No Longer There

Dear Friends, Family, and Relatives,

I read the poem below on September 23rd, the day we met as a family to bury David's ashes - the link to the YouTube of the first part of the event is below the poem. It was a moving event for us 4 sisters and our 2 brothers in law. Each one of us sisters had written a special goodbye to David, which we read.  We had some additional goodbyes which were gratifying to receive and include. Thank you for all your support in the last two months. I will publish one more poem next week - a final send-off poem to David. And then my sisters and I...and everyone who loved David, will have to bravely step into the future with David in our hearts, spirits, and memories.

No Longer There

No longer there to make me laugh and sometimes to make me cry

No longer there to solve problems for me, and sometimes cause problems for me

No longer there to stir love in my heart and sometimes to stir annoyance, frustration, anger, and pity

No longer there.

No longer there to hear my worries, doubts and problems

No longer there to respond to them with the healing touch of a meal,  a joke, a song, a "come let me show you my garden", your thoughts about world affairs, a sweet gift.

No longer there to hear me scold and chide you, comfort and compliment you,

Now with anger and judgement, 

now with compassion, love, and admiration, 

my heart, stony and hard one minute, 

warm and soft and genuinely appreciative the next.

"My this is finger-licking good."

"Wow - I love how you use color in your paintings"

"Wow you look as young as ever."

No longer there for me to say those things to you in genuine admiration for all your talents and skills.

No longer there to answer my questions, and sometimes to make me question;

No longer there to witness personal and world events and give me your comments.

No longer there to meet with family and friends.

To enchant me (and everyone around) with your music, your art, your cooking, your stories of the past,

And to awe us with the large embrace with which you held every person and living creature, even plants, that crossed your path.

You were always on my mind

Ever present

A puzzle I wanted to solve

My life's purpose

To solve that puzzle

To find an answer that would satisfy both you and me, heal all the hearts that were broken when you got broken.

But now you are no longer there.

 

No longer there to go down memory lane

To exchange stories and thoughts,

You found a way to find laughter

In a life filled with confusion and pain

But now you are no longer there.

 

And I must go on and make my way about

A life that is not quite what it used to be

You were an important part of my life and you are gone

But the fragments of your music, your art, your jokes, the gifts of your presence, kindness, openness, and unconditional love, the long road we journeyed together -  with its potholes and rainbows, live on.

Those fragments  have a comfortable home in my spirit

And they can stay as long as they want

A reminder of what was and can never be again.

A reminder of your unique essence.

RIP David, beloved brother.

You are no longer there.

But you will always be there.

                                         xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The link to the YouTube of the first part of the burial event held on September 23 is here. And this is a link to Leo Rojas the flautist, playing Fields of Gold which I have included because it has a beautiful poignancy to it.