Victor vs Victim

How Problems Feel and What To Do About Them...

What's the number one thing we should do in order to deal effectively with a problem?

It's to stop thinking like a victim.

And to stop acting like a victim

And to stop feeling like a victim.

Until we do so, we cannot make any headway with the problem.

"It's easy to say Minoo. You have not had the kind of problem I have."

I see.

How about suffering a clinical depression?

Has that happened to you?

How about losing your first job after your very first day of work?

Has that happened to you?

How about getting your car towed twice from your own apartment?

Has that happened to you?

How about seeing your investment go down the drain when the  FDIC seized the bank during the Great Recession and closed it down?

Has that happened to you?

How about getting so fed up with a higher up at work, you walk out of a job in the middle of the worst economy, even though you are a single mom, with a daughter still in high school?

Has that happened to you?

I've listed these things that have happened to me just to make a point.

Stuff happens.

It happens to all of us.

The things that have happened in my life may not be identical to what's going on in yours.

But make no mistake.

Everyone has their share of devastation.

No one escapes.

It's tempting to think of our situation as unique and unsolvable.

That other people have this or that going for them, and we don't, and we are uniquely unfortunate.

What good does this kind of thinking do, even if it's somewhat true.

I would like to share with you the thoughts I had when I was jobless in 2010.

Thought 1: "Minoo, you have to hunker down.  Who knows when you will get another job?  Spend your money carefully, since you will have to support two people on your savings for an unknown length of time."

Thought 2: "Minoo, you have to set a limit of time on finding a job in your field.  If you don't succeed,  you have to be prepared to take any job you can get to earn an income, even a physical job such as fast food service, or working in a retail store. Any job you can get. Period."

Thought 3: "Minoo, you have to polish that resume and rehearse for interviews -  you haven't been to a job interview in over 5 years."

Thought 4: "Minoo, you need to stay smart and fit, so you are in the best shape for the challenges ahead."

Thought 5: "Minoo, you need to use the extra time you have on your hands, to grow and expand in professional and personal areas."

These were the thoughts in my mind.

Not once did the thought cross my mind - "I can't believe I have been driven out of a job. I am so unlucky."

I take that back.

For a period of time, I had pointless thoughts, and wished I could wave a magic wand to improve my professional situation.

This was while I was still at my job.

All I could do at the time was fret, feel sorry for myself, and whine and complain that things were not going well.

I remember going for a walk in my neighborhood every evening after I got home from work.

I would call my sister on my cell phone while I was walking, and go on and on about the situation at work.

Friends would also hear me whine and groan about my job.

I couldn't get my mind off my job.

So of course, it was the number one subject of conversation.

Then I quit my job.

Immediately, my focus changed.

I did not think about my job anymore.

I was focused on the future.

A "victim" mentality was replaced by a "victor" mentality.

It was in that "victor rather than victim" frame of mind, I decided to spend money to learn a new skill in my field.

There was a software called Xactly software, and some companies had started using it to do their commissions.

I felt if I learned it, it would give me an edge.

It meant dipping into my savings account for another $3000, an expense which would get me a mere 2 and a half days of training.

Further, I knew what I learnt would be theoretical.

I would not be able to use whatever I learned, unless and until I found a job in a company that used Xactly.

Depending on how long it took for me to find a job, I might even forget what I had learned.

These were all the risks.

But I went ahead.

I signed up and did the Xactly training.

This led to a job as an apprentice in an Xactly implementations company.

It would take me 2 years to get back to where I was financially.

But after that, it was clear sailing.

The relief you get when you free yourself from a bad situation feels so good.

Taking steps to control your destiny will make you feel even more awesome.

What happened to me internally after I left my job and took control of my future was amazing, and every bit worth the lost money.

My thoughts became healthier.

My emotions became healthier.

The hit to my self-esteem healed.

I even found the inspiration, the energy, and the courage to start this blog.

Victims believe they are trapped, and the situation is hopeless.

Victors believe in taking action.

Change how you think, how you feel, and act decisively.

You were meant to be a victor, not a victim.