Seek inspiration (and information ) (and consolation) for where you are in life

Where you are is precious.

It’s part of your journey.

Even if it is a painful part of your journey, it is part of your journey.

It is uniquely yours.

What brought you to this point is unique.

How you respond to it will be unique.

You can respond to it by retreating into your shell.

You can respond to it by striking out with venom, like a snake or a wasp strikes out with venom.

You can respond to by initiating a destructive behavior, and then like a stuck record, repeating the same behavior again and again.

Of course, there are other ways to respond to where you are at.

If you let emotions such as anger, fear, bitterness, or hopelessness take over your life, you will not be able to see these ways.

Because though they are completely in plain sight, they are visible only to those who have the heart to see them.

That is why the first step for someone who has suffered something, is not to take any action

Observe the different emotions you feel, without taking any action.

Other than to keep up with your routine, eat healthily, get a good night’s rest every night, take no other action.

Avoid resorting to destructive crutches.

Instead, maybe write a journal, or express yourself privately to a friend, or someone close.

Give yourself a time of inaction, until your emotions settle down.

Then seek inspiration (and information ) (and consolation) for what has happened, for where you are, and for what you are feeling.

Sometimes the inspiration, information and consolation may come from family.

Sometimes it may come from friends.

Friends have said some key things to me at key points in my life.

If you read my post the United States of Friendship - Part 8, which is about my friend Julia, you will learn what she said to me, when I was weighing the money value of giving up the telecommuting privileges I had as Palm Inc’s Commissions Analyst to become the Commissions Manager at Scios Pharmaceuticals.

And sometimes it may come from a random internet article or You Tube video.

You read or hear a few words, and it shifts your thinking.

But if you don’t have an open heart and mind, you will not see, or hear those words.

Because as I said, though they are within plain sight, you have to have an open heart and mind to see or hear them.

Every time I have demonstrated that kind of openness, I have found just the advice, the information, or consolation I need to deal with a tough situation.

It might come from a sermon in church, it might come from a story, quote, or poem, or as I said earlier, it might come from something someone says.

But wherever it comes from, it takes hold of my spirit, and helps me to make sense and to cope.

Here are some examples:

This Too Shall Pass

 – Unknown fable of Persian origin

We can be so sad when some things happen, we do not see that a day will come when we will not feel sad anymore, and we will find our joyous spirit again.

I used to be that way.

And then I read this story:

There once was king who was troubled.

He noticed in himself a tendency.

If he was saddened by something, he felt sad for a long time. He felt sad for far too long.  In fact, he felt so sad, he thought the sadness would never end.

Then when it ended, the kind would forget all about his sadness, and be happy.

And when he was happy, he would forget about his earlier sadness, and assume his happiness would last forever.

Until something sad happened again, which caused him to be sad all over again.

The king called his wise men and asked them if they could think of a solution to his problem.

He told them about his tendency to expect happiness to last forever, and expect sadness to last forever, and how it was not good for him, and he asked them if they could think of a way to help him.

The wise men went away to huddle and think.

When they came back to the king, they bore a finger ring they had created for him to wear.

The ring had a stone with 4 words inscribed on it.

The 4 words were “This Too Shall Pass”.

The king was intrigued and waited for the wise men to explain.

This is what the wise men said... 

They told the king he was to wear the ring and look at it whenever he was sad.  The words This Too Shall Pass would remind him his sadness wouldn’t last forever.

The king was also to wear the ring and look at it when he was happy. The words This Too Shall Pass would remind the king his happiness would also not last forever.

Ever after, the king was able to rein in his emotions whenever he was happy and whenever he was sad, with the help of the ring.

Whenever he was happy, he looked at the ring and it reminded him, “This Too Shall Pass”.

And whenever he was sad, he looked at the ring and it reminded him “This Too Shall Pass”.

The king had found a way not to think of happiness or sadness as a permanent condition. 

Ever since reading that story, whenever I find myself sad, and I cannot see that a day will come when I will not feel sad anymore, I say to myself, This Too Shall Pass and it keeps me going, as it once did that king.

