Sunday, June 25, 2017

Maybe It's Time To Be Less Defensive

How?

Be willing to admit to a mistake. Don't look for someone to blame.

Stop making excuses for your behavior – “I have had a rough day”, "I don't have time", etc.

Stop indulging in/playing the game of “he said, she said”.

Stop justifying your choices and behavior and decisions, when they are challenged.  Instead just listen to what the other person has to say, and if you should say anything at all, make it something on the lines of…."hmmm I never looked at it that way," or "hmmm….I see things differently, but now I understand, there is a different way to look at this."

Don't let your emotions, which come from your amygdala, the reptilian part of your brain, hijack your brain.

Stop trying to find a negative reason for everything that happens – if someone did or didn't do something, stop trying to find an underlying negative reason for what they did, or didn't do. Don't overthink things.

Don't use a physical condition, or some standard excuse, as your go-to excuse for things you don't want to do, or which don't appeal to you

It is usually in moments of defensiveness, we throw people under the bus.

Observe yourself the next time you are defensive.

If you catch yourself throwing someone under the bus, become aware of it, and ask yourself, why you are doing it, and what you are being defensive about.

Awareness is the first step to changing automatic behaviors, or reactions you have become unconscious of.

Ask someone to let you know every time you are being defensive.

Secretiveness is also a sign of defensiveness.

In general, the more secretive you are, the more defensive you are.

Finally, not being able to say sorry is also a sign of defensiveness.

You should be able to say sorry, to admit you are wrong, and to own a mistake.

If you cannot do this, you will be trapped in defensiveness all your life.

Try to get out of that trap.

Once you do, you can reach for even higher levels of non-defensiveness.

How?

You may be able to get to the point, when you can say you are sorry, even when you are not in the wrong, or not completely in the wrong.

Such as in the many gray situations, when things can be interpreted in multiple ways, or forgetfulness is involved.

When you become wise to this - to how misinterpretation on another person’s part, or forgetfulness, can lead them to think you made a mistake, even when you didn't, you will say "sorry" faster.

You will not waste time in arguments.

Which is the most sensible thing to do.

After all, what argument can you launch against a lost memory, or a misinterpretation?

Say “sorry” and move on.

The sooner you are able to move on from any grievance, the sooner you can return to your set-point of happiness, contentment, or calm, and the sooner your relations can be returned to non-frictional status quo.

What's not to like about that?

When you free your mind from unnecessary negative thoughts, you make way for far more interesting, creative and positive thoughts for your brain to be occupied with, and healthier communication in relationships.

Hurrah for, and cheers to that!

Yes, maybe it’s time to become less defensive. It's part of the wisdom of a happier life.

As always, thanks for sharing my Journey to Wisdom, Meaning and a Better Life,  and have a great day and week….M ……a Pearl Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ajay for his compliments on my last post, and thanks to the rest of you for your likes, pins, shares, tweets and votes…..much appreciated.

P.S. Happy Birthday to all those with June birthdays.  Hope you use your birthday month to birth something new and wonderful in your life.

Posts to help you on your journey to the wisdom of a happier life…

Sunday, June 18, 2017

How To Turn Your Girl Scout or Cub Scout Into A Stock Scout And Smart Money Manager

Some tips to pass on: 
  1. Learn everything there is to learn about income tax.  Money management starts there
  2. Start contributing to tax sheltered accounts (IRAs) as soon as you start earning an income
  3. Maximize your contributions to retirement plans - IRAs, 401K when you are in a regular job
  4. If you get 1099 income for any side or contract work, open a SEP IRA or Solo 401K and maximize your contribution
  5. Have an emergency cushion to carry you during the gaps between jobs
  6. Spend as little as possible on depreciating assets such as cars, gadgets, and gizmos
  7. Spend less than you earn
  8. Try to save 20% of your income every month
  9. Pay your credit card in full every month
  10. Avoid bank fees by maintaining the required minimum balance, not over-drawing, not having bounced checks, using your own bank’s atms (unless your bank refunds the atm fee when you use another bank's atm)
  11. Have money in a checking account as well as a savings account
  12. Negotiate when you buy big-ticket items
  13. Negotiate your salary and what you charge for what you do
  14. Read books about investments and money management; if you don't like reading, find podcasts and you tube videos and listen to them or watch them
  15. Familiarize yourself with the law regarding loans, debt and other financial obligations
  16. Build up good credit as early as possible, so you can benefit from the best lending rates when you need to borrow money from a bank or lending institution, whether to buy a car, a house, or a household appliance, or even to get the best credit card offers
  17. Familiarize yourself with what makes up FICO scores, get your free FICO score every year and study it
  18. Make sure you know all the different options, costs and coverage when buying insurance, whether health insurance, car insurance, life insurance, home insurance - including the impacts of making a claim
  19. Understand the full impacts and the penalties (if applicable) of withdrawing money from a tax-sheltered account
  20. The time to take risks is when you are young, because you have time to recover from your losses.  However all your risks should be calculated risks. You should think about what's the best that could happen and what's the worst that could happen
  21. Take small risks. Don't bet the farm
  22. Diversify your investments, not just across different industries and geographic regions, but between different assets - real estate, stocks, bonds
  23. Keep investing costs low. For example, when you buy stocks, buy low cost index funds such as those offered by Vanguard
  24. Invest in life strategy funds (offered by all mutual fund companies such as Vanguard), because they will automatically adjust your allocation between different assets based on your age
  25. Use the tools offered by mutual funds companies and brokers to assess your risk tolerance and invest according to your goal horizon


