Oh, Doctor I'm In Trouble

Available on Amazon.com

5/30/2012

Dear Doctor Oz,

I was wondering if you know of any natural remedies for a chronic affliction that people in my occupation commonly suffer from.

I am an advertising copywriter, well, I used to be – but in spite of switching careers and juggling 2 new roles - ICM 1 and ICM 2, I continue to suffer from this affliction.

The affliction is called Paronomasia - the tendency to pun or play on words.

Paronomasia appears to be viral in origin - once it takes hold of someone, it subsides for a while, only to flare up again.

In the active or florid phase, the Paronomasia patient is very sick and will play on words in an obsessive compulsive, take-it-to-the-limit way, becoming single track. 

For example, if you ask her or him the following Dr. Oz advice related questions, here are the kinds of single-track answers you can expect:

What’s a natural home remedy for headaches per Dr. Oz?

Ozange- infused coconut oil

Which cooking oil has the maximum health benefits according to Dr. Oz, Emeril, Julia Child and Rachel Ray?

Ozive Oil

What’s the first weight loss tip on Dr. Oz’s 100 weight loss tips?

Ozomate your meals by planning them ahead of time

     

Does Dr. Oz recommend eating a cup of oatmeal in the morning to prevent you from gorging in the afternoon?

Yes, Oz course!

Why does Dr. Oz say we should try holding a conversation while having a meal?

Becoz we are likely eating way too fast

Why do people need to eat breakfast according to Dr. Oz?

Because they will have a better shot and losing and maintain weight loz

If that's not second grade extremism, I don't know what is!

Which is why I am turning to you.

My sister R says you are the Master of Natural Remedies.

She watches every show of yours and I can't shush her up about you.

In fact, she was the one who recently told me about your recommendation to apply orange (ozange) infused coconut oil to the forehead to cure a headache.

I thought that was pretty cool.

Goodbye Tylenol, Motrin and Advil.

Here, headache.  Here headache.  C’mon headache. Let’s see what you got, headache.

Meanwhile, back to Paronomasia.

Is there anything in your All-Natural Medicine Chest for that?

Other than duct tape?

I hope so.

Dr Oz, what hangs in the balance is not just the career of the Paronomasia sufferers - who risk professional doom and being consigned to writing grocery flier copy -

“Buy One Get One Free”

“Hot Buy”

- but also the sanity of their FFAs (Family, Friends and Acquaintances). 

Can you blame them for wanting to go Borat and say "Think you are Jeff Dunham, Steven Colbert or Jon Stewart? Not!"

So I’d really appreciate your help with this.

I remain respectfully yoz (oops yours),

Minoo Jha

P.S.  Readers who enjoyed the weight loss suggestions in this post might also enjoy the weight loss suggestions in these other posts:  Secrets of the Super Models, 4 Healthy Eating Ideas I learned from My Friend Julia, The # 1 Weight Loss Recipe and Raising the Bar. You can find out how Heidi Klum lost her pregnancy weight and more.

P.S. 2: Dr. Oz says a good night's sleep is essential to a healthy life and recommends wicking Goodnighties Ionized Sleepwear (aha, that explains the picture above). Something to check out if you have a tendency to wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat.

P.S. 3: Nightwear is the subject of 2 other posts of mine….The Question Which Must Be Answered and The Nightwear Brigade & The St. Josephs High School Trip.  If you are looking for a non-paronomasic way to chuckle, they may be just what the doctor ordered.  

P.S. 4: If nightwear is not your thing, I can dispatch you to my post How to Say Goodbye Part 3 which is the equivalent of Urgent Care for the blahs.  If that doesn’t work (and I don’t know why it wouldn’t), try my Sheldon Cooper series of posts (see my Feb 2012 archives).  If that doesn’t do it either, must you be so terribly difficult to please?  Okay, I get it – you are bored out of your wits.  Rx for “Bored Out of Your Wits” is my post 5 Things To Do If You Are Bored.

P.S. 5: Vaccinate yourself again Paronomasia. Keep your copywriting skills sharp by taking the tests in my post The Carpinteria Times.

P.S. 6: Oz always, thanks for reading and have a great day! Hope to see you back here again soon.