The Element of a New Attitude and Its Hope for Becoming Unstoppable in Reaching Our Goals – Part 2

Catch the Wave of An Attitude Change

Do you want to succeed?

Success requires change.

Are you willing to change the attitudes that are keeping your success at bay?

Don’t let your strong academic background, your valuable experience, your amazing skills, and your abundant energy founder on the rocks of a bad attitude.

Take an attitude check now.

You have the opportunity to begin the year by wiping the slate clean and starting afresh.

If you did not have an opportunity to take the Attitude Checks in my previous post, do that first.

Then come back and continue here…..

Attitude Check 8:

Do you expect things to be easy or simple, and to reach your goals on the first try?

That’s the wrong mental attitude.

Our goal as humans is to come to terms with the fact nothing in life is easy or simple.

Learning is not simple.

Doing is not simple.

Changing is not simple.

Getting our lives back on track is not simple.

Restoring relationships is not simple.

Any of these things requires we be prepared to try and try again.

We have to put one foot before the other – day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.

We have to be prepared to stick it out.

The average musician has to stick it out for 10-15 years before she or he gets noticed.

Are you prepared to do that?

Yes?

Your attitude will stand you in good stead, because even though all the things listed below are not easy, you can make a pact with yourself to stick it out until you make it.

Investing is not easy

Each one of us will have to get past problems and challenges and failures on the road to becoming a sensible investor.

As I did….

I told you about one of my flame-outs in my post How I Lost a Grand on Donuts.

Selling an idea is not easy

Some of us may get lucky and sell our ideas immediately. 

The rest of us will have to develop the grit of the Colonel, whom you met in my post Meditations on The Weed, and need to try 67times before we succeed.

Political freedom is not easy 

Nelson Mandela said, “There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.”

Sometimes the goal may be reached only after our death. 

Elizabeth Cady Stanton did not live to see women get voting rights in America, a cause she was dedicated to all her life. 

Personal freedom is not easy

You may have to free yourself of the yoke of history, family, culture, tradition and expectations before you are able to dance to your own drummer.

Read my post The Element of Making Authentic Autonomous Decisions and Its Hope for Living Life On Our Own Terms to channel your inner Howard Roark and find the inspiration to live life on your own terms.

Forgiveness is not easy

As Marianne Williamson said, “At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” 

Keeping fit is not easy

Tracy Anderson, the multi-platform wellness entrepreneur says, “There is no quick easy way to the body you want... commit yourself now to your workout and get started.” 

Even finding happiness is not easy

Agnes Repplier, the famous American essayist said, “It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.”

We want to stay away from easy.

We especially want to stay away from easy way out.

As Scott Alexander, a leading celebrity life coach says, “All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.”

If you need inspiration to keep going even when things are tough, you may find it in my post How To Let Nothing Come Between You and A Fulfilling Life.

Attitude Check 9:

Do you expect to achieve your goals without making any sacrifices?

That’s the wrong mental attitude.

You have to be prepared to pay the price for whatever you want.

You have to sacrifice your time, your energy, your needs.

Parenting requires sacrifice

James E Faust said, “To be a good father and mother requires that parents defer many of their own needs and desires in favor of the needs of their children. As a consequence of this sacrifice, conscientious parents develop a nobility of character and learn to put into practice the selfless truths taught by the Savior Himself.”

Justice requires sacrifice

Martin Luther King said, “Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.”

Heroism requires sacrifice

Philip Zimbardo (of the famous Stanford prison experiment) says, “To be a hero means you step across the line and are willing to make a sacrifice.”

Accomplishing anything requires sacrifice

Napolean Hill said, “Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness.”

Teamwork requires sacrifice

Mia Hamm says, “I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.”

A fulfilling life requires sacrifice 

James Allen said, “The true life, the blessed life, the life that is not tormented with passions and pains, is reached only through sacrifice, not necessarily the sacrifice of outward things, but the sacrifice of the inward errors and defilements, for it is these, and these only, which bring misery into life.”

We should never feel bad about sacrifice.

As Simon Sinek says, “There is no decision we can make that doesn't come with some sort of balance or sacrifice.”

And as James Allen said: “It is not the good and true that needs to be sacrificed, but the evil and false; therefore all sacrifice is ultimately gain, and there is no essential loss.”

Every sacrifice we make is a step in the right direction.

Prepared to Pay the Price

Since I came to America after having Tanita, I went for jobs only where I would be able to telecommute.

