The Element of Understanding How We Feel and Think is Not Going to Be How We Will Always Feel and Think and its Hope for Being Less Rigid

We tend to stick to our guns.  To believe we are Moses and have received our own personal version of the Ten Commandments on two tablets of stone.

We think that our thoughts and feelings are correct, and those who do not think and feel like us are ignorant, misguided, immoral, or, maybe, even all 3.

And then one day, we wake up to find our thoughts and feelings are no longer what they used to be.

Our old feelings and thoughts are replaced by new feelings and thoughts.

How could this happen?

How could we become such different people? 

How could we become like the very people, whose thoughts and feelings revolted us, and who we did not approve of?

It is human.

A fish is a fish is a fish.  It will behave the same way its whole life.

A butterfly is a butterfly is a butterfly.  It will behave the same way its whole life.

Humans are different.

We are designed to think, feel and behave differently at different stages in our lives.

Once upon a time we wore bell bottoms, and elephant pants, and tie and dye tee-shirts, and we went to discos. We shed our bell bottoms and elephant pants and tie and dye tee-shirts and our disco-dancing. Didn't we?

Why should change and growth be limited just to the physical and cosmetic aspects of our lives?

Shouldn’t is be just as natural for us to grow in our thoughts, feelings and consciousness, as it is for our appearance to change?

Our bodies will ultimately decay and pass on.

But our thoughts, feelings, behavior, and consciousness have the potential to keep growing until we die, and even to outlast our lives.

Our words and deeds will be the legacy we leave to the people who knew us, or have heard of us.

Our legacy goes beyond the financial and material.

There is the legacy of our personalities, and the way we lived our lives.

Even for those of us who will get Alzheimer’s or dementia, our thoughts, feelings and consciousness could continue growing, despite neurological decay.

How do you feel and think about things?

Is it the same way you have always felt?

Have you explored thinking and feeling differently?

Are you stuck?

Think about getting unstuck.

You should do this especially, if you have problematic thoughts and feelings.

Problematic thoughts and feelings are thoughts and feelings that get in the way of a happy, stable life, and stable relationships.

We should bring meaning and mindfulness, to everything we think, say, feel, and do.

We may have to backtrack on how we thought or felt before, in order to do that.

Back-tracking does not mean we are indecisive.

It means we have matured and grown.

We should look forward to this milestone, and be thankful for the change.

Here are some areas of my life in which my thoughts and feelings have changed, and I am thankful for the changes.

My Thoughts Regards the Spiritual Life

I used to be completely dismissive of anything spiritual. I was an atheist with both my feet planted firmly on the ground. I did not believe in miracles, I did not find anything magical about coincidences. (My friend Anita may remember all the arguments I used to have with her over her Ouija board and her Tarot cards and her I-Ching.)

Today I think, "What is life without magic and believing in magic?"  I consider the fact I am able to meditate, and I am able to blog miraculous, I consider the fact I was inspired to become a vegetarian (though it lasted only for 3 years) miraculous, and I am grateful for these and other miracles in my life.

Do I believe we can predict the future?  No! But I do believe that some coincidences are too strange to be just coincidences, and I do think we can be forgiven for thinking miracles have taken place. In fact, we should always hope and pray for miracles to take place.  Optimism will get us further than pessimism. We should never think anything is hopeless.

Looking for Someone to Blame When Things Go Wrong

What do we typically do when things go wrong, don’t work out, or blow up?

We look for someone to blame.

We get sick.  Oh, it must have been because of the food we ate in so and so’s house, or because so and so double dipped when we went out to that restaurant the other day.

We break something, or have an accident.  Oh, it was because so and so was stressing us out.

We say something nasty to someone.  Oh, it was because we were hungry, tired, irritated, and besides that same someone did this or that to aggravate us, and make us say those nasty words.

I was no exception. If anything went wrong, rather than accept responsibility, I would make excuses, or find someone to blame.

Today, I can say oops or sorry, and move on, and I am thankful for that.

I also got over my anger management issues.

Thinking Only Money is Important

Once upon a time, I valued only money-producing activities. I used to argue that Dhirubhai Ambani had done more for the world than Mother Theresa.

Today I know it is harder to be Mother Teresa than to be Dhirubhai Ambani.

We may not all achieve the same success as Dhirubhai Ambani, but we have the same desires, wants and needs for social and material status and success.  It is very hard, on the other hand, to want what Mother Teresa wanted - which is to give oneself selflessly to those in need.

