Get One More In

Whatever it is you like to do,

Whatever adds value and meaning to life for you,

Get one more in.

Get one more in.

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10 days to go

To say goodbye to '24

10 days to go.

No more, no more.

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Get one more in.

Get one more in.

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Walk with a friend.

Get one more in.

Run with your dog.

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Arts and crafts session.

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Karaoke happy hour.

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Sunrise at the beach.

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Just girls, or just boys evening.

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Date night.

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Birdwatching.

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Sunning on the porch.

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Meditating in the pool.

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Snowboarding or ski trip.

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Bingeing a TV series in your jammies.

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Pickleball or basketball.

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Power exercise session.

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Farmer's Market visit.

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Cooking your favorite dish.

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Snowmen and sled rides.

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Jigsaw puzzles or board games.

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Blog post or article.

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Gardening or decorating project.

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Family bonding.

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Shared activities with friends.

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Christmas movies.

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Anything Christmas

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..........( Fill in the blanks yourself)

Get one more in.

..........(Fill in the blanks.yourself)

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__

10 days to go,

Before we say goodbye to 24.

So whatever you like to do,

Or adds value and meaning to life for you,

Get one more in.

Get one more in.

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Get one more in!

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Dear Reader, Wishing you and yours, a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa & Compliments of the Season.

What's the best advice someone who works in the psychology field ever gave you?

 

I have read many articles and books by psychologists, and watched many podcasts by psychologists.

Joseph Sestito helped me to be less self cherishing as a blogger:

Minoo Jha

 · 1y

What are the downsides to a person being a striver?

Hollow victories. I speak from personal experience. Once upon a time there was a girl. She looked around her and decided she needed to be certain things in order to feel worthwhile. “I need to be stylish” she said to herself. “I need to be thin.” “I need to be funny.” “I need to be clever.” “I need to be thrilling.” “I need to be original.” “I need to be successful.” “I need to be rich.” The girl threw herself hither and tither in many different directions in order to be all of these things. She tried many different diets and exercise programs. She read joke books. She studied the dictionary and practiced IQ tests. She thought of clever things to say. She worked hard to improve her skills. She changed jobs and rose up the ladder. She read relationship books and parenting books. She developed her tastes in music and literature and the good things in life. She left no stone unturned. But whatever the girl did, satisfaction and fulfillment was just out of her reach. When she asked herself, “am I stylish enough?” the answer was no. When she asked herself, “am I successful enough?” the answer was no. When she asked herself, “am I rich enough?” the answer was no. When she asked herself, “am I a good enough mother and a good enough spouse?” the answer was no. The girl found that in spite of how far she had come and all she had achieved, there were many things missing from her life. Happiness was missing - she was easily dejected. Fulfillment was missing - her victories felt empty. Self-control was missing - she would lose it at the drop of a hat. Peace was missing - she felt stressed and anxious most of the time. Energy was missing - she didn't have enthusiasm or passion for anything. Security was missing - she felt dread and anxiety when she thought about the future. Above, all she felt trapped in an endless cycle of keeping up - with the job, with the bills, with the house, with being a good mother, a good employee, a good spouse, and above all, her image. Then one day, the girl woke up. She realized she had been borrowing other people's ideas of a worthwhile life. She realized energy, peace, equanimity, self-control and security was what she wanted most and it would not come from pursuing wealth, approval, status or conformity. She realized being at peace and living a harmonious life was more important than being stylish, rich, clever or successful, or fitting in with the crowd. She decided to go her own way. Immediately, a weight was lifted off of her. She was free to do all the things she wanted to do without any false ideal or standard to conform to. She could go to work and focus on doing a good job, not getting ahead. She could have a conversation with people and not worry about whether she was coming across as uninformed or uncultured. She could meet people and not fret about her appearance. She could be who she was and make the decisions she wanted to and not worry about being judged. She could focus on meaning and authenticity rather than impression and image in all her interactions. That girl was me. Do you want to be like that? Raise your hand, if you do. How do you do that? You do that by waking up from trying to be Ms. Perfect living the “perfect life”. Perfection is the enemy of our peace, our equanimity, and our tranquility. If we let it raise its head, it can make us feel miserable about everything we do and all areas of our life. And it will keep our wheels stuck in the sand. If I aimed for perfection every time I sat down to write an article on my blog, it would never get off the ground. I would ask myself - “Is this funny enough?” “Is this clever enough?” “Is this thrilling enough?” “Is this special enough?” “Is this original enough?” “Does it have enough witticisms?” Of course, the answer would be no. I am not good with jokes. My thoughts are rarely original. And I can't come up with a witticism to save my life. So I would spend oodles of time trying to compensate by perfecting a sentence here, or a phrase there. And all I would be doing by that is spinning my wheels, indulging in what Joseph Sestito, author of Write for Your Lives, calls “self-cherishing”. Self-cherishing is focusing on the impression we want to make rather than the ideas we want to communicate. The downside of being a striver is that you can become so focused on striving, you can forget what it is you are striving for. At bottom, what we all want is a worthwhile life. But each of us needs to separately think what that means to us. Because borrowing your idea of a worthwhile life may leave me feeling unfulfilled and empty. And borrowing my idea of a worthwhile life may leave you feeling unfulfilled and empty. If everyone is buying houses, is buying a house essential to a worthwhile life? Only you can answer that for yourself. The answer was no for me. If everyone is buying fancy cars, does it mean buying fancy cars is essential to a worthwhile life? Only you can answer that for yourself. The answer was no for me. If everyone has a partner, does it mean having a partner is essential to a worthwhile life? Only you can answer that for yourself. The answer was no for me. So my advice to strivers is to know what it is you are truly striving for. Craft a personal definition of success

