At challenging times, have you been able to turn to your family for advice, precedent and example? I have. Compiled below is some family advice I have benefited from at key moments:
My mother’s example...
Besides being a great writer (you can read one of her poems here), my mother was a model of compassion, generosity, kindheartedness and sacrifice. So the best advice she gave me was the example she set.
My mother was everything to me growing up and I can totally relate to this quote from Susie Bright:
I'm a Mommy's Girl - the strongest influence in my young life was my mom.
Wise words to one immigrant sister from another...
When I first came to this country, it was tough going. I didn’t know how to cook. I didn’t know how to drive. I didn’t know how to do laundry. I didn’t have job-ready skills like Microsoft Word & Excel. I was overwhelmed. To calm me down, my sister Rosie said “think of yourself as a tourist in this country- you can go back at any time”
It was sound advice because I was suffering from all the things that go with making a change. What Anatole France describes as follows: All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
When the best advice was to prioritize...
When I was feeling low at one point of time and was distraught because I did not know what to focus on, my sister Chris said to me “Pay attention to the one thing that is bothering you the most and ignore everything else”. The prescription really helped.
In telling me to do this, my sister was wisely echoing these words from Denis Waitley, who said: Don't be a time manager, be a priority manager. Cut your major goals into bite-sized pieces. Each small priority or requirement on the way to an ultimate goal become a mini goal in itself. Or these words from Russell M Nelson: Your life will be a blessed and balanced experience if you first honor your identity and priority.
Reading: an asset you may not be aware of...
There was a time I was between jobs. I was visiting with my sis Betty and told her about all the personal finance books I was reading. She said “you should put this on your resume”.
Ever since that pronouncement, I came to see my reading not just as a hobby, but as a strength. If I am able to blog so frequently today, it’s because I am able to dip into the books I read for ideas and topics. Sometimes I attract new readers to my blog because of a book I’ve read and blogged about. Take the case of Wabi Sabi Simple. In March of this year, I read it and did a post on it. If not for this post, I would never have got to know reader Aarathi. She read it and commented on it because it struck a chord with her. Ever since, she has been a regular visitor to and lively commenter on my blog.
So thanks to the one in our family we refer to as Mother Superior. As Russell Banks aptly said: But really, it was reading that led me to writing. And in particular, reading the American classics like Twain who taught me at an early age that ordinary lives of ordinary people can be made into high art.
Stop trading, start investing...
Once, I went to my B-I-L Pete for investing advice. My head was full of theories like the Dogs of the Dow theory. He said been there, done that, handed me the Morning Star Mutual Funds Binder and gently advised me that index funds were the way to go. Like all novice investors, I did not heed this advice initially, though I did eventually (after some trading flare outs). Was it James M. Barrie who said - Life is a long lesson in humility?
Analysis paralysis...
The B-I-L Mohammed continuously spouts so much wisdom (and flatulence jokes in equal measure - which I've talked about in earlier posts), it’s kind of hard to settle on just one piece of advice from him to talk about, but I’ll pick one.
At one time, when I was battling a depression (you can read about it here), he suggested I get out of my head, stop reading so many books and stop over analyzing things so much. At the time he said this, it was excellent advice and this quote by Karen Horney is the same advice clothed in different words: Fortunately analysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself remains a very effective therapist. The connection between one's thoughts and one's feelings is the subject of two previous posts I have written. The one about the book Feeling Good, which is one of the most popular self-help books of all time. And Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life, my own humble attempt at writing a mind-over-mood article.
The Linus Pauling and Lance Armstrong of My Life...
I value my sis Angy and her hubby for their examples.
In sis’ case, it’s her intellectual curiosity. Healthy curiosity is a wonderful character trait. With it, you acquire knowledge, grow in wisdom and dig up tons of stimulating blog material. Heck,yes! And besides, satisfying one’s curiosity is a pleasure in itself. Of course, I am not the only one who thinks so and here’s Nobel Laureate Linus Pauling for you: Satisfaction of one's curiosity is one of the greatest sources of happiness in life.
In the B-I-L Jim’s case, it’s the example he has set of leading a full life, where in addition to a long career as a statistical analyst, he teaches at the University, plays and reviews War Games, enjoys the best of wines and cigars, writes freelance articles, and more. He has never let anything get in the way of living an abundant life. Oh no! He is blessed with the same verve and spirit that Lance Armstrong displayed when he said: Through my illness I learned rejection. I was written off. That was the moment I thought, Okay, game on. No prisoners. Everybody's going down.
Mr Fix-it...
To me, the Trident chap (the B-I-L who has a business under that name) is Mr. Fix-it. If he sees a problem, he’s not the kind of person who looks the other way and tries to go about his business. On the other hand, he gravitates towards problems and helps solve them. Being both a business and engineering whiz, he comes up with inspired solutions as well. His attitude can be summed up by this quote attributed to Henry Ford: Don't find fault, find a remedy.
And last but not least...
How to be a Compassionate, Non-Judgmental, Ever-Giving and Ever-Loving Human Being
This I learned from my brother David (who else) - whom I feel absolutely blessed to have in our family. I am sure all who have been on the receiving end of his kindness can relate to that - and also agree with me, the world needs more people who can be kind like David! Now, having said that, growing up, he did bully me quite a bit! But this is because we were close in age, and as Joe Williams puts it: Everybody has fights with their sister.
P.S. Hope you enjoyed this post about family advice I have thrived on, benefited from, and which, in many instances, helped save me from myself. Note: I typed this post up and put down things as I thought of them, so please do not overanalyze the order in which the advice is presented, nor any commissions or omissions. If you have a tendency to that, I suggest you read my Feeling Good and Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life posts. :):) :) Just teasing! No, but seriously, I am sure, I will think of other examples and better examples of family advice I have benefited from and am grateful for, no sooner than this post is published. Guaranteed!
Key to the Authors of the Quotes:
Susie Bright - American writer, speaker, teacher, audio-show host, and performer, also known as Susie Sexpert because of the number one subject she talks about
Anatole France - French poet, journalist, and novelist
Denis Waitley - American motivational speaker and writer, consultant and best-selling author
Russell M. Nelson - Russell Marion Nelson, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and an internationally renowned cardiothoracic surgeon.
Russell Banks - American writer of fiction and poetry
James M Barrie - Scottish author and dramatist, creator of Peter Pan
Karen Horney – German American psycho-analyst
Linus Pauling - American chemist, biochemist, peace activist, author, and educator, winner of 2 unshared Nobel Prizes, one Peace Prize in Chemistry, one Peace Prize
Lance Armstrong – 7 time winner of the Tour de France in spite of being diagnosed with testicular cancer
Henry Ford – founder of the Ford Motor Company
Joe Williams – well-known American jazz singer
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