Let's look at another example:

Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value

 –Albert Einstein

Because I am a consultant, the work I do, does not come with trappings like a title, a salary, benefits, stock options or RSUs, promotions or bonuses.

But when I decided to become a Commissions Consultant, I gave up all of that to do like Einstein advises – focus my efforts, not on being a success, but rather on trying to be of value.

I love going into different companies and trying to be of value, actually maximum value.  I try to go above and beyond, if I can.

It is exhilarating to deliver value. And I believe Einstein’s advice is good advice for anyone who wants to succeed.

Focus on value - and the career progress and success you hope for will eventually come.

Focus on success without regard to delivering value, however, and not only will going to office quickly become a large millstone around your neck, making you feel like a dead man walking, but it will be a question of time before you and your job will have to part company.

It is far better to do as Einstein says. Strive not to be a success, but to be of value.

And one last example:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

-        Kalil Gibran

We should cherish the time we spend with our children.

The time we get to spend with them is a gift.

It is a gift that is given to us the day they are born.

And we do not know how long or how short a time we will get to enjoy this gift.

Because our children’s lives have their own reasons.

As Kalil Gibran says, our children are not our children, they are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.  They came through us, but are not from us. And though they are with us, yet they belong not to us.

If you keep these words of Gibran top of your mind - which are both prescriptive and consoling, you will cherish the time you get to spend with your children, no matter how long or short that time – so that when it comes to letting go of them, you can do so with grace, grateful for the precious time you had with them.

Acknowledgements

Thanksfor the feedback, (comments, likes, shares) on some of my recent posts Was It Luck, Was It By Design, 25 Ways You Can Be A Superhero in Someone’s Eyes, Lessons From My Life(10 Things You Can Learn From My Experience). I appreciate the affirmations that I am on the right track from old friends and new friends, and relatives who have become friends. You keep me going.

NEXT, Thanks to all readers, current and future, for sharing my Journey to Wisdom, Meaning and a Better Life. Like you, I am trying to find my way through this complex maze we call life, and I am honored to have you share my journey, as I continue to seek the wisdom hidden in plain sight.

FINALLY, A Happy Birthday shout-out:to those with December birthdays. Hope you use your birthday month to find the inspiration, information, and consolation you need. It’s hidden in plain sight. I promise you!

P.S. Not sure if you have time, but if you do, you may enjoy these other posts:

Friendships

The United States of Friendship – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12

Family

Our Cake Boss Family, Family Songs, The Nightdress Brigade, Family Advice I Am Grateful For, The Porki And Bonkers Tradition, No Need for 23 and Me,Letters to Lucas, Flying Lessons

Pets

A Fresh Perspective on Pets, Secrets of The Super Models In Our Family,BowWow, Meoww, Why You Should Not Abandon Your Pet

Nature

Post on Trees, Reprising Joy Kilmer

Hobbies

Cricket, Glorious Cricket, Splendid Post, What!

Managing Your Money

Yoga for Investors, How to Turn Your Girl Scout or Cub Scout Into a Stock Scout, Financial Piece of Mind, Financial Piece of Mind – Part Deux, A Retirement Planning Formula You Won’t Find on Oprah

Simplifying Your Life

You know what Wesabi is, How About Wabi Sabi?  The Simple Life, The Element of Simplicity and Its Hope for Living a More Satisfying Life

Getting Over Your Self-Consciousness

The Element of Release From Inhibition, The Element of Being Less Self-Centered and Its Hope for Seeing Things in The Correct Light, The Element of Getting Out of Our Comfort Zone and Its Hope For Experiencing More of What Life Has to Offer

Learning to Laugh

How To Deal With The Sheldon Coopers in Your Life – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,Part 4, The Nightdress Brigade, You Aced the SAT, How About the LAT?, How To Cause Atmost Confuzen at the Scripps Spelling Bee, How To Go From Madonna to Lilly to Myrtle in The Course of A Single Evening - And Even Have a Sex Change, A Facebook Face-Off, A Short Stint in Advertising