Stock-specific advice:
  1. Diversify across different companies and different industries and different geographies. Buy a basket of stocks, or invest in a mutual fund tied to a broad index like the S&P500.  Vanguard has several
  2. Don't day trade (if you do want to become a trader, educate yourself - find resources online such as Brett Steenbarger)
  3. Don't try to time the market.  Time in market is more important than timing the market
  4. Don't panic in times of market crashes.  Sit on your hands
  5. Don't buy IPOs unless you get the stock at the IPO price
  6. Do some DRIP investing, so you buy less when the price rises and more when the price drops.  Check out Sharebuilder, Computershare to see how you can do this
  7. Invest in Life Strategy funds offered by Vanguard, or other mutual fund companies.  They will adjust your investments between stocks and bonds according to your age, goal horizons and risk preferences
  8. Don't buy any stocks based on a tip.  If you do buy, devote just a small amount of money to it
  9. Invest in stocks in your taxable accounts and invest in bonds and cds in your tax-sheltered accounts
  10. If you are burned by an investment, don't make it scare you away from investments for life.  Learn from your mistakes and move on
  11. There should never be a point in time when you are completely out of the market.  You may miss the big ‘up’ days
  12. Understand stock splits, including reverse splits - why they are done and what is the impact
  13. Know that there is a difference between a stock that has a high price, but may still be cheap - Google at $798 per share and a stock that has a low price, but may be expensive - Xerox at $7.13 a share
  14. Include in your portfolio some dividend paying companies and reinvest the dividends - you can select this option in the ‘manage your accounts’ section of the broker's website.
  15. Always keep some money out of the market, so you stay liquid and also have money for a good opportunity
  16. Stay optimistic when the market crashes.  Sometimes you may have to stay optimistic for several years.  Stocks recovered from the 2007 crash only in 2014.
  17. Fear, greed, sloth and ignorance are the 4 enemies of financial wisdom.  Conquer these and you will do great.

Best wishes from me to you and wishing you a stable, solid financial future. Happy Father's Day to all the fathers reading this post. Enjoy your day.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

Coffee

Nothing fancy, mind you.  I enjoy several cups of Taster’s Choice instant coffee every morning at home.

I don’t have anything against Starbucks, but since going LCHF, I have to drink my coffee a certain way, currently with heavy whipping cream and Torani sugar-free syrup.

Are you a coffee aficionado?  You may enjoy my coffee psychology post and my International Coffee Day post.

The Internet

Who doesn’t love the internet?  It sure changed my life, as I am sure it changed your life.  The Internet gobbles up huge amounts of my time, because there is so much you can do there – find tips, information, entertainment, advice, perspective - on absolutely any subject.

Walking

Walking is my favorite form of exercise, and I am grateful for my walking companions.  There is nothing which makes me happier, than when one of my friends calls, texts, or emails me, and says, “Minoo, do you want to walk?”

Reading

Reading is another long-time favorite activity.  I have been reading since the time I was an excessively shy and timid child.

Today, if I am not reading a book, I am quite likely reading something on the internet.

Like I said in my last post - about some of the life-changing books I have read, I do not need to own books to enjoy them.

So how do I get my hands on the books I read?

The public library, of course!

Radio

Growing up, there was no tv in my city in India.  We had to depend on the radio and the newspaper for our news and home entertainment.

Then tv arrived, and none of us listened to the radio anymore.

When I moved to America, I rediscovered radio again, because my average commute to work being 18 miles, that’s what I listened to while going to work.

I discovered KFog, KFox, and KBay.

Listening to KFog or Kfox, which are rock stations, I would think of something Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist monk said – “people who are no longer in our lives are already incorporated in us, a part of our being.” I could relate to this, because I had developed my appreciation and taste for rock music from someone who was no longer in my life.

KQED

After Donald Trump was elected, I decided I needed to keep on top of current issues – the Wall, the ban on entry from certain countries, the repeal of Obamacare, and more.  So I started listening to KQED.

