Laundry Day

Life is an album.

Some of the pages we will turn.

Some of the pages will be turned for us.

Some of the pictures will be sharp and clear, the result of a perfect symphony of the chemicals and electricity in our brains.

Others not so.

Some pictures will be washed out - by our tears and the need for our souls to grow and move on.

Our albums are filled with public snapshots of big moments – birthdays, graduations, award ceremonies, weddings, baby showers, baptisms, bar mitzvahs and anniversaries.

And private snapshots of countless small moments – the snapshots of the befores and afters of the big moments – which hold just as much gravity for us.

For the empty nester –

         --------the bookshelf of children’s books reminding us of the gurgles and chuckles of the bubble-blowing grade school days.

        --------the vacated room of a child gone off to college – with its empty hamper and bare desk.

         --------the tee-shirt hanging in the closet which, even after being washed, still has the power to bring back the combination of the body wash, deo and lotion which was their unique scent.

My neighbor Cindy captures the feelings for us in her poem, Laundry Day...

Laundry Day

I’ve kept an old brown

T-shirt of yours, a shirt

I was supposed to mend but never did.

At first it smelled of sweat

Mixed with Old Spice cologne.

Now the scent is all but gone.

Every load, it comes out from under

My color-coordinated outfits.  My fingers roll

That faded shirt up into a ball, and I

Breathe in the stories you used to tell.

I stand rocking your worn out shirt

The size of you, minus 20 years.

P.S. As always thanks for reading and please visit again.

P.S. If you liked this post, here are the links to other posts written by Cindy which are available on my blog:

High School Days

Letters to Lucas

Reprising Joyce Kilmer

How to Say Goodbye Part 2

Flying Lessons

How to go from Madonna to Lilly to Myrtle in a single evening - and even have a sex change!

I recently had a birthday. 

On my birthday, I had a call scheduled with Mia Wang, the Director of Strategic Finance at Epicor (yes, I had a busy birthday!).

Anyway, not wanting my home phone to ring while on the cell with Mia, I unplugged it by yanking the line out of the wall.

I finished the cell phone call with Mia, and then oops…..

I headed out the door for the rest of the evening without putting the home phone line back into the wall jack.

If you have Vonage home phone service (and the reason I do is so I can call 60 countries of the world including Australia, India, Germany, Poland, UK, Singapore, Iraq, Malaysia  for free)….you know what happens when your line is disconnected.

Well, I’ll tell you…

Even with the line disconnected, your service is still active and callers can call and leave a message for you.

But instead of going to your home phone, the calls go direct to Vonage where the voice mails are received on a generic mailbox. 

This is how Vonage home phone service stays continuous, even when the internet is down.  (I know you are thinking: “Nice!”)

Now here's where the fun starts…

When someone calls and leaves a voice mail for you on the generic Vonage voicemail box, you get an email alert on your personal e-mail with the caller’s call id and a text transcription of the voice mail.

These text transcriptions are shall we say inspired.

Here for instance, are the text transcriptions of the voice mails I received on June 15 when I was out and my line was unplugged... 

Transcription 1:  Wherein I am miraculously transformed into Madonna by Mohammed of Keno …

"Happy birthday Madonna wish you happy birthday to my down, you know, Jott, have a good evening and enjoy your evening. Alright, bye. This is Mohammed at Keno. So if you"

Transcription 2:  Wherein I am rechristened Lilly & Myrtle...

"Hi Lilly it's David here. Sorry to disturb you all probably this Sunday. But anyway just let you know, Myrtle. If you need to be there at your house at 1130 and the rest of the those and things just something small. But anyway, celebrate your birthday is coming over. Okay. So see you tomorrow at 1130. Thank you no happy birthday once again. And much love coming your way. I'm. Take care. Bye"

Transcription 3:  Wherein I am turned into a man and instead of being sent something auspicious, I am sent something suspicious...egads!...

"Hi Daniel, this is Christine. You are calling to wish you all very, very, very happy birthday. Well I'm sure you're having. I love you Dee, how long would send you down something suspicious and not so good luck enjoy and happiness for the whole deal. I needed to see if I can catch up with you maybe I'll, you're tomorrow morning. Enjoy your evening and then the rest of the night. My"

There you have it - how I went from Madonna to Lilly to Myrtle in the course of a single evening - and even had a sex change!

P.S. 1: Lily&Myrtle is the name of a floral company in the UK. You can check them out here.

P.S. 2: If you enjoyed this “Fun with transcribed Vonage Visual Mail", you can get your own by signing up for Vonage World. They currently have a promo offering the first 3 months of service at just $9.99 a month. You may want to do some Rosetta Stone language courses first, however, if you want to take advantage of all the 60 countries offered under the Vonage World plan which are as follows: 

 P.S. 3: In case you are wondering - do I love Vonage or hate Vonage, my post 4 decisions which I wish I made earlier will leave you with no doubts.

P.S. 4: Clearly, if I had to rely on the inspired transcriptions alone for my messages, it would send me up the wall, so I don't spend too much time trying to decipher the transcriptions. Instead, I listen to my voice mails by logging onto my Vonage account.

P.S. 5: Enough about Vonage. Thanks for reading and wishing you a great great week from Madonna, Jott, Lilly, Myrtle & Daniel.

Nail Salon (by Angela with an H)

Available on Amazon

Mani – 15 dolla

Pedi – 20 dolla

Hearing the gal say “Look nyyyyce. I Do for You”…..priceless.

The SFO Bay Area Nail Salon experience.

It's priceless.

And Angelah Johnson masterfully captures it in her video Nail Salon .

Angelah, who?

That's what I said.

