Oh, Doctor I'm In Trouble

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5/30/2012

Dear Doctor Oz,

I was wondering if you know of any natural remedies for a chronic affliction that people in my occupation commonly suffer from.

I am an advertising copywriter, well, I used to be – but in spite of switching careers and juggling 2 new roles - ICM 1 and ICM 2, I continue to suffer from this affliction.

The affliction is called Paronomasia - the tendency to pun or play on words.

Paronomasia appears to be viral in origin - once it takes hold of someone, it subsides for a while, only to flare up again.

In the active or florid phase, the Paronomasia patient is very sick and will play on words in an obsessive compulsive, take-it-to-the-limit way, becoming single track. 

For example, if you ask her or him the following Dr. Oz advice related questions, here are the kinds of single-track answers you can expect:

What’s a natural home remedy for headaches per Dr. Oz?

Ozange- infused coconut oil

Which cooking oil has the maximum health benefits according to Dr. Oz, Emeril, Julia Child and Rachel Ray?

Ozive Oil

What’s the first weight loss tip on Dr. Oz’s 100 weight loss tips?

Ozomate your meals by planning them ahead of time

     

Does Dr. Oz recommend eating a cup of oatmeal in the morning to prevent you from gorging in the afternoon?

Yes, Oz course!

Why does Dr. Oz say we should try holding a conversation while having a meal?

Becoz we are likely eating way too fast

Why do people need to eat breakfast according to Dr. Oz?

Because they will have a better shot and losing and maintain weight loz

If that's not second grade extremism, I don't know what is!

Which is why I am turning to you.

My sister R says you are the Master of Natural Remedies.

She watches every show of yours and I can't shush her up about you.

In fact, she was the one who recently told me about your recommendation to apply orange (ozange) infused coconut oil to the forehead to cure a headache.

I thought that was pretty cool.

Goodbye Tylenol, Motrin and Advil.

Here, headache.  Here headache.  C’mon headache. Let’s see what you got, headache.

Meanwhile, back to Paronomasia.

Is there anything in your All-Natural Medicine Chest for that?

Other than duct tape?

I hope so.

Dr Oz, what hangs in the balance is not just the career of the Paronomasia sufferers - who risk professional doom and being consigned to writing grocery flier copy -

“Buy One Get One Free”

“Hot Buy”

- but also the sanity of their FFAs (Family, Friends and Acquaintances). 

Can you blame them for wanting to go Borat and say "Think you are Jeff Dunham, Steven Colbert or Jon Stewart? Not!"

So I’d really appreciate your help with this.

I remain respectfully yoz (oops yours),

Minoo Jha

P.S.  Readers who enjoyed the weight loss suggestions in this post might also enjoy the weight loss suggestions in these other posts:  Secrets of the Super Models, 4 Healthy Eating Ideas I learned from My Friend Julia, The # 1 Weight Loss Recipe and Raising the Bar. You can find out how Heidi Klum lost her pregnancy weight and more.

P.S. 2: Dr. Oz says a good night's sleep is essential to a healthy life and recommends wicking Goodnighties Ionized Sleepwear (aha, that explains the picture above). Something to check out if you have a tendency to wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat.

P.S. 3: Nightwear is the subject of 2 other posts of mine….The Question Which Must Be Answered and The Nightwear Brigade & The St. Josephs High School Trip.  If you are looking for a non-paronomasic way to chuckle, they may be just what the doctor ordered.  

P.S. 4: If nightwear is not your thing, I can dispatch you to my post How to Say Goodbye Part 3 which is the equivalent of Urgent Care for the blahs.  If that doesn’t work (and I don’t know why it wouldn’t), try my Sheldon Cooper series of posts (see my Feb 2012 archives).  If that doesn’t do it either, must you be so terribly difficult to please?  Okay, I get it – you are bored out of your wits.  Rx for “Bored Out of Your Wits” is my post 5 Things To Do If You Are Bored.

P.S. 5: Vaccinate yourself again Paronomasia. Keep your copywriting skills sharp by taking the tests in my post The Carpinteria Times.

P.S. 6: Oz always, thanks for reading and have a great day! Hope to see you back here again soon.

A Question Which Must Be Answered

Recently,  I received a question (or should I say volley of questions) from a reader I like to call A to the Power of 4.

The questions were all directed at finding out more specifics about the style of “nightdress” referred to in my post The Nightdress Brigade and the St. Joseph’s High School Trip.