Wanting to Drink Like a Man

When it came to doing what a man does, I had attitude.  I wanted to do everything a man was able to do.  And one of the things I wanted to do was to drink like a man. I was very ambitious in this regard. I wanted to drink men under the table. Alas, I would be passed out and under the table every time I tried to do that.

After trying to keep this up, and not getting anywhere, I gave up the fruitless quest. After a few years of drinking, I stopped drinking, and never looked back.  I learned not to think of myself as any less than a man for not drinking. We complicate life by trying to do something which our body is at odds with doing. 

Wanting My Daughter To Toe the Line

Have you seen the movie Men, Women and Children? I used to be like the character Jennifer Garner plays in the movie.  When my daughter became a teenager, I was Helicopter Mom gone bad!

The more we try to rein in our children, the more they will find ways to go around our rules.  This is because the quest for autonomy and individuation is a natural part of growing up.

Luckily I saw the light - before it was too late. 

I gave up both my Tiger Mom and Helicopter Mom ways, and I became "Hippie Mom". You may not approve of Hippie Mom, but Hippie Mom is a way to stay relevant to your kids when they hit their teenage years. At the very least, you should read the book, "The Available Parent".

Today I am grateful for the close trusting relationship I have with my daughter, which was a natural result of changing the way I think and feel about the choices my daughter makes.

Getting Upset When Anyone Asked Me If I Could Cook

When I was younger, I had an attitude about cooking.  This was very relevant in the Indian context.  Few men were expected to know how to cook.  All women were expected to know how to cook. I found this unfair. I steered clear of the kitchen very deliberately. I would bristle if anyone asked me if I could cook. I would say something like, "No, I am too busy for that" or "We don't cook in our family."

Today I am thankful I learned how to cook, even if I did so, only after I came to America.

My life wouldn't be half as simple or economical, if I had to depend on other people to prepare all my meals in America.

Also, I wouldn't have been able to make some of the dietary changes I have made.

Besides, as everyone who cooks learns, cooking is not just a way for us to eat, but it is a way for us to relax, a way for us to socialize, an outlet for our creativity, and a way to keep life fresh.

If you are looking for a way to keep life fresh, cooking may be the answer.

Life lessons to be learned from cooking?  One of them is how to make the most with the least. I discovered the recipe for Avocado Pani Puri that way.

Following the Crowd When It Came To Credit Scores

If there's one thing every person who comes to America learns to keep close tabs on, it’s their credit score.

This is because everyone is always looking to buy a new something - a new car, a new TV, a new house, a new handbag - using credit to buy those things, rather than cash.

If you have a good credit score, you will be able to buy the things you want on credit at a lower interest rate.

So I was in the habit of checking my credit score feverishly every year.

Then suddenly one day, I realized, "What do I need this for?  I do not carry a balance. I pay off my credit card in full every month. I am not planning to finance a house or car. I live within my means. Credit scores are not relevant to my situation."

Because of how I choose to live, I do not have to be focused on the costs of taking on debt. I am grateful for this liberating thought.

Recently a friend compared me to Mr. Money Mustache.  I was flattered. Mr. Money Mustache is one of the most popular personal finance bloggers, and I admire both his philosophy and his writing. My friend said I was the only flesh and blood person he knows who lives like Mr. Money Mustache.  My friend added that while everyone wants financial freedom, I was one of the few people he knows who is making choices to achieve that. What a compliment. Thanks, friend, for making my day!

Believing I Was a Lost Cause When It Comes to Driving

In India, most of my friends were either driving cars or riding mopeds. I was scared to do either. So I went everywhere by autorickshaw (a form of public transport in India).

Even when I started my creative hot-shop Purple Patch, I got away with not driving.  I hired a driver to chauffeur me to my customers, my bank, my suppliers, and anywhere else I needed to go.

I had decided I was not cut out to be behind the wheel.

When I came to America and I realized driving was essential to living and working in the San Francisco Bay Area, I had to revisit my beliefs.

Though I was terrified, I signed up for driving lessons.

I took the written test, and the behind the wheel test.

I did not pass either the first time, but I made it on the second try, and I got my driver's license.

Today I am grateful, I can hop in my car and go wherever I need to go.

