What I Love About Life

How we can find common ground even if we are different - I have written about some of the friends I have made in the U.S in a series of posts titled The United States of Friendship. My friends and I found connection even though we were different. Nadya and I (United States of Friendship Part 8) do not have the same backgrounds. We do not have the same political views. We do not have the same views about what to invest in. We do not have the same views about tax deductible accounts such as IRAs and 401Ks. We do not have the same views about debt - she is into using OTM (other people's money) to build assets, I am in to being debt free. Yet we have always been able to find common ground. I can say this about each of my friends. If you read my United States of Friendship series of posts, you will learn that me and my friends were brought together at completely different places - at Goodwill Institute of Career Development, at my apartment complex, at companies we worked together in, at my daughter's elementary school. Being from different countries and backgrounds, and being in different fields of work, was not an obstacle to becoming friends. Having different interests, choices and philosophies was also not an obstacle. My life is richer for this diversity of friendships. It's one of the things because of which I can say "It's a wonderful life"

How conflict can lead to good things - When my daughter started middle school, we could not agree on anything.  I did not like some of the things she was doing, and some of the things she wanted to do. And she did not like my attempts to stop her from doing what she wanted to do. My withholding of money, permission and approval did not make her a happy camper. We did not break out into shouting matches. But the battle lines were drawn. I was the "enemy" in her life. Our ideas and desires were in conflict. But out of this conflict - which lasted several years - was born an awakening. The awakening that I needed to give up my Tiger Mom and Helicopter Mom ways to bring our relationship into balance. The awakening that my "control and disapprove and withhold" strategy was useless, and needed to be shed. I have written a post about this awakening, and how I transitioned from Tiger Mom/Helicopter Mom to Hippy Mom. Hippy Mom, as the name suggests, is a cool mom, someone who could assimilate all the features of the teenage landscape - gauges-in-the-ears-boyfriends, piercings, tattoos, make-up, fake nails, rap music filled with swear words, teepeeing, and what not - without going ballistic, or thinking it was the end of the world, and my daughter was going to hell in a hand basket. My new Hippy Mom approach was a game-changer in my relationship with my daughter. But I did not stop there.  My success with Hippy Mom encouraged me to aim for an even better goal, the goal of being "Lighthouse Mom". I want to be the Mom who my daughter can look to when she's unsure which direction to go - a lighthouse in a storm. My life is richer for growing as a parent.  It's one of the things because of which I can say, "It's a wonderful life."

How you can start somewhere and end up in a much better place - I was a shy awkward child. The shyness and awkwardness continued into my young adult years. I could not carry on a conversation for the life of me. It was a horrible place to be in, when I started dating. When I went out on a date, I felt comfortable only on the dance floor. In fact, you could say dancing saved me, because since the music was too loud on the dance floor to do anything but dance, I was spared of talking. And so I would go entire evenings saying only 20 words - mostly yes, no, I'm fine - escaping to the dance floor as much as I could. Fast forward to today, and I cannot for the life of me connect the person I am today with the shy awkward person I once used to be. Today, there is nothing I enjoy more than conversation. I can talk to friends for hours and hours, and not run out of things to talk about. And I have no problem striking up conversations, even with strangers. If I catch you alone, it is the easiest and most natural thing in the world for me to strike up a conversation with you. This is nothing short of marvelous - I am the mouse that eventually learned to roar - and it couldn't have happened a day too soon considering how important healthy communication is - what a transformation. It's one of the things because of which I can say, "It's a wonderful life."

How even bad experiences are not wasted experiences - In October of last year, Tanita woke up early in the morning with a terrible stomach pain. Mom, she said, I need to see a doctor right away. It was early in the morning. No doctor's offices would be open. So we went to Good Sam Hospital. We walked into the emergency room. Big mistake! The intake person took Tanita's pulse and her heart was racing. Before we could say anything, they put her on a stretcher, took her to one of the ER cubicles and hooked her up to an ekg and drips. A little while later they took her for a CT scan. Nurses popped in every now and then to check how she was doing. And then around noon, a doctor came by to discharge her with these words:"You have stomach flu- make sure to have lots of clear fluids until you are over it."The exorbitant bills (what a rip off) started coming in the mail after a month. That's when we realized what a big mistake we had made by walking into that Emergency Room at Good Sam. In spite of being on a Blue Cross Gold Plan through her employer, Tanita was on the hook for $4000 out of pocket. $4000 out of pocket for stomach flu - it was daylight robbery. We sure learned our lesson from this experience. Never go to the ER - not if you can help it.  Out of the pain of this bad experience, came the opportunity to make wiser choices in the future for both Tanita and myself. I believe how you react to the good things in life is not as important as how you react to the bad things in life (read this post). I am richer for every bad experience in my life, because of the wiser choices that have come out of it. It's one of the things because of which I can say, "It's a wonderful life."