P.S. The FBI, the Secret Service and McKinsey Consulting may want to take note.  A to the Power of 4 sure knows how to deliver an MECE (Mutually Exclusive, Collectively Exhaustive) list of questions.

The full text of Agent A4's "nightdress" interrogation is below:

A to the Power of 4 (via a comment on my post):  

"May I know the pattern of the nightdress?

More than the chase, the dress you wore has made me break my head.

Bengalooru has seen mothers drop their kids to school in their nighties.  

Women shopping in the neighborhood in their nighties.

Was it a pair of pajamas and short tunic?

Long sarong?

Satin long skirt with a satin shrug?

Long or short camisole set?

Nightgown?

Kaftan?

Nowadays, a salwar kurtha without a duppata or any dress I wear at home other than a saree is referred to as a nightdress by my kith and kin (foreign citizens). They ask me "why have you posed in your nightdress?

So, dear Minoo tell me the model of your nightdress..."

After a fair deal of Googling on my part and give or take 10-12 inches in length, I have an approximate answer for Agent A to the Power of 4 as to what the daring duo wore in their first escapade.

                                    NB Regulation Threads
                                    

P.S. Speaking of female detectives and agents and women superheroes, do you have any favorites? A list of author Anne Holt's favorite female detectives to get you thinking.

P.S.2: If your favorite thing to do is to chill out in your pjs (or pajamas and a tunic, long sarong, satin long skirt with a satin shrug, long or short camisole set, nightgown, kaftan, salwar kurtha without a duppata) wishing you a year full of such times.

P.S. 3: As always, thanks for reading and do visit again. Hmmm....wouldn't it be nice if your favorite thing to do is to chill out in your pjs and read Minoo Jha Life Strategies. :):):)

Once Upon A Garden City

Box Set of Fountainhead and Atlast Shrugged available at Amazon for $13.59

It’s where I rode to school on my bicycle for 6 years of my life.

It’s where I lived with my family in a house in a cul-de-sac and played with the Beverias, Alfords and the Matthews.

It’s where my brother and me regularly gate crashed family events at the Marley house.

It’s where I walked my first dog and when he died, my next. (I don't have a pet right now, but you can read about the pets in my extended family here.)

It’s where I went to Koshys on Sundays for appams and ate dosas made by Mrs. Brown which were delivered to us by her son Kevin.

It’s where I learned to play the guitar from my dear friend Jan and whiled away my time composing silly songs.

It’s where I developed my passion for reading with the help of British Council on Residency Road.

It’s where I used to get my hair cut by whiz-with-the-scissors Jacky.

It’s where I would meet the Circe of Bangalore who contributed a guest post on her pets in the early days of my blog.

It’s where I would have a one by two coffee with my classmate Virgie at St. Joseph’s Evening College.

It’s where I took part in the Kevin Oliver directed musical Give a Dog a Bone.

It’s where I entered the Knock-Out disco contest with dancing-two-feet Zubin.

It’s where I began my first career on my 20^th birthday, thanks to a few middles in Deccan Herald discovered by a gal called Mela. I began a second career after immigrating and you can read about that here.

It’s where I went to school in a white uniform with a red tie and military style boots.

It’s where I would pop into a photo studio with a gal called Heather and we both would get our pics taken in 4 poses .

It was where I bought my first stock and developed my passion for investing, a passion that would lead to some ups and downs, as well as lesson after lesson after lesson, eventually leading to a philosophy for investing.

It’s where I discovered the philosophy of Ayn Rand and became an avid (or should I say rabid) Randian for several years.

It’s where I was overtaken by a deep desire to go completely vegetarian – and succeeded – for a while.

All this and more is Bangalore to me.

P.S.  What is Bangalore to you? Can you write up a few lines to share with readers. And if you haven't read Ajay's 3 part-series on Bangalore, don't forget to do so here, here and here.

The Nightdress Brigade & the St. Joseph’s High School Trip

 

Step aside Spiderman, Wonder Woman, Iron Man, Storm, Invisible Girl….

…you may never have heard about this duo of 2 heroic gals before, but after this post, their names will be all over town. 

They are…..

…..the Nightdress Brigade.

.....a duo of sisters who are so quick to respond to an emergency (imagined or real)….there’s not enough time to get all fancy in red and blue, silver or black like your favorite big screen or Marvel comics heroes.

They will fly to your rescue in their nightdresses.

Here’s the tale of their first escapade…..

The Nightdress Brigade & the St. Joseph’s High School Trip

It’s a balmy Bangalore night and dusk has just fallen.

