Victor vs Victim

How Problems Feel and What To Do About Them...

What's the number one thing we should do in order to deal effectively with a problem?

It's to stop thinking like a victim.

And to stop acting like a victim

And to stop feeling like a victim.

Until we do so, we cannot make any headway with the problem.

"It's easy to say Minoo. You have not had the kind of problem I have."

I see.

How about suffering a clinical depression?

Has that happened to you?

How about losing your first job after your very first day of work?

Has that happened to you?

How about getting your car towed twice from your own apartment?

Has that happened to you?

How about seeing your investment go down the drain when the  FDIC seized the bank during the Great Recession and closed it down?

Has that happened to you?

How about getting so fed up with a higher up at work, you walk out of a job in the middle of the worst economy, even though you are a single mom, with a daughter still in high school?

Has that happened to you?

I've listed these things that have happened to me just to make a point.

Stuff happens.

It happens to all of us.

The things that have happened in my life may not be identical to what's going on in yours.

But make no mistake.

Everyone has their share of devastation.

No one escapes.

It's tempting to think of our situation as unique and unsolvable.

That other people have this or that going for them, and we don't, and we are uniquely unfortunate.

What good does this kind of thinking do, even if it's somewhat true.

I would like to share with you the thoughts I had when I was jobless in 2010.

Thought 1: "Minoo, you have to hunker down.  Who knows when you will get another job?  Spend your money carefully, since you will have to support two people on your savings for an unknown length of time."

Thought 2: "Minoo, you have to set a limit of time on finding a job in your field.  If you don't succeed,  you have to be prepared to take any job you can get to earn an income, even a physical job such as fast food service, or working in a retail store. Any job you can get. Period."

Thought 3: "Minoo, you have to polish that resume and rehearse for interviews -  you haven't been to a job interview in over 5 years."

Thought 4: "Minoo, you need to stay smart and fit, so you are in the best shape for the challenges ahead."

Thought 5: "Minoo, you need to use the extra time you have on your hands, to grow and expand in professional and personal areas."

These were the thoughts in my mind.

Not once did the thought cross my mind - "I can't believe I have been driven out of a job. I am so unlucky."

I take that back.

For a period of time, I had pointless thoughts, and wished I could wave a magic wand to improve my professional situation.

This was while I was still at my job.

All I could do at the time was fret, feel sorry for myself, and whine and complain that things were not going well.

I remember going for a walk in my neighborhood every evening after I got home from work.

I would call my sister on my cell phone while I was walking, and go on and on about the situation at work.

Friends would also hear me whine and groan about my job.

I couldn't get my mind off my job.

So of course, it was the number one subject of conversation.

Then I quit my job.

Immediately, my focus changed.

I did not think about my job anymore.

I was focused on the future.

A "victim" mentality was replaced by a "victor" mentality.

It was in that "victor rather than victim" frame of mind, I decided to spend money to learn a new skill in my field.

There was a software called Xactly software, and some companies had started using it to do their commissions.

I felt if I learned it, it would give me an edge.

It meant dipping into my savings account for another $3000, an expense which would get me a mere 2 and a half days of training.

Further, I knew what I learnt would be theoretical.

I would not be able to use whatever I learned, unless and until I found a job in a company that used Xactly.

Depending on how long it took for me to find a job, I might even forget what I had learned.

These were all the risks.

But I went ahead.

I signed up and did the Xactly training.

This led to a job as an apprentice in an Xactly implementations company.

It would take me 2 years to get back to where I was financially.

But after that, it was clear sailing.

The relief you get when you free yourself from a bad situation feels so good.

Taking steps to control your destiny will make you feel even more awesome.

What happened to me internally after I left my job and took control of my future was amazing, and every bit worth the lost money.

My thoughts became healthier.

My emotions became healthier.

The hit to my self-esteem healed.

I even found the inspiration, the energy, and the courage to start this blog.

Victims believe they are trapped, and the situation is hopeless.

Victors believe in taking action.

Change how you think, how you feel, and act decisively.

You were meant to be a victor, not a victim.

Hacking Money

How much will it take to make you happy? Hint: the lower the number, the better.

Hacking Money ….

Several years ago, I began tracking my expenses.

I started by creating an Excel spreadsheet.

In my spreadsheet, I had the months going across the top row of the spreadsheet.

