The Element of Enchantment and Its Hope For Living an Awe-Filled Life

  

 Hey, diddle, diddle,

   The cat and the fiddle,

   The cow jumped over the moon;

   The little dog laughed

   To see such sport,

   And the dish ran away with the spoon.

   We live an enchanted life.

We are schooled for this enchanted life from early childhood.

Our childhoods are filled with enchanting stories and rhymes in which……

Cats fiddle.

Cows jump over the moon.

Dogs laugh.

Dishes run away with spoons.

A princess sleeps for a long time but is woken up by the kiss of a handsome prince who marries her.

A prince lives the life of a frog, but a princess kisses him and he becomes human again.

A brother and sister live in a house made of cake and confectionery.

A man rides in a sleigh pulled by reindeers and comes down the chimney to give us gifts every year.

And then we grow up.

Not really.

When we grow up, enchantment still plays a part in our lives.

Santa Claus, and the house that Hansel and Gretel lived in might have gone, but other enchantments come into play.

Some of these things we call mysteries, some of them we call enchantments.

But they are all enchantments.

Let’s look at some of them….

The enchantment of inspiration

How do we get our ideas?

Ideas and inspirations come to us in surprising, unexpected and enchanting ways.

Such as the Nightmare that became a Famous Movie

In 1981, a young man was on location in Rome, assisting in the filming of Piranha 2 – The Spawning.  He had been fired from his directorial role, but stayed on to assist in the filming and editing of the movie. Unfortunately he got food poisoning and had to take to bed for several days.  During his illness, he had a nightmare about an invincible robot hit man sent from the future to kill him.

He created a film based on his nightmare. And it catapulted him to fame as a director.

The young man’s name:  James Cameron.  The movie he created based on his nightmare:  Terminator - starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

P.S. What ideas and solutions have come to you in surprising, unexpected ways? Have you noticed how sometimes, tough deadlines and tight constraints, create the conditions for inspired solutions?

The enchantment of motivation

Then there is the enchantment of motivation

Suddenly something gets us going which nothing was able to do before.

A young child lost both her sight and hearing before she turned 2.

Her mother wanted the best for her.

A chance reading of a travelogue written by Charles Dickens, in which she learned about the successful education of another blind and deaf child, pointed the way.

The family took the child to see Graham Bell (yes that Graham Bell). Bell sent them to the Perkins Institute for the Blind in Boston, Massachusetts. The result was that the family returned home to Alabama with one of the new teaching graduates from Perkins so she could live with them and teach their daughter to read.

At first things didn’t go as planned. The child was uncooperative, troublesome and defiant, and made poor progress.

Then the teacher came up with an idea. She requested she and the girl be allowed to live apart from the family, so the child could focus 100% on her instruction.

So the girl and her teacher moved to a cottage on the plantation.

Almost immediately, the hoped-for result happened.

The teacher placed one hand of the girl under a faucet and ran some water on her hand.

Simultaneously, she spelled the word w-a-t-e-r on the girl’s other hand.

The girl suddenly got it - what was being signed on one hand was related to what she felt on the other hand. The moment of illumination happened.

It was the turning point for the girl’s motivation to learn language.

She learned 30 words on that first day alone and never looked back. She went on to become an accomplished author, speaker and activist with the support of her teacher.

The girl’s name was Helen Keller and her teacher was Anne Sullivan.

P.S. What were the turning points for you – when you suddenly became motivated to do something? I think about the fact that I started writing this blog after a break of 14 years.  It was quite miraculous. One day I was my old self, believing the writing chapter of my life had ended.  The next day I had published the first post on this blog.  I am now on post 261and have never looked back.  I also think about the fact I have now been meditating since September of 2010.  This too was quite miraculous.  One day, I was my old self, sighing about wanting to meditate, but not being able to (God knows I was one of the people who needed it, especially with my anger issues). Then I read the book How God Changes Your Brain. Next thing I knew, I had succeeded. Of all the wonderful things that have happened to me in the last 5 years, learning to mediate was the best, because it enabled me to create spaces between my thoughts, and creating these spaces between my thoughts has helped me become a stronger, calmer and more secure person.

P.S. 2:  Because we never know what will cause us to make the leap from a wisher to a doer, we must never give up hope. Some day, some time, we will make the leap we long to make and be motivated to achieve the things we most want to achieve.

The enchantment of discovery

Then there’s the enchantment of discovery.

How we find out things about the world around us in enchanting ways.

One day I was out for a walk and I became aware of a crow cawing.

It seemed as if the crow was cawing at me. 

It went from tree to tree as I walked, and it went “caw, caw” as if it was scolding me.

The uncanny thing was that the next day I was out for a walk and the same thing happened again.

There was a crow and it went from tree to tree, following me as I walked and going “caw, caw”.

Could it be the same crow from the day before, I wondered? Did it mean something? I wondered if I was crazy to think a crow was following me and cawing specifically at me.

A few days later, I read the book Super Brain by Deepak Chopra and discovered I was not crazy.

I read that crows never forget a face. If you do something to them, they will remember your face for life and scold you every time they see you. 

Life is full of enchanting discoveries like this.