Learning to Relax

How To Become a Low Maintenance Person, Connected Minds, How To Become The Kind of Person People Want to Work with, How Many Times a Day Do You Visit Ireland? The Art of Carrying Things Lightly

Health 
Raising the Bar, 4 Healthy Eating Ideas I Learned from My Friend Julia, The Element of Becoming More Focused and Precise In Our Goals and Its Hope for Achieving Powerful Results

Pursuing A Dream

What’s Next For You? The Element of The First Step and Its Hope for Getting Big Things Started In Our Lives, She Victories

Changing in Good Ways

Maybe Its Time To Become More Receptive, Maybe It’s Time To Live More Purposefully, Maybe It’s Time To Bust Some Myths, Maybe It’s Time to Walk In The Direction Of Your Fears, Maybe It’s Time To Understand What Freedom Is, Maybe It’s Time To Turn the Page, Maybe It’s Time To Rock The World, Maybe It’s Time For Freshness

Lessons From My Life: (10 Things You Can Learn From My Experience)

The only source of knowledge is experience – Albert Einstein

The twists and turns of my life have led me to learn some valuable lessons.  Here are 10 lessons from my life I would like to share with you…

Lesson1: You should never be afraid to try something new.

Before I moved to America, I was an advertising copywriter. I wrote headlines for billboards and print ads. I wrote storyboards for commercials. I wrote brochures and flyers. I had absolutely no experience with numbers, calculations, or Excel. But when I moved to America, and an opportunity came along for me to do Commissions Administration – which involved numbers, calculations, and Excel, I held my nose and jumped right in – even though, I did not have the background, skills, or experience.

And what do you know?

As different as my Commissions Administration career was from my Advertising Copy career, I was able to enjoy it, and succeed in it.

Lesson to be learned: You should never be afraid to try something new.

Lesson 2: What you have difficulty learning at one time, you may easily pick up at another time.

Did you know I never drove in India? I never drove a car, I never rode a two-wheeler. I used auto rickshaws to get around. And when I started Purple Patch, my creative shop, I hired a driver to chauffeur me. That was my story.

Until I came to the U.S. I discovered how skimpy public transportation was in the Bay Area. It suddenly became critical for me to learn driving. Without it, it would be difficult for me to get a decent job, and live a practical life. I had to get to work - 20 miles or more from my home. I had to take my daughter (then a toddler) to day care before work and pick her up after work. If Tanita got sick, I would have to take her to the doctor. How would we get there? Yes, I realized there was no other way for me. I had to learn how to drive.

So quite scared, off to the DMV I went, to take my written test, and get my learners permit.

And quite unsure of myself, I enrolled in driving lessons.

I continued driving lessons, after failing both my first and second driving tests.

There were lots of ups and downs, and I lost my very first job after my very first day of work – which may not have happened had I known how to drive.

But with my family jumping in to help teach me how to drive, I was able to pass my driving test and get on the road.

What had seemed impossible for the longest period of time in my life had become possible.

And what do you know?

Not only did I feel comfortable behind the wheel, but a few months after I got my license, I surprised everyone (and myself) by driving Tanita, my uncle, and myself to L.A. and Disneyland –a whole 356 miles away - wow!

Lesson to be learned: What you have difficulty learning at one time, you may easily pick up at another time. Never say never.

LESSOn 3: It’s not how much money you make, it’s how you manage your money.

I have a confession to make.  If you want to make a lot of money, Commissions Administration is not a good choice.

It is at the lower end of the finance and accounting food chain, and it was only after the emergence of commission software tools such as Callidus, Xactly, Varicent, Obero and Optymyze , that Commissions Analysts started earning decent money.

But long ago, I realized when it comes to money, it’s not how much money you make, it is how you manage your money.

How you spend, how much you save, how you invest, and how wisely you manage risk – these are the things which matter more than how much money you make.

