Jordanna Monroe is six feet tall and rocks a Mohawk. Well, she has more of a “faux”hawk, but she is so absolutely striking to people, everybody tends to exaggerate just how badass Jordanna’s appearance is. She is rumored to be the woman who starts trends such as wearing sassy Hipster fits like a funky rock goddess, having her penthouse apartment pimped out with rich-colored furniture and art, and always keeping the coolest plants, which make her apartment the dopest spot to chill at; however, she is actually responsible for almost all of the scripts that end up being made into most of your favorite movies – oh – and all of those other cool rumors are true too. Jordanna is obviously no ordinary woman, and basically, EXTRAordinary things happen to her almost everyday. This story, however, is not about Jordanna Monroe. This story is about her Venus Fly Trap, Audrey 3.
Audrey 3, a member of the Dionaea Muscipula family, is happily sitting on Jordanna’s windowsill, overlooking her plant-filled “hothouse.” The hothouse is accessible from Jordanna’s penthouse through a sliding glass door and a short walk along the balcony, or from the bathroom window at the opposite end. The deep shades of green from leaves and fern fronds, and the bright fuchsia and purple petals from Jordanna’s collection of gorgeous orchids, cast colorful shadows onto the deck (especially when the sun hits her garden through the stained glass hothouse windows just right), which makes her balcony seem like a vibrant Van Gogh painting. Usually Audrey 3 stays in the hothouse, which has different openings at the top in order to let unsuspecting bugs fly in, but whenever a pesky fly or moth gets into Jordanna’s spot, she brings her alien-like plant inside. Audrey 3 indeed looks like an alien. She has five mouths with spiky teeth sticking straight out from her lips, and her skin is a shade of lime green with a deeper shade of magenta inside her mouths.
Lately there have been a lot more bugs getting into Jordanna’s penthouse, and especially because the weather has been unusually hot, so Audrey 3 spends most of her time indoors. Audrey 3 always does a good job at catching the bugs that get into Jordanna’s place too. A poor little house fly (and the house fly is only “poor” because it’s about to meet its doom; other than that, the fly must die for being so annoying and dirty) will happen to land on one of the carnivorous plant’s mouths, and SNAP, the house fly becomes lunch. This arrangement works out great too, since Audrey 3 loves eating her favorite meals inside amazing rooms like any of ones that Jordanna places her in. However, Audrey 3 hasn’t been eating very much this month at all because she’s been feeling a little lonely.
If only Audrey 3 could make friends with one of the orchids, or even a fern. Audrey 3 would love to sit next to a nice fern because ferns also happen to attract more beetles and moths, and those bugs are very delicious. But Audrey 3 moves around a lot, and she finds it hard to feel like a part of the plant community in the hothouse. The orchids seem to turn away from her, and she suspects that they are avoiding her because they feel like she always has gross bugs attached to her. Audrey 3 especially feels a lot of negative vibes coming from the Lady Slipper (the violet and white orchid with a special pouch that looks like a bootie). The Lady Slipper really has no reason to think that a Venus Fly Trap is gross though, because some plants consider Lady Slippers to be the mutant orchids anyway. Audrey 3 suspects that the Lady Slipper just intimidates all the other plants so much, they feel like they have to worship only the flowers from the orchid family.
Even though Audrey 3 has always tried to make the best impression possible while she is in the hothouse, she just ends up feeling more comfortable by herself inside Jordanna’s penthouse. Audrey 3 realizes that maybe she just has to accept the fact that she will never be that “delicate” type of pretty flower, the kind that always has more than enough friendly neighbors to exchange delightful pollens with, or even the kind that attracts the most beautiful hummingbirds, who tickle leaves and stems as they beat their wings so quickly, that any plant they come close to gets a wonderful massage. If only things were simple enough for any of Audrey 3’s dreams to come true. However, little does Audrey 3 know; her problems are about to be solved in a most unexpected way.
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On a very hot day, one that requires Jordanna Monroe to put on one of her very fashionable swimsuits (most likely a bikini that she had previously worn in one of the many photo-shoots she has done for fun, such as when she feels like being a fashion model for a day), and a day that requires her to sunbathe on her balcony; the sliding glass door remains open. Very quickly and silently, without anyone noticing, a tiny ladybug flies right through the doorway and lands right onto one of Audrey 3’s leaves. Automatically Audrey 3 secretes the sweet nectar that attracts so many of her victims and makes them come closer to one of her mouths. With the anticipation for her afternoon snack building, Audrey 3 almost forgets about that mean old Lady Slipper and her unfortunate situation inside the hothouse. The ladybug is about to crawl across one of Audrey 3’s stiff trigger hairs, about to seal its fate, when a strange idea randomly pops into the lonesome Venus Fly Trap’s thoughts.