I discovered Forum, Fresh Air, All Things Considered, The California Report, and more.

KQED soon had me hooked.

That is until I started carpooling. Now that I am carpooling, I chat with my car companions all the way to work.

One-on-One Conversations

Speaking of chatting, I enjoy one-on-one conversations, whether in person, over a meal at a restaurant, on the phone, or while walking.

I often get together with family or friends, and have long one-on-one chats.

I can talk for hours and hours with them, and still not run out of things to talk about, or listen to.

Sometimes we talk, till our cell phones die on us.

This is one of the surprising joys of my life, I could not have predicted.  It is so great telephones and cell phones have become so cheap to use.

The New York Times

I discovered the New York Times online, a few years after moving to America.  I fell in love with the quality of the journalism, and the writing.  It amazes me that so many people do not think the same way that I do about the New York Times. I feel I live in a parallel universe whenever I hear someone criticize the New York Times.

My Friends

Friendships are precious, and I am grateful for all the friendships I have, and I have had.  I dedicated a series of posts called The United States of Friendship, to some of the friendships I have made in America.  Perhaps you have read one or more of the posts in that series and have learned a few things about some of my interesting and beloved friends.

Meditation

I learned to meditate 7 years ago after reading the book How God Changes Your Brain. Since then, my life has changed so much for the better.  Meditation is my go-to place when greed, anger, resentment, fear, anxiety, or other negative emotions arise.

Besides helping me to be free of those emotions, or to get over them as soon as possible, meditation has made me feel more connected, as you can learn from my post Connected Minds.

Watching Movies on Netflix and Amazon Prime

I think it’s great that so many different kinds of movies are available on Netflix and Amazon Prime.

I have gone through phases, the Hindi movie phase, the Glee phase, the Quentin Tarantino phase.  I also like to watch old movies from the 1940s, 1950s, and 1960s.

Reveling in my Daughter’s Victories

My daughter is doing well in an area I was never any good at – education.  When she made the Dean’s List at her college for a second time recently, there were tears in my eyes.  I don’t tear up much, because meditation has made me strong, but if anything can make me tear up, it's my daughter's victories. Part of the reason is because she is a girl, and I wish more victories for girls. 

If you want to read about another victory which involves my daughter, and is a victory for girls, you can read my post, She Victories.

Teaching People

For a college drop-out, I am surprisingly interested in teaching.  Whether it’s helping familiarize a new commissions person with a process; giving people a primer on taxes and Turbo Tax; or educating elementary school students about earning money, spending money, saving money, and investing money, I put my heart and soul into getting the information across.

I have documented the commission processes at several companies. The process of writing the documentation, and then teaching from that documentation is illuminating, interesting, and instructive. When you are the author and the teacher, you usually end up making a lot of revisions, but the documentation becomes so much better as a result.

I have done this on my assignments at Epicor, White Hat Security, Paypal, and Infoblox.

Toastmasters

Do you want free therapy?  One of the places you can get it is at a beauty parlor. People who cut your hair and do your nails can be surprisingly good therapists, because many of them are good listeners.  You can get things off your mind and feel completely safe doing so.

Toastmasters is another place, where you can gain confidence in public speaking in complete safety.  I loved my year at Toastmasters, and I am sure you will too.

Good Church Sermons

Some of you from my distant past may fall off your chair to hear me say that good church sermons are one of my favorite things. What ever happened to the staunch atheist? I’ll tell you. After I started meditating, one thing led to another, and my spiritual side started developing more and more. So good church sermons have become one of my favorite things.  I find them both therapeutic and motivational. 

Blogging

I am on the 368th post, and I dedicate 4-8 hours every week to writing my posts.   Everyone should have a craft they enjoy doing. Blogging is my craft. Blogging also helps me clarify my thinking, and renew my determination to become a better person.

The Aruba Gals

I never dreamed I would become part of a Sex and The City kind of foursome, but that’s what happened to me after I started contracting for Aruba in December of 2014.  I honed my Varicent skills, and I also became part of the “Aruba gals”. 

The Aruba gals faithfully meet once every other month to do fun things. I never miss it, if I can. 

Discovering New Bloggers

I stumble upon new blogs while looking for something on the internet.  I discovered Steve Pavlina that way.  I also discovered Paul Graham of Y Combinator that way.  If you get terribly worked up on the subject of either religion or politics, PG’s post Keep Your Identity Small is well worth a read.  It might save you from yourself.

Currently, I am into fasting, and lchf, and ketosis, and pre-diabetes, and cholesterol, and my searches and interests have led me to amazing online resources such as Dr. Richard Bernstein’s The Diabetes Solution, Jimmy Moore, Jason Fung, David Mendosa, Dr. Michael Eades, Dr. David Perlmutter, Dr. Peter Attia, Art De Vany, Valter Longo, Mark Hyman, Chris Kesser, Stephen Guyunet, and more.

