being brought home from the hospital

What You Are About To Read...

Dear Reader...In the weeks after my brother David died, I was overcome with  grief. Tears flowed. And words from my pen flowed. I would like to share what I wrote with you. At first, I was hesitant. Then I thought -  if others have suffered a loss and are experiencing the same grieving thoughts, would it comfort them to know they are not alone in their thoughts? With that in mind, I have decided to go ahead and share the poems I wrote. This is the first poem. It is called "I Wish You Could Have Woken Up". I wrote it in the first few days after my brother David died.

I Wish You Could Have Woken Up

I wish you could have woken up

To just one more day

So you could have seen my face

And heard the words I had to say.

For though I had kept away, David…I still loved you.

I never really wanted to keep away, and I still loved you.

I wish you could have woken up

So you could have seen me by your side

Felt my hand upon your brow

And seen the tears in my eyes.

For though I had kept away, David…I still loved you

You never got to see me for so many days, David

But I still loved you.

I wish you could have woken up

To see me standing there

To learn how much you meant to me

And how deeply I still cared.

For though I had kept away, David…I still loved you.

I never really wanted to keep away, and I still loved you.

I wish you could have woken up

To see the anguish on my face

To hear how dear you had been to me

And how no one could take your place.

For though I had kept away, David…I still loved you

You never got to see me for so many days, David

But I still loved you.

I still loved you.

I wish you could have woken up

So I could have said adieu

And told you that even though I had stayed away

I had always thought the world of you.

For though I had kept away, David…I still loved you.

I never really wanted to keep away, and I still loved you.

I still loved you.

You were a blessing in my life, David

Wish you had woken up, so I could have told you

You were precious to me in a way no one else could be

If only you had opened your eyes so you knew

If only I was given one more brief moment to tell you

Wish you could have woken up just one more time.

Yes, I never really wanted to keep away, David

Even though you never saw me for many days, David

I still loved you

And these are the words I whisper up to heaven 

The words which I hope you can hear me say…

I still love you, David.

I still love you.

I never really wanted to keep away, and I still love you.

David in his dashing 20's

Dear Reader, if you never got a chance to say 'I Love You', to someone precious who died, let this poem comfort you that you are not alone, and there are others who have been through the exact same thing.

Here are the links to some grief resources which I accessed in the weeks after my brother David died, which may help you:

Book: Chicken Soup for The Grieving Soul

Book: Life After Loss - Bob Deits

Online Video: Dr. DeMartini Video on Grief

Online meeting: Al Anon meetings 

Online podcasts:  The Recovery Show, an Al Anon podcast

The Big Book

What helped me most was not isolating myself. I spent as much time as possible with family or with friends. I let myself be comforted by all the calls, texts, and messages I received personally, or we received as a family. I participated wholeheartedly in all the events held for my brother, starting with the Memorial Zoom held by his St Joseph's High School classmates, the day after his death and followed by:

David's Memorial on September 3, 2021

David's Memorial Live Zoom on September 3, 2021

Tribute to David created by Divya and Ben

In Memoriam - David Lobo

I watched and shared these videos, and looked at each and every picture and video shared on our family WhatsApp, and continue to do so now as people share old photographs of David that they find.

Steve Chong, one of David's coworkers said this at the end of his eulogy:

"Thank you David for the precious memories, for all you have been and all you have done. Thank you for your friendship over the years. Rest well dear friend and beloved brother in Christ.

 

For David’s family, David has brought so much joy through his friendship and gifts. Thank you for sharing David with us. God bless you all, and may He make that day come swiftly when the memory of David brings a smile in your faces before it brings a tear in your eyes."

At this point, I cannot relate to "the memory of David bringing a smile in my face before it brings a tear in my eyes."

Perhaps, it is too early. And David was such a precious soul, perhaps he deserves my tears, even years and years of my tears. Yes, David, you deserve that. So I will let my grief over your loss have its way with me for however long.

He Could Have Watched From The Sidelines

He could have watched from the sidelines.

Observing others more fortunate play the game

But he knew he had something to offer

And though some things about him were different, many were still the same.

He still had the capacity for love

And he still had gifts to share

So he gave of his music, his art, his meals, his hospitality, and his all-embracing love

Putting aside his struggles, his challenges, and his cares.

He got on the phone and talked with friends and family from far and near

He hosted lunches, played his guitar, gardened and created art

He wholeheartedly threw himself into whatever he did

Starting from the base of his broken, crippled heart.

And despite the disappointments, losses and pain life had dealt him

He found a way to live, bond, and connect

He found a way to make everyone who knew him feel wanted, loved, and special

Using his limited resources, and within his challenging context.

So natural, genuine, loving and spontaneous was he

That his gifts and generosity touched lives far and wide

Every gift was given with love, appreciation, and caring

And the intention to make someone feel loved, valued, and worthwhile.

And thus this marvelous man kept living, loving, and giving

When most would have dropped out and let others play the game

Instead till the very end, this dear kind man I am proud to call my brother

Continued to let his gifts, his talents, his cooking, his music, his art

And above all, his love for everyone reign.

Dedicated to my brother David Lobo. Who created meaning out of the hard circumstances in which he found himself in the last 1/6th of his life.

Instead of becoming a lone wolf, he continued to live, laugh, love, and connect, and share his gifts with the world till heaven called him home on August 7, 2021.

RIP Precious and Blessed David. We are richer for all the goodness and love you showered on us during your life. And we are richer for your example of what it means to be human.

The pics in this piece were taken from David's art website, which he maintained on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/DavidGerardLobo. If David created a piece of art for you, and if you are comfortable doing it, can you take a picture of yourself holding his piece of art to add to the gallery above, and send it to me, or one of my sisters on Facebook. It will be a much appreciated addition to our collection.

What I have written today was inspired by conversations over the phone with David's friend Andrew Monteiro and my sister Christine in the days after David died. Many of my poems and blog posts are inspired by conversations, texts, comments, and messages, and I deeply appreciate all the support, calls, and texts, me and my sisters received after we lost David.  Many attended his Celebration of Life, spoke or performed at it, and helped us remember the occasion through their participation, videos, and photographs. Thanks for comforting us, consoling us, and helping us heal from the loss of our dear brother David. We really appreciate it.

If you haven't watched these videos yet, please watch these beautiful and moving memorial videos of my brother David's Celebration of Life.

Here are the links:

David's Memorial on September 3, 2021

David's Memorial Live Zoom on September 3, 2021

Tribute to David created by Divya and Ben

Also Tammy and Roy, a Goan band David had been a repeat patron of,  hosted a special musical tribute event to David. It was held on September 8, 2021 and attended by 500 people online.

You can watch the amazing video (and dance and sing to it) at this link:

In Memoriam - David Lobo