Sunday, June 29, 2014

The Element of Personal Stories and Its Hope for Realizing Our Lives Are Unique and Filled with Experiences Worth Sharing


We all have our stories.

Our stories are as unique as we are.

Our stories are as unique as our backgrounds,  where we grew up, where we relocated to, the places we have visited, the things we have done…. our experiences, our hobbies, our pretensions, our ambitions, fears, our desires, our thrills, our disappointments, our victories and our defeats.

We each have a unique personality and a unique history.

Our stories are part of our unique personality and our unique history.

This is why every life is filled with stories that are fresh to someone else’s ears and worth hearing.

In A Short Stint in Advertising, Ajay Sachdev shares his personal experience of what it was like to work in MAA, one of the hottest advertising agencies in Bangalore.

In A Facebook Faceoff, Jacinta Correa shares a story about sparring with her son about her Facebook addiction.

In A Passage Into Time, Chetan Shah lets us know what it was like to be one of 12 Assistant Directors on the movie Passage to India.

In The Colors of Life, John Paraskevopoulos shares his experience of high school ditch day with us.

Stories can be about chapters in our lives, about events, about interactions.

Every minute there is a story waiting to happen.

A homeless man walked into the Baskin Robbins where Tanita worked two summers ago, and it became a story.

My brother got into an auto to go to the railway station and board a train for a school trip and it became a story.

Stories are family legacies.

They unite the past with the future.

They can take us back to another time and another place.

Every family has its favorite stories.

And there are master story tellers in every family.

We call the master story teller in our family Masala Master, because he never fails to spice up his stories with a little exaggeration and well, masala.

Eccentricities are stories in themselves.

We will remember one uncle who waved repeatedly at the gate, and another uncle who said “Eat your pudding.”

What are some of your favorite family stories?

Several posts on this blog are essentially stories.

The V List is a story within a story, because it tells you about a story that inspired me to become a vegetarian for the next three years in my life.

Our ambitions and desires, our victories and failures all contain stories.

We should never regret any part of our stories. As Carl Jung says: “A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.”

We have only to think back on our lives to uncover our stories.

How I Lost a Thousand Dollars on Donuts tells you the story of one of my investing mishaps and what it cost me.

Why I Can Never get a Job at Google tells you why I am the only one in my family with an incomplete college education.

Conversations contain stories.

The more people we meet, the more new stories we will hear.

In The Element of Everyday Miracles and Its Hope for Reveling In the Mysteries of Life, I tell you a story I heard from Mary whom I met just 3 months ago. 

Everyone who starts something new will have stories to tell. 

The Element of Believing in Someone and Its Hope for Helping Them Move Mountains  tells you about some of my new adventures and the people who helped me succeed.

When people do something you don't expect them to do, the story will stick in your head.


So does The Element of Simplicity and Its Hope for Living a More Satisfying Meaningful Life  Whenever I think of what nobility means, I think of the girl in this story.

Every friendship is also a story.

The United States of Friendship Part 1 - tells you the story of my friendship with Krysia.

The United States of Friendship Part 2 - tells you the story of my friendship with Gerry and some of the experiences I had working at Palm.

The United States of Friendship Part 3 - tells you about my friendship with Steve.

My Friendship series runs all the way through the United States of Friendship Part 12 and you will meet many wonderful people along the way.

Carl Jung said (yes, today is Quote Carl Jung Day): “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

A story is often born when 2 people have a shared experience.

In Kushboo, Jacinta Correa tells us about how her life became intertwined with one of the students at her school. A poignant story, indeed, and a must read.

We don't realize it but we are always making up stories whether we like it or not.  We make up stories about people's behavior or why something happens to us - my post the The Element of Being Less Self-Centered and Its Hope for Seeing Things in the Correct Light is about this propensity to make up stories when we are puzzled about the things that happen to us.

We even make up stories when we buy something.  I used to have a story for every stock purchase I made.  I would say, “well, I am buying Sirius Satellite Radio (incidentally, one of the dogs in my portfolio) because they have a "subscription model – recurring revenue, you know."  Blah, blah, blah.  Amazon is giving brick and mortar stores a run for their money” blah, blah, blah.