Two sisters in their nightdresses are fussing over their little brother (he will always be little to them). The brother is finishing the last of his packing to go on a 10 day trip with his school to Kashmir in the northern most point of India.

“There, all done” says the brother, zipping up his suitcase.  “I will go and get the auto.”

(The auto, for those who have never visited India, is a mode of Indian public transport that’s motorized, open sided, 3-wheeled and will put the Indiana Jones Adventure ride at Disneyland to shade for scaring the living daylights out of you. )

Back to our story…

The brother comes back in the auto, loads his luggage and kisses the 2 sisters and his Mum goodbye.

The sisters wave at the auto until it is out of sight.

Back inside the house, Rosie, the older of the sisters, says:
“Oh, let’s read the note”.

“What note?” asks the younger one, Minoo.

“The one he gave to me and said we should read only after he has left”.

“Really?” says the one called Minoo, not without some concern.

Rosie opens the note, goes pale and exclaims “Minoo!”

“What? What? What does it say?” says Minoo.

She grabs the note from Rosie.

On it are these ominous words “Dear Rosie and Minoo, I am going to be gone for a long time – perhaps forever.  Bye….your loving brother, David”.

“We have to go after him” declares Rosie, “come on, there’s no time to lose”.

She grabs her purse and they set off from the house, Rosie and Minoo, in their nightdresses and rubber chappals, to get an auto.

“Residency Road – St Joseph’s School – jaldi, jaldi ” they say as they find an auto and jump into it.

Auto-rickshaw drivers are a quirky breed.

When you want them to go fast, they go slow.  When you want them to go slow, they go fast…..so there is really no way to control the speed with which the daring duo will arrive at the school.

When the auto pulls up at the school, alas, they discover they are too late.  Their dear brother's bus has already left for Cantonment Railway Station.

"We have to go to Cantonment", declares Rosie. The autorickshaw driver is now directed by her to go to Cantonment Railway Station. 

“Jaldi, Jaldi, bhaiya” they say along the way to him. All this does is to provoke some sarcastic remarks in Hindi from him when he is not spitting gobs of red paan (the next time you go to an Indian restaurant, ask about paan) from the auto out onto the road.

At Cantonment Railway Station, they jump out and pay the autorickshaw driver. He knows they are in a hurry and claims to not have enough change to give them. There’s no time to be lost, so they allow themselves to be short-changed and rush into the station.

All along the platform where the train their brother is in is minutes away from departing, are elegantly dressed parents (those who drove their kids to the station in their cars) bidding goodbye to their progeny (a Mangalorean cannot resist big words, remember).

They are of course startled by the appearance of the Nightdress Brigade. 

But the Nightdress Brigade is undeterred.

They go from window to window of each train compartment, peeking through the bars and saying “Is David Lobo here? Is David Lobo here?”.

The commotion they are causing is transferred down the line and David is alerted that "two chicks in nightdresses" are urgently looking for him.

He comes out on to the platform and shouts to the sisters “hey, what’s up?”

Rosie flashes the note at him “we were worried.  It said we won’t see you again”

He laughs “My!  It was a joke.  I am so sorry”

The train horn sounds.

“I got to go,” he says “see you in 10 days” and jumps back into the train.

A huge wave of relief comes over the Nightdress Brigade.

Emergency over, they wave to him as the train leaves, all the onlookers looking at them in total bewilderment.

Back home, they have a hearty laugh about their escapade.

Would they ever do this again?

You bet!

It’s not for nothing they are called the Nightdress Brigade and I have at least one other story to tell.

But I’ll save that for another day.

P.S.  Bet you have your own Nightdress Brigade stories to tell. Do share them for the rest of the readers. 

P.S. 2: When I spoke to David about this story the other day, he said the seniors on the trip gave him preferential treatment after spotting us that night  – in the hope of getting  an “intro” to us.  I can hardly believe this – given our granny nightdress attires – but I’ll take the compliment.  Thanks David!

P.S. 3: Cantonment Railway station is mentioned in the Oh Bangalore series of posts by Ajay Sachdev, which you can read here, here and here.

P.S. 4:  As always, thanks for reading and hope you visit again soon.

How to feel good about your accomplishments when the chips are down

Play a game I call Judge and Jury.

Here’s how it’s done.

Create a list of questions about your experience, skills and accomplishments, to which the answer is one of the following:

Indeed I have

Indeed I did

Indeed I can

Indeed I will

Indeed I am

After you ask yourself and answer each question, write qualifiers to support your assertion.