Believing That A Copywriter Could Never Work With Numbers

I have always thought of myself as a person cut out for a communications job.  After all, it was the freelance writing I did for a local newspaper that got me my first advertising copy job, which was also a writing job.

So when the first Commissions Administration job was suggested to me, I had serious doubts about it being a suitable line of work for me.

But I took a leap of faith, and made a success of my first Commissions Analyst job, and then my next Commissions Analyst job, and then the next.

Today, as a Commissions Consultant, I deal with numbers from morning to night, day in and day out, and I am just as comfortable working with numbers, as I used to be working with words.

Being Afraid to Lose My Job Benefits

One of the things people in America get very anxious about is health insurance.

Everyone is scared of losing their jobs, because they will lose their health insurance, or because their health insurance will become very expensive under COBRA.

After coming to the US, I joined the crowd.

I had to be employed because of “the benefits”.  I could not go out on my own, because I would not have “benefits”.  I was terrified of being unemployed, because of losing my “benefits”.

Since mid 2010, when I began consulting, the only benefits I have enjoyed are those I have given myself - by buying catastrophic medical insurance, and saving money in accounts available to freelancers.

Today I know it's not the end of the world to be unemployed, and without benefits, or to earn an income, and provide for your own benefits.

I am grateful I did not let the benefits bogey keep me from becoming a consultant.

I would never have met so many wonderful people, and been exposed to so many wonderful commission analyst opportunities.

Being Uncomfortable With Stock Market Booms and Busts

In the early 90s, the Indian stock market crashed because of the Harshad Mehta scam. After it happened, I did not want to have anything to do with stocks.  I thought stocks were unsafe investments, and unsuitable to someone with family responsibilities like myself.

Then in 2003, I changed my job.  I had a long commute to Scios Pharmaceuticals in Fremont, and on my way to work, I would listen to tapes of Suze Orman and Charles Schwab and Tony Robbins.  I also read Robert Kiyosaki's book, Rich Dad Poor Dad. 

Thanks to these inputs, I was seized with the inspiration to take charge of my finances, and to learn as much as I could about all aspects of personal finance - from taxes to savings and investments.

Today I am grateful for the inspiration that got me back on track. 

Since 2004, I have done my own taxes, and I have dedicated plenty of time and energy to learning as much as I can about finance and investments, and yes, I am back into the stock market.  I know enough not to be fearful, and not to be greedy, and I have become street smart, as you know from my posts Financial Piece of Mind, Part 1 and 2 and other posts like 4 Lessons I Didn't Learn From A Certified Financial Planner and A Retirement Formula You Won't Find on Oprah.

The most recent concept I read about is Terminal Wealth Dispersion, which explains why defined contribution plans (401Ks, etc) are such a losing proposition for individuals, compared to defined benefit plans (pensions).  Here is the link if you want to educate yourself about this important topic.

My Thoughts Regards Being Happy and Being Sad

People who meet me today may find it hard to believe I suffered a depression in my mid 30s.  At the time, I was going through it, I felt hopeless, and thought it would never end.

But not only did I get over it, I became an emotionally stronger person with every passing year, after it had ended. 

In fact, listen to this. …

A couple of years ago, I read a depression self-help book called Feeling Good written by Dr. David Burns. If you haven't heard of it, it is the #1 book on depression, and I have written about it. In this book, there is a quiz you can take to find out if you are depressed. I took the quiz and scored a 0 it.  In other words, I did not have a single symptom of depression.  I chuckled, thinking back to my mid 30s, when I would have scored a 100.

We should be grateful we can experience something as devastating as a depression, and come out of it stronger and happier.

Thoughts about Chasing Rainbows

It happens to all starting investors.

We believe we can copy our way to success.  For example, we may read about the Dogs of the Dow investing strategy and go, "Perfect. I will invest in the Dogs of the Dow".

Anyone who reads about Warren Buffett can be forgiven for wanting to be like him.  He is one of the richest men in the world, and the most successful investor of all time.

I read about Warren Buffett, and I wanted to copy him. 

Now Warren Buffet is known for his ability to purchase good companies for a bargain price.  So I of course, wanted to do that - to buy stocks of good companies at a bargain price. It's called bottom fishing, and it is an appealing strategy, especially if you have only a little money to invest.

Alas, here's what happened.

In 2004, the donut company Krispy Kreme had a bad quarter, and the stock price of Krispy Kreme plummeted by 50%. I fantasized my bottom-fishing moment had arrived.

