Remembering You

 

Birthdays were special to you

Anniversaries were special to you

Visitors were special to you

Christmas too.

Remembering you, remembering you.

Art was special to you

Music was special to you

Cooking was special to you

Christmas too.

Remembering you, remembering you.

Laughter was special to you

Praise and worship were special to you

Reaching out was special to you

Christmas too.

Remembering you, remembering you.

Your mom was special to you

Your sisters were special to you

Your wife and children were special to you

Christmas too.

Remembering you, remembering you.

Friends and relatives were special to you

Coworkers were special to you

Everyone you met in your life was special to you

Christmas too.

Remembering you, remembering you.

Pets were special to you

Plants were special to you

Truly there was no living thing that was not special to you

Christmas too.

Remembering you, remembering you.

Remembering you this Christmas, David, and blowing kisses Heavenwards to you. There is a David-sized hole in our hearts and in our lives, which reminds us of everything that was special to you, and everything that was special about you.

Fog Outside, Brightness Within

 

Fog outside, brightness within

This is how the day should begin

This is how the day should begin

Waking up refreshed

Ready to give the day your best

This is how the day should begin

This is how the day should begin

Stepping out of bed

With a clear and sharp head

This is how the day should begin

This is how the day should begin

Enjoying the break of dawn

Savoring the early morn

This is how the day should begin

This is how the day should begin

Brushing your hair

Meditating, or saying a prayer

This is how the day should begin

This is how the day should begin

Bed done, a hot cup of coffee or tea

Soft music, or silence and complete serenity

This is how the day should begin

This is how the day should begin

Time squarely on your side

Maybe you can even go for a walk, run, or ride

This is how the day should begin

This is how the day should begin

Fog outside, brightness within

This is how the day should begin

This is how the day should begin

Waking up refreshed

Ready to give the day your best

This is how the day should begin

This is how the day should begin

When We Are Young

When we are young, it hurts to say many things

'I behaved like an idiot' is one of them

Instead of admitting to being foolhardy or foolish

We justify and maybe even do those things again and again.

When we are young, it hurts to say many things

For example it's hard to say 'I am wrong' 

9 times out of 10, we will not admit errors in our facts, arguments, or thinking

Because we think doing that makes us less strong.

When we are young, it hurts to say many things

"I am sorry" is something most everyone will find hard to say

Typically we will just justify our wrongdoings

In an "It was X's fault"  or "It was your fault" way.

When we are young, it hurts to say many things

Like to say to someone "I do not know"

We think our importance and reputation is at stake

If any kind of inferiority we show.

When we are young, it hurts to say many things

Saying okay to something we should do, but don't want to do is one

When it comes to that, this is what we do

We think of all sorts of excuses under the sun.

When we are young, it hurts to say many things

Believe me I know, because that used to be me

Now when I look back, I shake my head and think

What a character-less way to be!

What's at the Heart of Your Work?

 

A desire to change how the world uses resources?

A desire to point people to knowledge and sources?

A desire to bring clarity of vision?

A desire to give a process more precision?

A desire to help people look their best?

Or maybe a desire to help a group of people (a group that might even extend to a whole country) progress, or suffer less?

A desire to create spaces where people may work, pray, play or dwell?

A desire to help people stay healthy, cope with illness, or get well?

It could be a desire to add to the world's stock of art, pleasure, enjoyment and mirth

Or perhaps, a desire to plumb the mysteries of this earth.

You may have a desire to help people learn

Or perhaps a desire to help people earn.

Or you may have a desire to mend things which are broken

Or a desire just to say (or sing) the words that must be spoken.

And as time passes, you will find things which are brand new

Because there is an endless list of things you can desire to do.

And frankly, even if your desire is just to pitch in and keep the wheels of civilization turning

It's fine, the world needs all hands on deck to keep the world turning

And the world needs all hands on deck to keep the fires of human ingenuity burning.

Everyone has a role to play in the destiny of the world.

And here's how to think about the role you play

Someone is trusting you to do the work you do

So you should bring your heart to your work, dear reader

And bring art to your work, dear reader

And bring your full enthusiasm

Nothing less!

If you let disillusionment secretly cloud your vision

Or let doubts secretly keep you in a state of indecision

You cheat the people who are trusting you

And you cheat yourself.

So bring your heart to your work, dear reader

Bring art to your work, dear reader

Bring your full enthusiasm

Honor the trust that has been put in you

Honor yourself!

