Is it common for adults to feel unsure about what they are doing? How do people typically handle this uncertainty?

In the early years of adult life, yes.

In the early months of a new job, yes.

In the early years of a relationship, or marriage, yes.

One may be unsure of what to do.

Some people may need to be told what to do, as specifically as possible.

To give you an example:

Someone starting out in the art department of an ad agency, may need to be told “create a few different drawings of a house”, rather than be told “depict your vision of real estate”.

If you are unsure of what you are doing, seek information.

And keep seeking information, until you are sure of what you are doing.

If the feeling of being unsure of what you are doing persists through different jobs, different lifestyle choices, and different money choices in your life, and even as you grow older (the sense of having not found what you are looking for, or what you expected), that’s part of being human.

You are where you are, because of many factors, some based on your choices, some based on factors outside of your control.

You made some choices.

Those choices led to other choices, which led to other choices, which led to other choices.

There are also factors that were not in your control.

If not for this or that event happening, the chain of events might have turned out differently.

Don’t look back.

Look only at now or ahead.

Back is what you can’t change.

Now and ahead is where you can make new choices.

The new choices must involve a “new attitude”.

An attitude of “I will do my best, and let God (or the universe) take care of the rest”.

Spend the time that’s purely yours - time when you are not at work, and not doing chores, praying and meditating about being more meaningful and purposeful in the choices you make.

And pray for some of your old stubbornness to die.

And pray and meditate to develop more compassion for the people in your life, and to be able to develop more tolerance for them, and to make more sacrifices for them.

You can make today better than yesterday, for yourself, and for the people who mean the most to you.

You can bring back the awe and wonder and gratitude of being alive.

A new attitude can open your eyes to the blessings you might be taking for granted.

A new attitude can lead to the choices that will make you say, “I have never been surer about this being the right thing to do, than when I decided to do X”.

I hope your new attitude will lead you to your first “X”, so you never have to ask the following question again:

“Is it common for adults to feel unsure about what they are doing? How do people typically handle this uncertainty?”

Or there are fewer and fewer occasions when you have to ask that question.

Your new attitude and your new choices will have taken care of that.

How do you figure out what truly motivates someone?

People’s choices are the clues to their motivations.

If you know what people’s choices are, you can figure out their motivations.

To learn about a person’s choices, ask them if it is okay to interview them for an article you are writing, for a research project, to understand their needs better, or just because you admire them, and would like to learn from them.

During the interview, you can ask them questions like…

What did you like about school?

What was your favorite subject?

Who was your favorite teacher, and why?

Who do you consider your closest friend, and why?

What had you planned to do after school?

Did things work out the way you thought?

Which part of your plan went differently? Why do you think that is?

Is there anything unusual about you, when it comes to your attitude to money?

What traditions have you gone against in your life?

Why do you do x (blog, run,whatever)?

Is there anything you do differently from other people?

What made you choose where to live?

When people think of you, what do they think of first?

What made you leave home initially?

What do you spend most of your time on?

Who have you done the most for in your life, and why did you need to?

And so on.

If an answer requires clarification, you can ask them to clarify their answer.

Using this strategy, you can learn enough about a person, to figure out their motivations.

For example, you can find out how much money matters to them.

Or you can find out whether a passion matters to them, more than money.

You can find out whether they are risk-takers.

Or whether they like to make safe choices, because security is upper most for them.

You can find out whether ambition drives them.

Or something else - like a mission.

Whether you are a therapist, a sales person, romantically interested in someone, or just an admirer of someone, the interview technique is a good strategy.

It will give you the information you need, to understand a person’s motivations.

Many famous books have been written, using interviews as the starting point:

A man who studied 500 millionaires shares the most effective step to take to succeed

Journalist Napoleon Hill shares the secret to success.

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/06/29/napoleon-hill-studied-500-millionaires-and-shares-their-key-to-success.html

Why do people find it difficult to make choices about important decisions?

Some reasons:

• They are conflicted.
• The decision goes against a deeply held value, either their own value, or a family value, community value, or a societal value.
• They don't have a strong enough reason.
• They feel the decision is not one to be casual about.
• They are unsure of what factors to consider, and want to become clearer about the decision.
• They are afraid of the impacts of decisions on others, such as the impact on children.
• They are afraid the decision may make things worse, not better.
• They are afraid of regretting the choice they make.
• They are afraid they will not be able to cope, if there is a bad outcome.
• There are economic, relational, and psychological impacts (financial hardship, broken relationships, lowered personal status), which make the decision difficult.
• They do not have the support, they feel, is necessary to making the decision.
• They have never had to make decisions. Someone has always made decisions for them. Their parents, their siblings, or their partners.
• They want to make the "popular" decision, and they haven't yet determined what is the "popular" decision.
• And of course, there is always plain old procrastination, and waiting till the last minute.

If you become an entrepreneur, or start your own business, you will become better at making decisions - whether important decisions, or unimportant decisions.

Minoo Jha

 · 5y

What are good ways to make a decision quickly?