I found the most comforting advice for dealing with a job, in which I sucked, in this study done by Amos Tversky and Thomas Gilovich:

https://www.quora.com/What-is-best-to-practice-how-to-be-positive-even-when-people-criticize-your-work/answer/Minoo-Jha

I learned to meditate from a book by Andrew Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman. Meditation in turn, led me to realize what made me happy. Freedom from worrying about money, and material possessions, was one of those things:

https://www.quora.com/Could-minimalism-be-the-key-to-financial-freedom/answer/Minoo-Jha

I learned to navigate my child’s teenage years better, after reading the book The Available Parent, by a therapist by the name of Dr. John Duffy. It had a crucial role to play, in my graduating from Tiger Mom and Helicopter Mom, to Lighthouse Mom, with a brief stop at Hippie Mom, on the way:

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-essential-parenting-skills/answer/Minoo-Jha

There is no “best psychological advice”.

Rather, I have gotten advice from here and there.

From books, from articles, from podcasts, from family members, from relatives, from friends, from sudden insights. 

Everyone in my life has contributed to my psychological well-being.

Here’s an example of how a friend contributed to my well being:

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-one-and-done-mistakes-in-your-profession/answer/Minoo-Jha

Here’s an example of how another friend contributed to my well being:

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-avoid-overthinking-about-someone-who-even-dont-know-me-well/answer/Minoo-Jha

You can certainly contribute to someone’s psychological well being.

“Who me?” you may say.

Yes, you.

A timely piece of advice can solve a puzzle for a person, and help them think of something in a new way.

A timely compliment, can lift someone’s spirits, and give them energy and vitality, that will last for days, or longer.

You can make someone aware of their gifts, or compliment them on something, that may not be obvious to them.

Putting something in someone's compliment bank, helps them, when they hit a low. They can draw on those compliments.

Attention has power.

Giving someone your attention,  can give them reasons to keep going in an activity or pursuit, they may be wondering about the the value and worth of continuing.

How can you contribute to someone’s psychological well being?

I will leave you with that thought today.

P.S. Dear Reader, my blog will enter its 15th year on December 27, of this year. If I’ve been able to keep going at it for 15 years, it is thanks to all of you. So a big thank you to all of you, for sharing my thought journey through all these years.

What Can I Write In a Journal?

Suggestion 1:

On the top of each page, draw a stick figure representation of a challenge of some kind.

Such as:

Mt. Everest

A cross

A giant

A weed

Below your drawing, explain what that stick figure represents in your life:

What cross you are carrying

What giant you are currently facing

What Mt. Everest you are working on conquering

What problems are as persistent as garden weeds, and your thoughts about dealing with them

In this way, your journal will be a record of challenges faced and dealt with, and interesting things to look back on.

P.S. I adapted this from another Quora answer of mine:

Minoo Jha

 · 23h

How would you draw a symbol of your idea of a meaningful life and explain it to the class?

I would draw an obstacle, such as: Mt. Everest A cross A giant A weed And explain how that is connected with a meaningful life: Carrying your cross Facing up to the giant Conquering your Mt. Everests Being as persistent as a garden weed

Suggestion 2:

Design your journal to answer a question on each page. Write a question at the top of each page. Answer it below.