Based on the popularity of the donuts - there were long lines at all their locations - and the drop in the stock price, I thought here was a good company whose stock was available at a bargain price. So I jumped in and bought shares, believing I was pulling off a Warren Buffett stunt.  Alas, Krispy Kreme's next quarter was just as bad, and the stock price plummeted another 50%.  I lost half the money I believed I had so cleverly invested.

However I was able to use this loss (and my other investing losses) as a learning experience. In fact, I even parlayed it into a Toastmasters club-level award.

Today, I do not aim to be a Warren Buffett or a Peter Lynch or a George Soros or a Julian Robertson.  I aim for more modest and attainable investment goals, and I follow a less risky and frantic investing strategy.

My Thoughts Regards the Good Life

Is happiness being successful and financially independent?  I thought so at one time, but my thoughts changed. Today, I believe happiness is about making the right choices.  Some choices are right for us, other choices are not. The sooner we realize this, the better.

For instance, would you be happier if you spent more time with your family? Then you may have to give up some of your money and success in order to do that.

Do you like being in a relationship, but do you have a time-consuming hobby, passion, or business? Then you may have to cut back on your hobby, passion, or business, to give your relationship the time it needs.

I am grateful I understood this.

I have made many choices, which while being a damper on my professional status and my income, were more conducive to a fulfilling life for me. 

My decision to telecommute is an example.  It may have hampered my opportunities for professional growth, but it enabled me to be there for my mother and my daughter, something far more valuable to me than professional status, or money.

My Meditation Miracle

It's funny how life can deliver us what we want when we least expect it.  This is what happened to me in 2010, when I learned to meditate.  I had tried to meditate several times before, but I had never been able to do it. Now suddenly a key clicked in the lock, and I was able to meditate.  Just by reading one chapter in a book and following the instructions, I was off and away.  What an unexpected gift.

Today, I am grateful for this miracle that happened in 2010, and for all the benefits daily meditation has brought my life.

Final Thoughts of Gratitude

I owe a debt to many people, insights and inputs for helping me grow as a person. I have changed my thinking and feeling for the better with a lot of outside help.  I am thankful for the inputs of my family (these are just a few of the inputs), I am thankful for the inputs of my friends (these are just a few of the inputs).  I am thankful for the inputs of my daughter (these are just a few of the inputs). I am thankful for my relatives, all the relationships I have had, all the companies I have worked for, all the managers and teams I have worked with.  I am thankful for all the people who have taken care of me, the people who have attended me at restaurants and other establishments, the customer service people who have taken my calls.  I am thankful for all the things I am able to do and enjoy, and all the things I once did, and for all the people and technology and natural wonders of the world that have made it possible for me to do these things. I am thankful for the wonderful examples other lives provide me on how to live a fulfilling life.  I have grown because of all of these influences in my life. Finally, I am thankful for this blog, and the fulfillment and meaning and personal growth it brings me, and I am thankful to all of you, who take some time out of your busy lives to read my posts and to keep me going (and growing).

Hope you had a good Diwali, a good Thanksgiving, and God bless you all……Minoo.

Thanks to Ajay and Mangesh for their comments and compliments on my last post, and thanks to the rest of you for your readership, comments, tweets, shares, pins and likes. Much appreciated....M.....a Pearl Seeker like you.

The Element of Understanding We All Make Different Choices and Its Hope for Becoming More Accepting of Each Other

We are all unique beings.

2 people can be born to the same parents, be raised in the same household, yet be completely different from each other.

One will be religious, one won’t, one will follow traditions, one won’t; one will be a go-getter, another shy and reserved, one will be impulsive, one will be more cautious.

Even though we think we know our siblings well, they often will surprise us by their decisions.

At an early age, I started surprising my siblings by my decisions.

At 12, I stopped going to church on Sundays and declared myself an atheist.

One of my older sisters who respected religious traditions challenged me. She said I needed to continue to go to Sunday mass with her.  Another sister who respected individual choice, rallied to my cause and defended my decision. She argued the other sister down...

“If Minoo has decided religion is not for her, we should respect that”, she said.

Thinking back, I am grateful I was allowed to make that choice. 

Every human being should be able to make their own choices, and discover the truth or falsity of their choices, the wisdom or idiocy of their choices.

This is how we learn, this is how we grow.

We have to make our own choices. Alternatively, we have to internalize the choices we have made based on other people’s desires, or choices we have made because of circumstances.

