Married To The Job

The longer you stay in a job or field, should the higher your commitment be to it?

The answer is it depends.

Your commitment to anything, whether it is a house, a job, a partner, an activity, or an association with a person or group, should be based on clear thinking about where you are, what your needs are, what your circumstances are, what your priorities are, and what your observations are regarding the current or future suitability of the situation for you.

Just as you should evaluate whether to stay in the house you are living in, or whether to hold on to an investment you have your money in, you should evaluate your job circumstances on a regular basis.

Here are some reasons to stop being married to a job or field...

The reason why you took up the job has been satisfied

You had some reason to take up the job.

Example, you wanted to get some experience.

The job was the best thing you could find in that moment.

Now some time has passed.

The job has given you all the experience you can get.

It’s time to move on!

You wanted to tap what was potentially an attractive income opportunity

The job or field held great promise.

You knew there was demand for it, and significant money to be made.

Now time has passed.

You realize the income opportunity has been tapped.

In fact, the income opportunity has been diminishing for some time, due to a number of factors, some expected, some unexpected, either way disappointing.

It’s time to move on!

You had an ideal set of skills for what you were doing, which is not so ideal anymore

When you started in the field, you were able to wow, or at the very least, do a decent job.

With the background and skills you had, you were able to tackle all the responsibilities and challenges thrown at you, and there was never any doubt you could be counted on to deliver.

Unfortunately, your skill-set, which might have been suitable for a specific time or place, is less than ideal for dealing with a different time and place.

The pace of change, new developments, and lack of exposure, have all left you with less to offer.

The ideal set of skills is beyond what you currently possess.

It’s time to move on!

When the field or job was new to you, you could overlook the annoyances that came with it

Jobs or fields can come with all kinds of problems.

Micromanagement…

Undercutting…

Last minute hitches…

Troublemakers…

Corruption…

Unfairness..

And more.

You are tired of the annoyances in your job or field.

You think you deserve better and can do better.

And perhaps you do.

It’s time to move on!

You had a network that was going for you in your job or field – which does not exist anymore

Networking, networking, networking.

This is what you hear is the key to thriving in a field.

Unfortunately, you have no network going for you.

You had a network at one time.

Now this is not the case, for the following reasons…

The network has moved on.

Or you are out of touch with your network.

Or your network has even aged out of the field.

Maybe you had no network at all to begin with.

It’s time to move on!

You had abandoned a job, field, or arena for better opportunities, but a new opportunity has surfaced in that job, field, or arena, in a form that's exciting, and appears to have tremendous potential for income and growth

Whether it’s brand new and excites you, or connected with something you once did, and excites you, the answer is clear…

Seize the moment.

It’s time to move on!

You had modest financial goals when you originally started in a job, practice area, or field. That has changed

Financial goals change over time.

When you were starting out, because you were starting out, or because of circumstances, such as parenting a young child, you chose to do a less stressful job and settle for a modest income.

You did not dare to think of more ambitious financial goals.

Now that you have experience, or you can give more time to your work, maybe you want to go after bigger financial goals which will bring you more income.

Perhaps, you even need to bring in more income, because you have identified certain things you would like to achieve, which will require more income to achieve.

Unfortunately, these ambitious financial goals cannot be met in your current job, practice area, or field.

It’s time to move on!

You have a tough decision to make

It's a tough call divorcing your job, current field, or practice area, especially if you’ve been married to it for a long time.

You can make a change, and if the gamble doesn't work out, you would have lost ground for nothing.

It's not a pleasant thought.

But the consequences of continuing to be married to your job, practice area, or field, are also clear.

You could be in the same place, months from now.

You could be in the same place years from now.

You could be in the same place a decade from now.

While survival in a job or field is a test of merit, there's also the risk that your job or line of work can abruptly come to an end, because for example, your company closes down or moves offshore, or your industry becomes redundant.

Then what?

Being married to the job or field, and the diminishing rewards associated with it, will have been for nothing, anyway.

Will you be able to surface from an ending like that with your optimism and positive attitude intact? Or will it be extremely difficult?

I will leave you with that question today.

Perhaps it is time to move on?

Who Is Your Biggest Friend?

If you answered with the name of a person, it is the wrong answer.

Your biggest friends should be the following:

Knowledge

Skills

Action

Discipline

Values

Wisdom

You might be appalled by my suggestion that your best friends are not who you think they are, but things like knowledge, skills, action, discipline, values, and wisdom.

You might be saying to yourself, Minoo, how can anyone take the place of my friends?

Are you trying to suggest my friends are replaceable?

No, of course not.

I, as much as anyone else, know friends are irreplaceable.

In fact, I have dedicated a whole series of posts to friends, two of which are here and here.

Friends are important to us.

In fact, supportive and genuine friends may be critical to our well-being.

I am just saying that while your friends are your friends, as supportive and genuine as they are, and though you may learn some valuable lessons from them, your biggest friends are Knowledge, Skills, Action, Discipline, Values, and Wisdom.

And the reason I say this, is because they can do for you (and me, for that matter), what no friends can do.

What a Friend Can Do

Let's look at what a friend can do…

Want someone to share experiences with?

The answer is a friend.

Want someone you can be yourself with?

The answer is a friend.

Want someone who will give you a shoulder to cry on, or someone you can safely vent to?

The answer is a friend.

Want someone you can turn to for advice on a personal issue?

The answer is a friend.

Want someone you can bounce ideas off?

The answer is a friend.

Want someone who can make everything - from a night at a restaurant, to a visit to church, to a walk, to a trip, to a dinner conversation, to a milestone event - richer, better, and more memorable?

The answer is a friend.

Want someone you can turn to in small crises, such as getting towed, and needing to pick up your car from the towing storage place, or to pick up your child from school, because you are stuck at work?