If you need some ideas for questions, this previous Quora answer of mine, which I also published earlier as a blog post, has some:

Minoo Jha

 · Sep 15

What strategies help you understand what truly motivates someone?

People’s choices are the clues to their motivations. If you know what people’s choices are, you can figure out their motivations. To learn about a person’s choices, I suggest you ask them if it is okay to interview them for an article you are writing, for a research project, to understand their needs better, or just because you admire them, and would like to learn from them. During the interview, you can ask them questions like… * What did you like about school? * What was your favorite subject? * Who was your favorite teacher and why? * Who was your closest friend and why? * What had you planned to do after school? * Did things work out the way you planned? * How satisfied are you on the money front? * Why do you x (blog, run,whatever)? * What made you choose where to live? * What made you leave home initially? And so on. If an answer requires clarification, you can ask them to clarify their answer. Using this strategy, you can learn enough about a person to figure out their motivations. For example, you can find out how much money matters to them. Or you can find out how much freedom matters to them. You can find out whether they are risk-takers. Or whether they like to make safe choices, because security is upper most for them. You can find out whether ambition drives them. Or something else - like a mission. Whether you are a therapist, a sales person, romantically interested in someone, or just an admirer of someone, the interview technique is a good strategy. It will give you the information you need, to understand a person’s motivations. Many famous books have been written using interviews as the starting point:

Just change the format of the questions to be in the first person, and in the present tense.

“What do I like about school?” etc.

I look forward to seeing how it goes, so if it's not too private, do post page 1 of your journal, in the comments.

What is a good way to ask for help with a problem? Perhaps, you've heard of the Ben Franklin Effect?

What is a good way to ask for help with a problem?

You can ask, “Hey, I was wondering whether you know anything about x?”.

X can be any problem you are currently facing, from a problem with your car, to a tax question, to credit card (or other) deals and steals available, to travel tips, to what’s a good health insurance or auto insurance plan.

If you are lucky, the person may even offer to help you with the problem - if for example, they know how to fix cars or appliances, or they know how to do taxes, and so on.

And here’s some good news.

A person who has helped you with something, is likely to help you with that specific thing again.

It’s called the Ben Franklin effect.

Minoo Jha

 · 5y

What is the most interesting fact that you know and I don't, but I should?

Hi Chad, You asked, What is the most interesting fact that you know and I don't, but I should? Not sure if you know about the Ben Franklin Effect. It says that if a person does you a favor, they are more likely to do that same favor for you again, than if you did them a favor. I know this from experience. One of my friends asked me to help her do her taxes one year. Every year since, whenever she has asked me to help her with her taxes, I’ve said yes. Likewise, I asked a neighbor of mine to help me with my car a few years ago. After he helped me the first time, every single subsequent time I have requested him for help, he has given me his help. Here’s how Ben Franklin put it: "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged."

I’ve been on both sides of the Ben Franklin effect - the help receiving side, and the help giving side.

Help receiving side: When I lived at my apartment, I had a friend who lived in the same apartments, who helped me again and again with my car. For some context, I drive an old car with 265,000 miles on it. Which means small things break down regularly. Back when I lived in the same apartments as him, my handy-with-cars friend saved me considerable money, by identifying and fixing problems with my car. I had done him a favor a few years earlier, and he seemed happy to show his gratitude, by helping me with my car. The fact that he never thought of it as a nuisance, even though I asked him for repeated help, is proof that the Ben Franklin effect works.

Another example…

I had another friend who lived in my apartments, and she was handy with assembling things. So whenever I bought something which needed assembly, I would call her, and she would be at my door, to assemble whatever I needed help assembling help with - a kid’s bike, furniture, etc. This went on for years, in fact, only ended when she moved out of state.

These are just 2 examples of the Ben Franklin effect in my own life.

Moving on to me proving the Ben Franklin effect, by giving help to people again and again, myself…

Examples of Minoo proving the Ben Franklin effect:

I consider myself capable enough to do my taxes on Turbo Tax myself. I have helped other people with my tax capabilities by teaching them how to do their own taxes on Turbo Tax, sitting with them and jointly doing their taxes with them, or helping research answers online to tax questions. I have helped some friends multiple times, proving the Ben Franklin effect.

I will give you 2 more examples:

Ever since I can remember, I have enjoyed giving people career-related advice and help.