And in the first column of the spreadsheet, I had different expense categories going down.

In some categories, I had sub categories.

For example, the car category had gas, insurance, maintenance, AAA, repairs, parking.

The medical expenses category had premiums, copays, lab work, medicines, supplements, glasses, dental visits.

The cleaning products category had cleaning products, toilet rolls and tissues, paper towels, laundry detergent, fabric softener, and laundry machine operating cost.

I did not have a car payment.

Otherwise I would have created a sub category for that on my spreadsheet. and entered my monthly car payment as well.

After I created my Expenses spreadsheet, I started entering every expense in my spreadsheet.

I did this faithfully.

Every time I had an expense, it went into the spreadsheet.

I put my gas expenses into the gas category.

I put my car repair expenses into the car repairs category.

I put my oil change expenses into an oil change category.

Some expenses were four times a year expenses – like oil changes.

Some expenses were twice a year expenses such as car insurance.

Some expenses were unpredictable, like a sudden repair.

My total expenses (all categories) thus varied from month to month.

But I knew at the end of the year, I would know my average monthly expense and my total annual expense.

Having created the spreadsheet, I was diligent about making the entries.

Not a single expense was left out of the spreadsheet.

If I gave a dollar to a homeless person, into the spreadsheet it went.

If I bought a few things from Dollar Tree, I entered them in my spreadsheet, each item in its correct category.

If something didn’t fit into any existing spreadsheet category, I created a new category, or sub category for it.

As I went along, I realized I had to create a new sub category for haircuts, a new sub category for public transportation, a new subcategory for library fines, a new sub category for gifts, and a new sub category for donations, and so on.

In this way, every expense of mine during that year went into my spreadsheet.

By the end of that year, I had a clear understanding.

My biggest expenses were housing (which was rent) and car.

I was already living in a very modest apartment.

Further, space and privacy were important to me.

If it came to it, I knew I would have to rent a smaller space for me and my daughter.

Or take in a roommate, to share expenses with.

But I saved like anything to avoid that.

Because I really liked the privacy we enjoyed being on our own.

Likewise, I knew I couldn’t do anything about my car expenses.

I had a cheap Korean-made used economy car, and an ex-Hertz rental at that.

Sure I could cut corners by not having an AAA membership, or by buying bare bones auto insurance.

But I decided I wanted the extra peace of mind.

My spreadsheet made me think about every expense, and where I could possibly cut any corners.

Could I turn off lights, use the air-conditioner and heaters more sparingly, to bring down my PG&E bill?

Ultimately, I decided the comfort of a cool room in summer, and a warm room in winter, was money well spent.

So finally, it was in the area of disposable income expenses, that I chose where to be frugal, and where not.

Since I liked going out with friends, I didn’t cut corners on that.

But I cut corners on clothes, bedding, furniture, crockery and cutlery, appliances, haircuts, entertainment, and more.

Those who visited me would have seen my apartment was simple, and much of my furniture was worn.

I did have some one and done disposable income expenses that year.

I bought a TV.

And I also bought a router, a Roku device and a Chromecast.

Other than those expenses, I didn’t make any appliance purchases.

I saved as much of my income as I could.

I knew savings would be my ticket to deal with times of unemployment, as well as retirement.

Looking at that spreadsheet at the end of that year, I felt a great sense of calm.

I knew if I was able to maintain that level of expense going forward, I would have nothing to worry about.

The important thing was for me not to get self-indulgent.

Steer clear of flashy cars.

Steer clear of expensive clothes, haircuts, beauty treatments, entertainments and vacations.

I would be content with walking, reading, enjoying what the computer and internet could bring me, and getting together with a friend every now and then to go hiking, or have dinner, or take in a movie.

So I continued life just as it was.

I continued to stay in my rented apartment, which, if it was not gated, and did not have amenities like inside washer/dryers and heated pools, offered me good value for money in terms of safety and space.

My life in America is what most people would call a bare bones simple life.

But I don’t feel it lacks anything.

And I have never questioned my choices.

They are different from everyone else’s.

But we are all different, aren’t we?

Some of us just don’t need much to make us happy.

Perhaps you are a person like me.

Happy with covering just a few of life’s basics.

Nothing wrong with that!

Making money can be a soul-sucking experience.

With the life choices we make, we can make it less so.

I certainly did.