How it's never say never in life - As far back as I can remember, I have been a walker. In my teenage and young adult years, I used to walk our dogs. If a friend wanted to join me on my walks, I was thrilled. But no one wanted to walk as regularly, or as often as I did, so I did a lot of my walking alone. That is until Becky came along 8 years ago. Becky lives close to me. And she and I are on the same page when it comes to walking.  We walk as if our lives depended on it. Indeed, we believe our lives do depend on our walking.  Becky, says that to keep your blood sugar down, you have to eat right, exercise, and take your insulin, do all those 3 things. And I believe that regular exercise is crucial to keeping diabetes and bad health at bay. Besides, walking is one of my favorite things to do. It energizes me. When someone accompanies me on my walks, it energizes me even more. So thanks to Becky, Lyla, Krystyna, Majella, Yongmei, Monica, and everyone else who has accompanied me on my walks. I never dreamed I would find so many enthusiastic walking companions in my life. But life has proved me wrong, in this, and so many other things, I now firmly believe in never say never. And it's one of the reasons I can shout out loud "It's a wonderful life."

How you can come back to fight another day with your gifts and talents -  Like so many immigrants, before I came to America I had a thriving career in one field, which I couldn't break in to, and had to give up after moving to America.  My thriving career was in advertising copy. I had advanced to where I had a small, but thriving creative shop Purple Patch. Writing was my life. I lived for writing and couldn't imagine life without it. The life I couldn't imagine, I got to live soon after I moved to America. I got an opportunity to be a Commissions Analyst, a Sales Compensation role that was a big step up for me. In my first year and a half in America, I was able to land only clerical and administrative assistant roles. I jumped at the chance to do something which would be more challenging and paying, even if it was different from anything I had done in my first career. Under the wing of an angel who believed in me, I rapidly gained competence as a Commission Analyst, and I was proud of it. But in my Commissions Analyst role, other than emails to the sales team to explain how their commissions were calculated, I had little writing to do. It was all numbers. So my writing skills soon began to wane. It came to a point where the fact I had been a successful copywriter, and had worked at so many amazing agencies in India, including MAA and my own creative shop Purple Patch, just became just a quaint factoid. Part of my old life - left behind in another place. I didn't even care to talk about it after a few years. 14 years went by in this way. And then in December of 2010 Santa looked down on me and said "Minoo, Merry Christmas! For Christmas this year, how would you like to get your writing muse back?" And lo and behold on December 27 of that year, I started writing this blog. The writer in me was back. And here we are. It's 2018. And I am still writing. I was so excited when I reached my 100th post, I commemorated it. Flash forward to today. I have written 443 posts.  And people like you honor me by reading them, by clicking on the links I post on Facebook, Google, Twitter, Pinterest and Linkedin. What more could I ask for? And what else could I declare, but…."It's a Wonderful Life!"

It truly is a wonderful life.  And listed above are just a few of the things I love about it.

Your turn…

What do you love about life?

What are the things in your life that make you declare, "It's a wonderful life"?

Be sure to write me about them.

Acknowledgements: Thanks for the feedback, (comments, likes, shares) on my recent posts. I appreciate the kudos from old friends, new friends, and relatives who have become friends. You keep me going.

NEXT, Thanks to all readers, current and future, for sharing my journey to wisdom, meaning, and a better life.  Like you, I am trying to find my way through this complex maze we call life, and I am honored to have you share my journey, as I continue to seek the wisdom hidden in plain sight.

FINALLY, A Happy Birthday shout-out:  to those with November birthdays. I hope you will use your birthday month to kick off an attitude of gratitude. Begin by thinking of all the things you are grateful for, even the bad things that led to some good things, and because of which you are able to say, “It’s a wonderful life”. Focus on what you have, and what is good about everything in your life, even bad experiences and less than ideal circumstances.

To all my readers, have a blessed “doing good for yourself while doing good for others” week, and see you next week. P.S. Many things inspired this post. One of them was this article by Anne Applebaum.