I have looked at resumes, done mock interviews, and put heads together with them, on a situation at work.

Rarely is this a one-off, for the person who decides to ask for my help.

Typically, someone who contacts me for career-related help, will usually contact me again.

Some, several times over the course of their career.

On a completely unrelated front, I pride myself on being able to create party games.

I have created games for multiple events for an organization I belong to called the NCMA (Northern California Mangalorean Association), as well as for personal parties hosted by NCMA members.

These examples - of giving help to the same people or organizations — again and again, are all proofs of the Ben Franklin effect.

You have probably experienced the Ben Franklin effect yourself.

What are situations in which, the same people typically help you out, with the same things?

There you go. That’s an example of the Ben Franklin effect.

What are situations in which, the same people turn to you for help, for the same things?

There you go. That’s an example of the Ben Franklin effect.

The neighbor, who loves tinkering with cars.

The friend, who enjoys doing taxes.

The community member, who enjoys creating party games.

The church lady, who is ever willing to give of her time, and lend a helping hand, when there’s a need.

The cousin, who can figure out why something is not working in your house, and fix it.

The friend, who is ever ready to style your hair, cut your hair, or do your makeup.

The team member, who enjoys leading, organizing, and planning events for your team, or company.

The sociable friend, who is willing to go to a movie or an outing, at short notice.

The friend’s mom, who is handy with sewing or baking.

The friend (or friends), who invite you to visit or stay, again and again.

The friend, who helps you research personal finance questions.

The friend, you can call up for medical advice.

The friend who is a tech geek, and can help you make good computer decisions.

The friend, who is always open to helping you think things through.

The friend you can call up for nutritional advice.

You can find your people.

Life is easier, and more fun, when you let people, who like doing some things, and are good at doing those things, be a part of your “getting things done” team.

Name Game

During the summer, at the request of the host of a party, I created a Name Game, based on the first names of all the guests attending the party. 

I gave each player a sheet of paper.

They had to match the clues listed in the top half of the sheet, with the correct name from the list of names, in the lower half of the sheet.

I thought it might be fun for you to play the game.

Ready to take a break from Wordle, online chess, online bridge, your newspaper crossword, or Pinpoint on Linkedin (my latest daily addiction) to play Minoo's Name Game for a few minutes, instead?

"Yes"?

Ok, then let's go.

Can you match the clues in the list  below, with the correct name from the list of names below that:

Clues

1. A mountain in Central Italy

2. “What did you just call me? The Riveter?” asked O’donnell

3. Rhymes with penny

4. Menace

5. Is this quiche from Alsace?

6. Prophet

7. Victory and triumph no more, for Indian fugitive, and former businessman

8. This California resident sweeps through town like a tropical cyclone

9. My Heart Will Go On

10. And the …. award for excellence in broadway theater goes to

11. For….sake, this is the easiest of clues

12. I wouldn’t get into this Stephen King car, if I were you

13. This Nixon was one of the Sex and the City vixens

14. Ladd of Charlie’s Angels

15. The first …., the angels did sing

16. Masani

17. Roop Tera Mastana singer and Rafi nemesis

18. Mole on Visnu’s chest

19. Boop, comically called

Match the clues listed above with the correct name from the list below:

1. Noella

2. Betty

3. Mohammed

4. Rosie

5. Minoo

6. Cheryl

7. Vijay

8. Pete

9. Majella

10. Kishore

11. Celine

12. Denis

13. Cynthia

14. Srivats

15. Tony

16. Lorraine

17. Christine

18. Doreen

19. Jennie

A Lesson From My Life For You

You should never be afraid to try something new.
Even if it's the opposite of what you do.

A lesson from my life for you.
A lesson from my life for you.

(I went from an all words job in India, as an advertising copywriter,  to an all numbers job in America, as a sales commissions analyst). What new thing are you telling yourself you can't do, or is not for you?

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Even if you try, and can't do something today.
In the future, you may find a way.

A lesson from my life for you.
A lesson from my life for you.

(Though I tried to learn to drive in India, I was unsuccessful. Yet within 6 months of moving to America, I was driving, and within the first year of moving to America, I drove 339 miles from San Jose to Los Angeles. Never say never!). What thing have you given up on believing you can achieve? Maybe you should give it another try? What's the worst that can happen?

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A gain for someone else, is not a loss for you.
In work, play, politics, sports, in fact, in everything, you think, say, and do.