Instead of letting a trigger hair influence her hunger, Audrey 3 resists her most fundamental reaction. The tiny red bead of a bug, now accenting her nicest-looking leaf, makes her feel like she’s finally found a potential friend! Having a ladybug friend could even make Audrey 3 more attractive in the hothouse because she’ll be the first plant with a ladybug accessory! That’ll show that mean ol’ Lady Slipper! However, instead of focusing entirely on getting even with the snobby orchid, Audrey 3 begins to sense what she hopes is a real connection. Although she’s not even quite sure what type of connection could exist between a carnivore and her prey, Audrey 3 secretes a little more nectar in a slightly different location. The little black legs on the pretty little bug begin to tickle her leaves as the ladybug scurries over to a slightly different spot. At this very moment, Audrey 3’s problem seems to be solved.
The Venus Fly Trap and the ladybug can only communicate through actions, but Audrey 3 is certain that Lady 1 (Audrey 3 decides to call her new friend “Lady 1” since the tiny ladybug happens to be her very first lady-friend) likes it very much when she secretes a little extra nectar after a few minutes of tickling. When Lady 1 gets stuck upside down, possibly from an overdose of nectar, Audrey 3 uses her trigger hairs to help the tiny bug turn over again, instead of interlocking her toothy spikes around a usual meal. However, Audrey 3 has also figured out a way to designate her trigger hairs so she can still survive off of other, less interesting insects; like moths and spiders, or boring beetles. Audrey 3 wonders if Lady 1 notices that the other bugs get eaten, and she wonders if Lady 1 realizes that this means she is special.
The new, and rather unorthodox, situation Audrey 3 now finds herself in suddenly brings up another thought, which seems to frighten her this time. If Audrey 3 decides to stop secreting her nectar, will Lady 1 remain her friend, as well as continue to keep her company? Audrey 3 has never even thought about little creepy, crawly, buggy-type creatures as having any sort of feelings – other than the desire to be her breakfasts, lunches, or dinners (or even midmorning, mid-afternoon, or midnight snacks). As she tries to make the hardest decision she has ever had to make, the sliding glass door is suddenly shut, and Jordanna Monroe walks into her penthouse, glistening with beads of sweat from her sunbathing session, and singing a funky tune that she makes up on the spot.
Jordanna picks up her favorite Venus Fly Trap, without noticing Lady 1, and strides across her penthouse with a most fashionable and classy gait. Jordanna enters her luxurious bathroom, which is basically like entering her own personal mini-spa, and places Audrey 3 on the windowsill that is connected to the hothouse on the outside balcony. A few seconds later the entire bathroom, which is accented with matching trinkets like fancy soaps and lotions, is filled with steam from the giant shower that stands directly across from the window. Audrey 3 releases some of her nectar on one of her leaves that is in plain view of all the plants on the other side of the window, and Lady 1 moves over to the center of it. Audrey 3 pretends like she is just minding her own business, but she is secretly well aware of every other plant in front of her. She wonders if that snobby Lady Slipper even notices that she is in Jordanna’s bathroom, which makes her contemplate whether or not she should continue her charade of a friendship.
Audrey 3 decides that the only choice she really has is to release Lady 1, although now she has gotten pretty used to having the little bug around, and she realizes that she doesn’t really care if the Lady Slipper even sees how lovely she looks with a bright red “beauty mark” on her leaf. Audrey 3 feels the steam seeping in through her pores, and she relaxes a tiny bit. After a few moments without any nectar, Lady 1 begins to crawl around Audrey 3’s leaves slowly. Audrey 3 waits. Suddenly Lady 1 zips through the air and is out of sight. Audrey 3’s leaves droop a little. She’s glad that the steam is making her almost invisible behind the hothouse glass. But at this point, she doesn’t even care if the Lady Slipper can see her or not.
About 2 weeks later, Audrey 3 is back in the hothouse, but she is feeling much better. Ever since she decided not to pay attention to the Lady Slipper anymore, she notices that her hothouse experience is much nicer. She fits in nicely with the small crowd of bamboo plants, and since they are always meditating, Audrey 3 never has to worry about them watching her eat any bugs. She enjoys the serenity in the bamboo environment now, and she’s even looking forward to the weather cooling down in the winter, which means that she will be spending most of her time in the hothouse. Once the weather starts to turn really chilly, the hothouse is probably the best place to be. Whenever Jordanna takes a shower, the plants enjoy the warmth from the steam almost even more than the moisture. Audrey 3 has even grown a new mouth, and she thinks it looks pretty cool since it has an even deeper shade of magenta inside it than her other mouths. It is very noticeable that shades of red, burgundy, or magenta compliment Audrey 3’s bright green stems very nicely, so she feels extra pretty – and would even feel pretty if the Lady Slipper were still in the hothouse (Jordanna put the Lady Slipper inside her penthouse for a few weeks, so Audrey 3 hasn’t had to deal with any of the negative energy she usually emits). Basically Audrey 3 feels extra confident, and especially now that she realizes her happiness doesn’t have to depend on some other plant’s opinion of her. However, one thing seems to be missing and Audrey 3 regrets letting go of her personal masseuse; plus she just misses the extra company she had when she used to feel sad and lonely. Audrey 3 doesn’t seem to feel sad or lonely very much at all anymore, and she figures that she can’t have everything she wants, so she accepts her loss. Yet again, little does Audrey 3 know, her small regret of a problem is about to be solved in a very expected way.