Stories have an important role in our lives.

Philip Pullman says, “After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.

Our imaginations are hungry and we need stories.

We grow in our story telling needs; When we are little, everything has to be happily ever after; when we get older, we realize wonderful beginnings may not have perfect endings; and we are able to laugh and cry with Oliver Barrett in Love Story, or Dean in Blue Valentine, or Noah in Notebook.

So if we all have so many stories, the question then becomes are you courageous enough to tell yours.

I hope some day you will be.

Why not now? 

As always, thanks for reading and have a great day and week….M….a Pearl Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ajay, Ananda, Betty, Chris and Rosie for their comments on Facebook and to the rest of you for your pins on Pinterest and likes on Facebook.  Much appreciated.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

The Element of Getting Beyond and Its Hope for Becoming Stronger and Wiser and Living Life More Abundantly


We are wise and we are strong and we are able to move forward in life to the extent we are able to get beyond.

We have to get beyond our setbacks.

We have to get beyond any traumas we may have experienced.

We have to get beyond the physical and psychological blows life may have dealt us.

We have to get beyond slights and disappointments.

We have to get beyond our grudges and resentments.

We have to get beyond our rejections, our losses, our failures.

Everything we are able to get beyond makes us stronger, wiser and happier.

Everything we are not able to get beyond holds us back.

You could say “getting beyond” is the price we have to pay for knowledge, wisdom and experiencing joyful abundance in life.

When I got beyond my fear of the unknown, I was able to make my first investment with my friend Ajay (as I recount in my post The Element of Conversations and Its Hope for Gaining Ideas and Wisdom Through Exchanging Our Thoughts With One Other).

When I got beyond trying to “copy Warren Buffett”, I was able to start making money rather than losing money on stocks.

When I got beyond pretending only victories made up my life, I was able to give a speech at Toastmasters on my failures and what I learned from them, as I relate in my post, "How I Lost a Grand on Donuts".

When I got beyond the fear of not having a steady income, I was able to quit my job and become a contractor, as I relate in my post The Element of Getting Out of Our Comfort Zone and Its Hope for Experiencing More of What Life Has to Offer.

Everything I have got beyond has put me in a better place than where I was before.

To get beyond something, we have to take the first step.

We can't get beyond what we want to get beyond, if we don't take that first step.

If we don't take the first step, we may be stuck where we are forever.

When we take the first step, it acts much like the ignition key in a car, it starts the engine.

Soon we will find ourselves taking the second step, and then the third, and our progress develops a momentum of its own.

Ideas and opportunities will follow.

From Excel to Centive to Xactly to Varicent

My first step to becoming a Commissions Consultant was quitting my job in mid 2010.

Ideas and opportunities followed. (Leaving oneself space to think and respond will often do that).

I haven't quite gotten over the fact that the idea to do the Xactly training program came out of a conversation with my sister Rosie.  Thanks to that conversation, today I am Xactly trained, and Varicent trained, and I have completed 10 assignments as a contract Commissions Consultant.

Ideas and opportunities are two reasons to get beyond whatever is holding us back in our lives.

Missing out is another reason.

We miss out by not getting beyond.

From Taxi Jam to Extreme Sky Flyer

When Tanita was younger, she was afraid of going on roller coasters and the scarier rides at the California Great America theme park.

She would long to join in the fun, but her fears would hold her back.

She would stand on the sidelines and watch friends and children much younger than her go on these rides and she would feel miserable and left out.

Then one year, she was able to kick the fear.

She called me excitedly from the park that day to tell me she had gone on every single ride.

From that day Tanita never looked back. She never had to miss out on any of the fun again.

Have you ever been on the Extreme Sky Flyer?  Tanita has.  Here is a description of the Extreme Sky Flyer from the California Great America website: Experience the breathtaking experience of hang gliding and skydiving. You'll be hoisted 153 feet above ground, and dive at speeds up to 60 miles per hour while falling 17 stories toward the Earth, skimming just six feet above the ground. And here is a video from You Tube of what riding the Extreme Sky Flyer is like.