A lesson from my life for you.
A lesson from my life for you.

(Over here defeat, over there victory; over here despair, over there joy, over here fear, over there confidence, over here sickness, over there health, and so on, and so on. There are areas of life, in which, we will have to accept other people's victories, with no corresponding victories on our side. Faced with that, we have to look, not at what we don't have, but at what, we do have. We have to count our blessings. I count friendships as one of my blessings.) Can you learn to feel happy about someone else's victories? Maybe, you think you cannot, but perhaps, maybe, you can?

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Being real is the best way to go.
Sooner or later, people will prefer sincerity to show.

A lesson from my life for you.
A lesson from my life for you.

(Starting out with trying to be little Ms. Perfect, I gradually learned to love myself as I am, to be less focused on image, and more focused on improving in areas, crying out for change, like my self-centeredness, and lack of authenticity.) Are you afraid of being yourself? Are you afraid of people knowing things about you, and exposing areas of your life to other people? Perhaps, those people are just as afraid, as you are. Maybe, it would be better to live life, without that fear?

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In victory, we don't know what is lost.
In loss, we don't know what is won.

A lesson from my life for you.
A lesson from my life for you.

(Whether professional, financial, or personal, we will every last one of us, have to experience tough times. I have had my share of tough times - a depression at the height of my copywriting career success, a variety of job challenges and humiliations at different times, and embarrassing investment losses. When enough time passed, I was able to see each one of those tough times as a gift. There were also some victories in my life, which I gloated about internally, only to realize those victories came at a terrible price.  I realized my mistake. I was trying to put a price on everything, when in actual fact, some things are priceless.) What did you gain from a recent, or past loss?  What did you lose from a recent, or past victory? Yes, even victory comes with losses. Maybe, it's just that you haven't given any thought to the losses of that victory?

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New beginnings can happen at any time.
Never think it's over for you, or that you are past your prime.

A lesson from my life for you.
A lesson from my life for you.

(Everyone has their Mt. Everests. For some, it may be a fear of driving, for some, it may be a fear of flying, for some, it may be an inability to socialize. As a child, and young adult, I thought I would never get over my shyness. I was wrong. As a person whose hobby was writing,  but who never wrote a word for 14 years, I thought I would never write again. I was wrong. As a person who got rid of all her stocks after the Harshad Mehta scam, I thought I would never invest in stocks again. All these thoughts and other thoughts, turned out to be wrong. It is never too early, or too late, to begin a new chapter.) What did you start doing in recent months or years, that you did not do earlier, maybe even could not hope, or imagine yourself being able to do, earlier? This is the clue, that the years ahead, will hold joys and treasures, that are hard for you to imagine, hope for yourself, or conceive of, at present.

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Embrace those who think differently from you do.
So you can broaden your thinking, and expand your views.

A lesson from my life for you.
A lesson from my life for you.

(I read, listen to, and watch all kinds of content. Left leaning content and right leaning content, content on one side of an argument, and content on the other side of the same argument. It helps me see both sides of an idea or thought. And it helps me understand what matters to different kinds of people, not just the people who are in my bubble, in my echo chamber, and who support my thinking, and share my ideas or sentiments. Having an open mind has been the path to change for me in some areas.) What have you done to embrace all kinds of people, and different thinking in your life? Do you think if more of us did that, it might make the world a better place? Maybe? What do you think?

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Keep a ear open for all kinds of advice.
Listen to people from different backgrounds, and different walks of life.

A lesson from my life for you.
A lesson from my life for you.

(I have become more open minded with every passing year. And I try to find common ground with people I meet. I have found that great advice can come from everyone and anyone, you meet, and common ground can be found with anyone too). What is some advice that someone gave you recently that helped you, or was insightful? What common ground do you have with someone who is different from you? Are you glad they are in your life? What is the best way to keep them in your life?

What are some examples of working without expertise?

At the starting point of anything new in life, we will have no expertise.

Ambition, maybe, but no expertise.

Book knowledge, maybe, but no expertise.

Training, maybe, but no expertise.

Some exposure, maybe, but no expertise.

Desire to earn money, maybe, but no expertise.

Desire to succeed, maybe, but no expertise.

Belief in ourself, maybe, but no expertise.

Desperation, maybe, but no expertise.

Interest, maybe, but no expertise.

A dream, maybe, but no expertise.

A vision, maybe, but no expertise.

Ideas, maybe, but no expertise.

