Why is it good to be courageous in life?

You will need courage to get out of a comfort zone:

Minoo Jha

 · 6y

What event made you get out of your comfort zone?

Hi, You asked,What event made you get out of your comfort zone? I had to make a career change when I moved to America. A big, big career change. This event that made me get out of my comfort zone in a big way. Here’s my story… When I was in 2nd grade, I won a state-wide SPCA essay writing contest for an essay I wrote called My Pet. This was the first sign of my writing talents. The next sign was after I finished high school and started having boyfriends. As soon as we got serious, “the boyfriend” would start receiving handmade greeting cards from me. I would express my feelings in all sorts of creative ways on these handmade greeting cards. They were low on image quality. I couldn’t draw to save my life. But they were reasonably good on word quality. Because when Boyfriend 2 came along, after receiving the 4th or 5th card from me, he said, “Minoo, you would make a good copywriter” “What’s that?” I asked. I had never heard of copywriters. At the time, our city was dotted with some very clever billboards for a floor laminate. My boyfriend said, “Minoo, you know those billboards with those clever Woody Woodpecker lines - those were written by a copywriter.” “Ooooh, I would love to do that,” I said, “How can I get to do that?” “You have to join an advertising agency,” he said to me. At the time, I was still in college, so I just filed it away. But that was sign 2 - the recognition from the boyfriend for my writing talent. Sign 3 emerged shortly after. When I should have been in my 2nd year of college, I switched to “external college studies”. This was really an excuse to give myself time to think about what I wanted to do with my life. As a result, I had a lot of spare time on my hands. I used this spare time to scribble again. Since there was no more boyfriend, he had departed for another city with my greeting cards, my scribbles took on new form. I wrote my own guitar songs - lyrics and music. I found this to be more rewarding than writing greeting cards for boyfriends, because I had a larger audience, consisting of family and friends. And I also started writing middles for the local newspaper. Writing for the newspaper, was of course, even more rewarding in terms of audience; the audience was as large as the circulation of the newspaper. And I was to find out how rewarding it was to reach newspaper audiences, when my sister got a call one day from a friend, who said, “We have a job for that sister of yours who writes for the newspaper.” The friend was calling from an advertising agency. Shortly after that call, I started my first advertising copy job. My boyfriend’s suggestion had turned out to be prophetic. Then I moved to America and the music stopped. I couldn’t land a copywriting job. I couldn’t even land an interview for a copywriting job. I got a job as an Admin Assistant to a Sales Manager at Palm Inc. 6 months into the job, we had a one on one. My manager suggested I apply to an opening that was available on the Commissions Administration team. I was his Admin Assistant, but he had my best interests at heart - I know…so sweet. Initially, I was incredulous. I was a words person. How could I, a words person, do an ‘all numbers” job like Commissions Accounting? His suggestion appeared kind, but misplaced. But you know what? Sometimes, we need to go with an idea, even if it sounds crazy. That’s the only way to find out if we can do the unthinkable. So with a great deal of trepidation and reluctance, I bit the bullet and went for this totally new and scary "Commissions Accounting" thing. And guess what I found out? I was a words person, but I was also a numbers person. I was a pretty decent numbers person, at that. After a short while, my new manager in Commissions Accounting, went out on maternity leave, and never returned. This left me in charge of the commissions function at Palm entirely. It was intimidating. But every night after my daughter went to sleep, I would crack the Excel books. In this way, I quickly mastered Excel. And this once “words only” person handled the commissions function at Palm on her own for the next 5 years - until she moved to greener pastures. I am still doing Commissions Accounting today, except I now do it as a Freelance Consultant. As a freelance consultant, I have to get out of my comfort zone with every assignment. Every new assignment brings a brand new set of opportunities and challenges. But of course, with so many zigs and zags in my professional life, it doesn’t scare me away any more. You see, getting out of my comfort zone has become second nature to me.

You will need courage to face an uncomfortable truth:

Minoo Jha

 · 4y

Why are people scared of telling the truth?