I did this because I wanted to be home for my mother and Tanita.

I was prepared to pay the price for it.

It was a high price.

I had to sacrifice pay, raises, recognition and promotions for it.

And I even faced some amount of negative appreciation.

Was it a worthwhile sacrifice?

You bet!

If you want something, you should be prepared to pay the price for it.

Do you want something?

You can tell how badly you want it by the sacrifices you are prepared to make for it.

What sacrifices are you prepared to make?

If you are not willing to make those sacrifices, you probably don’t want what you want as much as you think you do.

What do you think?

Am I right?

Attitude Check 10:

Do you come away from experiences that don’t go well saying to yourself “never again”?

That’s the wrong mental attitude.

Every experience is a learning experience.

We should think of it as an opportunity for understanding.

We have a chance to reflect on what went right and what went wrong.

And then we have a chance to do things right the next time round.

We shouldn’t let any bad experience turn us off, or make us upset or cynical.

When we do something for the first time, we will learn some unexpected lessons.

But those lessons prepare us for the future.

Lessons From Being A School Volunteer

Some years ago I did a workshop on Earning Money, Spending Money and Saving Money for the GATE students of Tanita’s elementary school.

As a volunteer, who had devoted time and energy to creating a free workshop, I was vexed by some of the problems that arose.

For instance, on the first day of the workshop, I got to the school with my presentation materials - which included a heavy 27 x 35 flip chart easel pad - to find there was no parking.

I called the parent coordinator, but could not reach her.

I was flustered, because I had to get all my presentation materials inside, with 15 minutes to spare to the presentation.

The only parking spaces available were in the drop off zone.

I decided to park my car in the drop off zone.

I had to make two trips between the car and the school to unload the presentation materials.

I should have gone back out and re-parked the car after doing that, but the nearest spot would have been a road away, and with minutes to go to my presentation, my needing to set up, and my needing to calm my nerves before the group of 30-40 GATE students walked into the room for the presentation, I took a chance and left my car in the drop off zone.

I figured I was pretty safe being parked in the drop off zone, because school would give out in a few minutes. Right enough, when I walked back to my car after the presentation, there were few cars on the road.

I took this to mean I could park my car in the drop off zone when I came back on the following 2 Thursdays to do the next 2 segments of the workshop.

Mistake!

When I went back to my car after my third and final presentation, there was a $35 parking ticket on my windshield.

Saying I was bummed by this parking ticket is a huge understatement.

I felt like a loser.

I had given so much time and energy, and 3 of my vacation days, to give the workshops....and now this....it was adding insult to injury.

It felt like I had been penalized by the school for volunteering.

I went back into the school to show the ticket to the secretary and the parent coordinator, and to find out if they could do anything about it.

The school secretary was completely unsympathetic and said I shouldn’t have parked my car in the drop off zone, and there was nothing that the school could do about it.

The parent coordinator tried to explain I was a GATE volunteer and had parked there because of my presentation materials.

But the school secretary ignored what she was saying and wouldn't budge.

Talking to the school secretary made me feel even worse about the parking ticket.

The parent coordinator felt bad for me, and said, “Hey Minoo, I will pay for half the ticket” which made me feel a little better.

The lesson learned? 

If I ever have to do a workshop at a school again, I will go to the school ahead of time and leave my presentation materials there. That way, I will be all set on presentation day and will not have to risk parking my car in the drop off zone. 

We should not expect that being a volunteer will give us immunity from anything, including parking laws.

There was another thing that didn’t go well at the workshop.

I had created my presentation on a flip chart pad.

So I needed to have a flip chart easel stand available and ready for each of my workshops.

The parent coordinator arranged that for me.

The first workshop went smoothly.

But what happened at the second workshop was completely unexpected.

I was about 15 minutes into my presentation, when one of the school staff walked in the door.

She said, “I have to take this.  The teachers need this for a meeting.” and off she went with the easel stand.

We tried to explain that I was in the middle of a presentation.

She completely ignored what we were saying, and carted off the easel stand, saying the meeting had been scheduled earlier and the easel stand was needed.

What to do next?

Between the parent coordinator and myself, we propped up the flip chart on a chair, and she held it in place for the rest of the presentation.

Lesson learned: “If I have to do this again, I should organize my own easel stand.”

The more aware we are of what can go wrong, the better prepared we can be.

This is the marvelous thing about any new experience.