Hi, You asked, What are some examples of quick decision making? Here’s an example from my life… I was an advertising copywriter in my first career. After several years of working for ad agencies, I started my own creative shop, Purple Patch. Soon after starting Purple Patch, I decided I needed to hire additional copy help. I was willing to train someone who had the copy talent and potential to grow. At the time, I was guest lecturing in Advertising Copy at Loyola College, Chennai. I thought, why not, just hire one of my students. They had class only in the morning, so they could come to my house in the afternoons. I operated Purple Patch from my home which was not far away from Loyola College. I looked at the homework assignments and identified 4 suitable candidates from my batch of students. I asked these 4 students to come to my house for an interview. Little did I expect, they would arrive at my house together since their interviews were half hour apart. Anyway, when they arrived, I took them one by one into my home office to interview them, leaving the others sitting in my living room till it was their turn. I interviewed all the 4 students, and then I told them I was going back into my office for a few minutes to decide between the 4 of them. This was when I made a quick decision. I had planned to pay 3000 INR per month to the student I hired. A new thought suddenly occurred to me… What if I hired all 4 of them and paid them 750 INR each? I would have 4 talents instead of one. I made a quick decision about this and went back into the living room. “Do you want to know who I have decided on?” I told them. They looked at me with the excitement and nervousness of those on American Idol. “All 4 of you,” I said, and quickly added, “And I thought I’d pay you,” and then I stammered out, “750 INR each. They jumped up from their chairs in unison and shouted “Yay” as if they had won the Powerball or Mega Millions lottery. I was very proud of my quick decision making that day, especially in all the months and years to come running Purple Patch.

Women, especially those who have played a subordinate role for most of their life, will find themselves struggling with decision-making, even about relatively unimportant decisions.

Whether you are a woman or a man, you can improve your decision making.

You can think through your options, and develop confidence in making your choices.

One choice at a time.

One way to do this, is to get a pen and paper, and write the pros and cons (the advantages and disadvantages) of all the choices facing you.

Each person will have their own journey to becoming a decision-maker:

Minoo Jha

 · 5y

What is the best way to become successful as a woman?

Hi, You asked, What is the best way to become successful as a woman? I started off as a dependent cry baby. I became a strong, independent woman. Here’s how I did it (reprinted from a post with the same title on my blog). How I Went From A Girlie Girl to A Strong, Independent Woman It Doesn't Matter Where You Started, What Matters Is Where You Plan to End I learned to live alone. I learned to drive. I learned to make my own decisions. I learned to manage money on my own. I learned to value myself outside of a relationship. I learned to value what was in my head and heart, over the way I looked. I changed my focus to what I did, and how I acted. I stopped measuring myself against traditional ideas of ‘feminine’ success. I stopped identifying myself with my child’s successes and failures. I started setting boundaries on what I would, and would not, accept. I stopped being passive-aggressive, and learned to speak up. I started handling more things on my own. I became more self-sufficient. I started getting involved in things I used to hand over to men. (While I do not know how to fix my car, I get fully involved with every repair – researching the facts and becoming knowledgeable – whether it’s the blend door actuator on my air-conditioner, or a rack and pinion steering issue.) I learned to take charge, and make choices which made the most financial sense, covering all the bases - my housing, my car, my taxes, my insurance, my investments, my utilities, my child’s education, my health. I learned to make my voice heard through my blog. I learned to stop second guessing myself, and beating myself up for flaws or slips. I learned to take risks. Finally, I learned it does not matter where you started. What matters more is where you plan to end. So this is my advice to you: Sit at the table. Take smart risks. Seek challenges. Pursue your goals with gusto. And know, you can do it, exactly as you are. You are enough.

And since, not all decisions will turn out to be good decisions, you will need to learn from every bad decision you make.

You have to pick yourself up, say, "Oh well", I am not going to make the same mistake again".

You have to stay positive.

And you have to make decisions better than the decisions that didn't work out for you.

This is the path to more confident decision-making.

Minoo Jha

 · 5y

What truth has your bitter life taught you?

Hi Sean, Bitterness as a coping tool is overrated. So I am not bitter about anything. Not bitter about suffering a clinical depression at the peak of my professional success. Not bitter about my marriage not working out. Or the relationships that didn’t work out before that. Not bitter about my financial losses… …such as investing in IndyMac stock, only to see the bank seized by the FDIC in the 2007 market crash and my investment go to zero. What good is bitterness? So much better to think of life as an adventure an that happens as a part of that adventure. No bitter life for me - thank you. When life serves me lemons, I just get out the lemon squeezer.

What is a unique lesson that life has taught me?

 

What is a unique lesson that life has taught me?

Life has taught me that I should never say never.

I have done so many things in my life, that I thought I would never do.

I thought I would never get married, or have a child.

I did.

I thought I was not a numbers person.

I was wrong.

After I got burned investing in stocks in India, I thought I would never invest in stocks again.

I was wrong.

I thought I would never learn to drive.

I was wrong.

I thought I would never learn to cook, and I would never enjoy cooking.

I was wrong.

When my advertising copywriting career ended, and year after year passed without me putting pen to paper, I thought I would never write again.

I was wrong.

So one of the unique lessons life has taught me is never say never! :)

P.S. Chances are that you have done, and are doing, many things you never thought you would be doing, some of which are new, and that you weren't doing even a few years ago. Am I right? Let me know if I am right.