I don’t know about you, but I found the whole crow experience enchanting – going through the experience and then learning the truth about it.

P.S. What are some of the enchanting experiences you have had, and discoveries you have made related to those experiences?  Do you think we might have more experiences like this if we are not so preoccupied so much of the time?

The enchantment of coincidences

Then there is the enchantment of coincidences.

Sometimes events will happen in our life in mysterious, connected ways.

Such as when my friend Mary was led to join a particular Bible Study group by 2 events related to the Sermon on the Mount.

The first event happened right after Mary decided she wanted to start attending Bible Study after a break and had started looking for a Bible Study group.

Mary went to visit her Mom and her Mom gave her a small velvet box.

“What’s this?” asked Mary.

“Your grandpa gave it to me 50 years ago when he visited the Holy Land,” said her Mom, “It contains stones from Galilee where Jesus gave the Sermon of the Mount.  See it says here on his handwritten note”

Mary read the note:  “Stones from Galilee where Jesus gave the Sermon on the Mount” it said.

When Mary went to church the following Sunday, she came across the following in the church bulletin: “Women Only Bible Study Group meets every Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the church hall. Topic this week:  Sermon on the Mount.”

She was amazed by the coincidence and took it as a sign that this was the Bible Study Group she should attend.

So on the appointed day, she showed up for Bible Study.  But when she introduced herself and excitedly told the group what had brought her there - the box from her Grandpa and the note about the Sermon on the Mount, she was informed that “Sermon on the Mount” was the previous week’s topic.

It was then everyone realized that a copy of the previous week’s bulletin had been accidentally left in Mary's pew on that Sunday. If not for that, Mary might never have come to this group.

It was a remarkable set of coincidences that had brought her there, one after another.

P.S.  Think about some of the coincidences you have experienced. Weren't you enchanted by them?  I am enchanted by all the coincidences I have experienced. I have experienced several of them in the past few years, as my post Connected Minds testifies.

The enchantment of love

And finally, there’s the enchantment of love.

Love fills our life with mystery and enchantment and turns it upside down.

How can we not think of love as an enchantment, considering the way it intricately connects our lives with the life of another human being?

Testy McTesterson captures the mystery and enchantment of love in these lines:

I.

“I am always
reborn in
her eyes.
I think that's
what love is:
tasting your
rebirth over and
over and over
every single day
like the sun
when it explodes
with fire
from the
sea.”

II.

“I admit,
I was afraid
to love.
Not just love,
but to love her.
For she was a stunning
mystery. She carried things
deep inside her that no one
has yet to understand,
and I,
I was afraid to fail,
like the others.

She was the ocean
and i was just a boy
who loved the waves
but was completely
terrified to
swim.”

III.

“I read her eyes like
paragraphs and her tears
like chapters
for she didn't have much
to say with words, but rather,
silence.

And never let them tell you
that silence, isn't beautiful.
For silence is what happens
when words fall asleep
and you must carry the belief
that one day they will
wake up inside of you.”

IV.

“Her eyes carried
a certain kind
of silence that
begged to be
understood and i
felt as if i was
a scientist,
staring with eager,
feverant eyes into
galaxies that have not
yet had the chance
to be named.”

I will end this post by saying, no matter what we are going through, no matter how jaded we feel, or how dull life seems, enchantment is all around - we just have to open our eyes to it to experience an awe-filled life.

As always, thanks for reading and have an awe-filled day and week. M……a Pearl Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ajay for his comments on my last post The Element of Making Authentic Autonomous Decisions and Its Hope for Living Life On Our Own Terms and thanks to the rest of you for your votes. Much appreciated.

The Element of Making Authentic Autonomous Decisions and Its Hope for Living Life On Our Own Terms

What is it about Howard Roark that appeals so strongly to the young imagination?

It’s the concept of “personhood”

Of being able to make our own decisions and do things in our own best interest.

We all crave personhood.

We want to own our decisions, our choices, our behaviors.

We want to be able to think “yes, those are my thoughts” or “yes, I truly believe that”

We feel uncomfortable parroting someone else’s thoughts and ideas, if we don’t believe in those thoughts and ideas, or can’t relate to them.

The sense of being present to ourselves is an important human need.

It underpins our sense of achievement.

In fact, in every expression of our success, and in everything we create, unless it’s an expression of what we want to do and create, there will be something missing.

A sense of achievement cannot be experienced second hand.

If we have successful parents, our lives may boast wealth and power and prestige.

But we can never get a sense of achievement from the success of our parents.

We will need to achieve our own goals to experience a sense of achievement.

We should choose a goal we are passionate about.

Our goal should uniquely excite us.

One person will be excited by music, another by film, another by sports, another by farming, another by building cars, another by creating a new software program, another by cooking, another by fashion.

Where we live, who we have met, the words we have heard, the games we have played, the teachers who have made an impression on us, the countries we have visited, the people we have loved, the problems we have faced, and many more factors, will play a part in shaping our unique passion or goal.

The goal will be unique to us, our circumstances, our history, our interests and our personality.

And we should never let anyone put a spoke between ourselves and our goal or passion.