Because the truth may be hard to swallow. When it comes to the truth, each of us has a choice - one, to live in denial or find someone to blame, or two, to seek the truth (about ourselves and about situations and circumstances in our life) and then make the changes that may be necessary. I am strongly for the second option, as this piece I wrote indicates: Sincerely Yours We sign off our letters, Sincerely Yours. But are we sincere? Do people in our lives really know how we feel? Or do we hold back? Do we have secret thoughts and feelings about ourselves that we don't share with them? Do we have secret thoughts and feelings about them, that we don't share with them? We may think we have good reasons to keep some of our thoughts, feelings, and actions secret: If the hidden truth is about ourselves, the truth may be embarrassing or devastating. We are scared of our image being tarnished. We are afraid people will shy away from us, if they knew something about us. Some people were scandalized when I admitted being carried out drunk from restaurants in my younger days. If the hidden truths are, not about us, but about other people we deal with, it is because we may not want to hurt their feelings. Or we may want to keep the peace. Hidden truths can be small truths. Or big, devastating truths. A depression. A desire to end your life. A communicable disease . An addiction. Or just not being what, or who, everyone thinks we are. Examples: Perception: Everyone thinks you are rich. Reality: You are bankrupt. Perception: Everyone thinks you are an upstanding member of society. Reality: You have a terrible addiction, or you are, or have been involved in, some seedy underhand dealings where you used your power to use, manipulate, bribe, seduce, threaten, or deceive innocent, powerless, or vulnerable people. Perception: Everyone thinks you are pro-life and care about children. Reality: You have had children out of wedlock that you couldn't care 2 hoots about. Perception: Publicly, you are outspoken in your disapproving thoughts about homosexuality. Reality: You are a closet homosexual. The truth is a terrible and scary thing. When I suffered a depression, I initially hid it from everybody. It was my big, devastating hidden truth. You can see how the successful owner of a business, who seemingly has everything - " a great business, a fit body, a great marriage - would want to hide the fact she is depressed. And yet, the more devastating the truth, the more it needs to be poured from one heart into another heart. Even if the truth knocks you off your pedestal. For sure, having a depression knocked me off my pedestal as the "gal who had it all". But I knew keeping it a secret was not the right thing to do. If there was any hope for me to recover from it, it would come from sharing it with someone else, which I did. So these are my thoughts on the truth... I believe sharing the truth helps us more than it hurts us. Hopefully, this means you can count on me to tell you the truth. Just say, "Minoo, I want your sincere advice, " and I will give it to you. Sometimes I will give you the truth, even when you don't ask me for it. This is because truth has become a value to me. Which is why I am writing a piece about it. Signing off, Sincerely yours, Minoo

You will need courage to go against stereotypes:

Minoo Jha

 · 6y

What is the best way to become successful as a woman?

Hi, You asked, What is the best way to become successful as a woman? I started off as a dependent cry baby. I became a strong, independent woman. Here’s how I did it (reprinted from a post with the same title on my blog). How I Went From A Girlie Girl to A Strong, Independent Woman It Doesn't Matter Where You Started, What Matters Is Where You Plan to End I learned to live alone. I learned to drive. I learned to make my own decisions. I learned to manage money on my own. I learned to value myself outside of a relationship. I learned to value what was in my head and heart, over the way I looked. I changed my focus to what I did, and how I acted. I stopped measuring myself against traditional ideas of ‘feminine’ success. I stopped identifying myself with my child’s successes and failures. I started setting boundaries on what I would, and would not, accept. I stopped being passive-aggressive, and learned to speak up. I started handling more things on my own. I became more self-sufficient. I started getting involved in things I used to hand over to men. (While I do not know how to fix my car, I get fully involved with every repair – researching the facts and becoming knowledgeable – whether it’s the blend door actuator on my air-conditioner, or a rack and pinion steering issue.) I learned to take charge, and make choices which made the most financial sense, covering all the bases - my housing, my car, my taxes, my insurance, my investments, my utilities, my child’s education, my health. I learned to make my voice heard through my blog. I learned to stop second guessing myself, and beating myself up for flaws or slips. I learned to take risks. Finally, I learned it does not matter where you started. What matters more is where you plan to end. So this is my advice to you: Sit at the table. Take smart risks. Seek challenges. Pursue your goals with gusto. And know, you can do it, exactly as you are. You are enough.