Later, you can sentence yourself to a cup of tea and a well-deserved sense of accomplishment.

When I played Judge and Jury, it put me in an excellent frame of mind.

I’m sure it will do the same for you too.

Here’s how the game went for me…

On Challenges Met…

Question: Minoo, didn’t you run your own advertising creative hot shop Purple Patch for a while?

Indeed I did….

And I have so many people to thank – the people who gave me the breaks – Mariam, Chari, Aubrey and more;  the people who mentored me – all the different creative greats and client servicing greats I have worked for or worked with;  the people who teamed with me to produce great work, including Das and my other 3 Loyola College copy cubs, and creative lights like Rads, Neelam, Sangs and Deepa; the family and friends who aided and abetted me and cheered from the sidelines, such as Deepika who designed my logo and business card; Debbie who followed up on my payments; and Shreekant, who suggested the name Purple Patch, got me my first client, helped me print my business stationery, open a current account at his bank, and more.

Question 2 : Starting Over

Question: Minoo, haven’t you reinvented yourself in an entirely new and different career in the US?

Indeed I have…

My current profession – Incentive Compensation Management couldn’t be more different from my previous profession. It’s numbers vs. words.  It’s accuracy vs. creativity.

But thanks to people like Andy who encouraged me to try something new, Laura who gave me my first break, and bosses like Milo, Garyn, Judy and James who let me telecommute,  I was able to juggle 2 roles – my ICM Role 1 (Incentive Compensation Management) and my ICM Role 2 (It’s Called Motherhood) – and make a success of this second act.

More recently, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Xactly Corp and Don Gootee and his unbeatable team of Catherine, Shelley, Tricia and Sue, for giving me the opportunity to grow. They helped me transform from a Commissions Analyst into a Commissions Analyst with Xactly Incent configuration skills – someone who can go under the hood of the Xactly Incent application (the rules and formulas) to see what makes the engine run or might be causing a misfire.

On Skill Building

Question: Minoo, are you fluent in the technologies, software and skills that are important to your career?

Indeed I am…

When Excel was the soup du jour of commissions administration, I focused on Excel - learning to use pivot tables, vlookups and other functionality that's a must when you are handling commissions purely with Excel.

When I was in a job which required me to use Centive, (an off-the-shelf commissions software package), I developed the competencies required for that.

Now, when company after company is switching to the cloud with Xactly Incent, I have reoriented again.

In fact, as an Xactly Incent Implementations Architect, I’ve been using the whole nine yards of all the following - Microsoft Excel, Xactly Incent, Microsoft Word, Powerpoint, Webex, Live Meeting, Docusign.

Also, I try to learn something new every day.

Your honor, just 2 days ago, I learned how to view all the Plans and the Rules on the Plans in Xactly Admin Reports.

On to Question 4 - Special Awards and Recognition

Question: Minoo, do you have any awards, letters of kudos, special mentions, bonuses, etc to show for your professional performance and contributions?

Indeed I have…

And I owe the same to all the people who paved the way for me to win those awards. Bunty Peerbhoy of MAA Communications, for instance.  If you, Bunty, didn’t send us copywriters back to the desk again and again - rejecting our initial ideas for the Fiesta campaign - would we have ended up with a campaign which would be such a hit and create so many ripples in the media and in the industry? I wonder. Besides winning an Ad Club Bangalore award, it opened doors for me for years and years.

And thanks to Milo for bestowing a Compmeister award on me in recognition of my contribution to the Palm Sales team in my role as their one-woman commissions team.

On to Question 5 - Delivering the Goods

Question: Minoo, will you bust your chops to deliver the goods to your customer or your employer?

Indeed I will…

Whether this involves working unusual hours, doing more than the normal hand-holding, or leaving no stone unturned to solve a thorny problem, you can hold my feet to the fire. It’s why my tenures at Palm and Extreme were both over 5 years.

This concludes my Judge and Jury game.

Now it’s your turn. 

Ask yourself similar questions pertinent to your profession and accomplishments. 

Meanwhile, put a kettle on the stove for that cup of tea you will surely need for your sentence. 

You should also plan to ask yourself one last question before you deliver that sentence.

Here’s what that question is:

Question: …….. (your name goes here), did you get pleasantly surprised after asking yourself and answering each of these questions?

And your answer is (but of course)…

Indeed I did!

All done? Sentence yourself to a cup of tea and bask in a well-deserved sense of accomplishment.

P.S. Great job. Woot Woot. You’ve done it once. I know you can do it again.