Get in On the Action

Yes, if we don’t get beyond, we will miss out.

If we don't get beyond our fears and insecurities, we will miss out on the many amazing things our life has to offer us, and the opportunity to prosper and thrive.

If we don’t get beyond our grudges, resentments or grievances, we will miss out on all the wonderful things that come from having happy healthy connections with people and being able to participate in the big and small events in their lives.

Getting beyond gives us a chance to get in on the action and not be on the outside looking in.

Getting beyond is our ticket to knowledge, wisdom and living an abundant life.

This is why I am so glad for every single thing I have been able to get beyond.

Let’s look at some of these things I have been able to get beyond.

Setbacks

One of the biggest setbacks in my life was my depression, as I told you about in my post If Life Is So Good Why Do I Feel So Sad?  But I got beyond that. Everyone who is currently suffering from a depression can take heart from my story.

What setbacks have you got beyond?  Good for you. Remind yourself of what you have come through as often as you can. Read my post How To Feel Good About Yourself When the Chips Are Down to get started.

Mindsets

What mindsets have I got beyond?  When I was offered the opportunity to take up the commissions analyst role at Palm, I had to get beyond the idea that I was bad with numbers, as I told you about in my post, The Element of Getting Out of Our Comfort Zone and Its Hope for Experiencing More of What Life Has to Offer.  Because of all my years doing nothing but writing, I thought of myself as a “words person”. But necessity and opportunity and encouragement enabled me to take the plunge and accept my first commissions analyst job, and I have never looked back.

What mindsets have you got beyond? Don't you often thank your stars you were able to get beyond those mindsets?

Relationship Problems

I didn’t have a very good relationship with my daughter.  That’s because I used to alternate between being Tiger Mom and Helicopter Mom.  Both these mums were ineffective in dealing with a teenager. Teens will be teens. It is natural for a young adult to want to individuate from her or his parent.  But Tiger Mom and Helicopter Mom weren't able to get that. Thankfully, Hippie Mom was born. Everything changed after that. I became the kind of parent Dr. John Duffy describes in his landmark book The Available Parent, (which every parent of a teen should read), and today I have a wonderful relationship with Tanita.

What relationship problems have you got beyond?  Isn’t it a relief when we get beyond a relationship problem?

Blocks

What blocks have I got beyond?  Writer's block is one of the big ones.  There was a long gap (a Guiness Book World Record gap) between my advertising career and this blog. And I thought I would never get beyond it.  But here I am - writing my two hundred and fiftieth post on this blog. Yeah!!!

What blocks are you currently experiencing?  Don’t worry.  Look what happened to me.

Habits of Mind

What habits of mind have I got beyond?  I had the habit of taking everything personally, for one thing.  I would look at every experience through an extremely self-centered lens, as I told you about in my post The Element of Being Less Self Centered and Its Hope for Seeing Things in the Correct Light. My friend Nadya, whom you can read all about in my post The United States of Friendship - Part 7 helped me get out of this habit of mind.

What habits of mind have you got beyond?  Who helped you get over them? Don't you think our greatest victories are our victories over habits of mind?

I Can’t Do Thats

What “no, I can’t do that” ideas have I got beyond?  How about I can't drive, I can’t cook and I can’t do my taxes on my own? These were all can't do's, until suddenly I became The Little Engine That Could. It was such a thrill.

What are the things you thought you could not do which you found out you can? Isn’t it great we are able to amaze ourselves in this way?

Challenges

What challenging moments have I got beyond?   Lots of them, actually.  Read my post The Element of Challenge and its Hope for Pushing Us Out of Our Comfort Zone and you'll find out. I have had many occasions to doubt myself and backtrack.  But I wouldn't be where I was today if I had allowed those challenging moments to hold me back.

What challenging moments have you got beyond?   The fact that you got beyond those challenging moments means you can do it again. As Randy Paush said in The Last Lecture, “The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.” 

Attitudes

What attitudes have I got beyond? One of them was “I am an atheist and that’s that.” My post The Element of Moving On and Its Hope for Discovering New Selves tells you how I got beyond it and where I am today.