My N=1 Health Experiment

My number one interest in recent times has been trying to reverse my prediabetes. I am on a mission to do that.  Of course things don’t always work out as planned.  While for most people, all bio-markers improve when they fast and do LCHF, my fasting and lchf forays yielded this on my most recent blood test:

LDL-P = 1634
LDL-C = 179
TC = 282
HDL-C 90
TG 67
HBA1C – 5.6
CRP – 1.16

While my HBA1C (which is my main target) delighted me (it is practically out of the pre-diabetes range); and my HDL-C and TG are great, the LDL-P and LDL-C readings are extremely worrisome.

So after finding some information on the internet, thanks to yet another blogger BJJCaveman, and this article by lipodologst Dr. Thomas Dayspring, I am now in the process of tweaking my diet again.

Why am I doing these N=1 biological and physiological experiments?

I find it fascinating, that’s why.

These are just some of my favorite things.

Hope you enjoyed reading about them just as much as I enjoyed sharing them with you.

As always, thanks for sharing my Journey to Wisdom, Meaning and a Better Life,  and have a great day and week….M ……a Pearl Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ajay for his compliments on my last post, and thanks to the rest of you for your likes, pins, shares, tweets and votes…..much appreciated.

P.S. Just like you, I am trying to find my way out of this complicated maze we call life and I am honored to have you share my journey.

Before, I end this post, Happy Birthday to all those with June b’days.  Hope you use your birthday month to birth something new and wonderful in your life - maybe your own N=1 experiment.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Words That Count

These are some of the books which changed my life.

I will write about them in Q&A format.

Here goes…

Which book, which I have reviewed, is about the effect of spirituality on the brain, and can be credited with teaching me how to meditate?

How God Changes Your Brain by Andrew Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman

                              ***********************

Which book is rated the top self-help book for depression, a book I have written about ?

Feeling Good: The Mood Therapy by Dr. David Burns

                               ***********************

Which book will make you want to get up and go, and inspire you to physical feats you did not know you were capable of?

Spartan Up by Joe De Sena

                                **********************

Which book is considered the best job-search book of all time, and led to my developing a unique attitude to interviewing focused on making a unique impression?

What Color Is Your Parachute by Richard N Bolles

                                   *********************

Of which book, did I say, “It made me want to start reading fiction again?

Operation al_Nagrib by Ajay Sachdev

                                    *********************

Which book first made me realize you can change the probabilities in your life?

One by Richard Bach

                                    *********************

Which book reveals surprising insights about millionaires, such as the fact that most of the owners of dry cleaning shops are millionaires?

The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J. Stanley

                                   **********************

Which book is filled with life though it is about death?

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

                                    *********************

Which very personal book lays out constructive and imaginative ways to deal with the challenges and losses of life?

Three Simple Steps by Trevor Blake

                                  ********************

Which book took me down memory lane to the time when an unknown Lewis Carroll story made me stop eating meat almost overnight, a practice I continued for the next 3 years?

On Becoming Vegetarian – by Anita Saran

                                ******************

Which book says managers should think of their teams as sports teams rather than a family, and give their reports 2-4 year “tours of duty”, a book which made me reinforce my decision to be a contract Commissions Analyst and go where I am needed most?

The Alliance:  Managing Talent in a Networked Age by Reed Hoffman

                              ******************

Which book taught me more about diabetes than I ever knew – hint the entire book is available online?

The Diabetes Solution by Dr. Richard Bernstein

                              ******************

These are just some of the many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many wonderful books I have read.

Reading is my favorite hobby; and the public library is my favorite place to get books.

If you are in America, and you have not discovered the joys of reading, I hope you will head to a public library soon.  America is one of the few countries where you can read books for free. 

P.S.  You do not need to own books to enjoy them. I never have.  I never will.

P.S. If you have favorite books you can recommend to me, I would love to hear about them.  I welcome your recommendations.

As always, thanks for sharing my Journey to Wisdom, Meaning and a Better Life,  and have a great day and week….M ……a Pearl Seeker like you.  Thanks to Ajay for his compliments on my last post, and thanks to the rest of you for your likes, pins, shares, tweets and votes…..much appreciated.

P.S. Just like you, I am trying to find my way out of this complicated maze we call life and I am honored to have you share my journey.

Before, I end this post, Happy Birthday to all those with June b’days.  Hope you use your birthday month to birth something new and wonderful in your life - maybe a reading habit?

Not yet ready to dive into a full-length book?

Here are some quick reads written by me to inspire you to make positive changes in your life.