Good or bad, we can learn from it.

Attitude Check 11:

Do you keep doing the same thing and expecting a different response?

That’s the wrong mental attitude.

We want everything to fall in our lap.

But sometimes we have to figure things out.

Just say, we keep applying to jobs but don’t get a response.

This is a mystery to be solved.

Is something wrong with our resume?

Could it be that companies typically hire for the position we are seeking by using a search firm?

We shouldn’t keep shooting in the dark.

Approach every problem as a puzzle to be figured out, and a mystery to be solved.

That’s the right mental attitude.

I encourage you to become a master solver in every area of your life.

My post The Element of Seeing All Problems as Puzzles and Its Hope for Becoming Master Solvers will give you some inspiration. 

Attitude Check 12:

Are you quick to criticize and condemn?

Then you have the wrong mental attitude.

Developing a critical faculty does not mean criticizing and being cruel to other people, either to their face - or behind their backs.

Here’s how James Allen explains it:

“Mind, like muscle, is developed by use, and the assiduous exercise of the mind in any given direction will develop, in that direction, mental capacity and power. The merely critical faculty is developed and strengthened by continuously comparing and analyzing the ideas and opinions of others. But discrimination is something more and greater than criticism; it is a spiritual quality from which the cruelty and egotism which so frequently accompany criticism are eliminated, and by virtue of which a man sees things as they are, and not as he would like them to be.”

Allen goes on to explain how to develop the correct critical faculty:

“Discrimination, being a spiritual quality, can only be developed by spiritual methods, namely, by questioning, examining, and analyzing one’s own ideas, opinions, and conduct. The critical, fault finding faculty must be withdrawn from its merciless application to the opinions and conduct of others, and must be applied, with undiminished severity, to oneself. A man must be prepared to question his every opinion, his every thought, and his every line of conduct, and rigorously and logically test them; only in this way can the discrimination which destroys confusion will be developed.”

Earl Nightingale (famous for The Strangest Secret and “We Become What We Think About”) said, “Our attitude towards others determines their attitude towards us.”

If you give respect, you will get respect.

If you care about others, they will care about you.

If you are kind towards others, they will be kind to you.

No one will stick around forever to be criticized and condemned, to listen to our “in my opinions” and “I told you sos” and “you should have listened to mes”.

We need to control our tendency to criticize - at work, at home and at play.

Learn to control your tongue and the condemning thoughts that spring to your mind, and your relationships are sure to change for the better.

How do I know?

This is what happened to me.

Do you want to know what changed my relationship with my daughter?  Try this.

If you are critical and judgmental, make it a goal to change that this year.

Attitude Check 13:

Do you resort to passive-aggressive behaviors?

Then you have the wrong mental attitude.

What’s passive-aggressive Minoo?

It is taking out our anger at being rejected, or rebuffed, or criticized or marginalized in sneaky ways.

A fake smile when we are upset is an example of passive-aggressive behavior.

You can read about other examples here.

Being passive-aggressive is not constructive.

The right mental attitude focuses on constructive solutions, not destructive or damaging solutions.

Observe when you are indulging in passive aggressive behavior and work to change that.

I know of some great tools you can use.

And I know you can do it.

How do I know you can do it?

I did it.

Yay!

Attitude Check 14:

Are you a my way or the highway person?

Then you have the wrong mental attitude.

James Allen said, “A man has to learn that he cannot command things, but that he can command himself; that he cannot coerce the wills of others, but that he can mold and master his own will: and things serve him who serves Truth; people seek guidance of him who is master of himself.”

If you are a “my way or the highway person”, you will set yourself up for frustration.

Because the truth is you cannot coerce people to toe the line.

You cannot coerce people who leave toothpaste caps off to start putting them on.

You cannot coerce people who are chronically late into coming on time.

You cannot coerce people to control an irritating mannerism.

You cannot coerce people to follow rules.

The sooner we come to terms with this, the better.

We should learn to replace expectations with expectancy.

I learned to replace expectations with expectancy and everything changed.

You can become a low maintenance person too.

Yay!

Hope between these two attitude check posts, you've identified what you need to work on and you lose no time doing it.

Cheers to leading a more fulfilling life as a result of it.....Minoo

As always thanks for reading and have a great day and week….M…..a Pearl Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ajay for his comments and wishes on Facebook and thanks to the rest of you for your likes, pins and votes.  Much appreciated.