The Element of Life As a Journey and its Hope for Enjoying The Voyage and the Stops

There is no set point in our lives.

Whatever we are at one point in our lives, we can be completely different people at another point in our lives.

We will take some of who we are through the journey of our lives.

We will leave some of who we are behind.

And some parts of ourselves we won’t be able to take with us…..we may not have the choice.

This is the dynamic of life….

…. continuous addition, subtraction, and replacement - until we can add and subtract and replace no more.

We add skills.

We sometimes have to adapt our skills to a new reality.

We may have to let go of what has become irrelevant, redundant, or meaningless in our lives, or which is not ours to hold anymore.

It could be letting go of treasured creations, as one of my friends did. My post "The Element of A Sense of Purpose and Its Hope for Giving Us Unflagging Energy" tells you more.

It could be letting go of anger.

Anger is something I hard a hard time with, but was able to mostly eliminate from my life. I explain how that happened in How Many Times A Day Do You Visit Ireland? and The Path To Change.

It could be becoming a less difficult person to deal with.

Read my Rx for peace and joy and emotional stability.

It could be letting go of our inhibitions.

The fears and reservations holding us back from the

…. words we want to write

…. the songs we want to sing

…. the new choices we want to make for ourselves

It could be letting go of a false fixed concept of ourself.

When we let go of our false fixed concepts of ourself, and what we think is our place in life, and our role, and our image, we are free to add anything.

When I came to America, I literally had nothing to lose.

I could not get a job in advertising, and I was a nobody.

I was free to add anything to my life.

I fact, it was what I needed to do, to survive.

I added new skills, and new attitudes.

I learned to drive.

I learned to cook.

I learned to do laundry.

I learned to look after my daughter myself, without a “baby ayah”.

And I learned how to do new work – involving numbers, calculations, and Microsoft Excel.

I first got these essential things rolling.

Then I started getting bolder.

I decided to see if I could do my taxes myself.

Every year, I used to go to H&R Block, a tax accounting company, to do my taxes.

I was afraid of do them myself, because I did not know jack about taxes.

In 2003, I decided to see if I could use internet resources, to learn what I needed to know about taxes.

I discovered I could do my taxes online, with a program called Turbo Tax.

I found out that I could model my taxes for free on Turbo Tax, and pay only when I filed my taxes. 

This enabled me to go to H&R Block to do my taxes, and compare H&R's calculations with my own Turbo Tax tax calculations.  When they matched, I knew I was good to do my taxes the following year on my own, using Turbo Tax.

So from 2004 on, that's what I did.  And I am proud to say that I taught 4 other people how to do their taxes using Turbo Tax that same year.

Letting Go of the Greatest Fear on Earth

I then set out to conquer the greatest fear on earth.  No it’s not the fear of germs, sorry germophobes, or the fear of heights.

It's the fear of public speaking, or speaking to a roomful of people.

How I did this was by joining Toastmasters, which offers almost free public-speaking training to people, through their over 14,000 clubs in 148 countries of the world.  (Check - there's probably a Toastmasters club close to where you live).

I wrote and gave 12 different speeches over a year at Toastmasters, to complete what's called The Competent Toastmaster program. I won 2 awards as well.

It gave me enough speaking confidence to create a 6 hour 3 session Money Workshop for Kids, which I gave to 30 students in an elementary school near my house.

Letting Go of Being Tiger Mom and Helicopter Mom

As parents, we want to conduct every moment of our child’s life.  We feel if we are not on the job, our children will fail, and become irresponsible. 

Our own image of ourselves as someone who has it all together – super parent, super professional, super friend, super sister, super child, super whatever…. is wrapped up in all of this.

But it is a losing battle.

I discovered that every child has a desire to individuate themselves from their parents and I was powerless to stop it.

The acceptance that I was just imperfect ole me, doing the best I can, but powerless to stop the individuation – was the best thing that could happen.

When I let go, I gave room for my child's natural diligence to surface - the diligence that comes with autonomy.  The diligence that comes with trust and responsibility. It kicked in almost immediately after I let go.

Before I knew it, my daughter was playing on the school golf team, she was in ASB, she was taking multiple AP classes, she had landed herself a steady job – all without any prodding from me.

So I am sure glad I said goodbye to my Tiger Mom/Helicopter Mom days when I did, even if Hippie Mom brought its own set of challenges.

Is This As Good As It Gets?

Have I added all there is to add?

I don’t think so.

As new additions enrich my life, such as blogging; learning to meditate; learning to deal with blows to my self-esteem; experiencing connectedness in all sorts of ways; I am sure there’s more to come.

And I am determined to enjoy the new sights and stops on the journey.

As I have gotten older, the things I need to lead a fulfilled life, have changed.

I need companionship, not excitement.

I enjoy intimate conversations over parties.

I value time and autonomy and freedom and quiet time over money and status and authority and fine things and a full calendar.

When I look back, my greatest victory is not Purple Patch, but conquering my anger issues.

My greatest joy is my emotional stability, not buying my first car.

Yes, there is no set point in our lives.

Because of all the wonderful things that have been added, subtracted and replaced in my life, I can confidently say to you….

I know you will do it.

I know you will get it.

I know it will happen.

New things are on the horizon.

Because you and I are – and will always be – a becoming!

As always thanks for reading and have a great day and week….M ……a Pearl Seeker like you.  P.S. Thanks to Ann and others for their insightful comments on my last post. Much Appreciated!