In our professional life, as in our personal life, we will face all kinds of situations, involving other people’s behavior.
From practical jokes, to insensitivity, to someone inconveniencing us, or compromising us, to someone intentionally or unintentionally insulting us, treating us shabbily, or making things difficult for us.
If we can avoid reacting impulsively, sooner or later, many of these situations will become non-events (unimportant) to us.
For one-off situations, we should try to avoid reacting immediately to the irksome behavior.
If we feel we can’t tolerate it, and get past it, even though weeks have passed, we should schedule a heart to heart with the person who has caused us grief with their upsetting behavior.
We need to give the other person a chance.
Rather than have a heart full of resentment about someone, and go passive-aggressive on them, we should be able to get to a place of “forgive and forget”.
Some people go for decades, even a lifetime, without letting go of slights and resentments.
It’s so sad.
This will happen to you more in your family life, and your personal life, than at work.
At work, everyone has at least 3 options:
Option 1 is to communicate with whoever is causing us a problem, and to tell them what we didn't like, and to please refrain from doing that again.
Option 2 - When Option 1 doesn’t work, we have the choice to go to our manager, and request them to speak to the person, whose behavior we are experiencing a problem with.
If neither Option 1 or 2 has an effect, we have a third option, which is to go to HR, and launch a formal, or informal complaint.
What if the person causing us problems is the manager itself?
Then we can choose the HR option, rallying the support of any team members, who are willing to join us.
Final thought:
As a final thought, we should try to turn as many situations in our life as possible (other than truly, truly intolerable events), into non-events.
This will lead to a happier, more fulfilling life.
More importantly, our cherished relationships will remain intact.
Have you turned any challenge into an opportunity?
Here are some challenges I turned into growth opportunities: 10 situations which I turned into growth opportunities… 1. Not getting a badge, a computer, or systems access for 17 days, after I started my new assignment... I took it on as a meditation challenge to be cheerful and go with the flow…and I succeeded. 2. Being the only one excluded from a lunch invitation one day As quick as I could, I got over any bad feelings about it. Plus I even had a cheerful response prepared, if anyone were to say, “Hey Minoo, sorry we didn’t think of asking you whether you wanted to go with us”. I had planned to say, “Don’t worry, I will join you the next time.” . 3. Or the time someone played a prank on me, by using my computer and email account to send an email from me to a group of 40 people with the message “They call me Moo Moo” I got over the initial surprise and indignation as quick as I could, and decided to let it go. I later discovered the prankster had done the same thing to multiple people. It was a genial prank, aimed at laughs, and not to victimize. Now, a month later, I am happy I did not make an issue out of it, and in fact, I am able to react with equanimity, when I run into the prankster, who has now taken to calling me Moo Moo. 4. Like when my daughter wanted to take my car to a different shop than the one I was used to Initially resisting the idea, I then quickly realized I should not be stuck on anything, and I should be open to giving alternatives a try. I gave her the green light. 5. Like when some of my carpool drivers showed up 30 minutes late Instead of being upset, which would have made the ride to work unpleasant, I very deliberately said to myself, “Minoo, you are going to put the fact they are late out of your head and make this a pleasant ride for both you and the driver” And I succeeded, even when there were repeat offenses from the same drivers. Yay….big victory! 6. Like when I went to see the movie Winchester, and the person next to me kept disturbing me as soon as the movie started, by speaking in another language to someone on the other side of her. My initial thought was to tell her “could you please stop talking”, or to move seats in a big huff. But I knew the situation called for something a bit more relational – I turned to her and gently said, “I am not able to follow the movie.” She said, ‘Oh, I am sorry, I am translating for the person next to me, I will stop.” This was when I turned the moment into a real growth opportunity. Moved by her predicament, I turned to her again, gave her a comforting pat on the arm, and said, “It’s okay, go ahead and translate, I think I can manage”. And I really meant it. She did not take me up on it. But if she had, I had made up my mind to put her needs ahead of mine. 7. Like when my former boss (from my previous assignment) called me at 10 p.m. one night, to discuss a technical problem she was facing, and to find out my availability to come in to help her with it. I woke up in the middle of that same night with the perfect solution for solving the problem – an absolutely sure shot. My initial thought was I should not give it away for free; I should get some paid hours out of it. But once again, I sensed I should turn this into a growth opportunity. So I did. The next morning, I texted her the solution. I gave it away for free. She was very touched and grateful, because it was the perfect solution, and she told me “Minoo, I will give you full credit for it when I share it with the team.” And that was enough for me. 8. Like when I overcame my shyness to invite my daughter her boyfriend to have lunch with me and my coworkers, even though I didn’t know my coworkers very well I overcame whatever shyness and awkwardness I felt, and just made it happen. And I am glad I did. 9. When my daughter called me a drama queen My daughter was taking my car to go somewhere, and I said, “Watch the gas gauge – the car is low on gas and you don’t want to run out” When she came back, she said “Mom, you are such a drama queen. There was more than a quarter tank in the car.” I bit my tongue and did not say anything, even though I did not like her calling me that. I waited for another completely suitable and different occasion to tell her to avoid using labels like that. 10. One last example – saying yes to something I have never tried before Sometimes managers will ask me to take on a completely different project from what I am used to in my job. I have to squash the initial “no, I can’t do that” that bubbles up. In doing so, I have been able to accomplish some wonderful new things, such as developing a Team Sharepoint at one of my assignments. There – those are 10 situations I turned into growth opportunities. Now it’s your turn. How many situations did you turn into growth opportunities? Can’t think of any? Don’t worry. Give yourself a goal. How about this one – tell yourself, “I will turn at least 10 situations into growth opportunities in the next year” Don’t be surprised of how proud you will be of yourself at the end of it. Don’t be surprised to experience very different outcomes. As soon as each challenging event has blown over, write what the outcome was, and what it would have been, had you reacted in your characteristic way. It will convince you that you are on the right track and motivate you to keep turning situations into growth opportunities. That's my plan. I hope it's yours too!
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