Why do young adults find it so difficult to accept feedback in a professional setting?

Feedback can be negative or positive.

While positive feedback is welcome in almost any setting, negative feedback can blindside us, and catch us off guard.

A young adult, in a professional setting, might think they are doing all the right things, and behaving in the right way.

They may be thrown for a loop by any negative feedback.

Negative feedback always surprises.

We are told - by a manager, sometimes by an HR person, that we shouldn’t have done this or that, or we dropped the ball, or we are falling short, an included spoken or unspoken “you need to improve, or else” hanging over it all, sometimes.

We may be dumbfounded by what we are told, even if it comes from a single person, speaking to us behind closed doors.

The larger the company, the more likely, they will have a protocol for communicating negative feedback.

Managers go to training for those kinds of things.

In a small business, or single franchise operation, however, there may be no protocol.

Young adults (and sometimes old adults alike) may find themselves on the receiving end of a poorly delivered dressing down.

If other people are present when you receive this poorly delivered dressing down, it is even more upsetting.

If you perceive yourself as working as hard as you can, putting up with a lack of support or clear instruction, and in fact, doing more than some others are, you might find the dressing down completely unfair, and majorly unwarranted.

If it’s a one-off thing - the manager was just in a bad mood - you can decide to disregard it.

You may have no choice, because of your position, relative to theirs.

If, however, in spite of doing your utmost, your efforts are getting no love or appreciation, then perhaps, it may be best to look for another job.

There are two circumstances, in which quitting is a rational choice.

One, if you are a new employee, and you have not been able to fit in, or find yourself constantly criticized for the quality, or quantity, of your work, or continuously blindsided, or sidelined.

Or if you are an old employee, but things have changed on you, and you frankly like the changes as much as you like durian, or stinky tofu.

Minoo Jha

· 2y

What do I do if the culture in my company has changed and suddenly I do not fit in?

You have to decide if it’s a deal breaker, or if it’s not a deal breaker. If being a culture misfit is a deal breaker, you should move on. Here are all the other signs it is time for you to move on… What are the signs that it's time to quit a job? Here are some signs: * When you find yourself getting subversive * When you feel you are not getting anywhere * When you experience repeated mental shutdowns * When you are spending more time arguing or defending yourself than doing your work * When a sense of dread comes over you as you enter the door at work * When you start being sidelined * When your manager changes and it is clear the new manager doesn’t really appreciate you * When your compensation, or the fact you’ve been passed up for opportunities, or a promotion, begins to rankle you * When you are being asked to do things that conflict with your values These are signs its time to say ta ta.

Depending on where you are in your career, what the economy is like, and what opportunities are out there for you, quitting may be easier said than done, though.

If quitting is easier said then done, keep applying for jobs, reminding yourself why it may be worth it to hang in there, and know it’s just a question of time, before you can cut the cord between you, and this energy draining workplace, that you have to drag your feet to everyday.

Find positive ways to remind yourself that the experience you are going through is unusual, and does not reflect how capable you are…

Minoo Jha

· May 30

What is best to practice how to be positive even when people criticize your work?