Thankful For (A 2021 Thanksgiving Message)

Thankful for the people

Those I vigorously disagree with

Those I enthusiastically concur with

Those who look, think, and act like me

Those who do not look, think, and act like me

Those who are wired like me

Those who are not wired like me

Thankful for each one and all of them

Thankful for the people.

Thankful for the opportunities

The opportunities to engage

To hear and read what others have to say

To reflect on what I see, hear, and read

To develop my own thoughts, values, and insights based on that

Thankful for the opportunities.

Thankful for the friendships

Which I do not deserve

And yet am blessed to have

Thankful for all that my friendships have brought me

The food for thought, and the company

The help, the support, the comfort, the feeling of belonging, the mind expansion

Without these friendships, and what they have brought me

My life would be so impoverished

So impoverished

Thankful for the friendships.

Thankful for the experiences

The work experiences

The life experiences

The family experiences

The community experiences

The experiences in India

The experiences in the U.S.

The experiences filled with annoyances, embarrassments, guilt

The experiences filled with inexpressible joy

The experiences filled with unimaginable sorrow

All have had a special meaning for me

All have played an important role in my life, and have brought me to where I am today

Thankful for the experiences.

Thankful for the pauses

The Sundays

The weekends

The holidays

The unemployed days

The sick days

The stuck at home days

The nothing to do days

The days without which thoughts such as this would never surface and bloom

Thankful for the pauses.

Thankful for this life

And everything that has been a part of it

The awe and wonder of nature

The positive fruits of human ingenuity

For all that I know, and for all that I have experienced

From the minute I came out of my mother's womb bawling

And everything since

The good and the bad

The happy and the sad

The smiles and the frowns

The ups and the downs

Thankful for all of it.

Thankful for this life.

Thankful for this life. 

Some Things Are Within Your Control

Some things are within your control

Some things are not

You can decide what time to go to bed and to wake up

But you can't decide whether tomorrow will be a cold day, or hot.

Focus on the things within your control

Such as the food you eat and what you drink

Don't spin your wheels about whether this is going to happen, or that is going to happen

Because you can't predict everything, no matter how much you think.

Neither be jubilant about gain, nor depressed by loss or lack

If you did not cause them to be

Adjust your expectations, your approach, and your attitude

This is all the wisdom you need.

So many things will happen from day to day

And so many things will happen from year to year

Meditate, pray, and stay curious, dear reader

Find positive and healthy ways to deal with your vexations, your worries, and your fears.

In your haste to tackle a problem, or find answers to situations

Don't be tempted to rush into something because someone suggested it, or it is the first thing that comes to mind

The best answers and ideas often come with patience

So have faith in your values and principles, and give it time.

Trust, faith, and patience will serve you well

Because you know deep in your spirit everything will be alright

Don't do anything counter to that

And sooner or later, even in the darkest clouds, you will see the light.

Stay active, thoughtful, hopeful, and engaged, dear reader

In times of challenge or change, the best tools are creativity, resilience, and hope

Never become bitter or hopeless

Put on your thinking cap, put on your walking shoes, and find smart ways to cope.

Yes, some things are within your control, dear reader,

And some things are not

But if you continue to show faith, creativity, resilience, and hope

You will find resources to tackle every tide and whirlpool in which you are caught.

If You Take A Ride Down Memory Lane

 

If you take a ride down memory lane

This is what you will see

That your life was full of surprises

Many you couldn't foresee.

You never thought the road would lead you

To  where you are today

You never thought there would be so many twists and turns

Which would require you to continuously adapt your choices, your lifestyle, your beliefs, and your ways.

You never thought there would be some storms

That would give you your purpose and your mission

You never thought you would become so strong and determined

And develop such a unique and steadfast vision.

You never dreamed you had it in you

To do some of the things you have through the years

You never dreamed so many ideas and answers would emerge

On the back of so many tears.

You never thought you would come to terms

With all the potholes and detours that sent you reeling

You never dreamed you would find a silver lining in the darkest clouds

And find a way to get past some of the most overwhelming feelings.

You never thought you would get past your heartbreaks

And find a way to turn your sorrows into smiles

You never thought you would put your deepest heartaches behind you

And find a way to re-engage, reconnect, and thrive.

Yes, yours is a hero's journey, dear sweet reader

One in which from the threads of pain and confusion, you've created a life of joy, meaning, and sense

You deserve a standing ovation and thunderous applause for this no small, no easy achievement

And your example is nothing short of inspiring, awesome, and immense.

Take a bow.

