Lessons From My Personal Heroes

Akhil Uday at 22

Do your problems and challenges seem insurmountable to you?

Are you coping with a major life blow or blows suffered at the hands of another person or caused by unforeseen events?(Thwarted in your dreams to marry, have a child,  get somewhere in life; or devastated and let down by your misplaced faith in someone)

Did you lose everything as a result of the housing bubble or a relationship gone bad and now face the prospect of having to build yourself up again from scratch?

Are you battling a debilitating personal illness, problem, habit or weakness - a disability, body issues, personality issues, mental illness, or addictions like smoking, drinking, drugs or gambling?

Have you lost your career to changes in technology and off-shoring and now have to go back to basics to re-skill yourself?

Are you intimidated by the challenges of rejoining the workforce after a break of many years – and scared of all the catching up you have to do?

Are you overwhelmed dealing with a problem child, a marriage gone sour, or interpersonal family problems?

Are these challenges looming so large as to cast a huge shadow over your life?

A shadow you feel hopeless to shake off.

Miring you in depression.  Anger. Sadness. Bitterness. Hopelessness. Or Resentment.

How do you take control?

How do you keep self-pity and negativity from getting the better of you?

I would like to share a few stories with you.

Stories of how some friends and relatives have dealt with events much worse than any described in this article.

Events which are unspeakably painful even to think about...

Yet, instead of seeing anger, sadness, bitterness, hopelessness, or resentment...

I have observed courage, fortitude, optimism, cheerfulness, faith and purposefulness in the people who are going through them.

Their example of courage and faith in action gives me immense hope that as vulnerable as we are, we are equipped as human beings to deal with and rise above the most devastating tragedies in our lives.

I feel privileged that these courageous folks are in my life.

I think of them as my personal heroes and I have asked for their permission to share their stories of courage with you.

I hope their stories will help you find the strength to deal with your own personal cross, however heavy it is for you.

Meet Uday and Nithya, my personal heroes from Bangalore

Akhil Uday’s story is a story of a typical Indian boy growing up in a strong and loving family.

Nithya and Uday met at MAA (an agency at which I also worked), fell deeply in love with each other, and got married.

Akhil Uday was their first born.

Nithya and Uday doted on both their children, Akhil and Arpita.

Uday recalls crying when he dropped Akhil off on his first day at Kindergarten at Frank Anthony’s Public School and Nithya recalls not knowing who she needed to comfort more –  the crying boy or the crying father.

After his matriculation, Akhil went on to NJC for his pre-university and then to Christ College for his graduate studies.

He entered the workforce with Kotak and then moved on to Chesapeake Group, whose offices were located on one of the top floors of 7-storied Carlton Towers, a commercial building on Old Airport Road in Bangalore, India.

Akhil was really excited about his future in Chesapeake and looked forward to the day when he could “buy Dad a BMW”, as he was often known to say to Uday.

He had big dreams. Cars were a passion, and Lamborghini’s and Ferraris figured in those dreams.

His sister Arpita figured as well.  Akhil hoped to be able to move to the US and then get Arpita, his special needs sister, over to the US where there would be many more resources available for her.

Chesapeake Group, a company based in New York, seemed like the perfect launching pad for those dreams.

The company offered corporate development and financial advisory services to select industries.  Their scope of services included Mergers and Acquisitions, Private Placements, IPOs and Underwritings, Strategic Sales and Divestitures, Leveraged and Management Buyouts, Strategic Business Planning, Repositioning and Restructuring and Joint Ventures.

Akhil, who was working towards an MBA, was excited to be joining the Bangalore operations of Chesapeake, then under the capable and experienced chief Siddhartha Padam.

A bright future awaited Padam, Akhil and the rest of Chesapeake’s enthusiastic Bangalore team.

Feb 23, 2010 – The Day That Would Change Uday and Nithya’s Life Forever

Feb 23, 2010 started out as any other day.

Akhil, who phoned his dad at least once a day from office, usually after lunch with a “Hmmm….what’s up”, called earlier than usual that day.

You see, Uday had started a blog to get a new marketing company going, and Akhil had some ideas on how to improve the blog.

Hence the morning call.

Uday did not know it was to be the last time he would hear his son’s voice.

At 4 p.m. a devastating fire broke out at Carlton Towers.

It started on the lower floors and moved rapidly upwards, engulfing the building in thick black smoke.

The Chesapeake team located on one of the upper floors, were trapped.

The corridors were so thick with smoke, they could not get to the elevator or the stairs.

Akhil called the Fire Brigade.

But when the Fire Brigade did not come fast enough, the situation began to look hopeless.

The ensuing sequence of events cannot be known with any precision.

What we do know is that when Uday received the news of the fire, he immediately set out in his car to get to Carlton Towers.

The traffic made it impossible for him to reach the building.

While he was trying to get through the snarled traffic, he received a call from one of Akhil’s friends who informed him that the injured were being shifted to Manipal Hospital.

On hearing this, Uday immediately re-routed to Manipal Hospital.

When he got there, he tried to track down his son, starting with the Casualty Department (what the Emergency Department is called in India); when he had no luck with them, he began calling the operators on the other floors of the hospital to find out if anyone had any news about his son.  

While he was still in the process of doing this, he received a call on his mobile asking him if he knew an Akhil Uday.

Uday said “Yes, I am his Dad.”

“Sir, can you please come down to the basement,” the voice at the end of the line said to him.

On reaching the basement, Uday realized he was in the mortuary and that’s when the truth struck him – he had lost his son.

At 22, Akhil Uday, Uday and Nithya’s son was no more.

How does one cope with a tragedy like this?

Losing a young child in such a devastating way?

Can one ever come to terms with it or ever recover from it?

You can find out by reading the blog Uday started within 24 hours of Akhil’s death.

Here’s why it’s so inspiring...

Because anger, bitterness, resentment and self-absorption are nowhere to be found in it.

Instead, it is about thinking the right things and doing the right things every step of the way, in spite of a devastating loss.

Rather than retreating into a private world of self-pity and grief and anger, Uday and Nithya made the brave decision to band with the other impacted families (9 people died in all and a total of 70 were injured) to make sure that Carlton Towers would never happen again.

Together, this brave group of grieving families is addressing the factors that led to this completely avoidable tragedy.

There were many factors in play...

The fire alarm only went off for 5 minutes, so the occupants of the building were unaware of how serious the fire was.

The building did not have fire extinguishers on every floor.

There were no signs posted for fire escapes.

There was no water connection to the sprinklers.

The fire escape doors between floors were locked.

And the fire department took a whole hour to get to the scene.

You can find out more about all the things that went wrong that could have been avoided by viewing this You Tube video interview with one of the survivors.

For becoming activists so as to create positive change, sharing their journey of coping and finding meaning in the avoidable death of their son with us, and not letting anger, bitterness and negativity take hold of them, Uday and Nithya are my personal heroes.

I hope you will be inspired by their story to deal with your current struggles and burdens in a positive life-affirming way.

P.S. Beyond Carlton is on Facebook.  Here is the link, if you want to read more about what the group is doing and if you want to add your voice or resources to their cause. 

Recent picture of the sky taken by Uday from his car window with his IPhone

P.S. 2: You can also read Uday’s blog at this link.

P.S 3: I would like to thank Nithya and Uday for letting me share their story with you.