Things Get In The Way

I want to love with all my heart

But things get in the way

So many different things

A different one, on any given day.

One day it will be a reaction

To something someone did or said

My loving spirit then flies out the window

And I fret and fume instead.

On some days it just seems I wake up

Not my usual cheerful, happy self

On those days, my loving spirit will be grumpy or absent

And I am neither pleasant to be with, nor willing to help.

On some days, I read or hear something

And a negative view of humanity unfolds

Fool that I am not to realize

That I belong to humanity's fold.

Another day it will be my temper or ego

Which is always looking for slights

And finding them, gets the better of me

Unleashing unloving behavior until my spirits are set right.

On some days, physical weakness, illness, or low self-esteem

Make it hard for me to love or cherish someone else

Recovering my strength, health, and self-esteem is all I can think about

I am focused entirely on myself.

Some days it's just that I am busy

Keeping up with the things I have to do

On those days, I am all about getting this or that done

And I function from a purely mechanical point of view.

Then there are those days, all too frequent

When I am full of ideas and thoughts

I am a bag of opinions and condemnation on those days

And neither my kindness, compassion, or wisdom can be bought.

I have ideas about countries and government

Ideas about family and life

Ideas about religion and philosophy

Ideas about words such as "man" and "wife".

I have ideas about words, actions, and clothing

Ideas about music, health, medicine, and food

Ideas about nature, animals, and humans

I have so many ideas, frankly, too many for my own good.

The run-away train of my ideas

Makes me damn other people and look down

Makes me think I am superior and deserve special treatment

Makes me unloving, and unpleasant to be around.

Yes, I want to love with all my heart, dear reader

But things get in the way

If there's a silver lining to report

It's that I am getting better every day.