You will need courage to succeed if you are in a minority, for example, the only woman in a group:

Minoo Jha

 · 9mo

Are all women manipulative?

People pleasing, emotional blackmail, and manipulation are learned behaviors, and have their roots in the historical expectations of what behaviors are expected from a woman. Throughout history, and even in current times, women have been expected to be quiet, passive, soft-spoken, submissive, gentle, kind, and undemanding. It is very important to be “UNDEMANDING”. To demand NOTHING. Speaking out, standing out, and DEMANDING anything, is frowned upon. It is thought to be shrewish and UNWOMANLY. This is what makes many women, as modern as they are, resort to people pleasing, emotional blackmail, manipulation, lies, and other forms of deceptive behavior, when they have to get what they want. They are afraid of criticism, condemnation, and being rejected, or ostracized, if they decide to be truthful and assertive, about their wants and needs. They are mortally afraid of being DEMANDING, and being seen as UNWOMANLY, because of it. Many women take pains to preserve a Madonna image of being passive, soft-spoken, submissive, gentle, and kind. Women who are conflicted, and who are afraid, in the way I have described, are reluctant to try to change their circumstances, or aim for a better life, based on their own efforts. They are convinced (or have allowed themselves to be convinced) that the way to a better life, is to attract a wealthy man, who will provide for them. They believe the only way to pull this off, is to spend all manner of money and time on looking good, excelling in the home arts, being passive and submissive, and keeping up a superficially pleasant demeanor at all times. In this way, the ideal of the quiet, passive, soft-spoken, submissive, gentle, kind, and undemanding woman is perpetuated, in spite of all the advances women have made. The choices of women like Hilary Clinton and Malala Yusafais, who are brave enough to buck this trend, are frowned at, and looked down upon. They will get scorn and more, for their daring to one, want more for themselves, and two, to approach what they want differently - by speaking up. Why should a woman have to be pleasing, passive, submissive, soft, gentle, kind, and undemanding? Why should a woman have to use people pleasing, guile, and manipulation, to get her way? Why can’t a woman be her authentic self? Why can’t a woman speak up for her needs, just like a man would? If you are a woman, I encourage you to pursue what you want, while being who you are. I hope the poem below gives you courage. Courageous women never look back. Do It Anyway - Women on the Rise Version Men (and women who are afraid to do the things you want to do) may say you are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered for having a non-traditional vision for yourself. Do it anyway. The most important people in your life (your family and relatives) may think you are way out of line and shame you, for wanting something that the community you were born into, the society you were born into, or the religion you were born into, frowns upon. Forgive them for their lack of understanding and do it anyway. If you decide to say something about something that needs talking about, you may be branded as a hater, an ignoramus, and a troublemaker, by popular and powerful people. Use your voice and say the things you need to say anyway. If you are successful in a role and in a field where women are in the minority, many men and women might try to dismiss, discredit, or diminish what you do on both public and private platforms. Continue to blaze a trail in that field anyway. Don't let that unnerve you. If you say things in a forthright way - and without a smile, men (and women who are used to people-pleasing) will call you unpleasant, unappealing, bossy, a shrew, unsexy, lacking in charm, and more. Be honest and frank (and give yourself permission not to smile) anyway. If you want to create or build something that's ambitious and challenging, especially for a woman, you risk enduring excessive public humiliation if you fail. Have big aims and aim to build anyway. If you have found your serenity and happiness making choices that are not typical for your sex, you may be looked upon as a poor role model or a weirdo. Make those choices anyway. As the ending lines of the original "Do It Anyway" Mother Teresa poem say... “Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

Can mindset affect financial success?

A readable book I highly recommend everyone read

Can mindset affect financial success?

Yes, especially if someone has a “material acquisition” mindset, rather than a “financial goal” mindset.

The difference between a “material acquisition” mindset and a “financial goal” mindset is like night and day.

A “material acquisition” mindset is focused on accumulating “material things”.

