How?
Be willing to admit to a mistake. Don't look for someone to blame.
Stop making excuses for your behavior – “I
have had a rough day”, "I don't have time", etc.
Stop indulging in/playing the game of “he
said, she said”.
Stop justifying your choices and
behavior and decisions, when they are challenged. Instead just listen to what the other
person has to say, and if you should say anything at all, make it something on the lines of…."hmmm I never looked at it that way," or "hmmm….I
see things differently, but now I understand, there is a different way to look at this."
Don't let your emotions, which come
from your amygdala, the reptilian part of your brain, hijack your brain.
Stop trying to find a negative reason for
everything that happens – if someone did or didn't do something, stop trying to find an underlying negative reason for what they did, or didn't do. Don't overthink things.
Don't use a physical condition, or some standard excuse, as your
go-to excuse for things you don't want to do, or which don't appeal to you
It is usually in moments of
defensiveness, we throw people under the bus.
Observe yourself the next time you are
defensive.
If you catch yourself throwing someone
under the bus, become aware of it, and ask yourself, why you are doing it, and what you are being defensive about.
Awareness is the first step to changing
automatic behaviors, or reactions you have become unconscious of.
Ask someone to let you know every time
you are being defensive.
Secretiveness is also a sign of
defensiveness.
In general, the more secretive you are,
the more defensive you are.
Finally, not being able to say sorry is also a
sign of defensiveness.
You should be able to say sorry, to
admit you are wrong, and to own a mistake.
If you cannot do this, you will be trapped in defensiveness all your life.
Try to get out of that trap.
Once you do, you can reach for even higher levels of non-defensiveness.
How?
You may be able to get to the point, when you can say you are
sorry, even when you are not in the wrong, or not completely in the wrong.
Such as in the many gray situations, when things can be interpreted in multiple ways, or forgetfulness is involved.
When you become wise to this - to how misinterpretation on another
person’s part, or forgetfulness, can lead them to think you made a mistake, even when you didn't, you will say "sorry" faster.
You will not waste time in arguments.
Which is the most sensible thing to do.
After all, what argument can you launch against a lost memory, or a misinterpretation?
Say “sorry” and move on.
The sooner you are able to move on from
any grievance, the sooner you can return to your set-point of happiness, contentment, or calm, and the sooner your relations can be returned to non-frictional status quo.
What's not to like about that?
When you free your mind from unnecessary negative thoughts, you make way for far more interesting, creative and positive thoughts for your brain to be occupied with, and healthier communication in relationships.
Hurrah for, and cheers to that!
Yes, maybe it’s time to become less
defensive. It's part of the wisdom of a happier life.
As always, thanks for sharing my Journey to Wisdom, Meaning
and a Better Life, and have a great day
and week….M ……a Pearl Seeker like you. Thanks to Ajay for
his compliments on my last post, and thanks to the rest of you for your likes,
pins, shares, tweets and votes…..much appreciated.
P.S. Happy Birthday to all those with June birthdays. Hope you use your birthday month to birth
something new and wonderful in your life.
Posts to help you on
your journey to the wisdom of a happier life…
1 comment:
Wow, Minoo...You're burrowing deep into the human psyche and dismantling negative barriers, erected or preexisting, which come in the way of our paths to success and self-completeness. Freud really now has serous competition! viz. Awareness is the first step to changing automatic behaviors, or reactions you have become unconscious of...so well analysed.Another superb blog!
Ajay
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