How Do I Overcome My Fear Of Being Criticized?

The answer to that question is to be more open about your mistakes, or your lack of knowledge.

Bring your mistakes, and lack of knowledge, or skill, to the attention of your boss, or team-member, before those things are pointed out to you.

You may get criticized for reporting a mistake.

When you report a mistake, your boss (or the team-member who has been tasked with guiding you) may say - “how could you do that? you should know better”. Or “I am surprised a person with your experience is making so many mistakes”. Or “You should know this by now.”

You may get criticized for your lack of knowledge.

When you say you don’t know something, or need help with something, again your boss, or a team-member may say - “I thought you should know this by now”. “I am surprised that you don’t know this in spite of your experience". Or "in spite of your background". "Or in spite of the fact you went to X school." Or “why are you taking so long on this?”

The varieties of criticisms are endless - and depend on the quirks, habits, professionalism, and the patience (or impatience), even the mood of the criticizer.

Though you run the risk of being criticized in these, and other ways, I advise you to report your mistakes and lack of knowledge, rather than have someone point out those mistakes, or lack of knowledge to you.

And if you are not aware of a mistake, when you make it, and you then face a backlash of criticism for that mistake, you should say “I’m sorry. I will make sure this doesn’t happen in the future. Let me see what steps I can take.”

By committing to that, you take ownership.

And taking ownership puts you in control.

Only by taking ownership, can you avoid future events, like the one that made you a target of criticism.

The criticism may be over a minor thing in your eyes, but clearly it is major to the criticizer, and made them annoyed or irritated.

By taking ownership, you will come up with things to avoid future criticism on that front, like following a checklist, or having a 2nd set of eyes look over your work.

Likewise, only by taking ownership, can you overcome the gaps in your knowledge.

By taking ownership, you can prepare a list of questions in the areas in which you are not sure you have the right picture, or the right knowledge, or the right steps.

Taking ownership puts you in control.

You are in control, even when you fail.

The difference is:

…being on a surfboard, surfing a wave, falling off the surfboard, and into the waves. You are the one who chose to surf that wave, and so you will get back on your surfboard and surf the wave again.

Compare that with being on a sailboat (and not the one who is sailing it), falling off the boat, and into the waves. You are likely to get real upset about falling into the waves, because you are not the one sailing the boat. In fact, you will probably criticize the person sailing the boat. You get to be the criticizer.

The surfer is in control.

The passenger on the sailboat is not in control.

Be the surfer on the surfboard.

Fall into the water.

And get up again.

The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that successful people are willing to take ownership.

They are willing to face wave after wave of criticism, and to take the necessary steps to avoid future criticisms.

Successful people are willing to get back on the surfboard and ride the waves again.

And not just when they are starting out.

Even when they are experienced, in spite of all the experience (and accomplishments) they have behind them, they are willing to hear out criticism, and improve in the areas in which they are criticized.

“But Minoo, what if the criticism is ridiculous? Why should I pay any attention to it?”

“Isn't that like being back in school, dealing with teachers who had the most arbitrary rules?”

Yes.

If the criticism is unfair, unethical, and completely ridiculous, then you should make the criticizer aware of it.

Give them your point of view and hear their point of view.

Unless they are outright bullies, they will hear your point of view, and become more mindful about future criticism.

That is an example of taking ownership too.

Being unafraid to express your point of view.

Note: when you express your point of view, it should be done in a rational, unemotional way.

If you are emotional, wait for your emotions to subside before expressing your point of view.

Be the surfer on the surfboard, not the passenger in the sailboat, even when you are doing that.

Be the surfer on the surfboard.

Not the passenger in the sailboat.

In every circumstance in your life!

In your professional life.

In your personal life.

It goes without saying that everything I have said in this piece is relevant to your personal life, and your personal mess-ups too, including your financial situation, your health, and your relationships.

An interesting after-note: Gary Vaynerchuck would have us take responsibility for falling off the sailboat, even if we are not sailing the sailboat, because we have chosen to be on the sailboat. Makes us think - which sailboats are we choosing to be on, which we shouldn't be on, if we are not prepared to take responsibility in the event the boat (or us) topples into the waves. I have been on some sailboats (this one and this one) that I didn't want to be on. Gary also talks about not getting soft after becoming successful in this post and other posts. Thank you, Gary for making us think about taking responsibility for everything in our lives. And thank you Jordan Peterson too. You have been another voice for taking responsibility, though when it comes to your gender views, I would like my voice and my message to be heard rather than yours.