True or False - Thoughts about dealing with fears

All that stands between you and some important actions you currently need to take are your fears.

All that stands between you and some of the worthwhile ideas you want to explore, and have the money and time to explore, are also your fears.

You will have to conquer your fears to take those important actions and explore those ideas.

With anything in life, whether a new job, a new relationship, a move to a new city, or a new medical procedure, you may be anxious.

After you are in the new job or relationship, in the new city, after the medical procedure is done, the fears will no longer be there.

You will be focused on the current reality, and what's in front of you.

Fears come in many different shapes and sizes, and in many different colors.

You can be afraid of your past, or afraid to be true to yourself.

You can be afraid to speak up for what you believe is right, or afraid to speak up against what you believe is wrong.

You can be afraid to go against traditions or ideas, even if they don't seem right to you.

You can be afraid to own up to your mistakes and failings.

You can be afraid of being laughed at or ridiculed for who you are, how you live, what you think, what you have or what you don't have, what you can do or can't do, what you have to show the world.

You can be afraid of all the potential dangers in life.

There are so many things to be afraid of.

On top of which you may have fears about things like heights, closed spaces, open spaces, driving, airplane travel, certain birds, animals, or insects, and more.

All these fears can keep you from living a satisfying and meaningful life, if you let them.

A fear is usually just a belief. For example, you could believe you are bad at math, or you are bad at English, or you are bad at public speaking. Then you study for a compulsory math test, and you do just fine. You communicate in English with customer service, and you do just fine. You join Toastmasters, and you give a speech or two, and you do just fine. You learn that your fear was just a belief.

Fears can keep you from achieving your dreams. You may have strong desires, but your fears may get in the way of achieving them. Your life could be one unfulfilled dream after another after another, because of fear.

The best way to cure fears is to go forth courageously.

If you need hand-holding to do something, you may never achieve it, because there may be no hand holders available.

Courage is another word for independence. Fear - its opposite - is another word for dependence.

Another way to cure your fears is to find data to support that what you are afraid of us is not true; for example if you are afraid you may have an aneurysm in your brain, a brain MRI will show you if you are wrong to think that you have a brain aneurysm.

To do something new or unexpected, you have to trust yourself and believe in yourself, and not be afraid you will not survive it, or you will make a fool of yourself trying to do it. So what if you make a fool of yourself?

Fear can keep you self-centered.

When you are fearful, you are focused only on your own needs.

This can make you manipulative rather than assertive.

Afraid to say what you want, and be who you are, you may resort to lies and manipulation to get what you want.

You can be tempted to grab a piece of the well-being pie, or the pleasure pie, when you can, irrespective of the cost to others.

This indiscriminate grabbing which pays off sometimes, but not all the time, and usually never in the long term, may also keep you in a permanent state of jealousy, neediness, and a feeling of lack.

If you are in the fearful club, you should cancel your membership.

If you are too fearful to create your own action, or sources of pleasure or well-being, it's not worth grabbing a slice of the action created by others, if it has to be done through lies and manipulation.

You don't want to be thought of as opportunistic, time-serving, someone who causes inconvenient surprises for others, uses others, takes without giving back - all for a piece of the pleasure pie, validation pie, compliments pie, or well-being pie.

There are reasons and reasons to cancel your membership in the fearful club.

Your imagination can add new fears to your life, or it can add new opportunities.

It depends on what powers you give your imagination.

You can give it the power to make you more fearful.

Or you can give it the power to make you more confident.

True or false - we should go forth bravely in spite of our fears.

Thanks for reading and here are some suggested movies (of courage) to watch - Hacksaw Ridge, The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler, Harriet, Men of Honor, Saving Private Ryan, and my all time favorite: The Shawshank Redemption.

True or False: Thoughts on Getting Older...

Better at solving problems

Better at making decisions

Life experiences and lessons learned

A cheerful acceptance of life's circumstances and living conditions.

Friendships some newer, some spanning multiple decades

Opportunities to post pictures and exchange texts through the day

Opportunities to get together to talk, walk, eat, or celebrate

A delightful choice of ways to connect and pass the time away.

Unhurried time to tend to our hobbies and spiritual needs

To garden, to cook, watch tv, read, pray, or play games

Unhurried time to be playful, creative, relaxed, prayerful, inventive

We can do what we want, because unhurried time reigns.