A “financial goal" mindset is focused on accumulating “financial assets” in order to achieve different goals.

From basic goals, such as building an emergency cushion.

To big goals, such as saving for a house, a child's education, a post-working secure future, or the ambitious, but achievable goal of financial freedom.

The money that goes into financial assets does different things than the money that goes into material assets.

Financial assets produce income.

Material assets consume income.

I am talking about personal material assets, here.

In other words, nice things.

A nice house in a cool neighborhood is a material asset.

It consumes income.

While all houses consume income, a house in a less cool neighborhood will consume less income.

But people rarely want a house in a less cool neighborhood.

They want a house in a cool neighborhood.

There are two underlying mindsets at play for that.

One is a mindset of “It looks or sounds so nice. I must have it now".

Two, is a “keeping up with the Joneses” mindset.

The combination of the two results in a person with those mindsets, using up all the money they earn, on maintaining their "keeping up with the Joneses" lifestyle, and continuously buying experiences and things.

And when what they earn, is not enough to keep up, they borrow money, or max out credit cards and/or personal loans.

This comes at the cost of their financial security, sometimes, also at the cost of alienating (turning off) their family and friends.

And it usually puts them very much behind, not just behind the people whose lifestyles they were keeping up with, but behind less well-off family and friends, as well.

If it’s not a house, and things which make up a house (hard wood floors, granite countertops, fancy appliances, etc), it’s cars.

Cars, like houses, consume rather than produce income.

In fact, they consume lots of income.

Upfront income. Ongoing income. The purchase price, the sales tax. the registration, the insurance, the gas, the maintenance, the repairs.

It doesn’t matter that you bought the car with cash, and didn’t use financing.

Maybe you are not paying interest, by buying the car with cash.

But the cash you used to buy the car is hard-earned income, and hard-saved income.

That hard-saved income could have been used to create wealth, or be used to produce more income, instead of all being used on a single new and fancy car.

Buying a used car would have left some money for you to to build an emergency cushion, or if you have that, to invest towards a future goal such as a house, or a child's education, or your post-working days.

Houses, cars, name-brand clothes, expensive restaurant meals, sports games, concerts, vacations… if it’s not one thing, it’s another.

There are limitless ways to consume income.

There are fewer ways to produce income.

It comes down to a job, or two jobs, a business, or investments.

Financially successful people have one or more, of these things. Usually, at least two of these things.

They use debt, but when they use debt, they use it to produce income, rather than consume income, as books like Rich Dad Poor Dad advise....

Minoo Jha

· 2y

What does Robert Kiyosaki mean when he says "living debt-free is the worst advice you could give anybody today"?

He believes in using OTM to acquiring assets that produce an income, such as rental properties. His book was life-changing for many, and was one of the books that had the effect of a starter gun on me. It had an even more powerful impact on a friend of mine. Here’s what you need to know…

Financially successful people are so focused on producing, or finding more capital for what they produce, they don’t care whether they live in a fancy neighborhood, have a fancy car, or go on fancy vacations.

They know those things will come later, as a product of focusing on producing more income.

Being focused on building their stream, or streams of income, they are safe from unnecessarily expensive personal purchases, while they are in the producing stage.

They will be observed to spend less on cars, clothes, vacations, hobbies, etc, relative to what they are earning.

Money is continuously steered towards a financial goal, or towards producing more income.

Consuming is largely absent from, or a minimal part, of a producer’s mindset.

A producer’s mindset is focused on production, and/or their mission.

Capital opportunities to further production, to further the mission, are more attractive to them, than stuff that’s on sale.

The annual Nordstrom Sale or Geoffrey Beane sale is not marked on their calendars.

Producers also do not try to display wealth to attract a partner, or to display looks to attract a partner.

They know that displaying wealth, and actually having wealth, are two different things.

What’s the point of wealth display, without actual wealth, especially if it reduces, rather than enhances your financial security.

What’s the point of a looks display, without wealth to support it, and at the price of your future financial security?

For the person trapped in the looks display or wealth display mindset, financial security will be very hard to achieve.

And because one can’t fight age, or debtors, indefinitely - one or the other will catch up to them, eventually.