The answer is a friend, though not always.  Sometimes you may have to take a taxi or Uber, or find an alternative solution, if you ask a friend and they tell you they are sorry, they are busy.

What a Friend Can’t Do

Now let's look at what a friend can't do…

With rare exceptions, a friend can't get you a job, or paying work.

Only your own knowledge and skills - and the experience you pick up using your knowledge and skills - can get you a job, or paying work.

With rare exceptions, a friend can't make sure you earn a sufficient income to support your current and future lifestyle.

Only you can earn a sufficient income to support your current and future lifestyle - by selecting the right knowledge and skills to acquire, and applying them in the right way.

A friend can't make sure you progress in your career.

Only you can do that, by going from job to job, taking on new challenges, and acquiring new skills and competencies.

A friend can't make sure your health improves.

Only you can do that, by eating right, exercising right, sleeping right, using tools to keep you on track.

A friend can't force you to be disciplined.

You have to choose to discipline yourself.

A friend can't dig you out of a hole.

Only you can dig yourself out of a hole.

A friend can’t make you have a good work ethic.

Your friends might be great models of a good work ethic.

But because you can't see what they do at work, you will have to develop and practice a good work ethic yourself.

And when it comes to wisdom, each one arrives at wisdom in their own way, depending on their experiences, and reflections on their experiences.

So, while a friend can share their wisdom with you, they can’t magically transfer any of their wisdom to you.

You will have to develop wisdom all on your own.

Wisdom is crucial, because it makes you want the right things for your life, have the right thoughts for your life, respond with the right thoughts and emotions for your life, and follow up with the right actions for your life.

That's why wisdom has a place on the list of the "biggest friends" you should make.

Here are some additional thoughts I have to share, regarding the 6 friends I have listed:

Knowledge

Skills

Action

Discipline

Values

Wisdom

Knowledge

To gain knowledge, you don't have to necessarily go to college and get a degree.

While that may be necessary for some professions, and for some spheres of life, it is not necessary in all professions and in all spheres of life.

Self-study, practice, and training alongside a person with the necessary experience, or a mentor, are viable ways to acquire knowledge.

Skills

Skills are important.  It is being able to say, "I can do X, I can do Y, I can do Z", if X, Y and Z are what is required to maximize your potential in a job.

As long as a skill is missing, say you can do X and Y, but not Z, there is a gap.

This gap must be plugged, either through formal or informal learning. In some cases, certification may be necessary.

Action

Whatever the method of acquiring knowledge and skills, whether formal or informal, knowledge and skills are not sufficient in themselves.

Action is required.

Action is finding a position or role where you can use the full potential of your knowledge and skills.

The actions that are required to acquire knowledge and skills (attending classes, doing homework,  acing quizzes, studying for your tests and exams, getting good grades) and the actions that are required to find a position or role where you can use the full potential of your knowledge and skills are different.

It is about searching for those positions and roles, networking, applying, interviewing, and continuously tweaking and refining every part of this process.

There is no external set of criteria to determine success.

You are the one who sets the bar, and decides what success looks like.

Success may be getting a response to 1 out of every 50 applications, even if it doesn’t convert to a job.

You can either satisfy yourself with the process, or satisfy yourself with the results.

If you need help with the process and the results, working with a paid job coach might be the answer.

Discipline

Discipline is the least sexy of the friends.

Self-control is the chief element.

You should turn up for everything in your life, fully prepared, fully present, and fully able to engage, and be valuable.

Eating properly, sleeping properly, getting enough exercise are all part of it.

Doing your homework is a part of it.

You shouldn't turn up to a meeting with a badly prepared presentation, no more than you should turn up to a wedding with a badly prepared toast.

Discipline is where many people fail.

I am sure we can all think of people who are gifted and have talent, knowledge and skills, but do not have the discipline to use what they are so abundantly blessed with.

It is unfortunate.

Values and Wisdom

Ultimately with knowledge and skills as the base, it is action and discipline, accompanied by values and wisdom, that leads to personal and professional success.

You apply action and discipline to use your knowledge and skills to get things done.

You use values and wisdom to choose the right things to get done, and to choose the right methods and the right attitude to get things done.

When you are pulled in different directions, it is your values and wisdom, which will help you figure out what’s important, and what is right.

As your responsibilities and powers increase, it is your values and wisdom that will keep you from becoming egocentric.

It is your values and wisdom which help you to choose what to prioritize, so you don't miss what can never come again. (Example: your child's 2nd grade play, which can never come again).

Your values and wisdom should guide everything - your choices, your actions, your communication.

Your communication should be open, humble, thoughtful, kind, and non-manipulative.

Derisive communication that ignores the differences between people, shuts down communication.

Manipulative communication erodes trust.

Above all, your values and wisdom should equip you to look past the imperfections of other people, and to approach all situations, even those that give you a punch in the gut, with compassion, curiosity, humility, and gratitude.

What should I be grateful for, Minoo?

For the learning embedded in every experience.

Every negative experience is a growth opportunity.

And a repeated negative experience is just an ignored growth opportunity.

So, as you develop your friendships with the six friends listed in this post, here is a summary of the key points:

Knowledge and skills are important, but knowledge and skills are not enough.

Action must be taken.

And knowledge, skills, and action are not enough.

Discipline is important.

You must be disciplined.

And with all of that taken care of, you are still missing the two most important friends.

Values and wisdom.

Values and wisdom, when added to knowledge, skills, action and discipline, will take you the furthest.

It is my belief they will take you so far, you may not even be able to see the horizon of where you can reach.

Now which of these friendships do you need to develop and refine? More importantly, which of these friendships would you like to develop and refine?

I will leave you with that important thought today.

Before I end this post, Happy Father’s Day to all the Fathers out there.