Less fretting and fuming if things go wrong

Less wild swings in our emotions

We know life is short, so we do not waste time

By getting into silly disagreements, or causing unnecessary commotion.

A better acceptance of ourselves and others

Less friction, more forgiveness, and smoother interpersonal interactions

We've learned to be real in a more caring way

We've learned to let a desire to help, rather than to offend, guide our reactions.

More resilience, more inner strength

From taking life's challenges and losses in our stride

We are able to cope because of all we've been through

We can take positive action because we have the gift of mature insight.

A greater sense of self-assurance

From knowing what we have achieved despite our disadvantages and limitations

We reached for the stars, and got as far as we could

Doing things in our own original way, and without imitation.

The gifts of getting older are all these things

The gifts of getting older are all these things, and more

Getting older may come with aches and heartaches and pains and disability

But there are so many gifts it has in store.

True or false: Getting older is not just about losses!

Suggested next reading: If You Take A Ride Down Memory Lane

True or False: Thoughts about character and its importance in our life

Both life satisfaction goals and character goals are important to living a good life.

Self-management - the ability to keep disruptive emotions and impulses under control - is an important character goal.  It involves mastering opposing impulses within yourself. The one that wants to work vs the one that wants to play; the one that wants to party vs the one that wants to do chores; the one that wants to improve vs the one that wants to be complacent, the one that wants to......vs the one that wants to.....(you can fill in the blanks).

Self-discipline - the ability to limit yourself, whether it is food, alcohol, entertainment, gambling, shopping, or anything else which may impact your life, even money itself, is an important character goal. The more successful you are, and the more money you have, the more you are likely to face temptations of all kinds. One small compromise can lead to another to another. You have to have a version of the Billy Graham rule for each of the temptations in your life, because if you are successful, money and access will not be obstacles to you. This might involve avoidance, abstinence, prayer, policies, and the routine of good habits. Routine is underestimated as a tool.

Character goals become increasingly important as we get older, and those who are able to correct character flaws (or character risks) earlier in life rather than later, have a better chance of long-term professional and personal success.

Those who have a Benjamin Franklin type list of do's and don'ts, and those who evaluate how they are doing on their list of do's and don'ts, will do better than those who don't have that list.

A list of basic character goals should include being on time, and being dependable. Being reachable is part of being dependable. All 3 are a part of being respectful.

Doing one's share, and paying one's dues are also basic character goals.  It is part of being responsible and respectful, and it is also part of being fair.

Being responsible applies to our own money and things, of course; but it also applies to other people's money and things. Being responsible with other people's money and things is a part of integrity, which is an important character goal.

Lying is an intentional falsification, usually related to wanting to maintain the image of status, likeability, or integrity, without delivering the goods; it is often also a form of manipulation and control tied to a hidden agenda. Being honest in all circumstances shows integrity. Lying shows a lack of integrity. We should take the first step by being honest with ourselves about why we lie.

Being willing to own our mistakes, say sorry, and make amends, is a basic character goal, and shows both integrity and humility.

True or false: there's a lot to think about when it comes to our character building self.

Suggested further reading on the value of being truthful...It's Not The Truth That Hurts, It's Your Behavior.

True or False: Thoughts about friendship (totally verified by my experience)...

Friendship is an experience.

The value of a friendship emerges over time.

Friendship is therapy, if the friendship is right.  In fact, the thing you want to do most when something that shakes you up happens, is talk about it with a friend.

The longer the friendship, the more valuable it is.

The longer the friendship, the more closeness you feel.

The longer the friendship, the more you can relax and be yourself.

Tennessee Williams:

“Time doesn't take away from friendship, nor does separation.”

Marcus Tullius Cicero:

“Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief”

Lois Wyse:

“A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”

Jayne Anne Phillips:

“Talk between women friends is always therapy...”

Jennifer Wilson:

“A messy house is a must - it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”

You don't have to dress up for a friend.

Frank Crane:

“A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.”

Elie Wiesel:

“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.”

C.S. Lewis:

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

Benjamin Franklin:

“Tis a great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults; greater to tell him his.”

Anais Nin:

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

Amos Bronson Alcott:

“'Stay' is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary.”

Charles R. Swindoll:

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun.

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Dear Reader - Thanks for reading, and here's a post I would like very much for you to read next: "I Am The Richest Person in America". You may also enjoy the multi-part series of posts I wrote many moons ago called The United States of Friendship.