Ultimately, we have to make all our choices our own – this is essential to being an integrated human being.

Non-integrated human beings will do things and have no idea why they did it.

After we make our own choices, we have to live with the consequences.

One of the consequences of my turning atheist, was everything was up to me.

There was no higher power looking out for me.  I had to fend for myself.

Also, I had to be sure of my convictions and be prepared to defend my position.

Once, a priest from our parish church came to bless our house. He sat down a while with us, and one of the things he said was, “I do not see you in church often – why is that?  You should attend Sunday mass every week.  It is good for your soul.”

 “Oh,” I said nonchalantly, “it’s because I don’t believe in God.”

He was not expecting that.

He asked why, and I said, “If there was a God, he wouldn’t let all these bad things happen to people.”

The priest tried to reason with me, but eventually he gave up.

But not before he asked me one last question: “Aren’t you afraid you may go to Hell when you die?”

“Surely, if there is a God, he wouldn’t punish me just for not believing in him” was my pat reply.

Our family was on the outside looking in.

We had our problems.

We were not a “model family”, a Leave It To Beaver kind of family.

Our family was the family about which, people might have said, “There but for the grace of God, go us.”

I am grateful for this family.  It was a family in which each of us was allowed to make our own choices.

In our family, there was unconditional love, and acceptance of everyone’s uniqueness.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself, is something I learned early.

By the time I was a teenager, as a result of my thinking being unconstrained by both religious beliefs and social taboos, I made several unconventional decisions.

I decided I would not marry (this would change later on).

I decided I still wanted to experience romance.

I decided I was not interested in college.

I made decisions in accordance with my thoughts.

I met someone and we lived together.

I dropped out of college.

But while I took some risks, I didn’t take others.

I knew I would have to get on my feet.

So I started giving ESL tuitions to foreign students, and I started writing articles for the newspaper.

Both of these brought me money.

When I got my first copywriting job, I was careful with the money I earned.

But Ayn Rand was playing in full stereo in my mind in those days.

And I could not bear disappointment.

After completing a year at my first job, I did not get a raise, one of the reasons being I was already earning two-thirds more than the other junior copywriter.

My Howard Roark reaction was to walk out of the job.

I literally did just that.

I came out of the GM’s office after hearing her say she wouldn’t be able to give me a raise because of blah blah and blah blah, and I stood next to her admin Geeta, staring thoughtfully out of the window.  A few minutes later, I turned to Geeta and said, “Please type my resignation letter.”

When I made this decision, I did not know how many ad agencies there were in my city and if there were any openings.

All I had was a strong sense of self.  I left that agency, confident I would get another job.

It took 3 whole months, but I did get myself another job.

Meanwhile, while applying to jobs (to every ad agency in the city, big and small), I decided to study the dictionary. 

I set myself a goal of learning 20 new words a day – the bigger, the better.

There’s nothing more insufferable than a person who has fallen in love with big words.

Suddenly people were hearing or reading sentences from me, such as, “My sobriquet is Minoo, instead of “My pet name is Minoo”.

If you want to know what happened next, read my post The Element of Simplicity.

Deciding to study the dictionary was another quirky choice!

Anyway, I got myself another copywriting job, then another, then another.

I was unafraid of change, and ready to move at the drop of a hat.

I was quite different from my siblings in this respect.

I moved around a lot. 

I even went back to ad agencies where I had worked before, to do a second term.

I did two terms at MAA (the agency you learned about from Ajay Sachdev’s wonderful read, A Short Stint in Advertising), and two terms at Hindustan Thompson.

“Oh, so that’s why she has no problem being a Commissions Consultant today, going from assignment to assignment.”

Yes, that’s why I have no problem being a Commissions Consultant, going from assignment to assignment.

Moving jobs is in my DNA.

To my credit, I took each of my jobs very seriously.

I applied myself.  I was responsible and dependable.

I was passionately interested in delivering a good product.

In advertising, you get industry awards for a good product.

Like any self-respecting copywriter, I hankered after those awards.

Then came a time when I wanted to be my own boss. I heeded that yearning.

Once again, there were people who supported my choice, and people who didn’t.

The dissuaders said, “You are too new in this city, you do not have the contacts”, “you will not be able to collect payments, you are too soft” and so on and so forth.

The encouragers, of which my husband was one, just gave me the help I needed to set myself up.

