How To Live A Good Life – Part 6

Challenge your thinking.

Don’t take your thinking at face value.

I had an instructive experience earlier this year.

If you have been a reader of this blog, you know I am a Commissions Consultant.

I help companies with their temporary needs in commissions administration.

An example would be helping a company’s sales commission team meet a deadline to roll out an automated commission system to the sales force by a specific date.

Another example would be helping a company’s sales commission team test their new comp plan logic.

Another example would be helping to document a company’s commission administration processes, or to train new commission analysts in the processes.

I am ready and willing to help with a company’s most urgent commission needs – which often is filling the gap when the company loses a key resource, such as their only commissions analyst, or their only commissions manager.

From time to time, a visionary manager may throw an exciting project at me, and I do enjoy these special challenges.

One manager had me implement a Team Sharepoint site for his team – it was both a challenge and a joy to accomplish that.

This year I have had the privilege of helping 3 companies with their commission administration needs.

I had an instructive experience at one of these companies - which I would like to share with you in this post.

The instructive experience happened at the start of this year, when I had been at the company for just a little over a month.

Let me tell you the story.

The company had a commissions team, comprising several sub teams, and numbering approximately 23 people, counting managers and analysts.

I was brought on to help one of the sub teams, the systems team; and so my work required me to engage with only 2 people - the Manager of the Systems Team, and a Sr. Systems Team Analyst.

However I got to know the managers and analysts of the other teams, because we all ate lunch together, walking down in a group to the cafeteria, where we ate at one long farm-style table.

Over lunch, I would exchange a few words with everybody.

Some were more outspoken than others, and made jokes more than others – I would pipe in with a few comments or wisecracks of my own.

It was all very collegial.

About 6 p.m. one evening, I got ready to leave the office.

I went to the restroom, and then came back to my desk.

My Scoop driver would be there in a few minutes to give me a ride home, and I was waiting for his text.

A few minutes later, I received his text.

So I closed my laptop, put it in my backpack, slung my backpack over my shoulder, and as I was walking out, I said “Bye, see you tomorrow” to a person from our team who was sitting close by.

It was late, and there were only a few of us from the department still in the office.

My team member said “bye” to me.

Then someone else from our department who sat across the room also responded.

I was not sure if I had heard right, but it sounded like he said, “Bye Moo Moo”.

Yes, he must have said that, because the gal I had said bye to looked at him and said, “What did you call her?”

I did not want to keep my Scoop driver waiting, so I continued walking, and that odd exchange of “Bye Moo Moo” from the guy across the room, and my team member responding “What did you call her?” only half registered in my mind, and then I forgot all about it as soon as I entered the Scoop driver’s car.

The “Bye Moo Moo” came back to bite me the next morning.

When I got in to work, and logged onto my laptop,  I was greeted by an email from the Sr Systems Analyst I worked with, which had this question:

“Minoo, what does Moo Moo stand for?”

I was taken aback, and scrolled down to find out why he was asking me that question.

That’s when I saw it!

It was an email that had gone out from me the evening before to the commissions alias, consisting of all 23 people in Sunnyvale,and several more in Singapore and Dublin, Ireland.

It's only content were the words “They call me Moo Moo” in the subject line of the e-mail.

My face went red, and I felt an immediate rush of angry emotions at this dastardly anonymous deed – humiliation, fear, and embarrassment all at once.

Someone had hacked into my computer and made a fool out of me.

I was devastated, and unsure what I should do. It was early, so only a few people from the department were in office.

I decided to go to one of them - to talk to her about it - and get her advice on what to do.

I had to wait for her to finish a conversation with one of the other commissions analysts. As soon as she was done, the words rushed out… “M, (her name), I said, “an email went out from my computer yesterday evening saying ‘They call me Moo Moo’.

 “And……?” she said in a sort of “so what” voice.“I did not write it”, I said.

“And…?” she said again in the same “so what!” voice.

I said, “Should I report it to IT? Someone has hacked into my computer.”

This was when she sort of looked away, and said to me with a poker face, “Or maybe someone sat at your laptop and sent out that email.”

My mind immediately flashed back to the sequence of events from the evening before, when I was leaving the office.

First I had said bye to one of the analysts. Then another analyst had said “Bye Moo Moo” from across the room. Then the first analyst had said, “What did you call her?"

I felt fear, anger, and humiliation all over again.

Did B, the guy who said “Bye Moo Moo” to me the previous evening, say that because he had sent the email from my computer, or did he say that because he had received the email sent by someone else?

Either way, the fact that someone had used my email to send out this silly email from me, made me feel terrible. Even 2-3 hours later, I could think of nothing else. I could not calm down. I could not get it out of my mind.

