The United States of Friendship Part 9 - Mom's The Word

Taken from the Soupplantationathomeblog

Sweet Tomatoes - Mandarin Spinach with Caramelized Walnut Salad

The Salad

8 cups chopped spinach
1 1/2 cups Mandarin oranges
1 cup caramelized walnuts
1/4 cup ¼ inch diced red onions
3/8 cup dressing

Combine ingredients and toss until evenly coated with dressing.

The Walnuts

Take 2 cups water
Take 1 cup walnut pieces
Take 3 tablespoons white sugar

Boil water. Add walnuts and cook for 40 seconds. Strain the walnuts. Combine walnuts and sugar in a bowl. Stir to coat. Place sugar covered walnuts on a sheet pan and bake at 325 degrees for approximately 8 to 10 minutes or until golden brown.

The Dressing

2 cups canola oil                                                            
1 1/4 cups fresh orange juice
1 cup white sugar                                                          
6 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
4 tablespoons white wine vinegar                        
1 tablespoon Spanish paprika
1 tablespoon table salt

Combine ingredients and whisk to thoroughly dissolve the sugar. Makes about 4 3/4 cups.

The Occasion?

5 school moms on a well-deserved break

The United States of Friendship Part 9 – Mom's The Word

Our lives are imperfectly perfect.

I moved into my current apartment while still hankering to move into Cupertino.

I am in my current field of work thanks to a boss with a short fuse.

I left a job for more money, only to discover working from home was worth more to me than money.

I started writing this blog because I found myself twiddling my thumbs for several months after I signed on as an SPM Implementations Consultant.

Along the bumpy road of partially fulfilled desires, missteps and contradictions, I learned that imperfections are a way of life and everything as it turns out is perfect - imperfectly perfect.

Shreekant used to say “It all happens for the best.”

I would add a prefix to that….It all happens for the best if you are open to the idea that whatever you are experiencing contains the seeds of fulfillment.

Being open is key.

I hope that if you take away nothing else from the United States of Friendship series, it is …...

that life with all its imperfections is perfect and wonderful.

I am very grateful for any experience that reminds me of the perfections in my life.

Like this one.

One day, I was seated at one of the outdoor seating areas of a coffee shop in a strip mall, when an oddly dressed lady came up to me.  She was frumpily dressed in a very last century kind of way and completely out of step with the times.

 “Excuse me,” she said, “are you in a hurry to finish your coffee?” I said, “No.  Why do you ask?” I said. She replied, “I am writing a document. I am not sure what I am going to call it right now.  Probably Declaration of Something. Are you a working mother? I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions if you are.” “Sure,” I said.

The odd looking lady sat down in one of the chairs next to me, and from a crocheted bag, she took out a few sheaves of paper and an ancient looking fountain pen – the kind in which you fill ink through a dropper.

It was very odd, but I observed and said nothing.

“What are you grateful for as a working mother? What is important to you as a Working Mother?” she asked.

“School Moms and carpooling” I said, without thinking.

“Tell me about that,” she said.

“Well, with the invention of the motor car, 2 unfortunate things happened. It became quite unsafe for children to walk to school because cars made it all too easy for them to be kidnapped.  And because every one has cars, public transportation is completely inadequate.  The combination of these 2 factors makes getting a child to school or to any activity a real challenge for any working mom.”

“Please continue….” she said.

“So I am grateful to all the school moms who have helped me over the years by giving Tanita rides or by carpooling with me - Denise and Brenda and Karen and Ruth and Julia and Nadya and Ramani and Lakshmi and Melissa’s mum and Tiffany’s mum and Yolanda……and so many more.”

“Could you explain a little more….” said the lady.

“Well, when Tanita started kindergarten, she got out of school while I was still at work.  There was a day care facility on the school premises and I had to have her go there after school, because there was no way for me to get her home from school. Until Denise came into our lives. After that, I was able to drive Denise’s daughter and Tanita to school in the mornings and Denise would drive Tanita home after school, dropping her off to my mom who lived with me at the time.

“Please continue…..” said the lady.

“That's carpooling, but Denise's kindness didn't stop there.  She would invite Tanita for play dates with her daughter. And if her children were going to get involved in any new activity, she would offer to take Tanita as well. When Denise enrolled her kids in Chinese lessons, for instance, Tanita got to go to Chinese lessons with them as well.”

“Chinese lessons, rather than Latin and Greek.  Interesting - please continue…..” said the lady.

“Then there was Nadya. She took Tanita to Chess and Karate, to Great America and Gilroy Gardens, to movies and to ice-skating.  When Denise moved away from our area, Nadya did the after-school pick-up for me.  And when I started working in Fremont and had to leave real early for work, I would be helped by both Julia’s husband, who would take Tanita to school, and by Nadya who would bring her back.”

“So much driving. Please continue….” said the lady.

“After my mom died, I don’t know what I would have done without the school moms.  At that time, their help went beyond giving Tanita rides, to keeping her for me after school.  Nadya and Karen and Tiffany’s Mum and Valarie – Tanita was with one or the other of them after school. And when Tanita started tennis, Karen would take Tanita and her daughter to tennis classes."

“Tennis.  Interesting, please continue….” said the lady.

“I’ve had to turn to Brenda, Ruth or Karen many times over the years. Sometimes for rides, sometimes to keep Tanita when I’m in a jam.  When my mother died, Brenda picked up Tanita after Girls Scouts camp and kept her at her house until we could pick her up."

“I am sorry to hear your mother died.  You must have been close to her.” said the lady.

“Yes, it's been a while now, though. Let me see - what else. Tanita has gone to Sharks Games with Ruth, to Petroglyph with Julia, to Girls Scouts events with Brenda.  She didn’t have to miss out on any activities because of the kindness and thoughtfulness of all these school moms."