I don’t know about you, but I have always felt extremely vulnerable working in America. Reading about layoffs and downsizing and bankruptcies and off-shoring, I have always thought - who knows what will happen to the company I am working at? Who knows what will happen to my job?

The best thing is to be prepared.

My idea of “being prepared” has been to keep my expenses low, save as much money as possible, invest prudently and wisely, and manage risks.

And what do you know? Because of adopting those practices, I have been able to survive gaps in employment, build up a nest egg, and avoid financial panic.

LESSOn to be learned: It is not how much money you make, it’s how you manage your money.

LESSOn 4: You can always find time for the things you want to do.

Ever since I can remember, people have said to me: “Minoo, you are so lucky, you have time to exercise,” or “Minoo, you are so lucky, you have time to read”. Since December of 2010, when I started this blog, they can add, “Minoo, you are so lucky, you have time to write.”

What I discovered, is that time management is really self-management.

You can always find time for the things you want to do.

What you have to manage is your choices and decisions.

Choose your profession, choose your schedule, choose where to live, choose your activities.

Make all these choices, so you can do the things you want to do.

If you want to exercise, make sure you make choices, so that a headache, or lack of sleep, or a poorly planned meeting doesn’t get in the way.

If anything is getting in the way of what you want to do, work on changing that. Take action on getting what is in the way out of the way.

Early in my Commissions Administration career, I chose to work from home.

I sat down with my manager and had a talk with him about letting me work 2 days from home.

I was very good at my job by this time, so I knew I had the leverage.

My manager was not happy to hear me ask for this, but I was firm, and I got him to agree.

I did this with every subsequent manager. Some thankfully, were comfortable about letting me work from home and did not hesitate to say yes, and some of them, sensitive to my need to take care of my daughter, proposed I work even more days at home than I asked for.

“Didn’t working from home impact your professional growth, Minoo?” Yes working from home did impact my career progress and professional growth. But to me it was worth it, and I was prepared to pay that price for it. You can’t have everything. What I wanted was to work from home, and so that is what I asked for and that is what I got.

Being able to drop Tanita to school and pick her up after, being able to take my mother to her appointments, and being able to fit exercise and reading into my schedule, all made it worth it.

Throughout my life, I have made my choices based on having time to do the things I want to do.

And you can do that too.

Lesson to be learned: You can always find time for the things you want to do.

lesson 5: Resourcefulness is more important that resources.

I used to think if only I had this, or if only I had that, then I would be able to achieve this, or be able to achieve that.

But then I discovered what I needed was resourcefulness, rather than resources.

Resourcefulness matters more than resources.

In fact, it can make up for a lack of resources.

Some of my best discoveries and ideas have come from having a limited number of cards to play, and sometimes from having no cards at all.

Once, a can of beets and a can of pineapple launched me on a culinary journey.

And professionally speaking, walking out of my job in 2010 with “nothing in hand” led me to become my most resourceful over the next few months. Out of that resourcefulness, came the inspiration to get Xactly software trained. One thing led to another. The Xactly software training led to me landing a job at SPI, an Xactly Implementations Company. And this led to me ultimately becoming the Commissions Consultant I am today.

Yes, as my experience clearly indicates, resourcefulness is more important than resources.

lesson to be learned : Resourcefulness is more important that resources.

LeSSOn 6: Interested people are interesting.

The more interested you are in what people have to say, the more interesting you will be.

Being interested is being attentive, listening carefully, and when you speak, doing so only to clarify, or to provide helpful input.

I am talking about the kind of listening that made Socrates great.  I am talking about the kind of listening that made Socrates such a great conversationalist.

Those who are interested in listening, really listening to what the people around them have to say, typically become the most interesting people.

You can test this for yourself.

LeSSOn to be learned:  Interested people are interesting.

LESSOn 7: You can give up many things you think you can’t live without.