I wondered who hated me enough, or hated the idea of me enough (in their minds, perhaps a high and mighty consultant), to do this to me.

I felt humiliated and outraged. I felt picked on and victimized.

I had to get to the bottom of it.

I sent out an email to B, the guy who had said “Bye Moo Moo” the evening before to me.

I said, “B (his name), were you behind this? I have to get you back.”

More humiliation…  He replied “Me no speak English”.

B pointedly avoided looking my way the rest of the day, and the rest of the week.

A million different things went through my mind.

Should I complain to my manager?  Should I complain to HR? Should I give him a talking-to?

I didn’t do any of these things.

Instead, this is what I told myself, “Minoo this is a meditation challenge. You should welcome the challenge to have your ego tested in this way, and to be able to not let ego get the better of you. As a test for giving up ego attachments, there couldn’t be a better one, from how much of a hit your ego is taking, right now.”

So by reframing the situation as a test to give up ego attachments, I was able to move to higher ground, and take no action.

A few days later, I found out something which made me glad I had taken no action.

I had not replied the Sr. Systems Analyst’s email asking me what Moo Moo stood for, and he brought it up again.

 “Hey Minoo, what was that Moo Moo thing about?” he asked me.

I said, “Oh, it was just B. He typed it from my computer when I went to the bathroom without locking my computer."

“Oh B got you. B got you good”, said the Sr. Systems Analyst, chuckling.

“What do you mean?” I asked him. “Has he done this before? “

“He does it all the time” said the Sr. Systems Analyst, still chuckling.

I learned B sent out messages from unattended, unlocked computers, any chance he had.

It was a regular prank of his.

Some analysts - like the ones seated closest to him - were prime targets, and had been subject to all sorts of emails going out from their computers, with messages such as “Don’t mind my smell. I shower only once a month” or “Drinks on me this evening for everyone”

While I was relieved to hear I was not the only target of his pranks, I did feel B had taken a risk by picking me as a target, and I told the Sr Systems Analyst so.

 “I am new, and I am a consultant, I might have reacted badly. What if I had gone to HR and raised a stink?”

To which, the Sr. Systems Analyst’s eyes grew round and large.

“You mean you would have done that?”

I replied, “Yes, I thought about doing it.  Lucky for B, I didn’t carry it out.”

“Do you want to get back at him?” the Sr. Systems Analyst chuckled. “I know a way you can get back at him.”

But after talking with the Sr. Systems Analyst, my thinking had actually changed even further.

Initial thinking: I have been made a fool of.

Revised thinking: this is a meditation challenge, a test of giving up ego attachments.

Re-revised thinking: “Maybe there is even a flattering side to this. Maybe, it means I am a cultural fit for the team, I am already part of the team, and I belong.  That’s why B had the confidence to play a practical joke on me.”

Further, over the next few weeks, in talking to people outside of the company, I learned that sending emails from unattended computers was a common practical joke in companies, even if I had never experienced it before.

One of my Scoop drivers told me it was a regular practical joke among his team members at Microsoft, and he told me several hilarious stories.

I bring my story to your attention, as an example of how much one’s thinking and reactions can change to a situation.

I started out by thinking of myself as a victim.  But I ended up thinking of myself as a victor.

I did this by making a mental decision not to accept my initial thinking, and to challenge it.

By challenging it, I soon saw that the situation was not a problem, but an opportunity - an opportunity to take on the spiritual and moral challenge of not responding from my “ego”.

This was how I was able to lighten my heart.

When I discovered the prank was a “democratic” prank that had been played on many others, and I had not been singled out, my heart grew even lighter, because not only had I not been singled out to play a prank on, I had also not been singled out “not to play a prank on”.

I started out with my heart being heavy and angry. I ended up with my heart feeling incredibly light.

Challenge yourself to go beyond your automatic ego-attachment based thinking, and many of the situations and experiences in your life can be completely turned around.

Every time you face a problem or situation, and you are able to turn it around, you grow as a result of it, and you are in better shape for future situations.

That is why I am glad for all the different problems and situations I encountered this year.

I was able to turn each one of these situations into growth opportunities.

Sometimes there will be challenges upon challenges.

B did not go quiet as a result of me taking no action in response to his ”They call me Moo Moo” email.

In fact, he subsequently took to shouting “Minoo Moo Moo, Minoo Moo Moo” at least once every day - when we were walking down to lunch, or when he passed my desk.

I said to myself, “They are sure not going to forget my name at this company, thanks to B.”

Hero or fool?  What am I?

Was I wrong to indulge a low-value behavior?

Or is the best strategy for dealing with a low-value behavior, to respond to it with a high-value behavior?

You decide.

