Bad Case of Wodehouse

I regret to inform you all that I have a bad case of Wodehouse.

I am getting the word out to you since Wodehouse is horribly contagious (rated a 10 on the contagion scale).

So you don't get caught off-guard, here are the symptoms...

Remember, these are just the typical symptoms, the symptoms can vary from patient to patient.

Do you tend to end every sentence with the word "What!"?

As in "Splendid weather,we are having, what!"?

You have the Wodehouse.

Do you feel an irresistible urge to steal a Policeman's Helmet?

You have the Wodehouse.

Do you smile inanely all the time and transpose the words 'Oh Jeeves' for 'Oh Geez' ?

You definitely have the Wodehouse.

How about dreams at night in which you sneer at cow creamers in antique stores?

Or encounter fat, pink pigs with wings (English for Svinhug gar igen)?

Wodehouse and Wodehouse.

If  you are displaying any of the symptoms described, you can't afford to lose a minute.

But must begin painful but necessary antidote therapy immediately.

The best known antidote to Wodehouse is to begin work on your taxes.

Either Form 1040 or Schedule D will work quite well.

You have a few choices in alternative medicine as well.

Listening to your teenager's music, looking at your teeenager's cellphone bill, or perusing your teenager's report card can all be used with success to cure Wodehouse.

Clearly, if you haven't come down with Wodehouse, you don't want to take any risks.

My advice is to steer clear of this blog till at least the coming Sunday.

Resist the temptation to finish this post and on no account should you read the posts Never Let A Pal Down or Splendid Post, What!

Are you still reading?

It means it's too late for you.  You have already come down with Wodehouse.

Well, you are just going to have to let it run its course.

Scratch the itch until you can say pip-pip, ta-ta or toodleoo to it.

Here then are some lines from Wodehouse for all you goners:

"Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to speak French”

‘He spoke with a certain what-is-it in his voice, and I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled’.  

“I was sauntering on the river bank with a girl named something that has slipped my mind, when there was a sound of barking and a large hefty dog came galloping up, full of beans and buck and obviously intent on mayhem. And I was just commending my soul to God and feeling that this was where the old flannel trousers got about thirty bobs worth of value bitten out of them, when the girl, waiting till she saw the whites of its eyes, with extraordinary presence of mind opened a colored Japanese umbrella in the animal's face. Upon which it did three back somersaults and retired into private life”

"Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse."

"Jeeves lugged my purple socks out of the drawer as if he were a vegetarian fishing a caterpillar out of his salad."

"Say what you will, there is something fine about our old aristocracy. I'll bet Trotsky couldn't hit a moving secretary with an egg on a dark night."

"I have only two things to say to you, Lord Tilbury. One is that you have ruined a man's life. The other is Pip-pip."

P.S.  I can think of only one other occasion when I came down so fearfully as I have now come down with Wodehouse.  It was back in June of 2009 when Michael Jackson died. I came down with a bad case of Michael Jackson following his untimely death.  I think I must have spent the next 3 months watching Michael Jackson performances and Jackson Family performances on You Tube and on television.  When I wasn't doing that, I was reading Wikipedia entries on each and every Jackson family member. This was when I was not reading Wikipedia entries on propofol.  Finally, I said "This Is It" and called a halt to the madness.  Good luck with getting over Wodehouse. You are going to need it! :)