How To Say Goodbye – Part 3

As promised, this post is dedicated entirely to fun goodbyes.

First a fun goodbye gift to a co-worker...

Goodbye to Rads

When Rads (short for Radhika who is mentioned in my post How To Become More Unique ) left Contract Advertising, Bangalore, her goodbye gift included...

Goodbye Gift 1 to Rads...

A big envelope on which was written:  A Parting Shot From All of Us.

Inside the envelope, was a large print photograph of the entire Contract Advertising, Bangalore staff.

Goodbye Gift 2 to Rads...

Goodbye Gift 2 was a piggy bank (for some reason, I remember it as being fruit-shaped– maybe a mango).  Inside this piggy bank were the “real parting shots from all of us”.  Short messages to Rads – jokes, compliments, etc written on small slips of paper.  We told her to wait for an emotionally rainy day (the–when-your-spirits-sorely-need-a-lift-rainy day). At which time to break the piggy bank and read the messages.

Neat idea, huh? We all have our moments of inspiration. 

While we are on the subject of inspiration and Bangalore-based memories, you want to read Ajay Sachdev's  Oh Bangalore – Part 1, Oh Bangalore – Part 2 and Oh Bangalore-Part 3. Together, they constitute a totally inspired series of posts. Oh, my, yes!)

Moving on from goodbye gifts to interesting observations about goodbyes...do you want to know how men and women say goodbye?

Here’s how according to Erma Bombeck...

When Erma’s aunt and uncle came to visit, Erma would say to her aunt:  I think Uncle Kenneth is ready to go home.” “How can you tell?” her aunt would ask. “Because he’s in the car, revving the engine – and now he’s slowly backing out of the driveway.”

According to Bombeck, when a woman says goodbye “she will say, ‘I’ve got to get going’ a minimum of five times. Then hug you at least twice before she says once more, ‘I really do have to go ...” “Women’s goodbyes “never stop at the door,” adds Bombeck, “women walk you to the car, then hang on to the door for another ten minutes, then run alongside the vehicle down the street like a secret service agent.”

(Which leads me to ask the question, which came first? My friend Nadya? Or this description of how women say goodbye by Erma Bombeck?)

And now for the grand finale to this series of posts on goodbyes...

You may not know who Chris Kula is, but after reading the goodbye e-mail he wrote to his co-workers when he left his job, I’m 100% certain you will want to read more of his work, and who knows, possibly, defect to his blog for good.That will be terrible for me but fully aware of this risk, here goes...

Chris Kula’s goodbye e-mail to his co-workers:

Dear Co-Workers,
As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”
For nearly as long as I`ve worked here, I`ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.
I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake – it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.
Over the past three years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects – an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.
Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, “mostly satisfactory.” That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after even a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.
And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.
But to those few souls with whom I`ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:
To Rudy: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite having clearly labeled it with my name.
To Steven: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.
To Eileen: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these “email forwards.” I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.
To Felix: I left a new wristwatch on your desk. It is so that you might be able to still tell time even without your hourly phone call to let me know the copier is jammed. (Call Steven – he`ll come by.)
And finally, to Kat: you were right – I tested positive. We`ll talk later.
So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.
Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.
Very truly yours,
Chris Kula

P.S.  Isn’t that a hoot? As always thanks for reading and please please do not defect enmasse to Chris Kula’s blog...phew...had to say that...thanks!

P.S. 2:  What are the memorable goodbyes that come to your mind?  Would love to hear about them.

P.S. 3:  If you want to read How to Say Goodbye Part 1 (which contains 2 poems by Tanita and links to tributes to Steve Jobs), or How to Say Goodbye Part 2 ( which contains 3 poems by Cindy Pinkston), you can do so here and here.