The Element of Event vs Pattern and its Hope for Making Better Choices

Stretching and Exercising by Petr Kratochvil

Some things in our lives are events, some are patterns.

Some should remain events.

Some we may want to think about making patterns.

The first thing we have to do is to examine our behavior to see what we do as an “event” and what we do as a “pattern”.

For instance, we may go to church for Christmas Service and Easter Service – our church-going is a twice a year event.  We may want to think about whether we would benefit from changing this behavior to a pattern – going to church every Sunday, or bi-weekly, or once a month.

If we drink, we can do so just at parties or on special occasions such as New Year’s Eve. This is “event driven” drinking.  If however,we drink every day, our drinking is a pattern, maybe even an addiction.

When it comes to eating, we may allow ourselves to pig out occasionally - at a party or when we are out with friends.  This kind of eating is event driven and likely to be harmless. But eating a load of carbs or fats every day is a wholly different story – it's a "pattern" of unhealthy eating and the pattern can only lead us down one path - the path to bad health.

We should examine what we do as events and patterns in every area of our lives - because from our careers to our personal relationships,  from our health to our wealth, from our ability to be sociable to our ability to be law-abiding citizens, patterns count.

For instance, if we are late to work or miss a deadline occasionally, we may be able to get away with it. But if we have a pattern of being late or missing deadlines, we risk not just losing our credibility, but losing our job itself.

Some of us are trapped in terribly negative behavioral patterns.

Getting angry or being a nag or critic day in and day out is an example.

It’s one thing to have a once a year meltdown, it's another thing to subject people to uncontrolled explosions all the time because we haven't learned to deal with stress or frustration.

Getting a grip over anger is extremely important because even a single incident can be devastating.

We could put ourselves or someone else in danger, inflict pain, and depending on how much we go off the bend, cause some unnecessary and highly avoidable losses and outcomes and situations.

Anger stems from being high maintenance.

Having expectations and getting upset when our expectations are not met.

“My way or the highway.”

It comes from the mistaken belief that the world is perfect and people will behave the way we want them to.

This will never be the case.

We need a reality check, and for our own good, and for the good of everyone who has to interact with us, we should work on getting a grip over ourselves.

The good news is that anger and being high maintenance are highly conquerable

I myself have successfully gotten over my anger issues.

My posts How Many Times a Day Do You Visit Ireland? and The Path To Change tell you about how I changed.

When I learned How To Become a Low Maintenance Person, life became so much more enjoyable for me.

And so much easier.

Yes, our behavior patterns can make life easier for us or make life more difficult.

Our patterns can also expand our choices or limit them. 

Most important of all, our patterns can draw people to us or push people away.

People are evaluating our patterns all the time.

Can I work with this person?  Can I invite this person to go on vacation with us?  Can I trust this person to be a good team player? Can I trust this person to carry out the project? 

Depending on what we are being evaluated for, the criteria will be different.

If we don't have the right behaviors, we will be eliminated for consideration. 

For instance, before we can even think of becoming a roommate with someone, we will need to learn to be tidy, to be considerate, to pay our fair share, to do our fair share, to be flexible, and to avoid unsociable behaviors. 

Occasional good or exemplary behavior simply won't do the trick.

This being the case, doesn't it make sense to work on the areas in which we need to improve?

P.S.When you think about it, room-mating is a great dress rehearsal for marriage and major life agreements. Everyone should test themselves in a room-mating situation and see how they do. It's sure to be an eye-opener and a wake-up call. If we are not able to be a decent room-mate, how can we hope to pull off a marriage, where there are no boundaries, and where the arrangement is one of shared goals, shared finances, shared children, shared physical spaces, shared stuff - SHARED EVERYTHING.

But I digress.

Going back to pattern and event, are there some things that are not okay even as an event?

Look around at the fall-out from the behaviors you observe around you and you tell me.

It is clear infidelity is not okay even as a single event for most people in a committed relationship.

You may not get a second chance.

Lying may not be okay even as a single event.

You may not get a second chance.

Breaking the law may not be okay even a a single event.

You may not get a second chance.

We take for granted the tolerance of people who love us. 

Having taken a few chances and gotten away with it, we allow ourselves to go down a slippery slope of wrongdoing and think nothing will come of it. 

But any “event” can turn out to be the last straw or deal breaker.

So we shouldn’t take any chances.

It is better to avoid temptation.

For instance, if we are so terribly good-looking and charming, we are at risk of potential romancers throwing themselves at us at the drop of a hat, we should think about following the Billy Graham Rule to avoid temptation.

Yes, it would be good to make it a “pattern” to avoid temptation, wouldn’t it?

Life would be less complicated.

What else should we make a pattern rather than an event?

Exercising, for one.

A pattern of regular exercise, even 20 minutes a day - if that’s all we can spare - will go a long way.  You want to do that rather than break 3 hours of sweat once a month.

Writing a journal -or blogging, for that matter - is perfect for patterning.

I have made it a pattern to write and publish a post every week. It’s working out great.  Writing gets easier and easier as time goes by. My posts are also getting more substantive.

Patterns are often much easier to comply with than events when the law of small numbers vs the law of large numbers applies.

Take saving and investing.

If we desire to contribute $3000 to an IRA, which would be easier – plumping down $3000 dollars at one go, or making a contribution of $250 every month for 12 months?

The answer is obvious.

This is why every finance guru - from Suze Orman to David Bach to Dave Ramsey to you-pick-your-favorite - recommends we put our savings plan on autopilot. All we have to do is set up direct debit with our bank or broker. And if we don’t run our monthly budget too tight, we won’t even miss the money.

So think about it.

What in your life is worthy of a converting from event to pattern?

And what patterns are better converted to events - or given up altogether?

Let’s talk about this next year at the same time and see where you are at.

To keep you (and me) on track, I will check back with you on this.

So good luck.

On your mark, get set, go….

Your time (and my time) starts now.

As always, thanks for reading and have a great day and week…..M….a Pearl-Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ananda, Subhakar, Ajay, Rosie, Jess, Patty and others who commented on my last two posts.  Much appreciated. P.S. Subhakar and Ananda, I just may write lyrics for a song based on LSV and GEM.