I was never one
for physical sport.
When I was in High School, I skipped PE classes, whenever I could.
I would get a
letter from my mother to have me excused.
My mother was very
sweet about writing letters to have me excused from anything I didn't want to do at school.
When I was in my last year of high
school (an all girls convent school), I skipped Home Skills and Catholicism
some afternoons, because roll was not taken during those classes. Accompanied by two friends, I would ride my
bike to Ulsoor Lake. My two friends and
I would sit on a rock and shoot the breeze.
As to why we thought this was fun – breaking the rules was half of it.
Once, when too
many girls were missing from Home Skills and Catholicism, roll was taken,
and a list was drawn up of all the girls who were AWOL.
Hauled to the
Principal’s office, we said (lied) we had felt ill that day, and gone home
directly after lunch break.
Each of us was asked to
bring a letter from our parents, stating we had been ill that day, and should be excused.
Most of the girls got
caught out and had to fess up, when this request was made.
Not me. When I asked
Mummy to write a letter to the school to say I was ill that day, and had come
home, she readily wrote the letter. She was
sweet like that – she understood. She
was Hippy Mom, not Tiger Mom, or Helicopter Mom. There were no cell phones in those days, and
our family did not have a home phone. If
we had, I am sure Mummy would have been a Helicopter Mom, but I am equally
sure, she would have been a kind, forgiving Helicopter Mom; that’s the kind of
person she was.
A strong desire to become like Mummy overcame me after her death, and that’s when my
own metamorphosis from Tiger Mom and Helicopter Mom to Hippy Mom began.
When I say Hippy
Mom, it may sound like I took a giant step backwards, and decided to wipe my
hands off all the decisions my daughter made.
On the contrary, I
became an ‘available parent’ in a way I didn’t know how to be before, the way
prescribed by the book: “The Available Parent”, which, by the way, every parent
should read.
I developed a
different kind of mental strength.
See, this is what
it all about – developing the right kind of mental strength, or strengths, to
deal with the different challenges in life.
Even if, like me, you
have never participated in a sport, we are all called upon to develop different
mental strengths to respond to the challenges we face in life.
The way we face these challenges will define us. Slowly, but surely we will be transformed into Mentathletes.
An athlete excels at a sport, a Mentathlete excels in mental strength.
The greatest part about mental strength, is that it can be developed.
The way we face these challenges will define us. Slowly, but surely we will be transformed into Mentathletes.
An athlete excels at a sport, a Mentathlete excels in mental strength.
The greatest part about mental strength, is that it can be developed.
How do we develop
mental strength?
We welcome and
overcome challenges.
Every challenge
welcomed and overcome makes us stronger.
If we are
terrified of public speaking, and we go up in front of an audience and speak,
that will make us stronger.
If we are
terrified of closed spaces, because we suffer from claustrophobia, going into
closed spaces, until we have conquered our fears, will make us stronger
If we are terrified
of heights, climbing, or doing something involving heights, will make us
stronger.
Every fear we
overcome will make us stronger.
Every weakness we
overcome will also make us stronger.
To overcome fear,
we have to go towards what we fear.
To overcome
weakness, we have to resist what we find hard to resist.
Can we resist
giving our opinion?
Can we resist
consuming things which are bad for us?
Can we resist
lashing out when we feel slighted?
Some of these
things are easier than others, but all of them are achievable.
To overcome
sensitivity, we have to overcome our pride and vanity.
When we are in a
state of “feeling insulted”, we are thrown off our game.
So we must make
our minds tougher, so we do not feel the insults and slights of people.
We can use a tool
that is available to all of us to do that.
It’s called
imagination.
I wrote a post
about using the power of imagination to help us cope with the challenges of life.
You can’t open a
biographical book, without discovering how the author used her or his
imagination to cope with the challenges of life.
An example is
Three Simple Steps by Trevor Blake.
The author says, when he was young, he had to walk several miles of open space to school,
and he was bullied on the way.
Then, he saw a golf prodigy being interviewed on tv. The
golf prodigy was asked how he coped with competing with older, experienced
golfers, especially with the pressure of heckling spectators.
The golf prodigy
said, when he was golfing, he used a technique passed to him by his family (he
was from a family of golfers). He imagined
he was in a sound proof bell shaped glass container, and couldn’t hear
anything.
Trevor Blake began
to use this tool when he walked to school.
He imagined he was
in a sound proof and shatter proof glass container and was untouchable.
He said the
bullies had no impact on him from that day.
On the job, mental
strength counts more than talent or skills.
A friend told me a
story.
The team was at a
company offsite.
Everyone was dancing and going round in a
circle.
Her boss, who
was not dancing, stood with his arms folded across his chest.
Every time she passed
him, she asked him to join in the dancing.
He said no.
She did this 5
times, and all 5 times, he said no.
I was impressed
she was able to ask 5 times.
I would have felt
awkward after the very first “no”, heck, I may not have even been able to ask even
once.