Hi, You asked, How do you remain positive when someone criticises your work? When someone criticizes my work, I have to remind myself I have an average level of performance that I will return to. This helps me get out of the dejection I feel. This story was the key to learning how not to let crash and burn times keep me down for too long. 2 famous psychologists Amos Tversky and Thomas Gilovich were giving a motivational psychology class to teachers and instructors from various walks of life. The class was about how to inspire better performance from the people they were training and instructing. Tversky and Gilovich asked the class - should they praise someone’s performance to get them to perform better. Or should they criticize someone’s performance to get them to perform better. There were 2 Israeli aviation instructors among the students in the class. They were quick to answer “criticize”. Tversky and Gilovich told them they were wrong. Praise was more effective. The Israeli instructors said, “Sirs, we respectfully disagree. Back at the academy where we teach pilots to fly, we have found criticism to be more effective.” They said, in their experience, whenever a student pilot performed an excellent flight, and they praised the student for their excellent performance after that flight, the student’s performance on the next flight dropped. The praise seemed to cause the student to relax and slack off, rather than to be motivated to do even better. And whenever they criticized a student pilot for a poorly performed flight, the student would almost always perform better on the next flight. What else could this mean, but that the criticized students were stung by the criticism, and immediately improved their performance so they wouldn’t be criticized again? The psychologists told the aviation instructors their facts were right. But their interpretation of those facts was wrong. The psychologists agreed that a student who had performed excellently on a flight was likely to perform less well on the next flight, and the student who had performed poorly on a flight was likely to perform better on the next flight. However, they said the reason for the change in performance had nothing to do with criticism or praise. It was related to statistical regression. The students were just reverting to their natural level of performance. Everyone has a natural level of performance. We may perform above our natural level of performance at times, or below our natural level of performance at times, but we will return to our natural level of performance, which is the norm for us. Thus a drop after an excellent performance, and an improvement after a mediocre one, is to be expected. I find the concept of “a natural level of performance” very reassuring. Because, whatever the current state of affairs - for instance, nothing I do is right, I know I have a natural level of performance I will return to. If my performance is below par for a while, because I am going through a particularly tough time, or I am in the wrong environment, or I am still learning the ropes of a new skill-set, I know it’s just a question of time before my performance will return to my long term norm. Likewise, when I suddenly blow it out of the water, and do exceptionally well, I don’t have to fret about not being able to repeat it, because even if I can’t do that, I can depend on my long term natural level of performance to see me through.

Even in the toughest situation, it’s good to work on your attitude.

Minoo Jha

· 7y

What has attitude to do with success?