Plans, maybe, but no expertise.

Expertise is developed over time.

According to Malcolm Gladwell’s book The Outliers, becoming an expert requires 10,000 hours of practice.

However, your results will vary, depending not just on the quantity of effort you put in, in terms of time, but the quality of your efforts, the opportunities and the resources available to you, the support you have, and personality advantages such as determination, energy, stick-to-itiveness, single-minded focus, resilience, and being able to keep working at something, until you succeed at it.

Luck is a factor too.  Being at the right place, at the right time, with the right ideas and answers, will open a door that might not have opened, if not for you, being at the right place, at the right time, with the right ideas and answers for that time.

Meanwhile, if you put in your best, when you are working without expertise, you will (sooner or later) get to the point of working with expertise.

You will know when you have got to that point, by how sure you feel about what you are doing, the confidence other people have in you, the praise and compliments you receive, the demand, support, and encouragement you are able to generate and rally, and if it’s a money earning activity, how much money people are prepared to pay for your expertise, and to help you succeed.

What elements are necessary for fostering an effective thought partnership?

The following are the best conditions for an effective thought partnership:

• One-on-one communication

• Give and take in communication

• Communication without negativity, or an unspoken agenda

• Communication about a wide variety of subjects (so much gold is discovered, purely accidentally)

• Communication over an extended period of time, ideally 2 hours or more, rather than brief communication (the longer the duration of the communication, the better); road trips and long walks are great for communication

• Enjoyment of each other’s company, engagement, and interaction, whether in person, on the phone, or on social media (in person, would, clearly, have the most impact)

• Likemindedness

• Trust in the other person's morals, acumen, judgement, and ability to take things seriously

• Unhesitant courage to share your own thoughts, feelings, and ideas

• Belief in the the other person's ability to help you clarify your thinking, or to contribute to your thinking

• Trust (which usually emerges over time, and which strengthens, the longer your relationship)

One-on-one in-person communication, for 1) at least a one-hour duration, 2) with a person you trust, 3) who is someone you believe can help you clarify your thinking, or contribute to your thinking, and 4) whose company, or interaction with, you enjoy, is best for a satisfying and productive thought partnership.

If such a person exists in your life, or will make themselves available to you, schedule to meet them, for at least an hour, whenever you feel you need their help, to clarify, or confirm your thinking, or if you think they can contribute to your thinking.

If one-on-one meetings are not possible, talk to them on the phone.

It is far less effective to use social media to lobby one-way ideas you feel strongly about, if you want to develop a satisfying and productive thought partnership.

You will ruin any possibilities of meaningful interaction, if you go that route.

I repeat...one-on-one in-person communication, for 1) at least a one-hour duration, 2) with a person you trust, 3) who is someone you believe can help you clarify your thinking, or contribute to your thinking, and 4) whose company, or interaction with, you enjoy, is best for a satisfying and productive thought partnership.

What is your formula for life?

Here's what I can say about my formula for life...

I have become much clearer about some things.

One, I’ve learned I can admire something without desiring it.

For instance, I can admire a beautiful home, without desiring to own a beautiful home, myself.

I enjoy visiting other people’s homes, but I have no desire at all, to own such a home myself, because of all the things that come with owning a beautiful home: payments, utility bills, upkeep, maintenance, repairs, cleaning, safety, security.

So that’s something I’ve learned about myself.

Two, I’ve learned that some things are preferences to me, and some are deal-breakers.

For instance, I might prefer to rent a room with an attached bathroom, but having an attached bathroom is not a deal-breaker.

However, noise is a deal-breaker for me.

So is parking inconvenience.

I would not consider a rental situation, where safe, convenient parking is hard to find.

Nor will I rent a room, in a house which is on a slope, because that too, would be a parking nightmare for me.

In all areas of my life, including how I spend my leisure time, I have the same distinctions - preferences vs deal breakers.

They are a light on my path, and guide my decisions.

Three, I got this from Ron Baker (whom you may know from the Soul of Enterprise podcasts), and I thank him for that - value is subjective, and price is contextual.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

Value is subjective:

One person may value flexibility to come and go as they please in a job, or to work from home, another person may value money, more challenging job content, and a higher position.

In my American work life, which included raising a young child, and for a while, having to take my mother to her various appointments, I valued flexibility to work from home most.

What was valuable to me will not be valuable to a young single with no family responsibilities, or to an empty nester, whose children have grown up, and who has no caregiving responsibilities.