Take a bow.

You deserve it.

You deserve it.

Every day brings a chance to SHINE!

Every day brings a chance to SHINE

You don't have to leave your home

Keep your room and possessions clean and neat

Take pride in what you own.

Every day brings a chance to SHINE

One is when you are on the road

Road rage makes terrible photos

An angry contorted face makes you look like a toad.

Every day brings a chance to SHINE

One is when you are at work

Display a great attitude

And neither be a jerk, nor shirk.

Every day brings a chance to SHINE

A chance to shine in showing someone how much you care

By doing the little things and the big things

And upholding the values you both share.

Every day brings a chance to SHINE

A chance to make a difference on this earth

Don't add to the sadness, the chaos, the anger, the bitterness

Increase the joy, the peace, the serenity. and the mirth.

Yes there are many ways to SHINE, dear reader

To sparkle like a star

Abd there are many skies to shine in

And guess what - the skies are right where you are!

SHINE like a star, dear child

SHINE like a star, dear young adult

SHINE like a star, dear middle ager

SHINE like a star, dear boomer

SHINE like a star, dear friend

SHINE like a star, dear reader

SHINE like a star, one and all

SHINE like a star!

Dear reader, today makes 3 months since my brother David died.  David, I dedicate this post to you. You shone like a star in my life, and in all the different lives you touched.  We miss you.  Oh, how we miss you!

Never Is A Terrible Word

Never is a terrible word

Let me explain why

If you say "I will never make it in this job or field"

You will only give yourself the excuse not to try.

If you say "I will never find another (partner, pet, friend)

So wonderful and so sweet"

You will deprive yourself of the possibility

Of so many lovely beings and pets to meet.

If you say, "I will never find satisfaction"

You will never be able to learn to meditate or adapt

You will never be able to reach the point

Where you experience abundance instead of lack.

If you say "I will never be able to catch up

I am too far behind"

You will create a half-hearted spirit

And pursue your goals with only half a mind.

And finally,  if you say, "I will never be able to halt the downward spiral"

When your life is thrown into disarray

You will find it hard to find the courage and will

To say "There is hope and I will find a way".

Yes, dear reader, "never" is a terrible word

It is a word you should never use

To protect your passion, your spirit, your hopes for the future, and your love for life

"Never" is a word I suggest you lose.

The River of Life

You can go through the river of life

In a battleship

In a battleship,

Yes, of course!

Will it make you feel secure?  

Maybe yes, maybe not

Gives one food for thought.

You can go through the river of life

In a cruise ship

Yes, a cruise ship is fun, they say

Will it help you achieve meaning and satisfaction?

Hmm, I wonder - is the answer an Aye or a Nay?

Something to pause and think about today.

You can go through the river of life

In a pirate ship

Yes, a pirate ship is a choice you can make

Can any good come out of  robbing and creating havoc?

You know the answer -  for goodness sake.

You can go through the river of life

On a raft with a bottle, 

Yes, a bottle of whisky or rye

Is the sacrifice of friends, family, and meaningful work worth it?

I hope you discover the answer before it is too late.

You can go through the river of life

On a yacht

Yes, a yacht will show you've made it

Is it possible to fill the void and emptiness that way?

Hmmm……I wonder if a yacht is over-rated.

And you can go through the river of life

On a simple boat 

Yes, just a simple boat

Built with love, attention, purpose, and care

And a few meaningful people in it.

It is possible to feel fulfilled that way?

Absolutely.

It is what my experience declares.

Alone & Quiet

Photo by Tim Bogdanov on Unsplash

Alone and when quiet

I open the door

To flashes of inspiration

I have not had before.

And this is why, dear friend,

This is why,

I am happy for those minutes (or hours) every day

When there is just me

And I am alone and quiet

I am alone and quiet.

Alone and when quiet

Is when I hear whispers in my ear

And when I have thoughts and ideas

That I think others may like to hear.

And this is why, dear friend,

This is why,

I am happy for those minutes (or hours) every day

When I am by myself

Alone and quiet

Alone and quiet.

Alone and when quiet

Is when I make sense of the world

And when I am able to think clearly and calmly

About all the things I have read, seen, experienced or heard.

And which is why, dear friend,

Why is why,

I am happy for the space in my day

When I am alone and quiet

When I am alone and quiet.

Alone and when quiet

I have a better chance to see

The truths about my thoughts, feelings, and actions

Which are normally (by ego, habit, blindness, or lack of awareness)

Hidden from me.