“Sharks games? My, my, sharks frolicking like dolphins. who would have guessed, but I digress....please continue….” said the lady.

I laughed. "Not sharks as in the fish kind of sharks.  I meant the ice-hockey team that goes by the name Sharks. That's funny."

"Foolish me," chuckled the lady....."please continue....."

“You know, it's not all business with us school mom gals.  We go out for lunch every now and then, as well. We started the tradition of getting together for lunch when Tanita was in the second grade.  First it was Denise, Karen, Brenda, Ramani and myself.  We would meet at a salad bar called Sweet Tomatoes. When Denise and Ramani moved away, Brenda, Karen and I continued the tradition.  When we get together, conversation flows easily and the time flies.  Once, we spent 6-7 hours at Chili’s, going there for lunch and staying all the way through till dinner guests began to pour into the restaurant. I am sure we set a record of sorts.”

“Day-long lunches. Interesting...Please continue…” said the lady.

“You know, there have also been occasions when I have had to do business travel and I’ve had to request a school mom to keep Tanita over several nights.  Again, whoever I asked said yes readily.  Last year, I had to go down to Southern California for the Lynda implementation, for instance, and Tanita stayed over at Yolanda’s during that time."

“Business Travel.  Interesting....Please continue,” said the lady.

“Tanita’s gone on some great holidays thanks to many of the school moms. Many of these holidays were with my brother David and his family.  But she has also gone to Tahoe with Ruth and with Melissa's family, to Placerville with Darya, to girls scout camping trips with Brenda and once Karen and me drove down with Femke and her to San Diego."

“Please continue,” said the lady.

“You know, small things have made all the difference.  Like knowing I can turn to Brenda or Ruth in a pinch.  In fact, in the last few months, Brenda has been giving Tanita rides home from school on a regular basis. And don't get me started on all the things Ruth has done for Tanita  - from stitching her an Octopus costume for Halloween to teaching her how to make pocket tees, to bringing her an ice-sling when she had her wisdom tooth extraction earlier this year."

“Please continue,” said the lady.

“The two other things are telecommuting and day-care,” I said, “Both of them have made a big difference in my life as a working mom, enabling me to stay employed while not having to worry about my child.”

"Please explain," said the lady, sitting upright and looking at me both innocently and questioningly.

"Well, in each of my jobs, I have been able to telecommute - no it's not spelled telykomyute, it's spelled t-e-l-e-c-o-m-m-u-t-e - it means being able to work from home."

"Work from home?" said the lady, raising one eyebrow and correcting the spelling of the word on her sheet of paper.

"Yes, work from home.  I am a Commissions Analyst and an SPM Consultant, and the work I do can be done at home - because all of it is on the computer. No, it's not spelled combyouta, it's spelled -c-o-m-p-u-t-e-r", I said looking at what she was writing again. "See that guy over there at the other table.  What he is looking at is a computer.  I do my work on that as well. Telecommuting has made it possible for me to drop my daughter off to school and pick her up from school and get my work done around my household chores using all the free time I have in the day. Typically, I start work at 6 a.m. on the days I telecommute."

"Telecommuting you call it...quite amazing.  Please continue," she said.

"And finally, there's daycare.  Daycares are places where you can get your child looked after while you are at work. Every working mom has to use some form of daycare - those who cannot afford to have a nanny at home, that is. The cheapest and the closest daycares ones are family based ones, run by stay-at-home mothers with little kids themselves. These daycares are really convenient because they are open 12 hours each day - 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., and you can drop your child off on the way to work in the morning and pick your child up on your way back home in the evening. I am very grateful to Lorraine and Mrs. West who were my daycare providers in Tanita's baby, toddler and pre-kindergarten years."

"Anything more?" said the lady.

I shook my head. "Those were the most important things to being a working mom for someone like me raising my daughter on my own  - carpooling, help from school moms, telecommuting and daycare.

“Fascinating,” she said, putting the cap back on her pen.  “You never said anything about being able to work at all – that’s something you take completely for granted, I suppose.  Do you also take your property rights for granted and your ability to vote?”

“Why, yes, of course,” I said, “strange you should ask that.”

At that, she smiled and said “I have to go.  Thank you for your time. This has been very illuminating.  I needed to find out if something I am pursuing will be worth it and benefit women of the future and I have found out what I need to know.”

“My name is Minoo.  What’s yours?” I asked, extending my hand, curious about what she had just said and wanting her to stay so I could find out more.

She seemed surprised by that but she put out her hand to shake my hand.

“You can call me Liz,” she said, “that’s what Luce and Suz call me. And that’s all I can tell you.  I have to go.”  

And with that, she got up and hurried around the corner, out of sight.

It took me a few days to figure out who she was and that she had time-traveled from the past.

In case you’ve never heard of her, her name is Elizabeth Cady Stanton and you can read about her here.

Thank you Elizabeth Cady Stanton.  If not for you, we wouldn’t have had property rights or been able to vote, or to work after marriage.  Thank you for fighting for all of that in your time, so we could take all of it for granted in our time.  And thank you to all the school moms, to all my daycare providers, to all the bosses who allowed me to telecommute, and to everyone else who chipped in on a temporary or extended basis to help me be a mom who could also be a working woman at the same time. Thank you Brenda, Ruth, Karen, Denise, Ramani, Lakshmi, Julia, Nadya, Yolanda Lorraine, Mrs West and everyone else whose name may not be mentioned but who had a part to play. I love you all.

Dear Reader – thanks for coming along with me on this memoir about all the people without whose help being a working mom would have been a real challenge for me. If you have children in school, I hope you are as blessed as I was in Tanita's crucial babyhood and school going years. Hope to see you next week for the next installment of the United States of Friendship …..M…..a Pearl Seeker like you.