The path to change is different for different people and different circumstances.
Sometimes
the key is being open and receptive.
Sometimes
the key is being humble.
Sometimes the
key is taking the initiative.
Sometimes
the key is summoning up the courage to try. And try again. And try yet again.
And sometimes it's simply moving forward, one small step at a time.
It helps to
have tools. And mentors. And cheerleaders. And supporters. But if you are really serious about change,
you will find these tools and resources. And often, they will find you.
Yes, whether
it’s changing careers…or your diet….or your responses….or your hang-ups and habits, you
can do it.
How do I
know you can?
Because I
did!
Here’s how...
Changing Country and Career
You are a
big shot copywriter – in fact, you are the head honcho of a modestly successful
and quite lucrative creative shop. Then
you up and change country and you hit a brick wall – no one knows you and no
one will hire you. And oh yes, you are single
parenting a one-year old child…
What do you
do?
You have to
be willing to change tracks as I did.
I applied to
Admin Assistant jobs and did that for a while.
Then one day,
while I was an Admin Assistant to a Sales VP at Palm Inc (the makers of the
Palm Pilot – remember that) a Commissions Admin position opened up at Palm. Andy (the Sales VP) suggested I take it up so I could have something more challenging and rewarding to do. Bless his heart.
So I did.
Did I think
I would cut it?
I did not
know Excel at the time. I did not even
know how many zeroes there were in one million.
What was I thinking?
That’s
right. I did not think. If I thought, analysis would have lead
to paralysis (but, of course!).
So I jumped
right in - without a life vest. And I
learned to swim in a brand new career pond.
Think you
can’t do that?
Didn’t I just
tell you that I did not know Excel and did not know how many zeroes there were
in one million?
Don’t be
silly – of course you can!
By the way, if you are intrigued about
my first career as an Advertising Copywriter, you should read the entertaining
and readable A Short Stint in Advertising written by guest poster Ajay Sachdev.
And if you are intrigued by my second act, you should read My Day Job. Xactly More or Less which spells out what a Commissions Analyst does in excruciating detail.
Back to
changing and a story about another change….
Changing My Diet
You are from
India. All you know is rice and curry
with the occasional fruit thrown in.
Salad to you is chopped cucumbers, tomatoes and onions – plain or with
yoghurt. Coffee and tea is always with sugar and milk. Mandatory. How do you get from
there to being able to eat at Sweet Tomatoes or Fresh Choice without dashing
home and eating a second meal involving rice and curry? How do you get to
where you can go for days without rice and you buy potatoes only once a year?
To where you have coffee and tea without sugar or artificial sweeteners? And
drink smoothies with avocado and spinach in them?....
The answer
is being open and receptive to change. And taking baby steps.
Yes, when it
comes to diet and nutrition, I really do think baby steps were the answer for me and will be the answer for you too. All the changes I have mentioned above were
made incrementally over the last 10 years.
I certainly didn’t go all in on everything at one time.
Regards finding
the resources, if you are really interested in making a change, it’s easy to
find the resources; in fact they may even find you.
At least,
that’s how I feel about my friend Julia Kaplan, who has been a continuous and
useful resource on diet and nutrition to me, ever since we met over 10 years ago when
her daughter and mine were enrolled in the same karate class. Thank you Julia! It’s amazing that geography
(you and I being in different cities for the last 7 years) hasn’t changed that.
If you want to know more about what
Julia Kaplan has brought to the table for me in the diet and nutrition area (pun
intended), you should read my post 4 Healthy Eating Ideas I Learned from my friend Julia.). I hope it inspires you to make some healthy changes in both your diet and your family's diet.
Changing My Responses
This is one
I am really proud of...
Being able
to stop myself from the instant reaction – the harsh word, the criticism, the
instant rationalization and justification, the insensitive remark.
Here's the story...
You are a high-strung, arrogant, competitive, controlling person with a
trigger response to provocation.
Then your mother dies and something happens.
What?
This is what...
I
realized this - that guilt was pointless.
I was guilty about the way I dealt with my mother
in the last two years of her life, but I understood that I couldn't bring her back and do anything over. At the same time, I realized I loved her and I wanted to honor her in some way. In a flash of insight, it came to me that the
best way to honor my mother would be to become as gentle with my daughter Tanita as
she was.
This was the
beginning of a lasting change.
Two
years ago, I underwent a spiritual transformation. I started going to church
and I also read the book How God Changes the Brain, after which I started
meditating.
At first, it
was difficult to meditate for the recommended 20 minutes.
But soon, I
found myself going for an hour with ease.
More than
anything else, my meditations made me aware of my mental activity. I noticed
how my mind was quick to judge, quick to condemn, quick to form a criticism,
quick to blame, quick to form a threat or an ultimatum, quick to feel jealousy
or envy, quick to desire revenge and punishment; quick to get angry or
irritable when things didn’t go my way.
Thanks to
meditation, I have now become a person who instantly checks my mental activity in
response to each and every provocation - from provocations as mild as being put
on hold when I call my bank or phone provider, to being insulted about a
physical blemish, to some really provocative situations as being confronted
with someone else’s success or blamed for something I did not do or being
lied to or cheated on.
Interestingly, if I am able to catch myself in the act of responding mentally, I can then stop the activity in its tracks. The secret is therefore just to become aware.
I think the
answer to why meditation came so easily to me in the last couple of years is
because of a heightened awareness of the value of life and the preciousness of
it. There’s hardly a day that goes by
when I don’t wonder “what if this is my last day – is this what I would want my
mind to be focused on?”
So I think the
key to change in the “responses” area is a heightened awareness of the value of
life and the connectedness of all living things and a strong desire to want to
change one’s responses from a power and territorial vantage point to a value-based vantage point.
The
gratification and the satisfaction from progress in this area beats anything
else in life. I can’t tell you how
wonderful it feels to be able to celebrate an outcome that is in everyone’s
best interest even if it’s not in your self-interest. I have achieved this recently and it feels so
good, so right, so wonderful.
Do you have
a strong desire to respond to your spouse, your children, your family, your
friends based on your values rather than from a territorial or power-based vantage
point?
Start listening to meditation
tapes and start paying attention to your mental activity.
This in itself will lead to change.
Don’t say
you can’t change your responses. I know
you can.
Because I
did.
These are some of the ways I invited change into my life and you can too. I am almost certain it will be just as exciting and exhilarating for you, as it was for me. I would be very surprised it if isn't.
P.S. As always, thanks for reading and do visit
again.
P.S. 2: If
you want to know how my meditations helped me transform from Tiger Mom to
Helicopter Mom to Hippie Mom, read my post It’s Called Motherhood – 2.
P.S.3: When you become attentive, it’s also a
question of time before you become humble and patient, and the humility and
patience spills over to different areas of your life. It even spilled over to my
investments. Read my post Yoga for Investors for my investing advice.
