Sunday, November 1, 2015

The Element of Committing to Living and Thinking Differently, And its Hope for a New Tenor In Our Lives



Want to change the conditions in your life?

If you commit yourself to thinking and living differently, the conditions of your life will automatically change.

You will find yourself in a better place.

And the tenor of your life will be a harmonious one.

Harmony is something we can create.

Just as we can create dishes, or paintings, or (since Halloween was just yesterday), great Halloween decorations, or costumes, we can create harmony in our lives.

But first we have to commit to thinking and living differently.

We should choose to think and live mindfully, peacefully, simply, uneventfully - realizing the tenor of our lives is dependent on our thoughts and behavior.

Does it mean problems and crises will not happen in our lives?

Of course not!

Problems and crises will happen in all our lives.

That’s something which can’t be avoided.

But we don’t have to be the cause of a problem, or crisis.

It is self-created crises and problems we want to avoid.

Self-created problems are caused by losing control, or acting thoughtlessly, or carelessly, or angrily.

If we let self-created problems define our lives, they will cost us time, energy, money, and wasted emotion.

They will also weaken our reputation, and make people weary, or wary of us.

How much more sense it makes to stop ourselves before creating a crisis!

How much better to commit ourselves to being the author of only good events!

“Minoo, by good events, do you mean parties, picnics, special occasions, concerts, movies, get-togethers, and such?”

No, even just not creating situations, showdowns, fights, arguments and communication breakdowns is a good event.

And if we can take someone’s bad event, and make it better for them in some way….that is also a good event.

Every time we act kindly, bravely, graciously, thoughtfully, helpfully, and responsibly, when someone has a problem or crisis, our response to that person’s bad event makes it take on aspects of a good event.

All we have to do is to commit ourselves to being a help, not a hindrance, and to using our healing powers.

But Minoo, it is hard to avoid showdowns, fights, arguments, communication breakdowns, and nasty exchanges of words. 

After all, when someone needs a lesson, shouldn’t we give them a lesson?

When someone is being unfair, or unreasonable, how can we let them get away with it?

When someone needs a talking to, shouldn’t we give them a talking to?

Empathy is the answer.

We should change our approach from a “talking to”, to a “talking with” by showing empathy, and being empathetic.

We don’t have to get stuck in unproductive ruts….

Nice. Nasty. Nice.

Nice. Nasty. Nice.

Victim. Aggressor.

Victim. Aggressor.

Once upon a time, I was stuck in unproductive ruts.

One of the unproductive ruts was my tendency to fly off the handle at the drop of a hat.

Another unproductive rut was seething internally, and being passive-aggressive in my responses to situations I didn’t like.

Neither of these ruts was helpful to me.

When I started observing my thoughts, I realized wrong thinking was keeping me in these ruts.

Wrong thinking was keeping me from being a happier, more adjusted person.

I began to observe my thoughts, and I committed myself to replacing my unproductive thoughts with more sensible and compassionate thoughts.

Slowly, I began to change.

First hesitantly, then more securely.

Sure enough, as I started to do that, my circumstances began to change.

There were less self-created situations in my life.

Do you want to walk in my footsteps?

Do you want to get out of unproductive ruts, like I did?

My journey, and the tools which helped me, are narrated in several posts.  Maybe reading them will help you get going.

Read These Posts to Get Motivated to Get Out of Unproductive Ruts:










Here are some of the things you will learn from these posts:

You will learn how my relationship with my daughter changed.

You will learn how I conquered a depression.

You will learn how I learned to simplify my life.

You will learn how I came to embrace change.

You will learn how I restored sanity to my investing.

Yes, a lot can happen, when we commit ourselves to thinking and living differently.

If your thinking is weak right now, you should work on strengthening your thinking.

The best way to do that is to start observing your thoughts.

You can even write them down.

Writing down your thoughts is one of the best ways to strengthen your thinking.

It is the reason I blog.

If you start blogging, or writing a journal, I guarantee you, it will strengthen your thinking.

Yes, there will be challenges to our efforts to think and live differently.

And there will be temptations to stay just where we are, keeping on, as before.