Being able to ask
someone for something, and being able to take “no” for an answer, is a big part
of mental toughness. It's character-building.
That is why selling
Girl Scouts cookies is excellent training.
My daughter was in
Girl Scouts for several years, and she got used to going up to people and
asking them to buy cookies; sometimes they said yes and sometimes they said no, she got used to hearing them say no.
If it is hard for
us to approach people, we have to push ourselves to do it.
When we push ourselves
to do something which is hard for us to do, it makes us stronger.
Many of the
challenges we face will be social challenges, like the ones just mentioned.
Equally important
is pushing ourselves, when it comes to personal challenges.
We may have to
push ourselves to eat a salad instead of cooked food, or to do a chore we dislike
- such as cleaning an area of our house that has been badly neglected.
We may have to
push ourselves to go to a gym, or start walking, or to work out for a longer
time.
When we do any of
these things, it makes us tougher.
Giving up addictions
makes us tougher.
This is true
whatever the addiction. We can be addicted
to people, places, things, jobs, ideas, lifestyle choices, even concepts of
ourselves (“Oh, I could never do that. I
am too……”(fill in the blanks).
Being able to
handle crises and uncertainty, with calmness and a cool head, will make us
tougher.
Being able to
handle loss, or change, with calmness and a cool head, will make us tougher.
Mental toughness
is like a muscle in that we have to exercise it regularly to stay in shape.
If we start being
brave in an area of our lives, we have to keep at it, so we become braver and
braver.
If we make up our minds to be less high maintenance, we have to keep working at it.
The other day, my
daughter took the light rail home from college. When she got off the light rail,
the car wasn’t there. She had forgotten she
had run late in the morning, so she had taken the light rail from a different
station, and her car was parked over there. There was a storm in the Bay Area that day. She
had to walk home in the rain. She could
have called me to come get her, but her cell phone had died. Arriving home, soaking
wet - from her clothes to her backpack - this is what she said to me a little
while later, “Guess what Mom, I got soaked in the rain, but I am still cheerful –
I did not let it bother me and spoil my mood for the evening”. I said “That is great Tanita, you are
developing mental toughness. It is good
not to let unpleasant circumstances put you in a bad mood.” I told her how I have now reached a point
where I never get irritable when I am hungry.
This is a big deal for me, because hunger used to be one of the triggers that could make me irritable and grouchy.
These are some
small examples of mental toughness - remaining cheerful when things don’t go
our way.
Being able to take
hard knocks in our stride is mental toughness, whether it is a relationship
disappointment, the loss of a job, a personal catastrophe, or a crisis.
It starts by
taking the smaller knocks in our stride.
The other day, a
package costing $25 was supposed to arrive from Amazon for me. Because some work was being done in our
apartment, our living room was piled high with stuff, and it included 2 or 3
empty Amazon boxes, in which Tanita had received some textbooks recently. Tanita arrived home before me. She put my
package (which was very light) next to the empty Amazon boxes. When I came home, I assumed it was all junk,
and threw all the boxes, including my newly arrived package, in the
garbage. I had not been expecting my
package until 2 days later. 2 days later
I came home, and when I did not find my package. I asked Tanita, “Did an Amazon
package arrive for me?” She said “Yes, a couple of days ago”. I said, “Oh my goodness, I threw it away,
because you put it on top of the empty Amazon boxes.”
A year or two ago, I would have been in a bad
mood the rest of that evening, and for several days after, if I had lost a
package like that. But now, because I
have been working on developing mental toughness for a while, I thought to
myself, oh well, and I just went back on Amazon and ordered my package again. I can’t tell you how proud I am the situation
did not lead to me freaking out.
Mental toughness
makes us easy-going and uncomplaining.
We learn to become
low-maintenance people.
Mental toughness
makes us persevere.
When one of my friend’s
daughters was younger, I observed that she would persevere at a video game,
until she had completed all the levels. She is still in college, but I am
guessing she will go far in life because of her ability to persevere.
I know I would
have achieved much more had I persevered in some areas of my life.
In recent years, I
have become more persevering.
I have persevered
at this blog. I am now on my 317th post.
I have been
writing for 6 years.
Currently, I am
persevering in trying to write fiction and semi-fiction pieces for the blog -
with posts like Advice from a Retired Elf to an Aspiring Elf, A Christmas Tradition is Restored, The Day the New Ruj Das Began, The Ticking Clock Association and How Cupid 732 Got His Groove Back. Let me tell you this doesn't come
easy to me. But by persevering, I have written 5 fiction pieces so far.
I am not a writing
super talent. But by persevering, I put
the law of numbers to work for me, and some of my posts turn out great.
Perseverance and
grit, which are two great mental strengths, help us put the law of numbers to
work for us.
I have also been
persevering with my exercise and nutrition habits. I slip up every now and then, but I have
always been able to get back on track to eating sensibly and exercising regularly.
One of the things
that helped me become a Commissions Consultant, was persevering at tracking my
expenses.
I started tracking
my expenses 10 years ago, and I have kept up at it.
