“SW
is what it used to be called” said the retired Santa’s Workshop Elf.
He
was visiting an AE (Aspiring Elf) to talk to him about working and living at
Santa’s Workshop.
The (AE) Aspiring Elf wanted to apply for a job at Santa’s Workshop.
“Do
you like snow?” asked the RE (Retired Elf).
“That’s the first question. If
you don’t like snow, you will be miserable.
You are pretty much snowed in all the time.”
“I
love snow,” said the AE.
“Great,
said the RE. “There was this elf from
Santa Cruz. Surfer Dude. Beach bum. He took a long time to get
adjusted.”
“Ok,
so how does a fellow like me, swing a job there,” said the AE.
“Well
first, you need the right clothes,” said the RE, “you have to look the part.”
“Should
I buy a suit and tie?” asked the AE.
“Suit
and tie?!!!!!! Haven’t you seen the Santa elves in the movies? The green tunics, the green pants, the green
cap, with red trim? That’s what you need.
Suit and tie!!!!!!!”
“I’m
sorry, what was I thinking,” said the AE, hitting the side of his head.
“Then,
you need to know what kind of Santa’s Elf you want to be. Do you want to be a Manufacturing Elf, a
Logistics Elf, an Accounting Elf, a Packaging Elf, A Maintenance Elf, a Sled Body
Shop Elf, A Customer Service Elf, a Letter Sorting and Filing Elf, A Chef Elf, a
Dietitian Elf, Doctor Elf, a Tailor Elf, a Hair-cutting Elf, a Therapist Elf…”
“A
Therapist Elf?” said the AE, “What for?”
“You
know, to deal with psychological issues.
Rudolph’s embarrassment over his nose required several therapy sessions. SAD is also
a common disorder among elves.”
“I
see,” said the AE. “And what do the Dietitian Elves do – do they make everyone
watch what they eat?”
“Yes,
indeed,” said the RE. Some elves have to be on special diets. With all the cookies
and milk Santa has at Christmas, Santa is one of them too. He has to watch what he eats most of the
year. He has metabolic syndrome and his
triglycerides are high. Luckily, he
isn’t South Asian. Many South Asians have metabolic syndrome, even with a
normal BMI, and low cholesterol. So they have to cut way back on their carbs. No
cookies and milk for them. Of course, if
Santa was South Asian, he could learn more about insulin resistance by reading the blog of Stanford practitioner
Dr. Ronesh Sinha. Perhaps even buy his book.”
“Now
once you decide what kind of Elf you want to be, the next thing you will need is
a resume,” continued the RE.
“A
resume? What’s that?” asked the AE.
“It’s
a written summary of your education, experience, and skills.” said the RE.
“You
want to include the right information in it, and exclude everything else. If you go to the Minoo Jha Life Strategies
blog on your computer, there is an article titled Resume Tips from Fortune 500 Companies. You should read it.”
The
AE made the RE repeat what he had just said, and wrote the information down on
a piece of paper.
“If
you need some help deciding what kind of Santa’s Workshop Elf you want to be, there’s
another article on the same blog. I
think it’s called Can a job-hunting book show you the path back to yourself?”
“Ok,
let me write that down as well. “Can a
what?” asked the AE.
“Can
a job-hunting book show you the path back to yourself?” repeated the RE.
“Great,
please go on.” said the AE.
“You
need to be a virtualoso,” said the RE.
“You
mean a virtuoso,” said the AE. “My Mom says I am a virtuoso at Tetris.”
“No,
I mean a virtualoso.”
“What’s
that?”
“You
can read that on the same blog too” said the RE.”I think the article is called
Are You a Virtualoso?”
“I
see I have a lot of homework to do,” said the AE.
The
RE nodded.
“Then
you will need references,” said the RE.
“References,
what’s that?” asked the AE, scribbling it all down furiously.
“Elves
who are willing to vouch for your character and work,” said the RE. Think of
elves who could be your references - teachers, friends.”
“I
will work on that,” said the AE.
“You
also need a Linked In profile. I can
help you create one.” said the RE.
“Are
there many applicants for each job?” asked the AE.
“You
bet. It’s prestigious to work in Santa’s Workshop. You will need to make sure you stand out.”
“How
do I do that?” asked the AE.
“Read
“Dare to Share” on Minoo Jha Life Strategies. It may give you some ideas,” said
the RE.
“Ok,”
said the AE. “But how can I be sure I am cut out to be an SW Elf?”
“You
just need to apply yourself. Focus on
becoming good at your assigned work.
Eventually, you might even become great at your assigned work.”
“Of
course, there will be challenges,” continued the RE, “You should use your imagination
to deal with them.”