But after stumbling across Angelah's Nail Salon video on You Tube and seeing her other Bon Qui Qui videos, I am a total fan and convert to her brand of comedy….

So let's cut to it then.

For your viewing pleasure....

Nail Salon by Anjelah Johnson

P.S. To the list of things that I might be pelted with – from sannas to pakoras , to vadas to bondas to samosas to dhoklas to idlis to gol gappas (because of publishing The Mangalorean and the Big Words and How to Cause Atmost Confusion at the Scripps Spelling Bee), I may now have to add spring rolls.  Should I hire a private body guard to whom I can yell “ Saccoritee…..  Saccoritte” as Bon Qui Qui does in the King Burger videos. Maybe a good idea, huh?

P.S. 2:  Who are your favorite lady comedians?  Do tell. One of my favorite comedians is my sister R.  Besides being a terrific wit, we have had many escapades together, including the one covered in my post The Nightdress Brigade.

P.S.  2: If you like videos, here are some of my other posts which have videos:

How to Be a Better Dad in 2011

How To Let Nothing Come Between You And a Fulfilling Life

4 Lessons Learned From Spinning In the Rain

P.S. 3: Anjelah performs stand up comedy in different cities and is currently scheduled to perform in Las Vegas, but she grew up in San Jose, California. Woot. Woot.

P.S. 4: As always thanks for reading and have a great day.

How To Cause Atmost Confusion At the Scripps Spelling Bee….

The Origins of this Post

After yet another Indian kid, Snigdha Nandipati, recently won the Scripps Spelling Bee (the 5th consecutive Indian kid to win, and one of 10 out of 13 last winners who were Indian), Ben Paynter reveals why in a Slate article “Why Are Indian Kids So Good at Spelling”.  He says Indian kids are so formidable, because of having been put through their paces in minor league spelling bee circuits such as the one conducted by the Indian community organization North South Foundation.

Most of the Indian kids who have won the Scripps Spelling Bee are former NSFs (North South Foundationers).

Of course, we who know the real truth know the title of Ben’s article should be amended to: Why Are Indian Kids So Good at Spelling: The Snakes Hypothesis.

After all, as Indians, we are adept at figuring out what each of us is trying to say in English and unique in being nonchalant when told to bring snakes to the party (snacks), to rise the accelator (raise the accelerator) or to have some puncakes (pancakes).

Before you could say jake, I had written this post about our CLASSIC INDIAN PRONUNCIATION MACHINE.

Here goes...

How To Cause Atmost Confusion At the Scripps Spelling Bee....

Have a Bengali read the word Antartica to the contestants in classic Bengali style (Ontortica as in “Ontortica is very cold”)

Have a Mallu read the Love in classic Malu style (Louw as in “I Louv You”)

Have a Gujju read the word Paronomasia from my” Oh Doctor I’m in Trouble” post (“Prawnmosia – panning - as in Minoo's last post”)

Have a Tamilian read the word Coffee in classic Thamil style (Kaafi as in “Have some Kaafi and biscute”)

Have a Bihari read the word Very in classic Bihari style (Berry as in “This coffee berry good”)

Have a Konkan read the word Aunty in classic Konkan style (Anti as in “Anti, is Uncle still in Dubai?”)

Have an Oriyite read the word Prefer – in classic Oriyan style (Prepper as in “I Prepper Copy to Tea”)

Have a Kashmiri read the word Stupid in classic Kashmiri style (Isstoopid as in “Why you have to be an isstoopid in front of my vife?”)

Have an Andhrite read the word Raise in classic Andhra style  (Rise as in “The driving instructor said me to rise the accelator”)

Have a Marati read the word Please in classic Marati style (Pliss as in “Myaadam, what is your good name, pliss?

Have a UPite read the word Texas in classic UPite style (Taxis – as in “My son is in Umrica - Taxis”)

Have a Chandigarhite read the word Developed in classic Chandigarh style (Dev-lept as in ”When I Devlept the property”)

Have a Kannadiga read the word Breakfast in classic Kannadiga style (Brake fast as in “Did you eat your brake fast?”)

Have a Rajasthani read the word Button in classic Rajasthani style (Butt ahn as in “It's cold. Butt ahn your sweeter.")

Have an Anglicised Mangi like myself read the word caught in classic Anglicised Mangi style (Cot – as in “I cot a cold”)

P.S: Want more of the same?  You can get your fill at Samosapedia. Where else?  Also, I am sure each of you have your faves to add to this list. Do share them and also don’t forget to contribute the same to Samosapedia.

P.S. 2: At the end of my post The Mangalorean and The Big Words, I said I was afraid to go to the NCMA Mangy picnic in case they throw sannas at me.  After this post, I now run the risk of being pelted with pakoras , vadas, bondas, samosas, dhoklas, idlis, gol gappas and more.

P.S. 3:  Did you know (this is for my non-Indian reader friends) - India has 28 states, 7 union territories and 18 officially recognized languages with many more dialects.  In fact, I read somewhere that India's schools teach 58 different languages, India has newspapers published in 87 languages, radio programs broadcast in 71 languages and movies produced in 15 languages.

P.S. 4:  If you ever plan to visit India and your journey takes you to Bangalore (why ever not?), don’t forget to time-travel through Bangalore via the timeless posts written by Ajay Sachdev before you go - Oh Bangalore,  Oh Bangalore - Part 2 and Oh Bangalore - Part 3.

P.S. 5: As always thanks for reading and have a great day. Or as they might say (in one part of India or the other),“Have a grite day.” And if you have a child who is in the age range to be a Scripps Spelling Bee contestant, say "Anti Minoo akses, “vy you not in Esscair-Ripps Espelling Bee?” "