It helps me see
where and how I spend my money, and what, if anything, can be cut.
I heard this great
phrase the other day from someone who lives on social security income – “I have
to cut cut corners”
I can
relate.
I had to do that
in my first few years as a Commissions Consultant. I did not have steady work,
and I was on a stipend rather than full pay.
But I
persevered. And what I didn't get it
terms of steady work, or money, I got in exposure and knowledge – in spades.
Today, if I have
used Xactly and Varicent in so many assignments, and have also experienced different kinds of Excel challenges in so many assignments, it’s because I persevered at being a Commissions
Consultant.
It should also be
noted, I had to overcome a lifelong personality trait when I became a
Commissions Consultant – which was being shy and afraid to meet and deal with new
people.
Now, however, because
of meeting and dealing with new people at 13 different assignments, I have gotten quite used to it.
Today I can walk
into a new assignment without being a bag of nerves.
Part of mental
toughness is being clear about what you are, and what you are not.
What I am is not
the “God of all things commissions”.
What I am is a Transition Commissions Analyst. I help companies when they are in transition
- either in transition between one commission software and another, or in
transition because they have lost a key team member. Understanding this, I know instantly, whether
an assignment is right for me, or not. Understanding
this also helps me stay committed to an assignment, until the transition is
over, whatever the length of the transition.
In Paypal, it was 3 months; in Aruba, it was 15 months.
If you don't know
who (or what) you are, you will be wishy washy.
You'll chase different things.
You'll want one thing today, and another thing tomorrow. When you do that, no one can take your
seriously. You can't take yourself
seriously, either. You won't have trust
and confidence in yourself to push through.
Trust and
confidence are the hallmarks of someone who is mentally tough. We should be as good as our word. As a Commissions Consultant, I should be able
to say “I will be here as long as you want me, and no longer than you want me”
and I should be as good as my word.
You may ask,
“Minoo, what is a worthwhile goal?”
Is it a worthwhile
goal to write a blog for 6 years, dedicating 8 hours every week?
Why do I do it?
People frequently
ask me if my blog makes me any money.
My blog doesn’t
make me money. I don’t write my blog to
make money.
Fame, money,
status - my blog has not brought me any of these things, either. What is has brought me is immense personal
satisfaction, which is worth more than fame, money or status, which are often
easy come, easy go.
Why has it brought
me immense personal satisfaction?
I like writing –
this is why. My blog has helped me get
in the habit of writing, which is one of my favorite things to do.
And I am happy for
the small but steady readership I have built up.
I am also happy I
have been able to keep at writing, and get better at it.
A Mentathlete
measures success internally, not externally.
It is internally
rewarding to be able to persist at something, and get better at it, no matter
what the external results.
We all have it in
us to develop and expand our mental strengths, and become Mentathletes.
A Mentathlete
learns a lesson from every experience, so as not to repeat mistakes. Whatever area of life – from cooking to
investing – there are lessons to be learned.
And a Mentathlete
changes her/his approach, based on the lessons learned.
A Mentathlete
never stops searching for answers to questions.
It is how some of the greatest discoveries have been made.
A Mentathlete is
curious.
A Mentathlete
believes in fairness.
A Mentathlete
tries to achieve self-sufficiency in as many areas as possible.
A Mentathlete is
not manipulative, and does not emotionally blackmail people.
A Mentathlete does
not inconvenience people.
A Mentathlete
continuously refines her or his thought processes.
A Mentathlete is
not afraid to be humble and unimportant.
A Mentathlete is
not afraid to say “I don't know”.
A Mentathlete is
not afraid to say, “I messed up”, which is different from saying “I am a mess”, because saying “I messed up”, means accepting
responsibility for what happened.
A Mentathlete is
aware of his personal limitations, is keenly self-aware, and eager to improve.
A Mentathlete
doesn't whine and complain, doesn't try to find someone to blame, and doesn't
live in the past.
A Mentathlete
isn't afraid to take chances and a Mentathlete isn’t
afraid to meet her/his destiny.
A Mentathlete
isn't afraid to grow, and understands that everything can change, and our thoughts can change too.
A Mentathlete
knows that ups and downs are a part and parcel of life, whether in our
investments, our jobs, our health, or our relationships.
A Mentathlete
tries to figure out what his/her goal is. By doing that, she/he can tell
whether she/he is making progress and achieving results.
What other mental
strengths should a Mentathlete develop?
You tell me.
Spend a half hour
today to reflect on what other strengths a Mentathlete should develop.
What can you do,
so the title of your life story can be called The Making of a
Mentathlete?
On that note, I
will end this post.
As always, thanks for reading and have a great day and week…..M…..a Pearl Seeker like you. Thanks to Ajay
for his comments and compliments on my Valentine post, How Cupid 732 Got His Groove Back and thanks to the rest of you for your likes, pins, tweets and shares. Much appreciated. P.S. Perhaps you recognized your
romance in some of the stories within the Cupid story.