So my advice for anyone reading this, is to drop the consuming mindset, and switch to a producing mindset.

Take up a more high paying job.

Start a business and focus on growing it.

Invest in income-producing, or capital appreciation assets.

The more you invest, the more Interest and dividends you can earn, the more your investment grows, the more your stash of cash will grow.

Spend less, save more.

Become a minimalist.

The answer to a stash of cash may be as simple as that.

Minoo Jha

· 7y

Could minimalism be the key to financial freedom?

Hi, You asked, Could minimalism be the key to financial freedom? Yes, short of living in a tent, I am comfortably off because of living a minimalist life. Here’s how I did it… I internalized Suze Orman. I started meditating. (The book “How God Changes Your Brain” gave me both my motivation and my technique). I stopped being a nervous Nellie about my future, accepting that the future was hamarey bas ki baat nahi (Hindi for “beyond my control/capacity/competence”). I channeled stories such as the Farid ud-Din Attar story about King Mahmud and the Beans. I started tracking my expenses. I found that knowing my average monthly expenditure was within a certain range made me oodles less anxious. I searched for and read books on downshifting like Your Money or Your Life. I found out how simply some folks were living (friends and relatives in India) and how happy and content they were. It helped me develop perspective. I realized that things are not always what they seem. That people who looked better off than me with expensive cars, nice houses, the latest gadgets and who went on fabulous holidays might actually be reeling in debt and have negative net worth. I also observed how many people who are better off than me fret more than me. This is because though they are rich in externals (the visible accoutrements of a successful life), they are poor in internals (their internal life is messy). Peace and contentment can’t be bought. It is a gift you give yourself. You can be at peace even living in a crowded noisy apartment complex, whereas you can be in a state of turmoil even in the quietest most luxurious and secluded waterfront mansion. I know this sounds like a “sour grapes” rationalization, but I really do fret less than many people who are materially far better off than me. I discovered “Asteya” and made it one of my goals. Asteya is the discipline of taking from the world only what you need – without greed, excess, or wastage. I realized that producing something (expression) was more satisfying than owning anything (consumption). I observed that more stuff made me less happy rather than more happy – giving me more house cleaning, maintenance and security to worry about. And finally, I observed what made me happy. They were not things, but experiences. A good conversation. A good read. A walk or talk with a friend. A simple hearty meal. A guest post (hint,hint). A satisfying workout at the gym. Giving and receiving appreciation. Learning something new. My meditations. A fear or weakness conquered. An intellectual puzzle solved. A physical challenge met. And realizing this, I was able to cheerfully and contentedly declare “I’m good!”

Spend some time today, thinking about how you can improve your financial security.

If until now, you’ve been largely focused on buying goods and services to improve this or that aspect of your life, it will require a mindset shift.

It will also require you to be realistic.

Making money is not easy.

Hard work and sacrifices may be required to improve your financial security.

Accept the reality of that.

You can't have the mindset that you will only take up an easy, comfortable job, with low stress, flexible hours, an easy commute, or only do a business that you can do from home.

You only have to try these things once, to realize that what looked like easy money, isn't easy money.

It's easy, but there isn't any money.

Save the easy money mindset for the times in your life, when you are a parent of a young child, or you have an ill family member to take care of.

You should certainly not make it your standard operating system.

You will shackle your ability to earn money, and save money, if you operate with that mindset.

Replace that “easy job”, or “easy business venture” mindset with a “mission”, and/or a “financial goal” mindset.

Get into the right money producing occupation - whether that is a job, a business venture, or a mission.

And keep at it, until all your financial goals are reached.

Remind yourself regularly, why it’s worth your time, to give it all you've got...

Minoo Jha

· 5y

Why does it seem easier to give up than just not try again?