Price is contextual:

Let me explain this as well.

If it's a hot day, you are thirsty, and you are far from a regular store, maybe in an amusement park, or at a tourist spot,  or at a concert, how much would you be prepared to pay for a bottle of water?

Even a price-gouging price, right?

So I pay higher prices for goods and services, depending on the context.

Normally, one would book 2 months in advance for a trip by air.

I have bought air tickets without regard for price, because of an opportunity to go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip.

I will give you another example.

You may pay more to have a cup of coffee in an exclusive cafe with a wonderful ambiance, just because of the history of the cafe (it's in a palace), or the ambiance.

You can probably think of 'price is contextual' examples in your own life as well.

Four, I operate with a distinction between "my rules" and "the rules".

Let me explain.

For example, ‘the rules” say job security and job stability are more important than anything else.

‘My rules’ say something different.

‘My rules’ say job security and job stability are not worth sacrificing one's freedom for.

So because I value freedom over security, I am a freelancer in my field.

Let me give you a non career-related example.

This is from the movie Chariots of Fire, that you may have watched, and been inspired by.

In the movie, Eric Liddell refuses to participate in the 1924 Paris Olympic heats, because they are on the sabbath day.

He is not prepared to sacrifice his values, in spite of all the pressure put on him.

He has a personal definition of success, that will not allow him to sacrifice his values, whatever he stands to lose, however angry it makes people.

I have a personal definition of success too.

Which is why, I live the way I live.

People may look at me, and my lifestyle, and decide “Minoo, while I admire you, I have no desire to be in your shoes; to be a freelancer, and go from assignment to assignment, like you do. Or to live such a minimalistic lifestyle, as you do”.

That’s fine.

I came to where I am, some of it, due to accidents of circumstance, some of it, due to accidents of events.

They were happy accidents, as far as I am concerned.

Before you go running out to copy cat me, or to imitate anyone else's lifestyle and choices, it is important to note, there is an age and stage in life for everything.

It is for each one of us, to craft our own definition of success, at each age and stage of our life.

Minoo Jha

 · 3y

If you know several successful people, what is something that they all have in common?

They all understand that success is personal… All of us are unique. One size doesn't fit all. Not only do we have different geographical backgrounds, we come from different families and cultures. Our genetic and environmental make up is different. What each one of us was exposed to as children, was different. We have had different kinds of schooling. We've been raised in different kinds of families and homes. We've been part of different communities and cultures. Because we spent our childhoods doing different things, and facing different circumstances, we grew up learning different lessons. We grew up absorbing different values. Naturally, the options we think we have are different. The things we are willing to do are different. The things we are able to do are different. We have different fears and concerns. We have different interests and drives. We have different goals and priorities. Quite naturally, the challenges we feel we are up to taking on, will also be different. For all these reasons, it's important for each of us to develop a personal definition of success. This definition should be valid for you, and you alone. I had a rough childhood, where I rarely got a good night's sleep, because my dad had a drinking problem and would be up all night creating scenes. So part of my definition of success is a good night's sleep. Your unique background, your unique education, your unique experiences and experiments, your unique circumstances, and of course your unique dreams and talents, should all figure in crafting your definition of success. Is it that you were the only one to blaze a trail in your family? Is it that you got through your teenage and early adult years without messing up your life? Is it that you have been able to go with the flow, and make a living taking on different challenges? Is it that whatever you touch, you have always made your investment of time, money, and energy pay off? Is it that you have been able to achieve some things that are important to you, such as work flexibility, or work-life balance, or good health? Is it that you have been able to live simply? Is it that you have been able to go from strength to strength in your field? Is it that you have never let a disabling illness or condition stop you from doing the things you want to do? Is it that you have reinvented yourself through different jobs? Is it that, no matter the life blows, you have never lost your faith in God or humankind, or yourself? Is it that you have made some tough sacrifices you never thought you would make? It is that you are a good friend, a good parent, a good child, or a good brother or sister? Is it that you have never let failures and setbacks keep you down? Is it that you have been steadily able to command more and more respect as a person? Success to you may be succeeding in a field where you are a minority. Success to you may be knowing you have conquered some fears or weaknesses to become a better, or stronger person. Success to you may be dealing with a tough situation, without going to pieces, or losing your compassion. You don't have to let other people's definitions of success determine your life. You know who you are. You know what you have been able to do. Most important of all, you know what still remains to be done. Here’s someone who has his own unique definition of success:

And then to live it.