Hi, You asked, How much is success tied to attitude? Very important. The future is always a question mark. The end of the world is just a life changing situation change away. Any change in the environment can bring about a change in our fortunes... A new boss A merger A political changing of the guard An economic downturn New technologies which make existing manufacturing, business or service practices redundant Natural calamities War Even when we are successful, fortune can play head games with us. The uncertainty we will be able to hold on to what we have will give us sleepless nights. “Will I always have my job, my house, my car, my savings” - we worry. And yet…..in spite of all the uncertainty in our lives we have to make our way in the world - it is something we should never shirk from doing. And it is important we have the right attitudes in place. Or more importantly, it is important that we do not have the wrong attitudes in place. Let’s explore some of these attitudes. Just because you’ve never done it before, or it is different from what you did before, does not mean you can’t do it, or you won’t be good at it. A mental block may stand between you and an exciting future. Dismantling this mental block - as fast as it is created in your mind - should be your number one priority. When opportunity knocks, we should answer it. That is what my friend Ajay did. Ajay was doing fine in his advertising job - when the opportunity arose for him to become a stock-broker. He could have dismissed it, making any number of excuses. “Nah…..I don’t have the personality for that.” “Why bother with something new?” But he didn’t. He took the plunge. He gave up an advertising job with a steady paycheck - and entered the stock-broking business, even though his income would be entirely commission-based. It paid off. Stock-broking became Ajay's lifetime occupation and he prospered in it. Are you thinking about doing something which is different from what you have done before? Don't let excuses hold you back. Just because you’ve never done it before, or it is different from what you did before, does not mean you can’t do it, or you won’t be good at it. Just because it’s tough and terrifying in the beginning, doesn’t mean it won’t get easier as time passes. When you are starting out, whatever the job or venture, there will be a learning curve. Until you are past this learning curve, your workday will be challenging, maybe even extremely challenging, and the rewards will be slim. After you have learned the ropes, it will get easier and more profitable. Ask me. When I started doing Commissions Administration, it was tough and terrifying in the beginning - because I entered the field cold. By cold, I mean sub zero minus 61.6 degrees Oymyakon, Siberia cold. I did not have a background in finance or accounting. Crazier still, I did not know what the job of a Commissions Analyst involved (which, in hindsight was just as well, perhaps). Even crazier, I did not know Excel – a fact which, I am sure, would be stunning to every Commissions Analyst. But guess what – I put one foot in front of the other and, as tough and terrifying as it was in the beginning, Commissions Administration got easier as time went by. Taking up my first Commissions Analyst job was one of 3 brave career decisions I made. The first brave career decision was quitting my full time pay-check based advertising copy job to start my advertising creative shop Purple Patch. The second brave decision was entering the Commissions Administration field, though I did not have the background, skills or experience for it. The third brave decision was becoming a Commissions Consultant in 2010 - giving up a full-time Commissions Analyst job to help companies with their commission accounting needs on a temporary basis. In each of these gigs, it was tough in the beginning, but got easier and more paying as time passed. Are you thinking about doing something which is different from what you have done before? Are you afraid that it’s going to be tough and terrifying in the beginning? Even if it's going to be, you shouldn't let that stop you. As you gain experience and confidence, it will get easier, and you will never look back. Just because you are going up against highly experienced people - or people with a head start over you - doesn’t mean you don’t have a chance. Have you noticed how new social media companies keep popping up? First there was My Space. Then there was Facebook. Then there was You Tube. Then there was LinkedIn. Then there was Instagram. Then there was Blogger. Then there was Twitter. Then there was Pinterest. Then there was What’s App (forgive me if I am getting the chronology wrong, I am just trying to make a point about how social media has proliferated). If you have a great idea or valuable skills to offer, you shouldn’t let anything stop you. Not even, the fact, you are going up against people (or companies) with a head start over you. Never let ‘the Goliath factor’ make you shrink from your destiny. The world moves because young, nimble minds are willing to take on established giants - through the application of new energy and new ideas. I feel trepidation with every new assignment. I think - what if this company has more experienced and skilled Commissions Analysts than me - and my skills and experience don’t hold up against theirs? But I go ahead anyway - hoping to bring something to the table. Indeed, every company I have worked for, has needed a shoulder to the wheel. I immediately put my shoulder to the wheel as best I can - and where I see the need is greatest. I bring a service attitude and heart – and this serves me well. Do you have a great idea, or a passion to do something? Don’t be afraid to go up against more highly experienced people, or people who have a head start over you. Remember - the world moves - because young, nimble minds like yours are willing to take on the status quo. Speaking of status quo… Just because there’s a status quo, doesn’t mean you can’t find your own cadence. You don’t have to buy into existing ideas of what work means, or how one should work. You don’t have to get sucked into what everyone else thinks. You can design your own job and your own workday. If you are willing, like me, to live simply, you can do temporary gigs (mine is in Commission Consulting) and take breaks in between. You can have a baby and run a little business on the side. You can, like Louis Auchincloss, or Louis Begley, have a thriving law career - and write novels in your spare time. You can, like Tim Ferris, design a four hour work week. The simpler you are in your wants and needs, the more flexible your work week can be - and the more activities you will be able to accommodate. It will be easier to accommodate your exercise regimen, your hobbies, your volunteer work, or a pet-project. I have designed my schedule to accommodate my blog-writing. Are you yearning to establish your own work cadence? If you need inspiration, here’s an inspiring example - My friend Ajay has written - and now published a 300 page novel – Operation Al Nagrib - all while continuing to run his stock-broking business. You can pursue your secret dreams too – just by setting your own work cadence. Just because something has become challenging for you, doesn’t mean you have to give it up. Curve balls are a part of life. They can come at us suddenly – or be there from day one. The bigger the curve ball, the bigger is the temptation to live life in a state of dependent hopelessness, or to throw in the towel. For our own self-esteem and fulfillment, we have to tell ourselves, “I am going to make the best of this. I am not going to go down without a fight.” We have to hang in there and keep going. I am grateful for the role models who provide inspiration in this regard. I dedicate this post to my two brothers-in-law Jim and Arun, and my cousin Vinita, who by the fullness with which they live their lives, have been a continuous source of inspiration to me. I also dedicate this post to all of you who are past, present or future victors over the circumstances in your life. Way to go! Do play my Judge and Jury game if ever you have a low moment. Yes, a challenge may be around the corner for us. But just because something becomes challenging for us, doesn’t mean we have to give it up. I will end with these words - from Gustave Flaubert, the French novelist, and the author of Madame Bovary - which are worth taking a moment to reflect on: “The most glorious moments in your life are not the so-called days of success, but rather those days, when out of dejection and despair, you feel rise in you a challenge to life, and the promise of future accomplishments.”

Because the earlier you learn to deal with negative feedback, and all the other thrills of being a working stiff, the better it will be for your future.