Because of the thought that trying again may result in nothing. But there are many circumstances in which we should consider doubling down rather than giving up. I wrote this piece to highlight some of those circumstances: 25 Circumstances In Which You Should Consider Doubling Down On Your Resolve When the money is worth it. When the opportunity is worth it. When it is essential to achieving your potential. When you have a worthwhile goal. When you have nothing to lose. When you have a lot to learn. When you really (really) want something. If your conscience says you should. If it’s a possible stepping stone to big things. When your intuition tells you to. When your financial position is at risk. If it is what you need to do to tide over. When a value that is important to you is on the line. If it’s important to you not to feel like a quitter. If it involves any habit you need to give up. When you want to break a pattern. If it’s a life and death situation. When you’ve invested time and money, and victory feels close. When people are depending on you. When turning back would have negative consequences. If your physical or emotional health will be positively impacted. If it is important to your spiritual growth. If it is important to your self-worth. If it will increase your tolerance of challenges, frustration, and criticism. If it will build your character. ******************** When you double down on your resolve, you effectively create your own boot camp. Going through your personalized 'circumstantial' boot camp, will make you stronger, and more confident in your ability to handle tough challenges. A quitter mentality never made anyone feel good. An easy-way-out mentality never made anyone feel good. It is your hard achievements which will make you feel good. Make sure your goals are hard and worthwhile goals to pursue. Then resolve to double down, even triple down, on your resolve to achieve those goals. I urge you to bump up your motivation to a new level by breaking out of convenience, comfort and the status quo, and going for something bigger. Here's a sampling of my thoughts on that, taken from the concluding lines of another piece I wrote: "You can’t write a blog without actively choosing fear. When you sit down to write a piece, you fear being boring, being repetitive, being out of touch, and being irrelevant. I face that fear every week when I sit down to write. Convenience. Comfort. Status Quo. Inconvenience. Discomfort. Breakthrough. The fact that I continue to write tells you what my spirit has chosen." I will end with this powerful message from Joe De Sena who conducts the Spartan Up races: “When you break through the other side of hell and finish an event that did not seem possible, that stopped you in your tracks, over and over, something happens. You feel accomplished, incredibly proud of yourself, and in some ways, a different person” You are going to feel accomplished, incredibly proud of yourself, and a different person for trying and trying again.

Whatever you do, don’t pair the “easy income”, “easy mission” mindset, with a “spend to the paycheck on personal indulgences, and use debt when the paycheck is insufficient” mindset.

That will doom your efforts to achieve your financial goals, even before you begin.

Choose a job that pays you well

And then choose financial success or mission success, over material success, as your goal.

One last word -

It’s never too late to wake up.

It’s never too late to stop following the crowd.

It’s never to late to think radically differently.

Can early life experiences truly shape a lifelong commitment to values like compassion and humanism, and what are some examples?

I do have memories of events in my early life, pointing to an awareness of what I thought was inhumane.

When animals or people were treated with cruelty, I used to have tears rolling down my face.

I was called a “cry baby”, because I was so easily driven to tears.

I was driven to tears, sometimes out of self-pity, which is a form of compassion for oneself.

I was also frequently driven to tears, out of compassion for the suffering of other living things-  human beings and animals.

If I plucked up the courage to reach out, I reached out.

As I grew older, I hardened to indifference, unkindness, and cruelty - whether aimed towards me, towards other people, towards animals..

I realized this indifference, because a few people around me had the compassion that I no longer showed - my friend, Anita, for example - who had, and still has, an amazing compassion for animals.

I was happy for the existence of people, such as Anita.

Some things have stuck in my head from those days - such as my maid Theresa telling me not not kill the ants that were running around our kitchen, because in her words, "they were seeking food to store for winter."

By my early 30's, the hardening was complete, and resulted in me doing some unkind things, which I truly regret...

Minoo Jha

· 7y

What is the most important life lesson you've learned after growing up?