One of my friends is a gal called Julia. Julia has influenced my food awareness and choices more than anyone I know personally. We have been having conversations about diet since our kids have been in grade school. She is currently on a lectin-free diet. Once, soon after I met her, Julia told me she avoided rice. I said “I am from India and I am used to eating rice twice a day - there is no way I can avoid rice.” To which Julia said, “Oh, it’s an addiction – you should be able to break it.” Just an addiction – of all the things to say, I thought. I couldn’t imagine giving up rice for the life of me. And then 2 years ago, I decided to do it. I decided to go on a low carb diet to reverse my pre-diabetes and to give up rice (and wheat and cereals and potatoes and a whole lot of other carbs). Would I be able to do it? Julia’s addiction idea was being put to the test.

And what do you know?

Within months, I discovered, yes, I could do without rice. It was just an addiction, just as Julia had said.

So don’t go insisting you can’t do without this, you can’t do without that. You probably can - it’s just an addiction.

LESSOn to be learned: You can give up a lot of things you think you can’t live without.

LESSON 8: You will move left and right on the political, spiritual, and material spectrum throughout your life.

I wrote a post asserting how we think and feel is not how we are always going to think and feel.

Indeed, I have changed so much over the years.

I started out being materialistic, and I have gradually become simpler.

I started out my adult life as an atheist, and I have gradually become more spiritual.

I have moved between conservative and liberal, or the other way round, on different issues.

Accept that you will change your views on many things, as you go through different life experiences.

Welcome, don’t resist it.

Lesson to be learned: You will move left and right on the political, spiritual, and material spectrum throughout your life

Lesson 9: You can do everything right and life can still throw you curve balls

The biggest shock of my life was suffering a clinical depression in my 30’s. It was a blow, because at the time, it was the last thing I could have expected.

It was a time when everything was coming up daisies as they say, and I was doing everything right. I had switched from an employed copywriter to a copy consultant. I was now able to pick and choose assignments, and be paid nicely for them. I was the master of my own time, and worked when and how I wanted to. I was making more money than ever. And because I was my own boss, and had both time and money, I worked out 7 days a week, and gave in to indulgences, such as having a masseuse come to my house to give me massages twice a week.

In spite of all this, I woke up one morning to find myself in tears and feeling sad.

After a repeat of this in the following weeks, I decided to ask a friend about it.

Imagine my shock and surprise to learn from her that I was suffering from a clinical depression. She told me she had suffered it earlier and gave me the name of a therapist.

It was a huge blow.

It was very hard for me to accept.

There was I, basking in the sunshine of success, money and the good life, but depressed, nevertheless.

Such a curve ball!

I did come out of the depression and haven’t looked back.

But I have never forgotten this valuable lesson…

Lesson to be learned: You can do everything right…and life can still throw you curve balls.

Lesson10: How you react to the good things in your life, is not as important as how you react to the bad things in your life.

It is easy to be on top of the world when everything in your life is going well.

The challenge is to learn to be the best you can be, and a role model, even when life doesn’t go so well.

How you deal with life’s slings, stresses, disappointments, and tragedies, is just as important as how you deal with life’s bouquets and windfalls.

I didn't understand this for the longest time.

I used to be someone who couldn’t handle myself if even the smallest things went wrong.

I would make mountains out of molehills regularly and over-react and freak out.

The triggers were any number of things - if people wasted my time, or inconvenienced me, or did not keep their word, or put me in a jam.

It was terrible the way I behaved, considering none of it was really a big deal.

I did not know how to say “I didn’t like what you did” in a nice way. 

I did not know how to set boundaries and to say no.

I did not how to avoid hot button situations.

All I knew was to get real angry and crazy mad, when the smallest situation arose.

Until I woke up and saw that none of the things I was getting bothered about was really a big deal.
In light of what some of my friends have experienced, and in light of how remarkably they have been responding to what happened to them, my behavior was ridiculous.  

I decided I needed to turn it down, to learn to react in more appropriate ways.

So this is what I strove for.

I worked on myself – through becoming more aware of my emotions each time I started getting upset, and just observing my emotions without acting on them, until they subsided. I also learned how to mediate.

