What I Said To Simon Cowell

...and what you should too!

The other day when I was meditating, I realized there was a Simon Cowell inside my head.

A critic who was every bit as opinionated, judgmental and harsh as the real article from American Idol and the X Factor. 

And like the real article from American Idol and the X Factor, this critic felt at liberty to say what it pleased when it pleaseth.

Every time I hit a road bump during my recent Xactly Incent Implementation for instance, the Simon Cowell inside my head would pipe up with “That was terrible. I mean just awful”

When I made a social faux pas - put my foot in my mouth, that sort of thing, my personal Simon Cowell would go “Not to deflate you, but if you’re planning to pursue a career in the PR business, don’t”

When I bombed in a presentation or a joke, the SC would snigger “You have just invented a new form of torture”

Or when I missed a deadline, the SC would sneer “If you want people to take you seriously, I suggest you buy yourself a watch.”

When this critic was not opining about my mistakes and goof-ups, it was sitting in judgment of everyone else around me.

You know... producing withering thoughts at the drop of an uncovered sneeze, a Minoo version of classic SC originals like...

 “You should sue your singing teacher”

“I presume there was no mirror in your dressing room tonight” 

“If you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, I think they would have stoned you”

If the pronouncements of my personal SC were not as memorable as these Cowell originals, they were just as mean.

For a while, I observed my internal Simon Cowell with detachment.

Amazed at how much free rein it had.

And it's wrecking-ball ability to crush hopes, jolt confidence and pulverize an image.

Then one day, I decided I had had enough.

I did what any self-respecting person who prefers compassion to ridicule would do. 

I told Simon to pack his bags and skedaddle.

And I replaced him with Paula.

I’ve had kinder thoughts about myself and other people ever since.

P.S.  For those hooked on Simon, you can catch him on the X Factor, which premiered on Fox on September 21, 2011.

P.S. 2: Does India, Australia, Canada, Poland, Russia, Malaysia have their own Simon Cowells?  Do you know? Or is there no one like him on the planet? Do tell.