But if we really truly deeply want conditions to change from the bottom of our hearts, then there is nothing that can stop us.

Yes, we will stumble and fall. I have many times.

But we can look at our failures as milestones on our path to a more harmonious life, and feel assured, that, bit by bit, our thinking and behavior is getting better every day.

Difficulties may need to be met and overcome.

We may not be able to alter any condition immediately, or directly.

But bit by bit, if we keep altering our thoughts, actions and habits, our circumstances will eventually change.

Compassion, understanding, tolerance, forgiveness, and empathy are important tools for our journey.

Open-mindedness, patience, sacrifice and optimism will also be required.

We have to lift our thoughts higher and higher.

Our ego is our own worst enemy; the biggest foe; the enemy that needs to be conquered.

It will not be on our side, as we try to lift our thoughts higher.

We may have to turn to a higher power to vanquish our egos. 

We should keep focused on our vision for ourselves - which is a more harmonious and blessed life.



We have it in us to change our lives, and live more harmoniously, no matter how challenging our current circumstances are, and how overwhelmed we feel.

We just have to commit to thinking and living differently.

Then, you and me, both, we have to put one foot in front of the other, until we have met our goal.

Harmony - how sweet the sound of it!

As always, thanks for reading, and have a great day and week….M……a Pearl Seeker like you.   

P.S. This week brought nourishing comments from Ajay, Aarathi and David, and I thank them for that.  Thanks also to the rest of you for your likes, pins and votes.  Much appreciated.

P.S. 2  I read a great book this week, Winners Dream by Bill McDermott. In this book, Bill McDermott chronicles his life from newspaper delivery boy to CEO of SAP.  It is pure inspiration, especially for sales people.
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Sunday, October 25, 2015

The Element of Building on The Foundations Of Our Success, And Its Hope for Going From Strength to Strength



At the start of both of my careers, the foundation of my success was flimsy.

I got into advertising as a copywriter, on the strength of some freelance writing I had done for the local newspaper.

When you do freelance writing, you are not subject to any rules.

You can choose any old topic, select a humorous, or cheeky angle,  and then go for it - use bombastic words, pun like there’s no tomorrow, be as self-indulgent as you like; if there’s something charming about your piece, you will get published. It’s all a matter of luck.

So when I was hired as a cub copywriter by an ad agency, I was keen to continue with the kind of writing I had done up to that time.

I imagined what I would write for a brand of shoes:

“You’ll love our shoes to the bottom of our soles.”

“There’s not just a ‘sole’ reason you will love our shoes.  There are many.”

“What would you give to be in our shoes?”

“When you buy our shoes, you and our shoes will be sole mates.”

I was eager to show off this ability to pun, or to use twists on famous phrases.

Was I unique as a budding copywriter in feeling that way?

Do Chinese like dumplings?  Do Italians like meatballs? Do Indians like Falooda?  Do people rave about my brother David’s cooking? Do Mangaloreans like to use big words? Is Ajay’s A Short Stint in Advertising, one of the most popular posts on my blog? Is Aarathi a whiz at feedback?

Yes, copywriters do like to show off their punning ability.

But disappointment awaited this punster.

A glass of cold water was thrown in my face - on my very first copy assignment.

The Account Manager handed me some product materials, and explained to me what was needed.

But she could have been speaking in Tagalog, for all the attention I gave to what she was saying.

I went back to my desk (I could hardly wait), and out poured a barrage of puns. 

Feeling rather pleased with myself, I went to the Account Manager to show her my ideas.

Disaster struck!

I was greeted with a shake of the head.

Not the vigorous nodding side-to-side shake of the head, which means a  “yes” in India......

....but the firm and quick shorter-range shake of the head, which means a “no” in India.

Soon, the waste paper basket was piled high with my rejected ideas.

I got the message. 

I had to throw out all the puns, and all the writing I had been used to, and I had to tailor my writing to the client, the product, the target audience, the size and content limitations of the medium. Above all, I had to tailor my writing to what the client wanted.

And so, I got with the program.