When faced with a low-value behavior, you have the choice to respond with behavior that’s equally low-value, or an even lower value behavior.

Or you can respond with a high value behavior.

What feels right to you?

I don’t know about you, but I would like to move towards high value behaviors, and even more so with low stake things.

Which brings me to low stakes and high stakes, and the importance of not treating low stakes situations as high stakes situations, and vice versa.

Do you easily get upset about small things, while ignoring things which are important?

That’s backwards, don’t you think?

Shouldn’t you give your concern to high stakes things, the things that have high stakes outcomes, not little things that you have made your pet peeves?

For example, what you eat, and what you put into your body, how active you are, and how much sleep you get, are all high stakes things that have high stakes outcomes.

Similarly, what you bring to your work, your relationships, and to your family obligations are all high stakes things, with high stakes outcomes.

Kicking an addiction is a high stakes thing, because all addictions have high stakes outcomes, in fact they have the highest stakes outcomes.

You should pay more attention to the things that matter.

Stop spending your time making a big deal of small and insignificant things.

This is what I am trying to get at in this post.

Get going on the things that matter, don't give your energy to the things that don’t.

Move from low stakes to high stakes, move from low value to high value.

Don’t be surprised if your satisfaction with your life goes up, and spins off a whole lot of positive side benefits for you, not the least of which, is pride in becoming a better and more grounded person.

Acknowledgements:

Thanks for the feedback, (comments, likes, shares) on earlier posts. I appreciate the kudos from old friends, new friends, and relatives who have become friends. You keep me going.

NEXT, Thanks to all readers, current and future, for sharing my journey to wisdom, meaning and a better life.  Like you, I am trying to find my way through this complex maze we call life, and I am honored to have you share my journey, as I continue to seek the wisdom hidden in plain sight.

FINALLY, A Happy Birthday shout-out:  to those with August birthdays. If you have a challenging experience, I hope you will use your birthday month to challenge your thinking about that experience, and let the experience grow you, so you are in better shape to handle future challenges.

Have a blessed week, and see you next week.

P.S. Not sure if you have time, but if you do, you may enjoy these other posts:

Friendships

The United States of Friendship – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12

Family

Our Cake Boss Family, Family Songs, The Nightdress Brigade, Family Advice I Am Grateful For, The Porki And Bonkers Tradition, No Need for 23 and Me,Letters to Lucas, Flying Lessons

Pets

A Fresh Perspective on Pets, Secrets of The Super Models In Our Family,BowWow, Meoww, Why You Should Not Abandon Your Pet

Nature

Post on Trees, Reprising Joy Kilmer

Hobbies

Cricket, Glorious Cricket, Splendid Post, What!

Managing Your Money

Yoga for Investors, How to Turn Your Girl Scout or Cub Scout Into a Stock Scout, Financial Piece of Mind, Financial Piece of Mind – Part Deux, A Retirement Planning Formula You Won’t Find on Oprah

Simplifying Your Life

You know what Wesabi is, How About Wabi Sabi?  The Simple Life, The Element of Simplicity and Its Hope for Living a More Satisfying Life

Getting Over Your Self-Consciousness

The Element of Release From Inhibition, The Element of Being Less Self-Centered and Its Hope for Seeing Things in The Correct Light, The Element of Getting Out of Our Comfort Zone and Its Hope For Experiencing More of What Life Has to Offer

Learning to Laugh

How To Deal With The Sheldon Coopers in Your Life – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,Part 4, The Nightdress Brigade, You Aced the SAT, How About the LAT?, How To Cause Atmost Confuzen at the Scripps Spelling Bee, How To Go From Madonna to Lilly to Myrtle in The Course of A Single Evening - And Even Have a Sex Change, A Facebook Face-Off, A Short Stint in Advertising

Learning to Relax

How To Become a Low Maintenance Person, Connected Minds, How To Become The Kind of Person People Want to Work with, How Many Times a Day Do You Visit Ireland? The Art of Carrying Things Lightly

Health

Raising the Bar, 4 Healthy Eating Ideas I Learned from My Friend Julia, The Element of Becoming More Focused and Precise In Our Goals and Its Hope for Achieving Powerful Results

Pursuing A Dream

What’s Next For You? The Element of The First Step and Its Hope for Getting Big Things Started In Our Lives, She Victories

Changing in Good Ways

Maybe Its Time To Become More Receptive, Maybe It’s Time To Live More Purposefully, Maybe It’s Time To Bust Some Myths, Maybe It’s Time to Walk In The Direction Of Your Fears, Maybe It’s Time To Understand What Freedom Is, Maybe It’s Time To Turn the Page, Maybe It’s Time To Rock The World, Maybe It’s Time For Freshness