And so I set up Purple Patch, my own creative hot shop, and soon proved the dissuaders wrong.

Purple Patch survived and thrived.

When we make our own choices, if our choice is not a safe choice, or it is off the beaten path, we have to be prepared for dissuaders.

We have to stay strong, have faith in ourselves.

Being my own boss at Purple Patch gave me the freedom to make my own choices like never before.

I made the choice to take on one or two retainers, and do freelance work on the side.

I made the choice to teach the copywriting component of the Mass Communication program at Loyola College, a Jesuit college in Chennai.

And I made the choice to hire one of my Loyola students to assist me part-time at Purple Patch.

Except that I ended up hiring 4.

Here’s what happened….

I invited 4 of my best Loyola students to interview for a part-time position at Purple Patch. 

What I didn’t expect is for all of them to show up at my place for the interview together.

This being the case, I seated them in my living room, and took them one by one into my office (a converted bedroom in my apartment) to interview them.

When I had finished with the interviews, I had them return to their seats in the living room until I was ready to come out and give them my decision.

Meanwhile, I was having a tough time deciding.

I liked each of these 4 students for different reasons, and I couldn’t decide which one of them would be the best fit.

Then, I had a crazy idea. 

What if I hired all 4 of them?

I had originally planned to hire one of them and pay X.

Now I thought I could maybe hire all 4 of them, and pay them each, one-fourth of X.

It would give me more flexibility, and it would take the pressure off.

I would be able to test all of them in the work environment and see who performed best.

I did not know how this would go down, but I said to them, “I have decided to take you all on, and pay each of you X.”

They jumped and shouted yippy and high-fived. I hadn’t expected the amount of money I was paying them to produce such delight. I was happy and relieved.

Hiring those 4 students was one of the best decisions I could make.

I had fun giving my four copy cubs real world on the job copywriting experience.

I enjoyed being “employer” and “Mother Goose”.

I enjoyed spoiling them.

One of the benefits I gave them was to make sure they had plenty of food.

Mid afternoon, I would send one of them down with money to Gandhi Brothers, the convenience store in our apartments, to pick up snacks for everyone.

If they came in on a Saturday, I paid for their lunch. There was a vegetarian restaurant near my house called Guru Hotel, so they could make a quick lunch stop there and be back.

And I kept the work atmosphere relaxed.

Purple Patch made money for me, for my 4 Loyola students, for a typist, for a driver, and for a moving caravan of copywriters, art directors, and other advertising talents, who did piece work for me.

Some of our personal and professional choices will be organic, some not.

I was an old hand at copywriting and understood the ad business well.

So starting Purple Patch was a natural and organic development.

But not all our choices in life will be organic.

In fact, some of our best decisions will be non-organic, often brought about by miraculous promptings and strange coincidences.

I remember when a miraculous prompting brought about a desire in my heart to become a vegetarian.

If you read my review of Anita Saran’s book On Becoming a Vegetarian – One Woman’s Experience, you will learn what that miraculous prompting was.

If after reading the book review, it seems strange to you that those words could create such a powerful desire in me, think about how strange and miraculous the prompting that made St. Augustine turn his life around, and how  strange and miraculous the prompting that led Diogenes of Sinopes to change his life.

I was a vegetarian for 3 years in all after my miraculous prompting. 

Though I couldn’t keep at it, it remains one of the proudest accomplishments in my life. The yearning to be a vegetarian has never gone away. If we are reborn, as is believed in some traditions, such as the Buddhist tradition and the Hindu tradition, I would like to be reborn as a vegetarian. 

(By the way, if you are a vegetarian and you are in the SFO Bay Area, do try out Merit Vegan Cuisine, which is a great vegetarian and vegan restaurant.  Don't forget to order Golden Era if you make a visit.)

Yes words we hear, words we read, and experiences we have, can all impact our lives, and lead to new choices and decisions.

Our lives may be going one way.  In an instant, we may be inspired to take our lives in a completely different direction.

Sometimes we will make choices because we get caught up in a wave.

Not all waves are good waves, but it happens.

In the early to mid 2000s, everyone was caught up in the wave of buying additional houses.

My friend Becky was told by more than one friend, “Aren’t you going to take out a second mortgage and buy another home?”  That’s what all her friends were doing - taking out loans against their existing homes to buy new homes. 

When the housing market collapsed, some of Becky’s friends lost both their old homes and their new homes.