We should stand up to the people in our lives who want us to do something else.

Even when the pressure comes from our own families.

If we do not have the courage to, we may experience success, but it will be at the cost of our passion and engagement.

Passion and engagement is essential to living a full and authentic life.

We shouldn’t be afraid of expressing our autonomy.

We shouldn’t be afraid of being considered uncooperative and anti-social.

We shouldn’t be afraid of being thought of as misfits.

It is very easy to feel like a misfit.

All it takes is to be a liberal in a conservative family.

Or to be a conservative in a liberal family.

The people around us may pathologize our choices.

Every generation pathologizes everything their children choose to do – if it is different from what they expect, or if it is different from what they would do themselves - from their tastes in music to their tastes in dressing to their tastes in entertainment, and more.

I was guilty of this myself.

But I gave up my Tiger Mom ways and Helicopter Mom ways and embraced the fact of “a new generation, a new expression”.

And as soon as I did that, my relationship with my daughter went from negative to positive.

And I never looked back.

Our choices may carry the threat of being disowned and looked down on.

This may strike terror in our hearts.

We don't want to be looked down on; we want to be looked up to.

We are deathly afraid of being marginalized.

Only our integrity and fearlessness can lead us out of being captive to these fears.

Do you envy those who have less to lose and are free to follow the crowd or go away their own way?

They get tattoos and gauges in their ears; they say bold things about religion and society; they never have to fear their actions will cause them to lose their place in the world and all the support they have had, because they don’t have it anyway.

Yes, it is going to be harder for some than others to make authentic autonomous decisions.

You may be one of them.

But look to the lives of the famous saints like St. Francis of Assisi and you will surely find your inspiration.

Parents - there are two ways for you to say “I love you” to your child.

One way is to say “Happy Birthday, Son or Daughter.  Nothing but the best for you” and then give them an Armani Suit or a Vera Wang dress.

The other way is to say, “I know you have your heart set on doing X or being X. Go for it. It is a little hard for me to stomach it, but I give you my approval”

Why stress your child by making them do something or be something that goes against their grain?

What is stress after all – but compliance with rules and expectations that go against our grain? 

When I was in my early 20’s, I had a friend. She danced to her own drummer; she dressed differently, she lived differently; she made different choices. I used to say to her, “I think you have been dropped on earth by extraterrestrials from another planet.”

My friend never did anything against her grain. It made her stand out from everyone else.

Most people live a complaint life.  They are afraid to live a non-compliant life.

But a compliant life can never lead to true engagement.

Dancing to someone else’s tune gets old and wearisome.

Daniel Pink says:  “Control leads to compliance; autonomy leads to engagement.” 

If we want to engage somebody, we should not try to control them, but give them freedom to experiment and to do things on their own.

If we don’t, they will only follow orders.  If they only follow orders, how can they do anything new or create anything new?

We all need to feel useful and valuable and capable. This need can only be fulfilled when we are allowed to make independent decisions and take independent action.

If our every move has to be signed off on, we will quickly lose motivation and just go through the motions.

Independent thought and independent action need not be unguided thought and unguided action.

We stand to benefit from the guidance and advice of someone who is more experienced and more capable.

But we don't need to be anyone's puppet.

Quick, think back on the jobs in which you grew and you thrived and in which you experienced your greatest sense of achievement?

Autonomy would have had a big part to play in your success.

I know the reason I came up to speed so quickly as a Commissions Analyst, was because I was given full autonomy very early in the game; in fact, I was on my own after just 2 months into the job when my manager went out on maternity leave and never returned.

More recently, on my White Hat Security assignment, thanks to being given total autonomy and having an encouraging supporting manager, who always had my back, I used my free time to research creative solutions on the internet and was able to improve both the speed and accuracy with which White Hat commissions were being administered.

Autonomy leads people to want to problem solve and to give the best of themselves.

Whether we are talking about managing an employee, or whether we are talking about parenting a child.

As soon as I started trusting my daughter Tanita and respecting her choices, she started giving the best of herself. 

As we become more autonomous, we go from being people pleasers and approval seekers and image-makers and impression makers to being ourselves and making honest life choices.

Our most important life choices are not a “lie” waiting for someone to pull the curtain back on.

Our most important life choices are not a trap we allow ourselves to get in to.

Colleen Long says, “The more I try to make others happier with me, the less happy I am with myself.”

Indeed, our happiness is at stake when we allow others to dictate what we should do and how we should do it.

Self-respect can only come from looking within and doing what we think is right, not what somebody else tells us to do.

Howard Roark is the call to leave behind the limited or circumscribed life that our parents and society may have laid out for us and break through to an unlimited life where we can be who we want to be and be all we want to be.

I will end this post with the lyrics of the song “My Way”, written by Paul Anka and made immortal by the voice of Frank Sinatra:

My Way

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exception.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,

I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"No, oh no not me,
I did it my way".

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

As always thanks for reading and have a great day and week…..M…..a Pearl Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ajay and Abbas for showing their appreciation for my last post The Element of the Human Spirit and Its Hope for Becoming an Unstoppable and Indefatigable Force and thanks to all the rest of you for your votes.  Much appreciated.