“And
you need to learn how to handle constraints,” said the RE, “because the number
of gift deliveries just keeps growing, and time and resources are always in
short supply.”
“Is
life at Santa’s Workshop very different from civilian elf life?” asked the AE.
“It
is unique.” said the RE. It’s much more regimented and structured. There are activities scheduled for every hour
in the day, and you have to go to bed and get up at the same time every day.
And yet it is such a positive atmosphere, one doesn’t really seem to mind.”
“I
am not used to structure.” said the AE.
“Oh,
you will get used to it” said the RE. “You will get used to going to bed, and
getting up at the same time every day, and eating at the same time every
day. The food will take some getting
used to. It’s different, because it’s
the North Pole, you know.”
“How
will I know what to do when I get there?” said the AE.
“Oh,
your boss will explain everything to you.
And they have a great training program.
Your first class will be handwriting class. You know – to interpret what the kids are
writing. Also, interpretive spelling
class…..I was really good at interpretive spelling.”
The
RE was lost in thought for a minute.
“Interpretive
spelling – that’s a mouthful – what is it?” asked the AE.
“Oh,
it’s figuring out what the words are when they are spelled wrong. “
The
RE wrote some words on a paper and handed it to the AE.
“Ok,
let’s see how you do with this…..”
The
paper read “Dear Santa, Can you burring a umbella for me mumm”.
“Is
it ‘can you bring an umbrella for my mum?’ ” asked the AE.
“Good. You seem to be a natural for interpretive
spelling,” said the RE.
Just
then, the AE’s mom came into the room.
“Is
he still enamored with working in Santa’s Workshop after what you’ve told him?”
she asked the RE. “You know you
shouldn’t get his hopes up too much. I
hear it is very competitive.”
“Oh,
I think he has a good chance,” said the RE.
“See,
Mom,” said the AE, “you are the only one who doesn’t believe in me.”
“I
will believe in you more, if you do what you say you will do – like cleaning up
your room, for instance,” she said cheerfully, before leaving the room.
“Oh
you will have to keep things tidy at SW” said the RE. “If you lose any of the
personal effects they give you, and they provide you with everything, you will
have to work extra hours to get a replacement.”
“What
if someone is caught stealing?” asked the AE.
“Santa
will have a talk with them. And the
therapist will have a talk with them.
There is no shaming. They try to
understand what’s behind it. Of course,
if you don’t stop doing it, then you go home.
It’s kind of like the 3 strikes rule humans have.
“If
I get sick?” asked the AE.
“Oh,
the sick benefits are very good. You get
to go to the SW Hospital and Spa, where you are nursed back to health. It’s a cool place – almost like being on
vacation.”
“Do
shirkers pretend to be ill, just to go there?”
“Oh,
very few get away with it, because the doctors, nurses and social workers are
very good at figuring that out. If you
are suspected of faking illness, Santa will come and see you, and the therapist,
and you will have to work extra hours to make up for the time.”
“So
you can’t get away with much,” asked the AE.
“Yes,
because making sure every child gets their gifts, is a serious business.”
Just
then, the AE’s doorbell rang.
Presently,
his girlfriend came into the room.
She
looked from the AE to the RE.
“Angel,
this is ….. He is a retired SW elf. I invited him over to find out what it’s
like to work in Santa’s Workshop.”
Angel’s
eyes began to tear up.
“Maybe
I will come back later,” she said.
The
AE said, “Stay. It’s alright.”
“No,
I should go.” she said, and left.
After
she left, there was a short silence.
“She
is upset. I am not sure what to do. Should I sacrifice my dream to make her happy? Or should I sacrifice our relationship to
pursue my dream?”
“Our
sacrifices define us,” said the RE.
The
AE dwelt on this for a minute, but then decided to switch the subject back to
SW.
“Is
there any entertainment at SW?”
“Yes
– at appointed times, of course.”
“What
was your favorite entertainment?”
“The
Sled Races,” said the RE. “Each team gets
to build a sled for the races….
“I
also liked the talent shows…..
“Do
you play an instrument?”
“I
play the guitar,” said the AE.
“Oh,
there are too many guitarists. You will
find it hard to get into the SW band. I
play the cello, and since so few elves play the cello, I got in. They used to call me Cello. Some retired elves call me Cello even today.”
The
more the AE heard about Santa’s Workshop, the more he wanted to go.
And
so, with the RE’s help, he applied for a job there, and was accepted.
He
became one of Santa’s most trusted toy manufacturing workers, and had many
interesting experiences.
But
those experiences and stories are for another day.
1 comment:
Nice story, Minoo! Want more!!!!
And as usual, brilliantly written! With just the right links!
Ajay
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