And to craft a new definition of success, when we are at a new age or stage of life.

A new idea may take hold of us, a new spirit may infuse us.

Or, an accident of circumstance, or an accident of event, may demand we choose a different course.

It then falls to us, to write a new formula for our life.

And then to live it.

I am glad, I revisited the formula for my life, and came around to where I am today.

Now, my goal is to stay committed, and to that end, I've made a promise to my future self…

Minoo Jha

 · 5y

How do you keep a promise you made to yourself?

Hi, You asked, Do you have any tips on keeping the promises one makes to themselves? Write a letter to your future self on Future Me. By putting something in writing, you make your intention clear to yourself. I wrote a letter to my Future Self on my blog. Reprinting it in full below: Dear Future Self, I have tilled the soil. I have planted the seeds. I have watered the saplings. I have done all the things I need to do for you to have a good life. You now just have to keep it going. If you stick with the habits I have set, you will be in good shape. Sleep a minimum of 8 hours. Do cardio and strength training. Carve out time for healthy activities in your routine. Maintain the diet that is right for you. The one that was right for me was a low carb diet. I dodged the diabetes bullet by doing that. Keep stress at bay. Mental health is as important as physical health. Use tools to calm yourself down when you get anxious. Take a walk or have a shower or a massage, do some stretches, or play a game. Talk to someone on the phone. Remember, no matter what you do to prevent bad things from happening to you, you can't avoid bad things altogether. Our Younger Self didn't know how to deal with bad things. She fretted and fumed and over reacted to each crisis. She had to say or do something almost immediately. Whereas I have found that if you let hours (and sometimes days) go by without saying or doing anything, things that seem bad when they happen, become something you can move on from and forget. Meditation and having a spiritual life have helped me tremendously in this regard. I wish I had learned to meditate earlier. Our Younger Self didn't have the benefit of meditation, or a spiritual life, unfortunately for her. Regards work, including housework, try to approach everything you do with a service heart and a servant heart. I do that regularly in my Commissions Consulting work, and outside of my Commissions Consulting work. It has won the hearts of many people in my life, including my clients. Value is another mantra you should adopt. Look to deliver value in everything you do. Now by that, I don't mean show off how clever and smart you are. I mean look to being useful to other people and being concerned with their problems rather than yours. Value may be as simple as lending a ear when other people have something to say without stealing the conversation back to your concerns. Live simply and be prudent with money. I have been wise, careful, and frugal, to ensure you will be okay. Slow and steady and restrained is the way to go. Stick with my prescription for simplicity in investing - as in life - and you will be okay. As to your free time, spend it doing the things that mean the most to you. One of my favorite things to do costs no money at all. I like to write. I currently write a blog. I also write for my Commission Administration clients. Commission Process documents, User Guides, and FRDs may not sound creative and fun, but they are extremely useful and valuable to my clients. There is a chance it will be your hobby too. Who knows where that hobby will take you. Life is full of surprises. Thanks to an old advertising friend, I was able to dip my toe back into advertising copy recently after many years. I was able to write two brochures all in the span of a few weekends. One of the clients when he saw the brochure immediately said it was brilliant. It made my heart sing to know I still had it in me. Our Younger Self has to get some of the credit. Our Younger Self wrote a Money Workshop for 4th - 6th graders. Our Younger Self completed a Toastmasters CTM. Speeches and course content could lead to new avenues. I keep a ear out for new avenues. For example, on a recent Being Freelance podcast, a freelancer mentioned he uses his Virtual Assistant to help him with some of his communications. I said….aha now there's another avenue. You should do this too. Keep a ear out for new avenues - to contribute, to make life more interesting, to make a little money, to have fun. Finally, focus on being the best human being you can be. Not the best writer, or best dresser, or best cook, or best host, or best homemaker, or best church goer…but the best human being. I am talking about patience and honesty and kindness and humility and forgiveness and understanding and being a good listener, those kinds of things. You won't get it right immediately. If something as simple as cooking rice takes several tries to get right, imagine how many more tries might be involved in becoming a more patient or a more understanding human being. Maybe a lifetime. Don't be afraid of making mistakes, or messing up. I make mistakes and mess up all the time. When I make mistakes or mess up, I get back up on my feet and keep trying. You need to keep doing that too. I sincerely believe life gets better as we get older. Lovingly, Your Past Self