Hi, You asked, What is the most important life lesson you've learned after growing up? That kindness is more important than generosity. As a young adult, I was generous, but I was not kind. This story is a classic example of how I was generous and not kind… The Gold Chain When I got married, I moved into the home where my husband lived with his brother and his dad. Working for them was Pushpa, their maid, who had been with the family for a long time. I knew Pushpa from before I got married, because she had been doing part time housecleaning and cooking for me at my bachelorette pad. Like all maids in India at the time, Pushpa was poor and lived a hard-scrabble life. Her home was a thatched hut in a slum, and everything - from food to clothes to medicines, to keeping her hut from collapsing when it rained - was a challenge. Pushpa's pay wasn't sufficient for all her expenses, so she would ask my father-in-law for additional money during the month. When my husband came home from work, my father in law would say to him, "Pushpa needs x rupees for medicine. Can you give me that to give to her." I felt sorry for Pushpa and decided to reach out to her secretly. When she and I were alone, I said to her, "Pushpa, I would like to give you some additional money on the side, so you don't have to ask Sir (my father in law) for money every other week. This can be just between you and me – Sir or Rakesh or Shreekant needn’t know about it.Can you tell me an amount that would be helpful for you to get." Now Pushpa was not a greedy soul, and she didn't know what amount to propose. She shyly replied, "I don't know Ma". So I made the decision for both of us. I said, "I'll tell you what. You are getting 2000 rupees every month from Sir. How about I give you another 2000 rupees? Here, take this." And with that, I gave Pushpa 2000 rupees, effectively doubling her pay. (I was earning a good income and I can assure you this was not financially difficult for me at all, so please don't think I was anyone great for doing this.) A month went by. One day, my husband and me arrived home from work together. As we entered the door, my father in law said, "Ah, Shreekant…..can you give me 400 rupees to give to Pushpa for medicine." I felt a flash of anger. I had expected that once Pushpa started getting the extra 2000 rupees from me, she would stop asking my father-in-law for money during the month. “How dare she ask for this money after I have doubled her pay!” I thought to myself. Of course I couldn't talk to anyone about this, since I was giving her the money in secret. At the first opportunity I could get her alone, I confronted her about it, "Why are you still asking Sir for extra money? I doubled your pay. You should not be needing to ask for 300 rupees here, 300 rupees there anymore." She looked embarrassed and never replied. I felt a great need to solve the situation once in for all, thinking mightily of my powers to do so. "Ok, I will tell you what, Pushpa," I said, "I will give you 3000 rupees instead of 2000 rupees every month secretly from my own pocket. This should cover you for anything and everything that comes up during the month. Agreed?" She nodded her head and I handed her an additional 1000 rupees which she gratefully accepted. A month went by. And, oh no. Yes, you guessed right. I hear my father in law say to my husband, "Ah, Shreekant…..give me 400 rupees to give to Pushpa. She needs to buy something for her family." It was like waving a red flag to a bull. I had expected that the extra 3000 rupees would have put a full stop to this. I could not understand what was going on. Things were not going as planned. Though Pushpa was getting two and a half times her pay, nothing had changed. She was still asking for extra money, as if the extra 3000 rupees did not exist. I couldn't wait for her to come in to work the next day to tackle her. As soon as she got in, and I got her alone, I demanded an answer. "Pushpa, your pay is two and a half times what it used to be. Whatever are you spending the extra money on? " I was taken aback when she sheepishly pointed to a thin gold chain round her neck. She explained..... Apparently she had always wanted a gold chain, but could never afford to buy one. When I started giving her the extra 3000 every month, she was able to enroll in a chit fund and take out a loan to buy a gold chain. Now she was using the money I was giving her every month to pay the loan off. All the extra money was going to pay off the debt she had incurred to buy the gold chain, and none of it to improve her everyday life. Which was why she still had to ask for 300 rupees here and 300 rupees there. I was horribly upset. There was nothing I could do and my hands were tied. I had expected to improve Pushpa's lot in life, but she was at square one, struggling to keep body and soul together, except she now had a gold chain she was really happy and proud to possess which I had made possible. Because of my expectations, it took me several years to come to terms with this. Over the next year, I gradually grew into an expectations monster, and a tyrant with Pushpa, nagging her about everything. Eventually Pushpa left the job because of my nagging and demands. Starting out in childhood as a kind, generous person to her, I turned into a monster. And I didn’t realize it. It was many years later when remorse struck and I regretted my past behavior. It had been inexcusably harsh. Pushpa was such a good soul, and didn’t deserve my harshness. Today, I understand that kindness is superior to generosity, and expectancy is superior to expectations. My kinder attitude has brought perspective as well, and I think about Pushpa’s gold chain purchase differently. It is human to have needs beyond food, clothing and shelter. Even someone in tough circumstances may prefer the beauty and pride of a gold chain to a marginal improvement in comfort. How I wish I could turn back the clock and have been kinder when I was younger.

