The Path to Change

Taken from Chad King's Paths and Walkways Pinterest Board

The path to change is different for different people and different circumstances.

Sometimes the key is being open and receptive.

Sometimes the key is being humble.

Sometimes the key is taking the initiative.

Sometimes the key is summoning up the courage to try.  And try again. And try yet again.

And sometimes it's simply moving forward, one small step at a time.

It helps to have tools. And mentors. And cheerleaders. And supporters.  But if you are really serious about change, you will find these tools and resources. And often, they will find you.

Yes, whether it’s changing careers…or your diet….or your responses….or your hang-ups and habits, you can do it. 

How do I know you can? 

Because I did!

Here’s how...

Changing Country and Career

You are a big shot copywriter – in fact, you are the head honcho of a modestly successful and quite lucrative creative shop.  Then you up and change country and you hit a brick wall – no one knows you and no one will hire you.  And oh yes, you are single parenting a one-year old child…

What do you do?

You have to be willing to change tracks as I did.

I applied to Admin Assistant jobs and did that for a while.

Then one day, while I was an Admin Assistant to a Sales VP at Palm Inc (the makers of the Palm Pilot – remember that) a Commissions Admin position opened up at Palm.  Andy (the Sales VP) suggested I take it up so I could have something more challenging and rewarding to do. Bless his heart.

So I did.

Did I think I would cut it?

I did not know Excel at the time.  I did not even know how many zeroes there were in one million.  What was I thinking?

That’s right.  I did not think.  If I thought, analysis would have lead to paralysis (but, of course!).

So I jumped right in - without a life vest. And I learned to swim in a brand new career pond.

Think you can’t do that?

Didn’t I just tell you that I did not know Excel and did not know how many zeroes there were in one million?

Don’t be silly – of course you can!

By the way, if you are intrigued about my first career as an Advertising Copywriter, you should read the entertaining and readable A Short Stint in Advertising written by guest poster Ajay Sachdev. And if you are intrigued by my second act, you should read My Day Job. Xactly More or Less which spells out what a Commissions Analyst does in excruciating detail.

Back to changing and a story about another change….

Changing My Diet

You are from India.  All you know is rice and curry with the occasional fruit thrown in.  Salad to you is chopped cucumbers, tomatoes and onions – plain or with yoghurt. Coffee and tea is always with sugar and milk. Mandatory. How do you get from there to being able to eat at Sweet Tomatoes or Fresh Choice without dashing home and eating a second meal involving rice and curry? How do you get to where you can go for days without rice and you buy potatoes only once a year? To where you have coffee and tea without sugar or artificial sweeteners? And drink smoothies with avocado and spinach in them?....

The answer is being open and receptive to change. And taking baby steps.

Yes, when it comes to diet and nutrition, I really do think baby steps were the answer for me and will be the answer for you too.  All the changes I have mentioned above were made incrementally over the last 10 years.  I certainly didn’t go all in on everything at one time.

Regards finding the resources, if you are really interested in making a change, it’s easy to find the resources; in fact they may even find you.

At least, that’s how I feel about my friend Julia Kaplan, who has been a continuous and useful resource on diet and nutrition to me, ever since we met over 10 years ago when her daughter and mine were enrolled in the same karate class.  Thank you Julia! It’s amazing that geography (you and I being in different cities for the last 7 years) hasn’t changed that.

If you want to know more about what Julia Kaplan has brought to the table for me in the diet and nutrition area (pun intended), you should read my post 4 Healthy Eating Ideas I Learned from my friend Julia.). I hope it inspires you to make some healthy changes in both your diet and your family's diet.

Changing My Responses

This is one I am really proud of...

Being able to stop myself from the instant reaction – the harsh word, the criticism, the instant rationalization and justification, the insensitive remark.

Here's the story...

You are a high-strung, arrogant, competitive, controlling person with a trigger response to provocation.

Then your mother dies and something happens.

What?

This is what...

I realized this - that guilt was pointless. 

I was guilty about the way I dealt with my mother in the last two years of her life, but I understood that I couldn't bring her back and do anything over. At the same time, I realized I loved her and I wanted to honor her in some way.  In a flash of insight, it came to me that the best way to honor my mother would be to become as gentle with my daughter Tanita as she was.

This was the beginning of a lasting change. 

Two years ago, I underwent a spiritual transformation. I started going to church and I also read the book How God Changes the Brain, after which I started meditating.

At first, it was difficult to meditate for the recommended 20 minutes.

But soon, I found myself going for an hour with ease.

More than anything else, my meditations made me aware of my mental activity. I noticed how my mind was quick to judge, quick to condemn, quick to form a criticism, quick to blame, quick to form a threat or an ultimatum, quick to feel jealousy or envy, quick to desire revenge and punishment; quick to get angry or irritable when things didn’t go my way.

Thanks to meditation, I have now become a person who instantly checks my mental activity in response to each and every provocation - from provocations as mild as being put on hold when I call my bank or phone provider, to being insulted about a physical blemish, to some really provocative situations as being confronted with someone else’s success or blamed for something I did not do or being lied to or cheated on.

Interestingly, if I am able to catch myself in the act of responding mentally, I can then stop the activity in its tracks. The secret is therefore just to become aware.

I think the answer to why meditation came so easily to me in the last couple of years is because of a heightened awareness of the value of life and the preciousness of it.  There’s hardly a day that goes by when I don’t wonder “what if this is my last day – is this what I would want my mind to be focused on?”

So I think the key to change in the “responses” area is a heightened awareness of the value of life and the connectedness of all living things and a strong desire to want to change one’s responses from a power and territorial vantage point to a value-based vantage point.

The gratification and the satisfaction from progress in this area beats anything else in life.  I can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to be able to celebrate an outcome that is in everyone’s best interest even if it’s not in your self-interest.  I have achieved this recently and it feels so good, so right, so wonderful.

Do you have a strong desire to respond to your spouse, your children, your family, your friends based on your values rather than from a territorial or power-based vantage point?   

Start listening to meditation tapes and start paying attention to your mental activity. This in itself will lead to change.

Don’t say you can’t change your responses.  I know you can.

Because I did.

These are some of the ways I invited change into my life and you can too. I am almost certain it will be just as exciting and exhilarating for you, as it was for me. I would be very surprised it if isn't.

P.S.  As always, thanks for reading and do visit again.

P.S. 2: If you want to know how my meditations helped me transform from Tiger Mom to Helicopter Mom to Hippie Mom, read my post It’s Called Motherhood – 2.

P.S.3:  When you become attentive, it’s also a question of time before you become humble and patient, and the humility and patience spills over to different areas of your life.  It even spilled over to my investments.  Read my post Yoga for Investors for my investing advice.