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The day is extra breezy, and the hothouse is a very comfortable shelter, keeping the ferns and flowers and bamboo, and the one Venus Fly Trap from losing any leaves or petals. Audrey 3 is stretching out her new mouth and admiring its color in the sunlight. To her surprise, a tiny red ladybug comes flying into the hothouse and lands right in the middle of her special leaf (the one that still has its trigger hairs specially designated to not react when touched). Audrey 3 is shocked. She never expected to see Lady 1 again, and she realizes shortly after this thought, that this ladybug is most definitely not Lady 1. Actually, to Audrey 3’s surprise, horror, and relief, she notices that the ladybug is eating a nasty and horrible aphid that also happened to land on her special leaf. Audrey 3 decides to give this ladybug some of her nectar as a treat, and without accidentally letting her trigger hairs do their jobs. Audrey 3 thinks to herself that she is, in a way, making up for the time Lady 1 had lost while transfixed to her leaves. She lets the ladybug fly away, and even though she feels a sad sense of déjà vu, Audrey 3 feels very thankful to have had an encounter with any reminder of her, perhaps, one true friend.
About 5 minutes later, while Audrey 3 is enjoying an extra warm sun ray that is hitting her right between her largest mouth and leaf, she notices a couple more aphids making their way over to her. Then a pack of them. Then what seems like a whole army of aphids headed straight for the frightened Venus Fly Trap. Suddenly, Audrey 3 begins to wonder why she feels like she is being punished for letting that heroic ladybug escape. If she selfishly had captured the ladybug with her nectar, only then would Audrey 3 think that she probably deserves an aphid attack. But she did nothing of the sort! Almost all seems lost to Audrey 3, since she can’t possibly eat all of these aphids, until she spots a whole other swarm heading her way. Sure enough, she sees Lady 1 leading a large group of about fifty ladybugs straight through the opening at the top of the hothouse. The blurry red swarm attacks the aphid army before even one can harm Audrey 3. Audrey 3 has never seen so many bug legs and wings flying from little bug bodies before. Soon the last aphid has fallen, and Audrey 3 lets out a huge sigh of relief in the form of sweet nectar (as a treat for all of the ladybugs). The hundreds of tiny legs scurrying all over Audrey 3’s leaves are so ticklish that she is practically forced to stop her release of any nectar. She figures she has shown her appreciation for the scarlet swarm enough, but she wishes that Lady 1 had at least stayed a little while longer; long enough to let Audrey 3 attempt their style of communication so she can finally convey her appreciation and true friendship to Lady 1. However, little does Audrey 3 know, Lady 1 is relaxing under one of her newer leaves.
After her short nap, since Lady 1 went into a food coma after eating so many aphids, she scurries along Audrey 3’s leaves and stops right before Audrey 3’s most favorite mouth. Audrey 3’s teeth glisten in the sun, and Lady 1 almost cowers at the sight, thinking that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to come back after so much time away. However, Audrey 3 releases some nectar on her newest leaf (a really gorgeous one), and re-designates her trigger hairs again. As soon as Lady 1 realizes that she made the right decision after all, Jordanna Monroe walks right up to Audrey 3 and whisks her and her hidden friend away to trade places with the Lady Slipper.
The funky fauxhawk seems extra long and spiky today, which usually means that Jordanna is in a delightful mood! She places Audrey 3 in the kitchen, near an open window that seems to be letting in one too many–a–bug for Jordanna’s taste. Once Audrey 3 and Lady 1 are alone, the tiny ladybug pops out from her hiding place and scurries all around for an even longer amount of time than usual. Audrey 3 has missed these little massages, but decides to avoid releasing her nectar quite so often so she can be sure that Lady 1 stays by her own free will. Luckily Lady 1 decides to stay with Audrey 3 from now on, and they remain great friends!
Who could possibly have guessed that a potential snack could actually end up saving a life from an aphid attack! The moral of this story is simple: If you want a story to be written mainly about you, and not your weirdo plants, don’t let ladybugs anywhere near your residence. At least Jordanna Monroe has a lot of self-confidence, so she doesn’t really care. In conclusion, the next time you see a ladybug and a Venus Fly Trap in the same vicinity, you probably don’t want to assume that they are going to become friends, or that a ladybug can organize an army of super ladybugs to stop an aphid infestation. However, you can always remember the meaning of true friendship from this story: You shouldn’t have to drug your friends for them to stay your friends.
P.S. Thanks to Juliet for contributing this wonderful story. I hope we can look forward to future guest pieces from her. Don't forget, Juliet teaches dance at Dance Attack and you can reach her there. If after reading this story, you have fallen in love with Venus Fly Traps and want to grow one, you can buy a kit from the Jonsteen Company. Here's the Amazon link to that...
1 comment:
Very humorous...and very well written!!
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