We are human.

Being human, we are not predictable.

We are not like water, or like cookie dough.

If you dig a canal near a water source, the water will flow into the canal.

If you pour cookie dough into a star shaped mold, your cookie, when baked, will be star shaped.

Humans are not like water or cookie dough.

We have desires and thoughts and wills and volitional power.

If water had desires and a will and volitional power, it might jump out of the canal.  It might think, “I don’t want to flow in a canal.  I want to be a waterfall off a cliff.”

If cookie dough had desires and a will and volitional power, it might say, “I don’t want to be a star, I want to be a flower,” and jump out of the star-shaped mold in search of a flower-shaped mold.

As humans we can decide we want something and take steps to make it happen.

Several years ago, I decided I didn’t want to be a high-maintenance person.

So I worked on becoming a low maintenance person.

We each can decide to work on ourselves in different ways.

We can decide to work on our health, or on our skills, or on our habits, or on our attitude.

Our ideas and our thinking are behind the choices we make.

This is why we should improve our thinking processes, if we want to make better choices.

Some of our past choices might have gotten us into trouble.

But we can start making new choices.

My post The Element of Finding Our Feet tells of Weldon Long, who after spending his early adult life in the prison system, started making new choices and completely changed his life.

If we want to start making better choices, we should think about the victories of our past (read this post to help you get going), then think about our talents and gifts, then think about what we truly desire.

This will help us focus.

This will help us make the right choices.

This will help us stick to our plan.

This will help us ignore any waves that may sway us from our chosen path.

This will help us ignore criticism, or discouragement from others.

What I have wanted most of all in my life is peace.

This is what motivated me to start meditating.

I knew that what stood between me and peace were my anger issues, anxiety issues and ego issues.

Since becoming a meditator, I have been so much more at peace.

I have lived in the same apartment for over 15 years.

My reasons for renting are as follows:

I don’t like moving.

I like stability.

I am realistic about income instability in the US.

It is so easy to get caught with your pants down.

I also don’t like the idea of a large amount of debt.

In other words, I rent because renting brings me peace.

Being a Commissions Consultant also brings me peace.

I like the freedom of being “just a consultant”.

I like the fact I have to prove myself on every assignment.

I like the fact I am hired only when there’s a very real need.

It makes me feel valuable.

Feeling valuable packs a huge psychic reward.

If you are valuable to even one person, you will feel fulfilled.

Commissions Administration encompasses different functions and tasks in different companies.

I have to humble myself to take on the work I am tasked with in some companies.

There also might be inconveniences, and lack of privileges, related to my contractor status.

 I can hear you going, “Are you a masochist, Minoo?  How does this bring you peace?”

Work is therapeutic, work gives us a purpose to live for.

When we humble ourselves by our own choice, we are victors, not victims.

Better to be humble than not to eat.

Better to be humble than not to work.

Besides humility is one of my goals.

It’s a very big and tough goal, but it’s a worthwhile goal.

I’ve shared some of my choices with you, and my decision-making process.

We will make different choices at different stages of our life. 

The trick is not to get burned by our scars. 

Burned by my losses in the Harshad Mehta scam, I avoided the stock market for the next 10 years.

We have to accept that where people are, and the choices they currently make, does not mean they are going to hell in a hand basket. 

You can imagine how worried everyone in my family was by the decisions I made as a teenager and young adult.

Not going to college, going off to live with a boyfriend, walking out of a job I had been lucky to get.

Unconditional love requires us to accept the choices other people make, and to trust that they will figure things out and make things work, stumbling along the way, but getting up.

We are all different, and it’s important for us to be more accepting of each other.

Besides, people can have a change of heart.  Like St. Augustine. Like Diogenes of Sinopes. We should cut everyone a little more slack.

If you’ve been keeping up with my posts, you will know about all my changes of heart, and some of the choices I have jettisoned.

Don’t be afraid to make your own choices, and then grow into them, or grow out of them, don't be afraid to make them, just because someone or the other will not like your choices, or accept your choices.

Sooner or later, those around you will accept your choices - as we all march towards unconditional love for each other.

As always thanks for reading, and have a great day and week…..M….A Pearl-Seeker like you. Thanks to Aarathi, Ajay and David for their comments and compliments, and thanks to the rest of you for your likes, pins and votes.  Much appreciated!

P.S. Hope everyone had a wonderful Diwali.