I learned to dive into each assignment.  Who is the ad intended for?   What do we want the takeaway to be?  What are the limitations of the medium we are working with?

I soon realized that finding a happy medium between what I thought should be the message, and what the client wanted to see, was the best I could hope to achieve.

After I got over my initial disappointment, even though, I couldn’t write “whatever I wanted”, I began to enjoy my job.

Whatever the endeavor, we have to learn to fish, or cut bait.

I learned this phrase from Carl, who works with me at Aruba Networks.

It means the same thing as shape up or ship out.

I shaped up.

I began to enjoy the challenge of coming up with the right message for a product, and for a particular medium.

I liked the problem-solving aspect of the challenge.

I dived into it, bringing all available resources to bear.

I pored through archives of Communication Arts Magazine, and Art Director’s Annual; I read any advertising book I could lay my hands on. I began to apply process to my creativity.

And I got better at my job.

I had started with flimsy foundations, but I began to strengthen those foundations.

I did this again in my second career.

As you learned from my last post, The Element of Getting On Our Feet and Its Hope for Our Independence, I did not even know Excel when I took up my first Commissions Administration job.

When I lucked out and got that job, it was like being at sea in a raft.

I had so little to go on.

Then my manager went out on maternity leave, and soon after, announced she would not return.

I realized at the time, that the flimsy raft of my knowledge and skills wouldn’t suffice.

I would have to build a ship to successfully navigate my job.

And so I built my ship.

I needed to strengthen my knowledge of Excel.  That would put a firm foundation under me.

So I got permission from my new manager (who was my manager's manager) to buy and expense 5 Excel books for beginners. 

I can hear you go: “Five?  Minoo, why did you need 5 books, wasn’t that a little excessive?”

I had researched the internet to find out the best books to learn Excel. My search turned up 5 books with different advantages to offer. I decided, I needed to study all of them.

And so, having purchased these books, I would sit with my computer and these books, building my ship, after Tanita had gone to bed at night.

None of this was visible to my boss, to the rest of accounting, or to the salespeople I did the calculations for.

But there were no complaints about the work I did, nor did any big boo-boos or errors surface - because I had made sure I knew what I was doing.

I kept strengthening the foundation.

Every time I had a new challenge, I went back to the internet to find a solution.  Sometimes I would talk to friends and they would help me.  It was a thrill to be able to write my first if formula, or to include an iserror in my formula, so that NA values could be suppressed.

When we build on our foundation, we get stronger and stronger.

We develop confidence to go for bigger goals.

I had a goal that was audacious at the time.

I decided I would keep strengthening my skills, so as they added sales people and more sales orgs, and the plans became more complex, I would still be able to handle the work by myself.

I had a very important reason to want to handle the work by myself.

I was doing most of the work remotely.

I knew an additional resource might jeopardize my telecommuting privileges.

I didn’t want that.

I did not want a Commissions Manager, and I did not want a Commissions Assistant.

Does a strong foundation mean more money, more recognition?

Not necessarily.

In my case, because my work was so invisible – almost all of it done at home – money and recognition did not come my way.

What came my way – in spades – was self-confidence.

I was completely unafraid of the work, and being able to handle it.

I had bulked up so much in the skills and knowledge area.

Since becoming a Commissions Consultant, I continue to bulk up in any way I can.

I continue to enjoy challenges, for the opportunity they give me to grow.

Every challenge is an opportunity to grow.

Every challenge successfully met makes us stronger.

What challenges have you successfully met?

You should be proud of successfully meeting those challenges.

When the chips are down, you should remind yourself of your capability to do that.

Read my post How To Feel Good About Yourself When The Chips Are Down, if you need to remind yourself of how far you’ve come with the limited resources you started out with.

Our amazing success reminds us that resource constraints need not be obstacles to our success.

In fact, resource constraints are a great spur to creativity.

Read my post The Element of Constraints for how resource constraints can spur your creativity.

How can you build on the foundation for your current success?

What new thoughts, new ideas, and new habits can you bring to bear?

Never underestimate what small changes in the right direction can do.

Align yourself with two goals, your goal for yourself, and the goal for your employer, or customers.

