Change Your Thinking. Change Your Life.

10 people walk by a house.

The first one looks at the souped up car in the driveway and thinks “hot wheels”.

The second one looks at the well-manicured front-yard and thinks “I need to get my front-yard and my backyard into shape.”

The third looks at the trees lining both sides of the road and thinks “Marianne said this area was farmland when she bought her house here 30 years ago.  And now look at all these trees!  I am very grateful to the folks who planted these trees for the shade they provide when I go on my walks.”

The fourth one looks at the house and thinks “the feng shui of this house is not right.  “I would move the entrance to the right. “

The fifth one notices the “McCain Palin” bumper sticker on the car in the driveway and thinks “another gun-toting right wing nut job.”

The sixth one is startled out of his preoccupations by a dog that barks loudly from inside the house and is annoyed because he nearly jumps out of his skin and it also makes him lose his train of thought.

The seventh one wonders whether real estate values have come down in the area and what this house might be priced at now.

The eighth one wonders about the people who live inside. Do their lives match or contrast the well-manicured exterior and the fancy car?  “Keeping Secrets”, Suzanne Sommer’s best-selling, candid and eminently readable book about her father's alcoholism pops into her mind.

The ninth one hears the dog bark and thinks about her cat.

The tenth person is you.  What would be running through your mind if you were walking that same street, passing that same house, looking at that same car, running your eyes over the same well-manicured lawn and the same car in the driveway with the McCain-Palin bumper sticker?

Life is a state of mind.

We choose what to focus on.

Our vision can be narrow or broad.

We usually pick one element out of any experience and focus exclusively on that.

More often than not, it’s a utilitarian element, a pet peeve or a hobby horse.

Our mind runs in well-worn grooves.

Often determined by our conditioning, or what the French call idée fixe.

So what’s wrong with that?

Because your thoughts are the horse which draw the wagon of your other thoughts and your emotions.

So maybe you need to watch them like hawks.

They are capable of ruining a perfectly normal and good day.

Besides why would you want your mind-life to consist of the same old same old rehearsals and replays?

When there are so many new and wonderful things to think about.

Change your thinking. Change your life.

P.S.  There are a number of different ways you can control your thought processes...meditation, self-hypnosis and prayer are 3 of them. Developing perspective is helpful too.  My post Lessons From My Personal Heroes might help you in this regard. And if your thinking on certain issues is stuck and causing you grief and interpersonal problems, you should also consider reading Feeling Good, which is a self-help tool-kit to correct faulty thinking and the emotions that arise out of faulty thinking. 

Written by Dr Burns, one of the most well-known cognitive psychotherapists and currently an adjunct Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine, the book will help you tackle not just unhealthy emotions such as depression, guilt and anger, but self-sabotaging behaviors such as procrastination, perfectionism and seeking validation through other people’s approval, by addressing the root cause of them – faulty thoughts. (Example: just because you believe and follow the Golden Rule, thinking that others should too is faulty thinking, per Dr. Burns).

P.S. 2: Interested in Behavioral Psychology as a field of study? Feeling Good will introduce you to some of the current thinking and practices, as well as giants in the field, including...

Aaron T Beck, who is considered the father of Cognitive Therapy. An emeritus professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania and the director of the Aaron T. Beck Psychopathology Research Center, his current research focuses on cognitive therapy for suicide prevention, dissemination of cognitive therapy into community settings, and cognitive therapy for schizophrenia.

Stewart Agras. He has established a comprehensive eating disorders treatment program at the Stanford School of Psychiatric Medicine where he currently works.

P.S.3:  As always thanks for reading and if changing your thinking in any area of your life has changed your life, I would love to hear about it.

The Simple Life...

(Or how I went from Why Do I Not Have It? to Do I Need It?)

I internalized Suze Orman.

I started meditating. (The book “How God Changes Your Brain” gave me both my motivation and my technique).

I stopped being a nervous Nellie about my future, accepting that the future was hamarey bas ki baat nahi (Hindi for “beyond my control/capacity/competence”).

I channeled stories such as the Farid ud-Din Attar story about King Mahmud and the Beans.

I started tracking my expenses. I found that knowing my average monthly expenditure was within a certain range made me oodles less anxious.

I searched for and read books on downshifting like Your Money or Your Life.

I found out how simply some folks were living (friends and relatives in India) and how happy and content they were. It helped me develop perspective.

I realized that things are not always what they seem. That people who looked better off than me with expensive cars, nice houses, the latest gadgets and who went on fabulous holidays might actually be reeling in debt and have negative net worth.

I also observed how many people who are better off than me fret more than me. This is because though they are rich in externals (the visible accoutrements of a successful life), they are poor in internals (their internal life is messy). Peace and contentment can’t be bought. It is a gift you give yourself. You can be at peace even living in a crowded noisy apartment complex, whereas you can be in a state of turmoil even in the quietest most luxurious and secluded waterfront mansion. I know this sounds like a “sour grapes” rationalization, but I really do fret less than many people who are materially far better off than me.

I discovered “Asteya” and made it one of my goals. Asteya is the discipline of taking from the world only what you need – without greed, excess, or wastage.

I realized that producing something (expression) was more satisfying than owning anything (consumption). 

I observed that more stuff made me less happy rather than more happy – giving me more house cleaning, maintenance and security to worry about.

And finally, I observed what made me happy. They were not things, but experiences. A good conversation. A good read. A walk or talk with a friend. A simple hearty meal. A guest post (hint,hint). A satisfying workout at the gym. Giving and receiving appreciation. Learning something new. My meditations. A fear or weakness conquered. An intellectual puzzle solved. A physical challenge met. And realizing this, I was able to cheerfully and contentedly declare “I’m good!”

P.S.  I owe the phrase "hamarey bas ki  baat nahi" to a well-wisher who left a comment using that phrase on my post Which Household Object Best Symbolizes You?  I am not sure if I am using it right, but many thanks to you, well-wisher.

P.S. 2:  This post is for Aarathi who enjoyed my previous post on Wabi-Sabi.  Aarathi, this is for you.

P.S. 3 Asteya is one of the Yamas of Yoga. Yoga has eight limbs in all, of which Yama is the first (it is Sanskrit for moral discipline), Niyama is the second (it is Sanskrit for moral guidance), and Asana (Sanskrit for body postures) is only the third. If you want a quick introduction to the 8 limbs, you can read about them here. Also, please note that though I have made Asteya one of my goals, I have taken only the first few steps in what appears to be a journey of 1000 miles.  Greed, excess and wastage are very hard to rid oneself of.  But I am on my way by being aware.

P.S. 4: I discovered the Yamas and Niyamas through reading Judith Lasater’s Living Your Yoga: Finding the Spiritual in Everyday Life. I highly recommend this book. 

P.S. 5: If you are interested in the story of King Mahmoud and the Beans, click on this link which takes you to a page containing some of the best stories of Farid ud-Din Attar. Quick note: Farid ud-Din Attar is a classical Sufi author.

P.S. 6:  Below are links to the books mentioned in this post.

P.S. 7:  As always, thanks for reading and wishing you peace and contentment, above all!