Kindness, patience, tolerance and acceptance - this is what I strove to achieve.

And I am glad to say, I have made great strides.

Do you want to increase the stock of peace and sanity in your life and in the world?

Then learn to react to the bad things in life in the right way; not just to the good things in life.

Let me tell you - it will do heaps for you and the world.

Lesson to be learned: How you react to the good things in life is not as important as how you react to the bad things in life.

Acknowledgements

Thanks for the feedback, (comments, likes, shares) on some of my recent posts 25 Things Which Have Made the Biggest  Difference to My Health, Wealth, Comfort and Happiness, Things I Learned I Could Live Without, and How I Went From a Girlie Girl to a Strong, Independent Woman.  I appreciate the affirmations that I am on the right track from old friends and new friends. You keep me going

NEXT, Thanks to all readers, current and future, for sharing my Journey to Wisdom, Meaning and a Better Life.  Like you, I am trying to find my way through this complex maze we call life, and I am honored to have you share my journey, as I continue to seek the wisdom hidden in plain sight.

FINALLY, A Happy Birthday shout-out:  to those with December birthdays.  Hope your birthday month gives you the nudge to become the kind of person you want to be. Please don't ever think you are too young or too old or too tired to make a change. All you have to do is take the first step and you will be on your way.

P.S. Not sure if you have time, but if you do, you may enjoy these other posts:

Friendships

The United States of Friendship – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12

Family

Our Cake Boss Family, Family Songs, The Nightdress Brigade, Family Advice I Am Grateful For, The Porki And Bonkers Tradition, No Need for 23 and Me,Letters to Lucas, Flying Lessons

Pets

A Fresh Perspective on Pets, Secrets of The Super Models In Our Family,BowWow, Meoww, Why You Should Not Abandon Your Pet

Nature

Post on Trees, Reprising Joy Kilmer

Hobbies

Cricket, Glorious Cricket, Splendid Post, What!

Managing Your Money

Yoga for Investors, How to Turn Your Girl Scout or Cub Scout Into a Stock Scout, Financial Piece of Mind, Financial Piece of Mind – Part Deux, A Retirement Planning Formula You Won’t Find on Oprah

Simplifying Your Life

You know what Wesabi is, How About Wabi Sabi?  The Simple Life, The Element of Simplicity and Its Hope for Living a More Satisfying Life

Getting Over Your Self-Consciousness

The Element of Release From Inhibition, The Element of Being Less Self-Centered and Its Hope for Seeing Things in The Correct Light, The Element of Getting Out of Our Comfort Zone and Its Hope For Experiencing More of What Life Has to Offer

Learning to Laugh

How To Deal With The Sheldon Coopers in Your Life – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,Part 4, The Nightdress Brigade, You Aced the SAT, How About the LAT?, How To Cause Atmost Confuzen at the Scripps Spelling Bee, How To Go From Madonna to Lilly to Myrtle in The Course of A Single Evening - And Even Have a Sex Change, A Facebook Face-Off, A Short Stint in Advertising

Learning to Relax

How To Become a Low Maintenance Person, Connected Minds, How To Become The Kind of Person People Want to Work with, How Many Times a Day Do You Visit Ireland? The Art of Carrying Things Lightly

Health

Raising the Bar, 4 Healthy Eating Ideas I Learned from My Friend Julia, The Element of Becoming More Focused and Precise In Our Goals and Its Hope for Achieving Powerful Results

Pursuing A Dream

What’s Next For You? The Element of The First Step and Its Hope for Getting Big Things Started In Our Lives, She Victories

Changing in Good Ways

Maybe Its Time To Become More Receptive, Maybe It’s Time To Live More Purposefully, Maybe It’s Time To Bust Some Myths, Maybe It’s Time to Walk In The Direction Of Your Fears, Maybe It’s Time To Understand What Freedom Is, Maybe It’s Time To Turn the Page, Maybe It’s Time To Rock The World, Maybe It’s Time For Freshness