In response to my last post, my
friend Sangeeta Patel sent me this beautiful piece she said she was inspired to
write, and which I am honored to publish, along with a picture she sent to go
with it……
Into
The Light
by
Sangeeta Patel
Losing
a significant person in one's life changes one.
Compound
that loss with couple more and you are filled with regret.
You
can push it away from your mind, move on, or acknowledge and deal with the
pain.
It
is easy to acknowledge the loss, the numbness, the vacuum. But how do you
deal with the pain, the regret and the remorse?
I
exiled myself into my room, to feel, to grieve, to cry, to remember, to think,
at the same time, battle blame, anger and disbelief. It could be said that for
a long period of time, I lived in my head. It was like the rest of me did not
exist. I registered nothing else, the things people around me were saying
seemed to come out of a tunnel so far away. It was remote things about needing
help and medication, or a holiday, and other such preposterous things.
I
tried to reach for memories but they seemed fragmented at best, sketchy... I
did not even have the luxury of memories to hold onto. Sometimes as I fell
asleep in exhaustion, I would have such vivid dreams that would haunt me , and
I clung onto this gift and lay motionless flitting back and forth between
dreams and agitated consciousness.
Through
all this cyclical thinking, it became clear that I was not trying to overcome
the loss, but to be able to let go of the inexorable losses that I would face
in the future, with joy and gratitude. Being able to let go because there are
no regrets, no remorse, no self-pity, just happiness that I had the gift of
time to savour.
So
while I was in that deserted island of my mind, I realized that I let so many
unnecessary things, possessions, procrastination, pointless relationships
shackle me. And as I purged my soul and my life of all these decrepit beliefs
and attachments, I felt cleansed and unburdened. I realized I did not need to
dwell on anything insignificant, be it material, people, ideas, outlooks, or other’s
warped perspectives. They were all like the mirage of an oasis.
Like
a gardener, I weeded, I pruned, I sowed, I nurtured. And I reaped the magical
inner landscape.
My
perspective to life did a 360 degree. I had been looking at the world through
my lens in the wrong angle, shift it and the focus is sharp.
To
simplify my life and live in the moment, making everything in every moment matter,
every interaction kind and meaningful, infused me with a sense of finally
feeling free. I feel new, alive, authentic, and on a high. The smile that tugs at
my mouth acknowledges who I really am, and my purpose in life.
As
I wake up each morning I feel like the diver on a springboard, stepping on her
toes, arms outstretched, as if to embrace life, mind free, feeling just joy,
exhilarating joy.
*******************
Thank you Sangeeta for sharing this heartfelt post, which I can relate to, as I'm sure, many readers will too. Looking forward to more from your pen, as you make new discoveries about life and yourself....Minoo
1 comment:
Very moving post, and beautifully written!
Ajay
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