And which is why, dear friend,

Which is why,

I am happy for those minutes (or hours) every day

When I am by myself

Alone and quiet

Alone and quiet.

Alone and when quiet

Thoughts and feelings appear

Some make me smile or laugh

Some bring worry, or a tear.

In silence is where I usually learn

What is false and what is true

And in silence is where I often understand

What is the right thing for me to do.

And this is why dear friend and reader,

This is why,

I try to make some time in my day

To be alone with my thoughts

Alone and quiet

Alone and quiet.

What I get from that alone and quiet time, dear reader,

Is a wisdom which cannot be bought,

In any other way but by leaving a time in my day, dear reader,

A time when I am alone with my thoughts.

Yes, this is why, dear friend and reader,

This is why,

I welcome the time in my day

When I am by myself,

And alone and quiet

Alone and quiet.

A Life Is Lived

A life is lived through losses and gains

A life is lived through joy and pain

A life is lived through sunshine and rain

This is how a life is lived

A life is lived through good times and bad

A life is lived through happy times and sad

A life is lived through having and had

This is how a life is lived

A life is lived through ups and downs

A life is lived through smiles and frowns

A life is lived through free choices and bounds

This is how a life is lived

A life is lived through easy and tough

A life is lived through smooth and rough

A life is lived through nothing and stuff

This is how a life is lived.

A life is lived through new and old

A life is lived through hot and cold

A life is lived through timid and bold

This is how a life is lived.

A life is lived through silence and noise

A life is lived through ruffled and poised

A life is lived through luck and choice

This is how a life is lived

You've lived your life, dear David

A life well lived and the hardest for us to say goodbye to

For the truth is, and we hope you are looking down from heaven to hear this

We could never get enough of you! 

And this is especially true

For Betty, Angela, Christine, Rosie, and Minoo

Your 5 sisters who absolutely adored you

Love, hugs and kisses from all of us standing here to you

As we bury your ashes with Mummy's

And make your final wish come true.

We love you David!

Dear Friends, Family, and Relatives,...this is the poem I read at the cemetery before we buried David's ashes.  There is an ache in my heart even as I publish this.  It is very hard to let go. The link to the YouTube of us saying our final goodbyes to David at the cemetery is below.  My sisters and I...and everyone who loved David, will now have to bravely step into the future with David in our hearts, spirits, and memories.

                                             Final David Interment

No Longer There

Dear Friends, Family, and Relatives,

I read the poem below on September 23rd, the day we met as a family to bury David's ashes - the link to the YouTube of the first part of the event is below the poem. It was a moving event for us 4 sisters and our 2 brothers in law. Each one of us sisters had written a special goodbye to David, which we read.  We had some additional goodbyes which were gratifying to receive and include. Thank you for all your support in the last two months. I will publish one more poem next week - a final send-off poem to David. And then my sisters and I...and everyone who loved David, will have to bravely step into the future with David in our hearts, spirits, and memories.

No Longer There

No longer there to make me laugh and sometimes to make me cry

No longer there to solve problems for me, and sometimes cause problems for me

No longer there to stir love in my heart and sometimes to stir annoyance, frustration, anger, and pity

No longer there.

No longer there to hear my worries, doubts and problems

No longer there to respond to them with the healing touch of a meal,  a joke, a song, a "come let me show you my garden", your thoughts about world affairs, a sweet gift.

No longer there to hear me scold and chide you, comfort and compliment you,

Now with anger and judgement, 

now with compassion, love, and admiration, 

my heart, stony and hard one minute, 

warm and soft and genuinely appreciative the next.

"My this is finger-licking good."

"Wow - I love how you use color in your paintings"

"Wow you look as young as ever."

No longer there for me to say those things to you in genuine admiration for all your talents and skills.

No longer there to answer my questions, and sometimes to make me question;

No longer there to witness personal and world events and give me your comments.

No longer there to meet with family and friends.

To enchant me (and everyone around) with your music, your art, your cooking, your stories of the past,

And to awe us with the large embrace with which you held every person and living creature, even plants, that crossed your path.

You were always on my mind

Ever present

A puzzle I wanted to solve

My life's purpose

To solve that puzzle

To find an answer that would satisfy both you and me, heal all the hearts that were broken when you got broken.

But now you are no longer there.

 

No longer there to go down memory lane

To exchange stories and thoughts,

You found a way to find laughter

In a life filled with confusion and pain

But now you are no longer there.

