Once upon a time
there was a 17 year old Vietnamese girl. She lived happily with her mother,
father, brothers and sisters in South Vietnam. She was the youngest of several
siblings.
After the Fall of
Saigon to the North Vietnamese communists, it became unsafe for her family to
remain in South Vietnam. Her family made plans to get out of South Vietnam
before it was too late.
Through an agent -
who was helping people escape in exchange for money - her father
was put in touch with an Indo-Vietnamese family, headed by a Vietnamese man
married to an Indian lady. This couple was getting ready to leave Vietnam
and go back to India. They had two young sons of marriageable age.
The family agreed
for one of their sons to participate in a fake marriage with the young
Vietnamese girl, and to take her back with them to India. As soon as the
marriage was conducted, they would fly to India along with the girl. Once she reached India, it was hoped the girl
might be able to make her way to France from India, since she was fluent in
French. They would keep her in their home, until she was ready to go to France.
And so, with great
fear – and secrecy - on all sides, the marriage was conducted, and soon after, the
tickets were booked for their flight to India.
There were several
tense moments in the days leading up to the departure.
The night before
the flight, the paid agent who had made the arrangement, came to the girl’s
house to demand more money from her father for the deal. The girl opened the door to him. The agent
told her he wanted more money, and he threatened to blow the whistle on her family, if they did not give him more money. He said the girl would never ever be
able to leave Vietnam, and the family would be in trouble. My friend (yes, this
young Vietnamese girl is now my friend) was a courageous young girl, who was
ready to risk a fake marriage, and
travel to a country she did not know anything about, for freedom, and her future. She would not let the agent's threats intimidate her. She told him:
“You will not get any more money from my father. Go ahead and blow the whistle, if you want. My father has money, and connections, we will
be able to get our way out of this. You,
on the other hand, will be severely punished for your part in this scam by the new regime, if it
becomes known.” The man thought better than to press his luck, and backed off.
The girl and her
new Indo-Vietnamese family experienced another tense moment, just before the
flight was about to take off, when they heard an announcement the police were coming on board to check all their papers. As the police walked
down the aircraft aisle, looking at each passenger’s papers, my friend and her
rescuers sat in terror, fearing the police would see through their pretense
and arrest them. The tension went through the roof, when the people in
the seats in front of them were ordered off the aircraft by the police. When
the police came to their row and asked for their papers, my friend’s heart was
pounding so loudly, she thought it would jump out of her chest. However, the police looked at her papers,
looked at her, and her fake husband, and moved on. The flight took off, and a
day later, my friend was in Chennai, which was the Indian city her mother-in-law was originally from.
Living with a
family she had just met, in a
country strange and unfamiliar to her,
knowing only French and Vietnamese, my friend still knew she had been given
something more important than any of the discomforts she was experiencing……she had been given freedom.
She made the most
of this freedom by adapting to her circumstances. She learned to eat Indian food. She helped her mother-in-law around the
house. She hopped on to buses and got to know the city of Chennai. She went to
the Alliance Francaise, and made friends with as many French expats as she
could. When word got around, a young Vietnamese refugee, fluent in French, was looking
to earn some money, she was signed up by several wealthy and influential people
to give French lessons to their children, or themselves. Eventually, after two years of living in
Chennai, some of her French friends helped her secure her passage to France, so
the fake marriage was dissolved and she flew to France, where she would live
for the next 8 years. She would then
meet her future husband, a young American Vietnamese man, visiting his aunt in Paris. He would marry her and bring her to America.
This is my
friend’s story. It is the story of what
people have gone through for the sake of freedom.
Freedom is what
was celebrated all across America yesterday, the Fourth of July.
We celebrated it
with a barbecue at Rosie and Mohammed’s farm. Pete brought his Chinese roasting
box, La Caja China, which has an interesting history - it was invented in Cuba
during the Fidel Castro era, when money was scarce, and people needed to find a
cheaper way to cook.
Independence,
freedom, self-government,
self-rule,
home rule,
separation,
self-determination,
sovereignty,
autonomy,
liberty
- whatever name we call it , it is so
important to us, we may be prepared to give up everything for it….even leave
our family, our friends and our lives behind, like my friend did.
There are many
stories like my friend’s story.
Emilio Estefan’s
story is one such story.
He, like my
friend, left his country for freedom.
In The Rhythm of
Success, a book about how to succeed, Emilio tells us the fascinating story of
how he and his family left Cuba and came to America. He first went to Spain and
lived for two years in a shelter, till his Aunt and Uncle were able to save up
enough money to buy him a ticket to America.
He worked for the Bacardi company in Florida, going to school at nights,
and doing music gigs on the weekend - until he had acquired enough money,
courage and confidence to strike out on his own.
The Rhythm of
Success is a very inspirational book for anyone who immigrates to America,
because its message is that freedom doesn’t have to come at the cost of being
who you are. Emilio’s success is
testimony to that. He has built his entire success on his Cuban heritage – his
music, his music publishing and other media businesses, his hotels, and his restaurants.
If we have a
unique heritage, we can build on that heritage.
That’s the message of Emilio Estefan’s book, which is also an extremely
inspirational book for budding entrepreneurs.
There is a new
restaurant in the Bay Area called Bombay to Goa. The cuisine of this restaurant celebrates a
unique heritage – the food of the people who live on the coasts of Bombay and
Goa.