What attitudes have you got beyond? Do you feel you are a better and wiser person for it?

Issues

What issues have I got beyond? My anger issues, for one. My post How Many Times A Day Do You Visit Ireland? tells you how I successfully kicked my anger problem and began to have healthier happier relationships.

What issues have you got beyond? Do you feel that the secret to happiness sometimes lies in getting out of our own way? My post How to Become  a Low Maintenance Person encourages you to take your victories further.

Yes, we are wise and we are strong and we are able to move forward in life to the extent we are able to get beyond.

Which means we should take a moment to look back on the setbacks, mindsets, attitudes, challenges, blocks and issues we have got beyond….and then ask ourselves….

What remains to be tackled?

And what are the first steps we can take?

I hope this post inspires us all to get going on it.


As always, thanks for reading and have a great day and week….M….A Pearl-Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ajay, Ananda, Chris and Jacinta for their comments on Facebook, and thanks to everyone else for your votes and pins.  Much appreciated.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

The Element of Conversation and Its Hope for Gaining Ideas and Wisdom Through Exchanging Our Thoughts With One Other



We experience everything in our lives through our own self-centered view and our own personal filters.

If we keep our views to ourselves, the light of truth may never be cast on them.

We may never realize how self-centered, how provincial, how limited, or how false our thinking and vision is.

Besides, we will miss out on all those things that exist beyond the periphery of our knowledge and our experience.

It is one reason to have conversations with as many different people as possible

By doing so, we can expand our boundaries and perceptions, try new things, look at things in new ways, and gain in knowledge, experience and wisdom.

It may not be an exaggeration to say that everything starts with a conversation.

And if we want to grow, we should start as many new conversations as possible.

New conversations lead to new directions.

It’s How I Got Into Stocks

Here is how it happened…..

My friend Ajay left the advertising company where he and I worked (you can read about his stint in advertising in his post A Short Stint in Advertising). 

Anyway, when he quit advertising to become an assistant stock-broker, he gave each of us at MAA his business card and asked if we would help him get started by being his first customers and buying stocks through him.

I did not know anything about stocks, and the whole business sounded too risky for my liking.

But, a few months later, I got into a conversation with one of the MAA secretaries, and I was surprised to learn that she and several other junior staff at MAA had invested money with Ajay.

I told myself, “Minoo, if they can do this on their salary, why can’t you do it on your salary? Surely, you can drop a few thousand down to buy stocks through Ajay.

Soon after, I made my first investment with Ajay.

In the course of time, I would become so enchanted with stocks, I would say, “First love : stocks, second love : advertising, third love : hubby.”

So yes, if anyone cares to ask…..Minoo, how did you get into stocks?”, I will have to say…...it all started with a conversation.

Your turn - Are there any investments you have made which started with a conversation?

It’s How I Became a Commissions Consultant

I quit my job in mid 2010, and my sister Rosie who was also unemployed at the time, attended a job coaching talk.

After the talk, she and I had a phone conversation, during which she shared with me some of the tips the job coach had given her.

One of the tips was to apply to courses to improve their skills, and then list the sign-ups for those courses on their resumes, even if the courses had not commenced.

This gave me an idea. I could do the Xactly Administrators Course and it would enable me to put "Xactly trained" on my resume.

So this is what I did.

Shortly after, Xactly introduced me to Don Gootee who signed me on as an Implementations consultant.

I have been a Commissions Consultant ever since.

Your turn - what are the new career steps you took which started with a conversation?

It’s How I Learned to Eat Better

I used to be quite unconcerned about what I ate.

Then I met my friend Julia.

Whenever I had a conversation with Julia, the subject would eventually come round to nutrition.

Julia would tell me about transfats and corn syrup and probiotics long before these became buzz words.

Thanks to Julia’s conversations, I was able to gradually modify my eating habits.

You can read about some of the things I learned from Julia by reading my post 4 Healthy Eating Ideas I Learned from My Friend Julia.

Your turn - what are the healthy changes you made in your life which started with a conversation?

It’s How I Solved Many a Problem

Many times when I’ve had a problem, a conversation has saved the day.