Changing back to who I was, took a long time, and started only with my mother’s death.

I realized that if I had to pick a model of kindness to aim to be like, my mother was the perfect model.

Her death whispered this truth to me, and I felt a desire to become more like her, to become more like the compassionate child I used to be.

I had gotten lost, but now I decided it was time to find my way back.

Minoo Jha

· 3y

Why is it that family school and environment has a big impact on one's personality?

Because behavior is typically enforced in families and schools. Where behavior is not enforced, impressionable minds learn from example. The example set by our parents can impact us for the rest of our lives. My mother was a beautiful soul, and one of the examples she set for us was to be kind and generous in everything, including her compliments. This had an impact on me and 2of my siblings. I was not aware that I was generous with compliments, until some of my close friends began to comment on it. I wondered where the tendency came from. Then I noticed that an older sister of mine was very generous with her compliments, and I immediately decided my habit of complimenting came from her. But when I spoke to her about it, she told me it came from my mom. My dear mom. A beautiful soul. She left us a legacy of extreme kindness and poetry…

I decided that the best thing I could do to honor my mother’s memory, was to be as kind to my daughter, as she used to be to my daughter.

The work of returning to a more compassionate state had started.

5 years after my mother’s death, I learned to meditate.

I became more self-reflective, after learning to meditate.

Through self-reflection, I identified other ways in which I needed to change...

Minoo Jha

· 3y

Why do some people have a hard time with self-reflection?

Because you will find out that you are not as smart as you think you are, as nice as you think you are, as ethical as you think you are, as honest as you think you are, I could go on and on…. In this piece I wrote, I share my own humbling discoveries about myself - I Thought I Was A Flower I thought I was a flower. Silly me. In so many respects, I am still a bud. And have growing to do. In spite of the sunlight. In spite of the soil. In spite of the water. In spite of the many years I have been on the stalk. I am still a bud. In this respect and that respect. In so many respects. I am still a bud. And I still have growing to do. __ That being the case… Be patient with me. Be patient with me. __ I thought I was a tree. Silly me. I now see. I am just a branch. Of a very big tree. Called humanity. It will take some time. To shake off the idea. That I am not the tree. I have to chip away at the bark. That kept me in the dark. That kept me from seeing all this time. That I am just a part. Of this very big tree. Called humanity. __ Which is why, I ask... Be patient with me. Be patient with me. __ I thought I was the ocean. Silly me. I found out I am just a drop. Among drops and drops and drops. In a vast expanse. That's as wide as it is deep. Beyond what my naked eye can see. When I think about that. I pause. And lift up my hands. And express awe. And then some more. At this amazing vastness I was not aware I was a part of. Isn't it amazing, to think. This little drop that's me. Is part of drops and drops and drops. So vast, it's more than my naked eye can see. And to think I have been living in a bubble that was so tiny. I am glad my eyes have opened. But I have to get used to this. __ So please… Be patient with me. Be patient with me.

Self-reflection is an interior mirror.

Exterior mirrors tell you how you look to other people.

Interior mirrors tell you how you are.

As I get older, and look more and more into this interior mirror, I think back on the steps and missteps I’ve made, on my journey in and out of compassion, and it is clear to me that in this rough and tough world, there is great need for more compassion, and more humanism. Hearts need to soften, my heart most of all.  I am grateful to all the people who have set examples, and opened my eyes to the need for hearts to soften. Hard decisions made with a hard heart, weakens bonds and connection, and leads to rifts. Hard decisions made with a soft heart, increases bonds and connection, bridges the distance between people to bring them closer, and heals rifts. Whatever the situation, love and a soft heart are the way. We would do well to tamp down our expectations, ideas, and carelessly expressed opinions and comments, and to let compassion and connection guide our words and actions, and carry the day.