To find the happy medium where you are happy, and they are happy, you have to cut both yourself, and them some slack.

Don’t burn bridges with anyone.

We never know how important someone, anyone, might be to our future happiness and success.

We need to learn to tolerate people’s weaknesses, and look instead at their strengths.

Learn to go with the flow.

There will be disappointments, irritations.

Part of building a strong foundation, is learning to deal with disappointments and irritations in a positive manner.

The best approach is to overlook, and to forgive and forget.

Do not respond with any global actions to any temporary issue.

A temporary issue should be dealt with, using a temporary solution.

If you car doesn’t start and your battery is dead, you get your battery jump-started and you drive your car, until you can replace the battery.  You don’t get your car towed to the mechanic.  That would be excessive.

Avoid excessive responses.

If you are tired, hungry, or you have had a bad day, and an issue comes up; ask for more time to respond; do not respond, right away, most probably, your response will be excessive.

Some people’s actions will wear us down on occasion.

We will need to learn to deal with such situations, without showdowns.

Mature responses are part of building a strong foundation.

Skills, knowledge, attitude……all are important to building a strong foundation.

So are coping skills – being able to cope with unfairness, with aggression, with disappointments, with broken promises.

We should focus, not on what other people are doing, or not doing for us, but on the steps we are taking to build our foundation.

We can succeed, despite other people not playing their part.

When you think about your foundation, do you feel you have a raft, or do you feel you have a ship?

Is the ship as strong as it can be, or can it be made stronger?

Luck may have gotten you to where you are, but only courage, determination, and doing the right things will keep you there.

Whether it is a job, a business, a relationship, a passion, we should continue to strengthen the foundation.

Then, even if we lose any of these things, we will have the foundation to begin again.

Each time we strengthen our foundations, by increasing our skills, enhancing our knowledge, or improving our attitude and approach, we give ourselves fresh possibilities.

If we know how to harvest, we will get harvesting opportunities.

If we know how to plant, we will get planting opportunities.

To translate that in terms of personal experience, when I knew Excel, I could get Excel opportunities; when I learned Xactly, I could get Xactly and Excel opportunities; when I learned Varicent, I could get Varicent, Xactly and Excel opportunities.

At any point of time, we are far from our ultimate potential.

When I started my copywriting career, I never imagined I would one day have my own creative shop Purple Patch, with four copy interns, an admin, and a driver working for me.

When I started my Commissions Administration career, I never imagined I would one day become a freelance Commissions Consultant, getting involved with both implementations and administration.

Miracles happen when we take steps to strengthen our foundation.

In 2010, unemployed, and in the midst of a bad economy, I decided to do the Xactly admin course, paying from my own pocket.

How I came to this decision is a miracle in itself, because it was a random conversation with my sister Rosie which gave me the idea.  I have made mention of the conversation in one of my earlier posts.

Soon after doing the course, I received a call from Don Gootee of Solution Partners, an Xactly implementations company. He asked if I would be interested in joining his implementations team.

I jumped at the offer.

A few months later, I asked him, “Don, what made you decide to give me this job, though I didn’t have the experience?”

“I was impressed by your initiative in doing the Xactly admin course,” is what he told me.

When you build your foundation, miracles happen.

So we shouldn’t indulge in all or nothing thinking.

We shouldn’t say, “I need to get paid this much for doing this, or I won’t do it.”

I earned only $18,000 in my first year of doing implementations; but the knowledge, the skills, the connections, and the confidence I gained, was worth much more than that; in fact, it was priceless.

Take some time to think about your foundation today, and think of ways to strengthen it.

This will give you self-confidence, no matter what the future brings.

Before I end, here are some last words I would like to leave you with. Never, never, never, never, never give up on yourself, and on what you have built so far. Keep strengthening the foundation.

As always, thanks for reading, and have a great day and week…..M…..a Pearl Seeker like you.  In response to my last post, Ajay, Aarath, Anita and David sent some wonderful compliments my way. Thank you all. And thanks to rest of you for your likes, pins and votes……much appreciated.
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