Because, ahem, becoming a more experienced employee, and a not so young adult, doesn’t mean that negative feedback will automatically become a rearview mirror thing.

Mountains can still be made of your boo boos.

Minoo Jha, who has experienced negative feedback on both sides of the hour glass, can testify.

Negative feedback need not necessarily be expressed in words.

When it is expressed in something other than words,  negative feedback can be even more withering, than if it had been expressed in words.

It can be expressed by being marginalized.

By having assignments taken away from you.

Or by having a project you worked real hard on, and are proud of, being benched.

When I was a copywriter, I would sometimes be shaken to find out that a creative assignment had secretly been shifted to another copywriter on the team, because the account management group was unhappy with what I had produced so far.

Other ways are being passed over for a promotion, or not getting the raise you were expecting.

Or seeing someone else get the promotion you thought was coming to you.

Harsh words, though, are what we will remember the most.

Minoo Jha, the seasoned copywriter, still remembers being told by an advertising client, “even my 5 year old child could have written this”.

Minoo Jha, the commissions analyst, still remembers being told by a commissions manager, “you have an odd way of communicating in your emails”.

And Minoo Jha, the commissions analyst, still remembers being told by another commissions manager, “you reply to enquiries from sales reps too hastily”. The feedback was delivered at one of those lovely annual performance reviews, with an additional sting in the tail, that since Minoo Jha fell into the “average performance” category, Minoo Jha was being given an “average performance” raise.

And so on, and so on.

Such heartwarming stuff.

In both my careers, I decided to suck it up, grin and bear it, bow to fate, swallow the pill.

"NOT!" as Borat would say.

The mouse finally roared…

Minoo Jha

· 7y

Did successful entrepreneurs act entrepreneurial as children?

Hi, You asked, Did successful entrepreneurs act entrepreneurial as children? If I had to guess, my answer would be “not necessarily so”. I think the entrepreneurial impetus comes from being in these circumstances: * Getting fed up of traditional employment * Having no access to traditional employment * Wanting to be your own boss * Seeing an opportunity My own entrepreneurial forays - starting my own creative hot shop Purple Patch in my first career, and going freelance in Commissions Administration in my second career, were prompted by a combination of getting fed up with traditional employment, and wanting to be my own boss. As an example of “having no access to traditional employment”, I know of someone who was convicted of embezzlement, and could not get a job after serving her sentence. So she started a mobile dog grooming business. As an example of “seeing an opportunity”, it’s what everyone - from Colonel Sanders - to street vendors - have done - they see an opportunity to sell people something they want and are willing to pay enough of a price for, to make it worthwhile for the seller to invest his time, money, and energy into it. Whatever your way in to entrepreneurship, and however long you stay an entrepreneur, the experience will make you grow at warp speed. I agree with Steve Pavlina on this. It is what makes entrepreneurship so absorbing and obsessive.

This is how Purple Patch, my creative hot shop, was born in my first career in India.

This is how I went from an employed commissions administrator to a freelance “emergency commissions analyst" in my second career in the U.S.

Geographies don’t matter in this regard.

Both in India, and in the US, I found my getaway car from performance reviews and negative feedback in entrepreneurship and freelancing, proving that “getting fed up” is a powerful stimulant for "doing your own thing".

As a creative hot shop owner, and especially, as a freelance commissions analyst, my clients knew I was a fish that had swum into their sphere for a bit to save the day, but would slip out of their hands, sooner or later. 

You get more respect from someone who knows you are just there to save the day, and will slip out of their hands, sooner or later.

So, young adult, hopefully, I have given you some food for thought.

If things are not going swimmingly well in your current job, hang in there, until you find a solution - with an appropriate metaphor (don’t skip the metaphor) that works for you.

And now to borrow a line from HGTV, to end my durian and stinky tofu and fish laced discourse on the topic of negative feedback....

Are you going to suck it up, grin and bear it, bow to fate, swallow the pill., and love it?

Or are you going to find your getaway car, and leave it?

P.S. The leave it option is out of the question, if you are teetering on a financial cliff. If you are teetering on a financial cliff, you need to become more like Kevin Leary or Warren Buffett, before you plan your grand exit from any place of work, no matter how much it stinks.