A few months ago, Tanita and I had to go out of town for a few days.

Before we left, I worried about who would feed our two goldfish when we were away.

I was on assignment at Paypal at the time, and one day, when I was at lunch with the Paypal Commissions Analyst, the conversation came round to our pets and he told me he had dogs, cats, birds and fish.

I asked him what he did about his pets when he went out of town and he said he made arrangements for them.

I told him about my upcoming trip and my concern about my goldfish.

You can always buy a vacation fish feeder,” he said.

Vacation fish feeder, I wondered aloud.What’s that? I never knew there was something like that. It sounds terribly expensive.”

No they are cheap – they are just slow release food pellets – should cost you just a few dollars,” he said.

Thanks to this timely tip from someone I had just met at Paypal, I was able to buy vacation fish feeders for just a few dollars, and Tanita and I were able to go on our trip without worrying about our goldfish.

Your turn - what are the solutions to problems which started with a conversation?

It’s How I Learned To See Things for What They Are

In my post The Element of Being Less Self Centered and Its Hope for Seeing Things in the Correct Light, I told you about a party I went to, where I felt awkward and uncomfortable, because I was seated at a table where people were engaged in conversation amongst themselves.

 

I assumed no one was talking to me, because I was Indian (they were white) and I assumed they were looking at me differently.  There were several traditional Indian women at the party, who were stay-at-home moms who did not know English, and I decided I was being stereotyped as one of them. 

 

But when I talked about the party to my friend Nadya, she stopped me as soon as I started rattling off all the different “I think they were thinking this” and “I think they were thinking that” and she said, “Most likely, they were just preoccupied with their own business and not thinking about you at all.”


In saying this, she helped me see things for what they are – instead of through the self-centered lens with which I had viewed my experience.

Another example is when my friend Julia helped me understand time with Tanita was priceless and there was no dollar value I could put on it.  You can read more in my post  The United States of Friendship Part 8

Your turn – what changes in your perceptions have come about as a result of a conversation?

It’s How I Have Coped with Challenges and Problems

In my post Family Advice I am Grateful For, I told you about some of the things my family has said to me to help me cope with different challenges and problems.

It may be worth reprinting what I wrote in that post. Here goes....

Wise words to one immigrant sister from another...
When I first came to this country, it was tough going. I didn’t know how to cook. I didn’t know how to drive.  I didn’t know how to do laundry. I didn’t have job-ready skills like Microsoft Word & Excel. I was overwhelmed. To calm me down, my sister Rosie said “think of yourself as a tourist in this country- you can go back at any time”
It was sound advice because I was suffering from all the things that go with making a change. What Anatole France describes as follows: All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

When the best advice was to prioritize...
When I was feeling low at one point of time and was distraught because I did not know what to focus on, my sister Chris said to me “Pay attention to the one thing that is bothering you the most and ignore everything else”. The prescription really helped.
In telling me to do this, my sister was wisely echoing these words from Denis Waitley, who said: Don't be a time manager, be a priority manager. Cut your major goals into bite-sized pieces. Each small priority or requirement on the way to an ultimate goal become a mini goal in itself. Or these words from Russell M Nelson: Your life will be a blessed and balanced experience if you first honor your identity and priority.

Your turn – what are the times you’ve been able to cope because of a conversation?

And Finally It’s How I Get Ideas For This Blog

This blog is peppered with posts that had their beginnings in a conversation.


It came out of a conversation Mary and I had about our telepathic experiences.

Read Mary's telepathic story and read my post Connected Minds and then, it’s your turn (but of course) to think about the miraculous coincidences in your life you think are worth talking about.

As always, thanks for reading have a great day and week. Happy conversing.  Remember an argument is not a conversation.  A debate is not a conversation.  A lecture is not a conversation. A set of orders is not a conversation. You know what conversations are.  Go and have more of them.

Thanks to Ajay, Ananda, Christine and Subhakar for your comments on Facebook. And thanks to everyone else for their Facebook likes and Pinterest Pins……M…..A Pearl –Seeker like you.

(P.S. Yes, Subhakar, you are right, we women are always concocting stories.)