It is an example
of building on one’s heritage.
“But Minoo”, you
may say, “there is nothing unique about me”.
There is nothing special for me to build on.
To which I say,
yes, there is. You just have to figure
it out. Read my post How To Become More Unique – it may trigger some thoughts.
Whether we decide
to leave a country, as Emilio Estefan or my friend Helen did, or we decide to
leave a relationship, or we decide to leave a job, our decision will usually be based,
on a desire for self-respect, or a desire for freedom.
The status quo is
the status quo. We should not squander our time complaining
about it. We should either do what is in
our power to change the status quo, or we should find our way to freedom.
Did Mahatma Gandhi
complain about the status quo? No! He took steps to change the status quo, and to lead
India to freedom.
Independence. Freedom. These 2 words are used interchangeably.
It is no accident.
We cannot be
completely free without independence.
When we are
dependent, we are at the mercy of someone else.
They can say to
us, “you can’t do this under my roof” or “these are our rules”.
We are at the
mercy of them saying “yes” or “no” when we go to them and ask them for
something. It is not in our control.
Being independent
means we do not have to be at any one’s mercy, and follow anyone's rules.
It is not that we
don’t want to follow rules.
Wanting
independence does not mean we want to be irresponsible.
We just want to
make our own choices, and be responsible for them.
The desire to be
independent is one of the greatest motivations in life.
Because we don’t
want to be dependent, we are motivated to look after our health, get an
education, learn to drive, find a place to live, find a way to get around, apply
ourselves to a job, and become financially independent.
Independence is
the first motivation for every young adult.
Being competitive, or living artfully, only comes later.
Independence is an
attractive quality in people.
When we are
independent, people are drawn to us, because we will have some knowledge or guidance to give out.
On the other hand, when we are
dependent, people will avoid us, because they know we will need
something from them, sooner or later.
Independence does
not mean being uninvolved in other people’s lives.
Many independent
people achieve a lot, and by achieving a lot, are able to help other people.
Independence is
learning to do as many things as possible, ourselves.
The more things we
learn to do ourselves, the more freedom we will have.
Recently, my
daughter Tanita made two international trips on her own.
She flew by
herself, and spent some time by herself, on both trips.
She told me she
enjoyed herself.
I was so happy for
her –it is wonderful to be able to enjoy traveling on your own – just like the
famous explorers did.
In order to become
independent, we also have to learn to make decisions on our own. Though we may consult others, ultimately we
should make own decisions, and also own them. Independent people
never blame others for their decisions.
Any move that
allows people to be independent, and independent for as long as possible, is a
good move; an example would be people using health monitors and in-home help to
stay longer in their homes; or people using mobility scooters to get around.
We must encourage
independence in others; dependence, while it may help in a material way, does
not contain any psychic rewards, in fact, dependence is likely to make us feel bad about our situation, and keep us down in the
dumps. A temporary leg-up is fine, but dependence should never be a lifelong
condition.
People are most
proud of the things they do independently. All through my life, I have seen the
most pride and satisfaction on people’s faces, when they are showing me their
own handiwork; their drawings, their paintings, songs they have composed, articles
they have written, plants they have grown, dishes they have cooked, things they
have made by themselves.
We should all try
to make something that is our own handiwork.
The things we do
ourselves give us the greatest satisfaction.
We will experience
several personal independence days in our lives.
The day we get our
first paycheck is one of them.
The day we are
able to do something alone, we previously needed someone’s help to do, is
another.
The day we learn
to drive, the day we learn to cook for ourselves.
The day we are completely
on our feet.
The day I set up
Purple Patch - my creative consultancy - was a personal independence day for
me.
So was the day I
decided to be an independent Commissions Consultant.
Independence is
having faith you can strike out on a new course, and still be able to provide
for yourself.
Quit is a word which
often precedes independence.
We have to quit
something in order to become independent.
For each one, what
we quit will be different.
For my friend, it
was her life in South Vietnam, for Emilio Estefan it was his life in Santiago
de Cuba.
For me, it was all
those jobs I quit – each one taking me one step closer to being independent. Also leaving India and coming to America,
which forced me to learn to cook, drive, clean, reinvent my career and solve problems, on my own.
There is a caveat
to seeking freedom.
We have to handle
freedom responsibly.
If we don’t, we
will lose our freedom.
By becoming a
Commissions Consultant, I gave myself the flexibility to choose between time
and money.
I like the fact I
am able to take on assignments, as and when I want to.
Of course, I have
to handle this freedom responsibly.
I have to protect
my reputation, so I continue to get assignments.
This means I have
to work as hard, as any paid employee, and even harder.
I try to keep my
attitude positive, and I try to make my work habits and ethics commend me.
Who would hire me
if I had a negative attitude, and bad work habits?
Yes, we should
enjoy our freedom responsibly.
When we enjoy our freedom
responsibly, we will go from strength to strength, and new opportunities - and freedoms - will arise every day.
Hurrah to that! Hope you had a wonderful Fourth of July.
As always, thanks for reading and have a great day. M……a Pearl Seeker like you. Thanks to Ajay for his
compliments on my last post, and thanks to the rest of you for your likes, pins
and votes….much appreciated!