 

And I must go on and make my way about

A life that is not quite what it used to be

You were an important part of my life and you are gone

But the fragments of your music, your art, your jokes, the gifts of your presence, kindness, openness, and unconditional love, the long road we journeyed together -  with its potholes and rainbows, live on.

Those fragments  have a comfortable home in my spirit

And they can stay as long as they want

A reminder of what was and can never be again.

A reminder of your unique essence.

RIP David, beloved brother.

You are no longer there.

But you will always be there.

                                         xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The link to the YouTube of the first part of the burial event held on September 23 is here. And this is a link to Leo Rojas the flautist, playing Fields of Gold which I have included because it has a beautiful poignancy to it.

I Should Be Happy

Dear Friend, Family, or Relative reading this…

This is the second poem I wrote in the weeks after my brother David died. I was overcome with  grief. The loss seemed unbearable. Tears flowed. And as the poem you are about to read will show, words such as "he is in a better place now" were not at all what I felt.

When you read it, please understand it was written soon after David died.

The reason I am sharing it is because there may be others with the same grieving thoughts immediately after a loss.

I want them to know they are not alone in having all kinds of thoughts, including ones that seem to make no sense.

I asked a question on Quora about having thoughts that make no sense after someone dies. 

Several people answered, and I learned it is very common to have thoughts that make no sense after a loss.

One person recommended I read the book written by Joan Didion after her husband died.  The book is called The Year of Magical Thinking. In it, Joan Didion tells us the thoughts she went through in the year following the death of her husband John Gregory Dunne. The book has won multiple awards, including the Pulitzer prize. It was also turned into a Broadway play. 

Joan had many thoughts that made no sense after her husband died (what she calls magical thinking). 

One example is that she would not give away her husband's shoes, because she thought he would need them when he returned.  I plan to read this book, because I myself had many such thoughts that made no sense in the weeks following my brother David's death. 

The poem I am sharing with you today, "I Should Be Happy" expresses one of them. It was written in the immediate weeks after my brother David died.

                                                                                          

                                                                I Should Be Happy

I should be happy …

You are in a safe place

No longer exposed to hostile or threatening environments

No longer needing to fight for your privacy, your safety, your dignity, your nourishment. 

I should be happy!

I should be happy!

I should be happy…

You are in an ultimate place of safety now

No longer walking in quicksand

No longer having to wrestle with physical, mental and psychological blows

That always took you by surprise

I should be happy!

I should be happy!

I should be happy…

The immense physical and mental pain you suffered, you suffer no more

You are free of earthly sorrows

No slings and arrows can touch you

I should be happy!

I should be happy!

I should be happy

The noise, the chaos. and the confusion has ended

You have been granted rest for your tired body and tired soul

I should be happy!

I should be happy!

I should be happy…

You have crossed the threshold to ultimate peace

Ultimate safety

Ultimate bliss

You are in the arms of the Divine.

I should be happy!

I should be happy!

I am sad!

I want you back, David.

Right here in the world where I am, David.

I want you back

I should be happy!

But I am sad.

And I want you back.

                                           

Dear Family, Friend, or Relative...thank you for reading this piece.

I will end this piece by sharing a list of grief resources like I did last week.

Because if you are having the same tough time recovering from the loss of someone who was precious to you, perhaps someone who was your whole world, they may help you as they did me:

Book: Chicken Soup for The Grieving Soul

Book: Life After Loss - Bob Deits

Online Video: Dr. DeMartini Video on Grief

Book: The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

Specific to our loss:

Online meeting: Al Anon meetings 

Online podcasts:  an Al Anon podcast

The Big Book

Keeping Secrets - book by Suzanne Sommers

What helped me most was not isolating myself.

I spent as much time as possible with family or with friends.

I let myself be comforted by all the calls, texts, and messages I received personally, or we received as a family.

I participated wholeheartedly in all the events held for my brother, and watched the tribute videos:

Zoom held by David's St. Joseph's Boys High School

Memorial Tribute created by Divya and Ben

David's Celebration of Life held on September 3, 2021

Zoom of Celebration of Life held on September 3, 2021

Tammy and Roy tribute event held in memory of David 

The most recent event was the Interment event attended by just us sisters,  our two brothers in law, and one of the people who worked with David in OOCL, a company he was at for 17 years.

I will share the link to that in the coming weeks.

Do continue to send us old photographs, videos, and other content that you find. Thanks for that.

Do keep my brother David in your prayers.

Thank you and hugs from me to you for being a part of my life!